You Matter

by Jazzy Mitchell

  “That sounds nice.” Seeing Reggie’s incredulous look, Chrissy hastens to add, “I mean, spending time with family. Even if it’s uncomfortable, at least you have a family. I remember you mentioned your mom lives in Chestnut Hill. Are your sisters local?”

  Reggie gives her a contemplative stare. “Pretty much. Newton and Winthrop. How about you?”

  Chrissy’s not sure what she’s asking—how she’s spending her Christmas or whether her family is local. It doesn’t matter, though, because for once she doesn’t mind opening up. At least not when it comes to Reggie.

  “Ben and I usually buy a tree on Christmas Eve and trim it. We have all these ornaments we’ve made over the years. And I sew popcorn garland, which takes forever but looks great.” She chews on a piece of bread, gathering her thoughts. “Our Christmas is pretty low-key. We open presents, make a big breakfast together, and watch some holiday movies. If there’s a good movie playing in the theaters, we go. Now that I’m thinking about it, it’s kinda lame.”

  Reggie’s hand on Chrissy’s bicep stops her from taking another bite of juicy ham. “No, Christina. That doesn’t sound lame at all. It sounds relaxing.”

  They smile at each other before Chrissy clears her throat. “Yeah, well, we like it. It’s me and Ben, and every year we plan what we want to do.” She pops the piece of ham in her mouth.

  “You’re an amazing woman.” It takes a moment for Chrissy to register Reggie’s hand is still grasping her arm, her thumb rubbing small circles.

  “I don’t think so,” Chrissy admits, her voice soft. She’s becoming emotional, and it reminds her of why she never reveals her past to anyone. “I mean, my parents threw me out when I was seventeen for getting pregnant, and then my boyfriend dumped me and my friends stopped talking to me. Obviously, I wasn’t worth keeping around. I wasn’t worth the effort. So, I made the decision not to rely on anyone. I worry, though, that I’m not doing what’s best for Ben. I try, but…” Chrissy shrugs. She doesn’t feel hungry anymore, and she pushes the plate away.

  Chrissy swallows the emotions fighting to get out. This is not the time to lose it. She’ll be mortified if anyone notices the tears brimming in her eyes. The holidays are tough for her. The years of loneliness, the years she’s spent with no gifts, love, or feeling of belonging, all trigger her. A soft finger wipes away the tears that escape despite her best effort.

  “Christina,” Reggie whispers, her concern obvious.

  “I’m okay.” Chrissy ducks her head and swipes at her face. I can’t believe I’m falling apart like this. “I’m sorry, Reggie. I’m not usually like this.”

  “Don’t apologize. Please, tell me what I can do.”

  The distress in Reggie’s voice makes Chrissy feel worse. It’s not like she can ask the woman to kiss her, hug her. No, she can’t ask for those things, even though that’s what she longs for. Sniffing, Chrissy looks up and tries to smile. “I’m fine. I promise. Let’s change the subject. Okay?”

  Chrissy withstands Reggie’s discerning gaze for several seconds before Reggie nods. “Then tell me what you got Ben for Christmas.”

  “That I can do.”

  After dinner the music is turned up and part of the ballroom is cleared so people can dance. Reggie leaves to coordinate dessert and coffee, and Chrissy stands next to Cathy and David. Cathy bops to the beat, as Chrissy and David grin at her obvious wish to dance. No one’s on the dance floor, yet, and Cathy’s not the type to dance alone.

  “How can no one be dancing to this song?” Cathy complains.

  Chuckling, Chrissy says, “Go on, then. Others are probably thinking the same thing.”

  “Come on. I’ll go with you.” David swallows the last of his beer before handing the empty bottle to Chrissy. “Wish me luck.” He grabs Cathy’s hand and heads for the floor.

  Chrissy places the bottle on a nearby table and watches them dance. People start to filter onto the floor, and she taps her foot in time with the pop music, recognizing the song as one of Ben’s favorites. Once the next song begins, Cathy waves at Chrissy with a ‘join us’ motion. Although self-conscious, Chrissy steps onto the dance floor. She’s always enjoyed music, and she’s not bad at dancing. She likes to try new moves, and she indulges herself by twisting her body, twirling around. She laughs when Cathy and David cheer her on.

  Twirling again, she finds herself peering into Reggie’s amused dark eyes. Chrissy keeps dancing, backing up a bit so Reggie has space to join her. They dance through the rest of the song together, Chrissy breaking out some of her best moves. She’s watching Reggie’s body as it undulates to the beat, that’s for damn sure.

  The song ends, and a slow dance begins. Chrissy looks at Reggie, ready to exit the dance floor if she’s uncomfortable, but Reggie simply gathers Chrissy in her arms. Chrissy smiles, heat suffusing her when she rests her fingers on the soft curves of her waist. Reggie links her hands around her neck in a loose hold, and when their eyes meet, she’s surprised by how piercing Reggie’s stare is. She’s sure Reggie can see right into her heart.

  After a few moments of gazing into each other’s eyes, having a conversation Chrissy is afraid to misinterpret, Reggie says, “I noticed you’ve nursed the same drink all night. Non-alcoholic, I presume.”

  “Yeah. Since we do have to make our way home at some point, I don’t want to drink.” Chrissy’s pleased by Reggie’s words. It’s another example of how much she cares.

  “Or you could stay here.”

  “That’s…tempting,” Chrissy says, pulling Reggie a bit closer. Am I romanticizing this or is she offering as a friend?

  “That or me?” Reggie whispers in her ear, making Chrissy shiver.

  “I think you know the answer to that.” Chrissy turns her head so their breath mingles. Is Reggie offering what I dream about? Misinterpreting this could make things between them extremely uncomfortable.

  “I do, but I wonder whether you know how I feel.” Fingers gently comb through Chrissy’s unruly curls, distracting her. “Christina, your feelings are not one-sided.”

  “I, um, I can’t make a mistake here. I really love my job.” Chrissy catches her bottom lip between her teeth, daring to gaze into Reggie’s eyes, willing her to understand what she’s trying to say. “I need it to provide for Ben.”

  “And I love working with you. But I heard a paralegal position in Hawk’s division will be opening up at the beginning of the year. It’s yours if you want it.”

  The promise of what will happen once Chrissy changes jobs spurs another shiver up her spine. She has a hard time catching her breath, the full weight of Reggie’s offer making her feel weak. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, so if you aren’t, you’d better think about it before you give me your answer.” Reggie’s eyes are as serious as her voice.

  “I’m sure. I’ll move over to Hawk’s division.” The smile she receives knocks the breath from her. “God, you’re so beautiful,” Chrissy murmurs, her eyes widening, as she realizes what she’s said.

  Reggie’s grin brightens, and she’s so gorgeous Chrissy doesn’t mind being vulnerable. Reggie knows how she feels and is making arrangements so they can explore their feelings.

  “You make me happy, Christina. I’ve never felt as excited to get to work each day.” Reggie chuckles. “But I’m selfish. I want more. Much more.”

  “Me, too.”

  Chrissy wonders how she’s still standing upright. She’s never seen that look in Reggie’s eyes or felt those magical fingers massaging her neck, making her tremble with each caress. I’m in over my head.

  “Will you stay over tonight?” Reggie asks, her lilting voice tempting Chrissy. She wants to say yes. She really does.

  “No, but I hope you’ll extend the offer again soon.” She hopes Reggie can hear the regret in her voice.

  Reggie nods. “We’ll plan it. Not too long from now.”

  “Not too long,” Chrissy repeats. I need some time to get this through my thick head. Reggie wants me.


  The song ends, and they move to the side of the dance floor, standing close. People approach in an informal line, saying their goodbyes to Reggie, thanking her for opening her home to them. Chrissy starts to inch away, wanting to give her privacy, but Reggie casually winds her arm around her waist. Chrissy doesn’t mind.

  When Cathy and David join them, David wiggles his eyebrows, making her laugh. “Cut it out, you nerd,” Chrissy grouses.

  Cathy leans in. “Does this mean what I think it means?”

  “God, I hope so,” Chrissy whispers back. “Otherwise I’m going to die of a broken heart.”

  “No one will be dying today,” Reggie whispers at them both, causing them to laugh. Reggie shoots a teasing smile at Chrissy, and she falls in love even more.

  They sit at a table, chatting about whatever comes to mind. It turns out Cathy knows everything about everyone at the firm. The entire time, Reggie holds Chrissy’s hand in her lap, stroking it with her thumb. They sneak looks at each other. Chrissy’s ecstatic.

  Attorney Hawk strolls up to the table, his wife’s hand securely tucked in the crook of his elbow. He’s a tall, thin man with a hooked nose and freckles. His dark brown hair is sprinkled with white, and his eyes are an unusual bluish green. His wife is at least a half a foot shorter than him, with dark brown eyes and long black hair.

  “Christina, have you met Afanc Hawk and his wife, Erin?” Reggie asks.

  “No. It’s nice to meet you both.”

  “This is your paralegal?” Seeing the gleam in Hawk’s eyes, Chrissy wonders what he knows.

  “Not for much longer,” Reggie answers. Her eyes rest on Chrissy for a moment, and her smile softens.

  Well, that answers that.

  “Good. I shall see you on January second. Enjoy your holidays.” He turns back to Reggie. “An excellent party, as always. The food was scrumptious. Most unfortunate.” He pats his flat stomach.

  “Oh, stop, you fool,” Erin chastises before delivering a kiss to his cheek.

  “Goodnight, all.” Hawk waves as they move away.

  “As much as I hate to say it, I should probably get Ben and leave soon.” Chrissy rises, and she watches as Reggie’s chin dips to her chest before she rises, too, lips pressed together. Chrissy wants to kiss the sad look away.

  “We’re going, too. Chrissy, we can drop you and Ben off on our way,” Cathy says.

  “You don’t mind?”

  “Not at all. It’s cold out. And David can go heat up the car.”

  “Jeez, thanks. Reggie, this was an excellent party. Have a good weekend.” Cathy stops David to deliver a chaste kiss before he walks away, whistling a tune Chrissy doesn’t recognize.

  “I’ll wait for you and Ben near the door.” She leans in to whisper to Chrissy, “And then you can tell me what Hawk meant.” She winks then goes to gather their coats.

  “Shall we?” Reggie says with a sigh.

  Chrissy nods, sad they’re leaving, second-guessing her decision.

  They find Ben napping on the couch. As Chrissy goes to step in the room, Reggie blocks her way with a hand across the entryway. Tilting her head, Chrissy follows Reggie’s eyes upward and spots the sprig of mistletoe. Well, that’s gotta be safer than staying the night. Why am I being so careful when she’s gotten me a job in a different division and admitted she has feelings for me? She’s taken a big risk. It’s time I do, too. A slow smile inches across Chrissy’s face as she makes her decision, and heat unfurls in her belly. She turns toward Reggie and frames her cheeks with her hands, leaning in to capture plump, blood-red lips.

  Delivering a chaste kiss against impossibly soft lips, Chrissy takes her time memorizing their texture. She kisses her again, arousal building at how perfect Reggie feels. After a third soft kiss, she hears Reggie growl and takes that as her cue to press their lips together more firmly. She moves a hand to the back of Reggie’s head, sifting her fingers through silky locks as she nibbles on Reggie’s lower lip, and Chrissy swallows the resulting moan, opening her mouth to welcome Reggie’s tongue. Reggie’s hands pull her closer, and their tongues wrestle.

  I’m gonna pass out. She feels incredible. Tastes heavenly. Wine, chocolate, and mint. God, I’m lost. Chrissy whimpers, continuing to explore every inch of Reggie’s addictive mouth. After several minutes, the kisses wind down. Chrissy withdraws, resting her forehead against Reggie’s while trying to catch her breath.

  “I’ve wanted to do that for so long. It was worth the wait.” Reggie pulls back. “You are worth the wait, Christina Kramer.”

  “I don’t know how I got lucky enough to capture your attention. I’ve always felt worthless. Like I don’t matter to anyone. Ben’s the only one who cared, and that’s because I’m his mom.” Chrissy shrugs.

  “Well, you have me, and I’m not letting you go. It’ll be hard enough to let you leave tonight.”

  They smile, an understanding settling between them. Chrissy pulls Reggie in for a hug, breathing in her signature perfume before letting her go and walking over to where Ben is reclining.

  “Hey, kid.” Chrissy shakes his shoulder. “It’s time to go.” He sits up while rubbing his eyes. Times like this remind her of when he was a little boy.

  “Okay. I’m up.” He sees Reggie and beams at her. “That food was awesome.”

  “I make wonderful breakfasts, too.” Reggie sits on the arm of the couch and rubs Chrissy’s back.

  Chrissy sees the promise in her eyes and wants to change her answer. Things are going fast, though, and she really wants to plan for that eventuality. She wants it to be special. Reggie is worth it.

  “I have no doubt about that. Ready, kid? Cathy and David are giving us a ride home.”

  “Cool. Yeah. I’m good.” He gathers his belongings and leads the way out of the room.

  Chrissy can’t help but look up at the mistletoe as they exit, chuckling at Reggie’s smirk and raised eyebrow. Yeah, it really happened. They made out under the mistletoe.

  After layering up for the cold, Chrissy and Ben head for the door. Others are calling out to Reggie, ready to leave and wanting to say goodbye. Reggie holds up a finger, signifying she’ll be a minute, and she turns to Cathy, Chrissy, and Ben.

  “Thanks for a great party,” Cathy says, stepping forward to deliver a quick hug.

  Ben sticks out a hand to shake Reggie’s hand, but she pulls him in for a hug, whispering something which makes him smile and the tips of his ears redden.

  Chrissy hugs her. “I’ll be dreaming of those kisses tonight.”

  “As will I. And you do matter, Christina. You matter to me.”

  As they pull back, Chrissy sees how genuine Reggie is. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Chrissy nods. Smiles. “Goodnight.”

  “Sweet dreams, Christina,” Reggie says with a grin.

  “You, too.” Chrissy knows hers will be filled with those moments under the mistletoe. She can’t wait for her head to hit the pillow.

  AFTER

  Chapter Nine

  “Where’s Ben?” are the first words out of Chrissy’s mouth when she awakens.

  “He’s with David and Cathy getting some food.” Reggie steps into view. Her lips tremble, and Chrissy wonders what’s happened. “Is he okay? Did he get hurt?”

  “He’s fine.” Reggie’s eyes are puffy. She stands with her arms wrapped around herself, her clothes wrinkled.

  “And you’re okay? Hogan didn’t get to you?”

  “I’m okay.” Reggie lays a hand on Chrissy’s arm and squeezes before turning away.

  Blinking several times, Chrissy rolls her head around to see if anyone else is in the room. She sees white walls, a television mounted across from where she’s lying down in a bed, closed window blinds, some chairs near the far wall, and a closed door. It has a distinctive, sharp medicinal smell. A hospital room. I’m in a hospital. Well, at least I’m still alive. She’s having trouble connecting the dots, though. Chrissy looks for Reggie and watches her stamp toward her.

  “What the he
ll did you think you were doing?” Reggie demands, her hands balled into fists.

  Who’s Reggie talking to? Why is she glaring at me?

  With no one else in the room, Chrissy deduces Reggie must be directing her ire at her. God, she hasn’t heard such a tone of voice since that time a month into working for her when Chrissy forgot to record a court date change in the calendar. Reggie had returned from court and skewered her with a glower that made Chrissy sink into her chair. And then the verbal evisceration came. She never made that mistake again. She shakes her head, wondering whether she missed part of the conversation. Every thought, every motion she makes is couched in sand—soft, suffocating, shifting sand.

  Reggie’s body is quaking, her eyes flashing, and she’s so passionate. Chrissy wants nothing more than to pull her into a hug. She feels sluggish, though, and heavy. Dried tears mar Reggie’s beautiful face, her eyes red and swollen. Why is Reggie so upset with me?

  “If that’s your way of saying thank you, I’d rather you act ungrateful,” Chrissy jokes, surprised by how weak her voice sounds.

  “Thank you? You nearly got yourself killed. Where would I be without you? Where would Ben be? How could we be thankful then?” Reggie asks, her voice becoming louder with each question. A vein pops out on her temple, and Chrissy swallows.

  “Because you’re alive. You two are the most important people in my life. I will always try to protect you,” Chrissy says as she rubs her eyes. She’s tired. Sore. Confused. And her left side is numb. Looking down she sees an ice pack over her ribs. She shifts, and a sharp pain makes her yelp. She bites down on her lower lip and tastes copper. Squeezing her eyes shut, she swallows the urge to throw up, sucking on her bleeding lip. Why is she so upset with me?

  “Christina, you’re an idiot! Dying to save me is unacceptable. I need you in my life. I…I...” Losing steam, Reggie slumps down on the hospital bed, next to Chrissy’s waist, looking lost.

  “What?” Chrissy stretches her hand out and is reassured by how Reggie clasps it tight. Reggie remains quiet. “I know we’ve only shared one kiss, and I’m sorry if this is too much, but I love you. I love you with all my heart, and I can’t live in a world without you in it. I had to do everything in my power to protect you.”