by Londyn Skye
“Dismissed? C’mon, ol’ pal,” Tucker replied, throwing in the endearment as if they truly went way back as old friends. “Now, I don’t recall bein’ dismissive at all. Matta’ fact, I planned to speak to ya’ the day before y’ur fundraisin’ gala ’bout the opportunity for that Lily girl to play in my tavern’s theata’. I-I simply needed a day ‘r two to think things ova’ before givin’ ya’ a firm answa’ to y’ur request.”
“Firm answer?!” William spat, suddenly glaring at Tucker. “‘I’d ratha’ shoot my own eyes out ’fore I watch a Negro perform on my stage!’ sounded like an awfully firm answer to me!” he said, mocking Tucker in his best southern accent.
“W-well, i-it was only the sorta answa’ that any wise businessman would ‘a given while contemplatin’ the considerable risk he’d be takin’ by entertainin’ that kind ‘a request.”
“I’ve heard more subtle remarks from backwoods slave traders,” William mumbled under his breath as he turned his attention back to his letter.
“Let’s just be realistic, William,” Tucker continued. “There’s a reason why everyone you went to pleadin’ for help turned ya’ down. Nobody wants to disgrace the walls ‘a their theata’s by announcin’ that a Negro is gon’ be the main act. They’re afraid they’d be run outta business!”
“Isn’t that nice,” William murmured, only half listening as he crafted his letter.
“B-but that’s where things’re different with me, ya’ see. I-I ain’t got no fear ‘a such a thing,” Tucker continued.
“Yes, that’s exactly what I assumed after that little line about shooting your eyes out,” William sarcastically reminded Tucker, while continuing to write in the midst of his nonsensical babbling.
“Well, if you’d ‘a just been a little more patient we could ‘a worked this whole thang out.”
“Is that so?” William asked, still pretending as if he cared.
“That’s right! But despite y’ur impatience, I’ve come here today with an offa’ to help y’all out.”
“An offer?!” William scoffed and dropped his pen in frustration. Tucker’s words had finally garnered his full attention again. “Come now, spill it from your tongue then! I can go on no more listening to your insults! I have work to do!”
“W-well, I know how hard it must be for this gal to perform out there in the heat, night afta’ miserable night with bugs eatin’ her and everyone else alive. A girl like her needs a decent place to put on ’er show, and ’er audience deserves betta’ too.”
“And let me guess, you suddenly have just the place for her, right?” William hypothesized, trying his best not to laugh at Tucker’s pathetic attempt at playing the role of a concerned and convincing businessman.
“Not only that, but that show ‘a hers needs some work. She’s in dire need of the propa’ guidance. Any idiot could see all the technical problems there were.”
“Proper guidance?! Technical problems?! What the hell are you talking about?!”
“Oh, come on, William, admit it! Tryna do a show like that at an outdoor facility is foolish! You need to have that show in a place where ya’ have more control ova’ the stage and lightin’. Hell, in a place with plenty ‘a seatin’, where people ain’t forced to sit on the grass for Christ sake. And you can’t very well make that girl continue to suffa’ in the heat, lettin’ mosquitoes make a meal outta her every night. In a theata’ like mine, she’d be right at home! I-I can use my ideas to promote ’er show, to make it more grand and spectacula’, and finally turn a true profit for ya’. You’d be rich!”
“Don’t you mean you’d be rich?! Money doesn’t motivate me, Tucker! Not the way it’s motivating you right now to mock Lily’s show and play like you truly care about whether or not she’s suffering in the heat or being eaten by bugs!”
“Now hold on a minute! You ain’t gonna question my sincerity! I’m here to offa’ ya’ a chance for this Negro to grow in a place where she’s bein’ helped by people with some integrity and…”
“Integrity?!”
“Damn right!”
“I may be old, but I’m not senile, Tucker! Everyone in this town knows that raggedy theater of yours has had more mice than people these last few years. So don’t come to my home now acting like Lily’s savior and pretending that integrity and making me rich are more important to you than your desperation to earn enough money to stop that God-awful tavern of yours from being torn down!”
“Even if there’s truth in what you say, what does it matta’?! Nobody else will let that little nigga’ set foot on their stage! You should feel honored to be offa’d such a gesture from me given y’ur circumstances!”
Tucker suddenly found his raggedy old suit collar in the grips of two powerful hands. “What’d you just say?!”
“N-n-nothin’,” Tucker stammered, his eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets.
“I guess you didn’t learn your lesson the last time you called Lily outta her name!” James growled, holding Tucker inches away from his face. “I’m only gonna say this one time, you worthless piece ‘a shit, so I suggest you listen real fuckin’ good,” he snarled. “I’d eat a pile ‘a horse shit before I let Lily walk through your theata’ doors! Is that a firm enough answa’ for you?!” he asked, shaking Tucker hard.
Oddly, James’s moment of fury was yet another act that proved to William that his drive to help Lily was about far more than just trying to improve her musical ability or to help her find a way to take care of herself financially. Over the months they had lived in his home, William had picked up on James’s body language and the way he lit up whenever Lily was in his presence. It was all too obvious that those were tell-tale signs that betrayed the secret of his emotions for her. But even more telling than that was the fact that this was the second time James had had an over-the-top outburst over someone disrespecting Lily. Those explosively protective moments were something William had experienced himself during his younger years after he had fallen in love with Emma. As noble as James’s actions were, though, William’s experience had made him wise enough to know that James could not afford to let his emotions get the better of him. So although he was delighted by the fact that James obviously cared deeply for Lily, William prompted him to let Tucker go. “Come now James, turn him loose and let him return to preparing shows for his mice. We’ll wait for the real businessmen to show up.”
James continued to stare Tucker down with squinted eyes and then shoved him as hard as he could before he let go of his shirt collar. “Get the hell outta here! If you come back here again, your next stop will be to a dentist!”
“You’ll be sorry you eva’ put y’ur goddamn hands on me! You two nigga’ lova’s ‘r gonna be beggin’ for my help ’fore it’s all ova’ with! You wait and see!” Tucker exploded, attempting to walk out of the room with an ounce of his dignity.
James and William just glared at Tucker as Samuel marched in and happily escorted him off the property with his pistol pressed firmly to the back of his head.
Tucker’s begging session was proof that William’s plan was beginning to work. He had hoped that the shows on his land would steer up enough controversial gossip to help catapult The Dream Symphony to success. He wanted to garner the attention of theater owners and managers, who were willing to work out substantial financial deals to have the show presented in their venues. William had no doubt that many of the same money hungry businessmen, who could not foresee Lily’s worth before the success of her symphony, would be amongst the first ones to come after her like lions after a hearty meal. He knew that green would prove to be the only color that truly mattered to any smart businessman in the end. Wisely, William was now ready to use that level of greed to his advantage.
By the time the heart of winter rolled around, William wanted to have Lily in the warmth of a cozy theater, so long as it was under the right circumstances. In William’s mind, the right circumstances included the assurance that the subsequent money, that would eventually roll in, woul
d truly be equivalent to Lily’s value. Just as important, he was only willing to accept offers by men who were genuinely respectful to Lily from the outset. He was not willing to beg anyone to treat her like a decent human being. He would halt the show altogether in winter before giving in to anything less. And it was apparent to William, after the way that James had so eloquently worded things to Tucker, that his feelings regarding the matter were indeed mutual. The only other thing that William felt needed to be a mutual agreement between them was the way they went about handling the sort of men who slithered in for their business meetings, rather than walked.
“Listen James, I understand your desire to protect Lily, but we must handle things in a certain way. We’re bound to encounter tyrants and blood-sucking leaches, but despite it, our reputation must remain impeccable if this show is to continue to be a success. So, as difficult as it may be, I ask that you please find the strength to contain yourself … for Lily’s sake,” he added, figuring that just the mention of her name alone would be a strong motivator and would also remind him of what was truly at stake if he continued his impulsive behavior.
“Understood,” James quickly replied.
* * * *
Lily was completely unaware of what had just taken place with Tucker in the other wing of the house in William’s den. She was far too distracted to care about anything other than the little project she was currently working on. Despite the demand for more shows, she had gone to William in private and requested this particular Saturday off and expressed to him the reason why. He simply told her that she need not ask him such things for her show. He made it clear that she was not working for him, that the show was hers alone, and that she was the one who was to make any final decisions. As always, William’s words comforted and uplifted Lily and made her decision for a day of freedom an easy one.
Lily’s symphony had grown to mean so much to her, but her reason for wanting the day off held just as much meaning; it was the driving force behind the meal she was preparing. As she worked to perfect her dish, she hummed with a smile on her face, thinking about how the joy she found in sharing her music with everyone had surpassed her expectations. She was astounded to learn that something she had done as a child just to soothe herself was now giving her a feeling of purpose and a reason to breathe. When she lost James, Lily had abandoned the possibility of acceptance by anyone, except for in her fairytale fantasies. But now, with the genuine warmth she had received from William and her audience, she cautiously began to open herself again to the idea that people could see beyond her status and accept her in the way that every human should be. The positive outpouring from people, who did not know her, was overwhelming. But Lily remained humbled by it all, remembering at every moment the two people who had afforded her the luxury of escaping slavery for a while and providing her with the opportunity to bound freely within the confines of her dreams.
The consequent change that The Dream Symphony had caused in Lily’s spirit was apparent to everyone, but especially to James, who now stood leaning against the kitchen door frame, gripping his suspenders, listening to Lily hum one of William’s piano tunes, as she cleaned the last of the mess from the meal she had just made. Lily’s cheerfulness was infectious and instantly melted the anger James was feeling after having dealt with Tucker. James smiled as he watched her, knowing that he now had a moment to be near Lily with the weeks of intense labor and preparation gone for a spell. With the cloud of distractions finally settled, it allowed him to see with clarity how much he missed having her undivided attention and giving her his.
“Glad to see you in such a great mood.”
Lily spun around with her heart racing. “You ’bout near scared the life outta me!”
“Sorry,” James laughed. “Certainly don’t wanna do that.”
“How long you been standin’ there?”
James walked toward her sniffing the air. “Long enough for my nose to recognize that aroma.”
Lily smiled at the comment. “Auntie always used to say, ‘ain’t a man alive who can’t smell his favorite meal cookin’ a mile away.’”
“That Auntie was a wise woman.”
“Anna Mae and Ben was fixin’ liver tonight, so I figured I’d stick with tradition.”
Tradition started many years ago on the nights that James’s mother insisted on Lily fixing liver for the entire family. Just for James, Lily would always secretly make a small side dish of either biscuits and gravy or his absolute favorite: spicy Jambalaya and cornbread. James always made a fuss about how much he hated liver, so Lily had taught him the trick of pretending to wipe his mouth after taking a bite of it, but then spitting it into his napkin. After dinner, James would lock the door to his bedroom and pull out the plate full of biscuits and gravy or Jambalaya that Lily always hid underneath his bed to make up for the liver that had made its way into the trash can by then. Cold or hot, for breakfast or otherwise, James would nearly swallow Lily’s biscuits whole or shovel the spicy rice into his little face like it was his last meal.
The current look on James’s face told Lily that his love for her spicy Jambalaya and cornbread still prevailed. He followed his nose to Lily’s pot, opened the lid, and proceeded to lift the ladle to take a bite, but Lily smacked his hand down before it reached his mouth. “Now I know Auntie and yo’ mama done taught you betta’ manners than that!”
“Manners? What’re those?” James laughed, scratching his head.
“Auntie would ‘a whooped you good for diggin’ in her food! She taught me to keep you boys on the straight and narrow. Now, get your nose outta there and let me fix you a plate,” Lily said playfully.
“Yes, ma’am,” James teased, enjoying the momentary return of the sassy Lily that he remembered as a boy.
By the time Lily wandered over to the table with his plate, James was ready with his napkin in his lap and his eating utensil in hand. Lily sat it down and watched him dig in as soon as the plate left her fingers. “It won’t be much of a compliment to me if you choke ya’self to death on my cookin’,” she laughed, sliding him a glass of freshly made lemonade.
James gulped the drink down without stopping and then took a moment to catch his breath. “I can’t help it. I don’t know what you put in this stuff, but once I start chewin’, I can’t stop.”
Lily laughed as she filled his glass again, happy to see that he still enjoyed her food.
“Mighty kind of ya’ to go outta your way for me like this,” James managed to say in between bites.
“Well, I’d say this is really small compared to all you’ve done for me, don’t ya’ think?” Lily replied.
James stopped chewing for just a moment when he sensed the seriousness in Lily’s voice, but his humbleness would not allow him to respond. He simply looked at her and shrugged his shoulders before returning to his meal.
Lily looked down at her hands as they lay resting in her lap, a place her eyes always seemed to fall whenever a wave of emotions started to overcome her. She stood up and walked over to the window that faced the lake, staring out at it a few seconds while she collected her thoughts. “I rememba’ the day you’s in the kitchen talkin’ to yo’ fatha’ ’bout bringin’ me here,” she suddenly said.
She caught James completely off guard with the topic. He stopped his spoon just as it was near his mouth and slowly put it back in the bowl, wondering where the conversation was about to go.
“When the words came outta your mouth, I rememba’ hopin’ for…” Lily paused, feeling a sudden sense of shame for what she was about to say. “F-for God to strike me down right where I stood. Given all the circumstances ova’ the years, I ain’t neva’ have a reason to think you wasn’t tellin’ the truth. Figured by now some man I ain’t neva’ met before would’ve…” She shook her head. “Well, that I’d be carryin’ some man’s baby by now,” she said, unable to bring herself to say the dreadful things she was imagining.
However, for James it was too late. The words had triggered the though
t of another man lying on top of her, which made the meal in his stomach start to churn. He pushed aside the bowl of food that he had yearned for just moments before, hoping to keep down what he had already eaten.
“All the way here, I’s bracin’ myself for what was about to come. I sat in the back ‘a that wagon and cried and cried ’til it felt like my insides was ’bout near dried up,” Lily hesitantly admitted. “I’s emptyin’ myself. Emptyin’ my mind of all the disgustin’ visions that was gnawin’ away at me. Emptyin’ myself of anga’ and fear. Emptyin’ myself ‘a the ability to feel. Everythang … just empty. By the time we got here, I’s completely numb. Mentally, physically, emotionally, I couldn’t feel no more than that oven ova’ yonda’,” she said, motioning her head toward it. “And ’til all this foolishness was ova’ with, that’s the way I wanted it … didn’t wanna feel a damn thang.
“It wasn’t ’til the day I walked this plantation end to end that I started to question everythang you had said to yo’ fatha’. But even though I started to have my doubts ’bout why I’s really here that day, I still felt numb through and through. Even afta’ Anna Mae and Ben told me that incredible story ’bout what William had done for their family all them years ago, I still just wouldn’t allow myself to feel anythang … I just couldn’t.”
James still sat quietly staring into his half-eaten bowl of Jambalaya, silently accepting responsibility for Lily’s feelings, unable to let go of the visual seeds that her words had planted in his mind: an endless stream of bodies invading hers, impregnating her with a child that was not his. His stomach and his thoughts justifiably punished him in unison.
Lily was silent for a moment before walking back over to sit down across from James. She waited for him to raise his head and look at her before she continued. “It wasn’t ’til I sat outside on that porch while you’s eatin’ dinna’ and told you all that I knew about William that I’s finally able to accept the fact that you had gone and lied to yo’ fatha’ to get me here.” As Lily spoke, she kept her eyes trained on James. Her eyes were a spindle of rare colors that he had yet to see in any other, a hypnotizing sight he always found hard to turn away from. “The awful visions, the numbness, the coldness, the emptiness … all it took was for me to look you in the eyes that day, and I knew right then and there that I could finally set it all free and allow my body and my mind to feel all ova’ again.