His Secret Starlight Baby

by Michelle Major

  Jordan was on his second cup of coffee when he heard Ben babbling from the nursery. The boy usually woke from his nap grumpy, but mornings were the baby’s happiest time. He greeted each day with a gummy grin and feet pumping. One of Jordan’s favorite moments each day had quickly become when Cory—or his mom—brought Ben to the kitchen. The baby would grin and reach for him, effectively melting Jordan’s heart.

  But his mom was gone, and the babbling continued with no other sound. Was Cory testing him? Had his admission about his fear of being a father made her want him to prove his mettle?

  It was silly. His nerves were silly. As she’d pointed out to him, Jordan had stayed with Ben on his own. He’d managed it a few times now. He’d changed diapers and only once put the baby’s pants on backward. Not a huge mistake in the grand scheme of things.

  He could handle the morning if she needed him to. He would have to handle it, because Cory wouldn’t be with him forever.

  The ache in his chest as he thought about that on the way to the nursery had him drawing a slow breath. He opened the door and flipped on the light.

  “Good morning, bud,” he said as he approached the crib.

  Ben was on his back, holding his pajama-clad feet and rocking from one side to the other like some sort of miniature yogi. He threw his hands over his head when he spotted Jordan.

  Okay, that was a good start.

  Now he just needed to deal with the rest.

  As Jordan picked up the baby, Ben darted a glance around the room. “Mommy is sleeping in today,” Jordan told the boy, although secretly he wondered if Cory was listening to his conversation with their son through the baby monitor.

  Great. He could add paranoid along with terrified to his list of go-to emotions for fatherhood.

  “Let’s start with a clean diaper.” He flipped off the monitor, then put Ben on the changing pad.

  “I can do that,” a rough voice said behind him.

  He looked over his shoulder, almost surprised to find Cory standing in the doorway. Or propped against the doorway, was more like it.

  “Are you okay?” he asked as she pressed the heel of her hand to her forehead. “Big night once you got off work?”

  Jordan knew the younger members of his staff sometimes partied together at the end of their shift. The thought that Cory had joined them shouldn’t bother him.

  He respected her right to make whatever decisions about her life she wanted.

  But he wanted to be a factor in that process almost more than he wanted his next breath.

  “Head cold,” she muttered, then took an unsteady step forward. “I could feel it starting with a throat tickle yesterday, so I took some zinc and vitamins. They didn’t work.”

  “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look like hell.”

  “I feel worse,” she admitted, then coughed into her elbow.

  “Go back to bed.”

  “I need to take care of Ben.” She tried for a smile, but it looked more like a grimace. “Moms don’t get the day off. It’s not that kind of job.”

  “It is when the dad can pitch in.”

  “You have things to do.” She coughed again. “Important things.”

  “I’m doing the most important thing right now.” He turned to Ben. “Tell her we’ve got this.”

  The boy cooed in response, earning a soft chuckle from Cory.

  “You sound like a two-pack-a-day bourbon drinker,” Jordan told her. “Go to bed, Cory. I’ll wake you if we need anything.”

  “Okay.” She came forward and grinned down at Ben. “Mommy’s not going to get too close because she wants you to stay well. Take it easy on your daddy, sweetheart. I’ll see you soon.” She placed a hand on Jordan’s arm. “Thank you. I’m glad he has you. I’m glad we both do.”

  “Sure,” Jordan said. If only he felt confident telling her how much of him she truly had. “I’ll put a glass of water and a bottle of cold medicine on your nightstand once I get him changed. If there’s anything else you need, let me know.”

  “Thank you.” She backed up, sneezed into her elbow, then disappeared out the door.

  Jordan felt her absence like an itch he couldn’t reach but reminded himself he wasn’t truly alone. If something happened, Cory was available. And it was a morning. He could manage on his own.

  After dressing Ben and delivering the supplies to Cory’s nightstand, he fed the baby breakfast and then checked the time. He felt a bit foolish toting the baby along to a business meeting. Not because he didn’t want to have Ben with him, but he worried that it would be clear to everyone how out of his league Jordan was as a father.

  He was used to succeeding. He liked that people in town knew him as someone in control of his life.

  Clearly a baby would change all of that. He just wondered how much of a change he’d be in for today.

  * * *

  Turned out Jordan’s fears were unfounded. Ben was more enticing than an adorable puppy or free rein in a candy store.

  Jordan had shown up to the meeting with Ben harnessed to his chest. The baby seemed to like the carrier. Although Jordan’s first instinct was to apologize for bringing his son along, he didn’t have a chance to speak before the other business owners descended on him like a swarm of oohing and aahing locusts.

  Several of the women—Brynn and Kaitlin in particular—offered to hold Ben, but to Jordan’s great surprise, the baby fussed each time someone reached for him. Ben buried his face into Jordan’s shoulder and held on for dear life. The sense of accomplishment Jordan took from that was ridiculous, but he couldn’t seem to stop it.

  He didn’t want to stop it.

  As the meeting progressed, he took Ben out of the carrier, bounced the boy on his knee, walked around the room with him and generally multitasked in a way that would have seemed impossible just a few short weeks ago.

  Jordan felt like a real parent. The kind he never could have imagined becoming.

  Once things wrapped up, he started to strap Ben back into his front pack when the most god-awful noise came from the boy, followed quickly by an equally god-awful smell.

  Jordan realized he’d made the rookiest of all rookie mistakes. He’d left the diaper bag at home. Such a small issue in some respects, but it seemed to represent everything he doubted about his ability to handle fatherhood.

  His palms started to sweat as Ben fussed and squirmed. “Little buddy, I’m going to get you home as soon as possible.”

  Although if he drove a maximum of five miles over the speed limit, it would take twenty minutes to reach his house. Long enough for that mess to be hardened and caked onto the baby’s soft bottom, with Ben crying the entire way.

  Oh, he was a terrible dad.

  “You’re a natural,” Josh said as Jordan walked by where the other man stood with Brynn. They were looking at something on her laptop, situated on the table in front of them.

  “I’m the opposite of that,” Jordan muttered. “I forgot the damn diaper bag, and Ben needs a change in the worst way.”

  “I’ve got extra in my car.” Brynn pushed back from the table. “Ben looks like he’s around the same size as my daughter, Remi. They might not be the perfect fit, but better than a stinky bottom.”

  “Extra,” Jordan repeated. “Is that a thing parents do? Keep extra supplies on hand for emergencies?”

  Brynn glanced at Josh, who shrugged. “It’s mainly moms who take care of that kind of stuff, although as a single dad, I learned to become equipped for emergencies.”

  “I need to get equipped.” Jordan smoothed a hand over Ben’s downy hair. “But I’ll gladly take a diaper from you. Next round of wings is on the house in return.”

  “That’s a great trade,” Brynn said with a grin. For being a tiny woman, she could put away wings like nobody’s business.

  She closed the laptop and drop
ped it into her tote bag. He followed her and Josh out of the meeting room.

  “I’d be happy to bring over some chicken soup for Cory,” Brynn offered. “Ella says great things about her. Finn and his dad were worried when Ella left her traveling nurse agency so suddenly to return to Starlight. She didn’t seem interested in making friends. But it seems like she’s already gotten close with Cory and the other two women in their little cooking club.”

  Josh nodded. “Your scary chef has a kinder, gentler side. Cory has brought it out.”

  “Apparently,” Jordan agreed, although inside he chided himself for not asking more about Cory’s new friends. “Cory texted me at the start of the meeting. She said the extra sleep helped her feel better. I’ll let you know about the soup.”

  Brynn opened the back door of her car and handed Jordan a fresh diaper and a small package of wipes. “I like extra ranch with my wings,” she said, winking.

  He nodded. “Done.”

  “You and Cory should come to our weekly friends’ dinner this weekend.”

  “Yeah, maybe.” Jordan took a step back. “Josh invited us last week, but my mom was in town.”

  “Well, I’m not just inviting. I’m insisting.”

  “Listen to her,” Josh advised. “Brynn tends to get what she wants. She talks soft and carries a big stick.”

  “Good to know.” Jordan held up the diaper. “I’m going to go take care of business.”

  “See you later, then.” Brynn climbed into her car as Jordan turned away.

  “Hey, barman.” Josh grinned. “You’re not alone in this parenting thing. You know that, right?”

  “You gonna change this diaper?”

  “That’s not what I’m talking about, and hell, no. But I’m here for you. All the guys are here for you.”

  “Thanks.” Jordan cleared his throat. “I appreciate it.”

  Unfortunately, he’d never felt more alone in his life.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The following week, Cory lifted on her toes to return a serving bowl to a high cabinet in Jordan’s kitchen.

  “You don’t have to do that,” Jordan said as he walked into the kitchen. “I told you I’d empty the dishwasher once Ben went down for his nap.”

  “I had a cold, and it’s gone now,” she reminded him. “I’m totally healthy and able to pitch in again.”

  “I know,” he said, coming to stand behind her and taking the bowl from her fingers. At his height, he barely had to stretch to place it on the top shelf. “I like taking care of you and Ben.”

  Cory felt the breath whoosh out of her lungs at his comment. Or maybe it was the heat of his body so close to hers. She would have liked to blame the moment on a sudden recurrence of the fever that had plagued her the first twenty-four hours of her illness. Delusional would be a good excuse, not to mention a perfect description for her reaction to Jordan.

  “As much as I appreciate it, that’s not your job.” She forced herself to move away from him. “I’ve been taking care of myself for a lot of years.”

  She grabbed the utensil holder from the dishwasher rack and busied herself with putting more items away. Anything so she didn’t have to look directly at Jordan. Not when she feared she wouldn’t be able to hide her emotions.

  Since she’d woken last week feeling like someone had taken a sledgehammer to her head, she’d seen a different side of him. Cory didn’t know if he’d really lost his fear about being a father or was stepping into the role because she needed him, but either way, he was doing a darn good job of making her fall even harder for him than she had been before.

  He’d taken off work so that Ella wouldn’t have to come by and had single-handedly parented Ben while simultaneously playing nurse to Cory. She hated being sick and feeling weak and helpless. She’d spent too long feeling helpless.

  “You don’t have to do everything on your own,” he reminded her. “You’re not alone.”

  But she was. In some ways she always had been. Growing up with a single mom who resented her daughter and while in a relationship with a man who saw her as nothing more than an extension of himself. She’d surrounded herself with people who didn’t care about her the way they should. It left her feeling as alone as if she were in solitary confinement. In some ways, that was how she felt most comfortable.

  Jordan made her question everything. His low-key way of caring made her want to release her defenses and her habit of isolating herself emotionally. It had been a means to self-preservation, but now it just felt like she was being a coward.

  “We should come up with a plan for ending this.” A spoon slipped from her fingers as she said the words, clattering to the floor and grating against her already worn nerves.

  She and Jordan bent to pick it up at the same time.

  “Why?” he asked softly. “We’ve got a good thing going here, Cory.”

  “It’s not real.” She quickly grabbed the utensil before he could.

  He didn’t respond to those three words, and she hated that she wanted him to. She wanted him to tell her it was real. Or it could be. Because being here at this house with him felt like every dream of a perfect life she’d ever imagined coming true.

  “I’ll do whatever you want,” he said quietly.

  Did she hear disappointment in his tone?

  She blinked against the sudden rush of tears to her eyes. Wasn’t that just the problem? She couldn’t tell him what she wanted, because that might make her seem weak. But she didn’t have the strength to risk her heart again.

  “We can give it a few more days,” she offered, unsure of how to navigate this minefield of emotions.

  Jordan nodded. “If you’re really doing okay, I’m going to head into the bar for a few hours. I need to get caught up on some things and work out the staff for the beer tent at the Maker’s Market.”

  “Sure,” she agreed as she felt the distance between them grow. It was a distance she should cling to, but she hated it. “I’m really feeling much better. Thank you for everything, Jordan. I promise you don’t have to take care of me.”

  Tell me again that you like it, she thought, but he didn’t say anything. Just turned and grabbed his keys from the counter, then headed out the door.

  She spent the rest of the day wishing she’d handled that conversation better. Ben woke after his nap, and she strapped him into his carrier and took him for a walk on the trails that bordered the property.

  The clean scent of pine and the crunch of old leaves beneath her feet seemed to relax her enough that she was able to draw a deep breath and think about her situation in a more rational way. It was difficult to keep her wits about her around Jordan, when everything about him made her want to lose herself.

  She couldn’t lose herself again. Not when she was on the verge of truly finding who she was. The time had come to decide who she wanted to be and go after it.

  Jordan texted late in the afternoon to tell her the bar was slammed. He’d sent Tanya home with the start of a similar cold to Cory’s.

  U okay?

  That simple question gutted Cory, because despite how they’d left things earlier and the tension about the future, he cared enough to ask. She could imagine how busy he was on a hectic night at the bar and everything that entailed. Being pulled in a dozen different directions. Yet she knew without a doubt he would drop everything and return to her if she gave him any indication she needed him.

  She wouldn’t do that.

  After returning his message, she fed Ben, gave him a bath and read him stories until bedtime. With the house to herself, she pulled out the jewelry supplies she’d brought with her from Michigan and began to craft a series of gemstone earrings using the labradorite chips she’d bought from a thrift store in her hometown.

  The way the women she’d met in town seemed to love the earrings and necklaces she wore reminded her how m
uch she’d loved the art of making jewelry. She’d picked up the hobby in high school and even sold some of her pieces at a local gift shop during college but hadn’t seemed to find time for the practice when she moved to Atlanta. It was nice to have the space to finally think about who she wanted to be. To finally get to the place where she could figure out who she was because she didn’t have to be anything else.

  But the one thing she wanted to be—with Jordan in truth—was something she couldn’t have the way things stood between them now. She hadn’t earned her happy ending with a man like him, but the more time she spent with him, the more she wanted to try.

  * * *

  It was nearly two in the morning when Jordan let himself into the quiet house. Cory had left the copper fixture on over the sink, so he didn’t bother to flip on any other lights as he moved toward his bedroom.

  She did that every time he closed the bar, and he’d quickly gotten used to taking the last turn on his winding driveway to see the glow beckoning to him from the front window. It made his house feel like a home in a way that shocked him for such a small change.

  But it was more than the light, he knew. It was the feeling that someone was waiting for him. Someone cared about his return. He wasn’t alone.

  He’d thought he’d liked living alone until Cory and Ben. Now he realized he’d just gotten used to the solitude because it was easier than anything else. He’d never thought of himself as someone who took the easy path, but he’d done that in his emotional life.

  As had become his habit, he cracked open the door of the nursery and spent a few minutes watching Ben sleep. The bar had been host to two bachelorette parties plus one reunion of high school friends, and Jordan hadn’t stopped moving, pouring drinks or talking to customers since the moment he walked in.

  He didn’t realize how keyed up he was until the stillness in his son’s room eased the tension that filled him. He wanted to slip into Cory’s room the same way, but he was afraid that might make him an inappropriate creeper.