Blocked

by Jami Davenport

  I hated not being good enough.

  We’d been the defending champions, and we were knocked out in the first four games of the playoffs.

  That didn’t just sting. It hurt like a knife driven deep in my chest and twisted. The knife gutted me.

  I wasn’t in any mood to talk to anyone. All I wanted was to go home and lick my wounds.

  My cell phone beeped as I walked toward my vehicle.

  Geneva: Do you want to commiserate later? I have a few hours of work to do.

  Me: Sorry, not good company. Catch up with you tomorrow?

  Geneva: Okay.

  I read more into that one-word answer than necessary, but I’d probably hurt her feelings, like I didn’t have enough weighing me down. I got in my car and left the parking garage.

  I drove aimlessly for an hour until the adrenaline and sorrow wore off and left me empty except for exhaustion. Back to the condo I went.

  I was in a foul mood and inconsolable. I needed to be left alone to lick my wounds.

  Steele wasn’t around. The place was empty, almost eerie in its silence.

  I stripped down to my underwear and crawled between the cool sheets, certain I wouldn’t be able to sleep, and that was the last thing I remembered.

  ~~Geneva~~

  “He’s in a mood. I’m worried about him,” I said as I followed Steele to the condo elevator.

  “We’re all in a mood, Gen.”

  “Well, thanks for answering my text and meeting me here. I hope I didn’t cut into your plans.” Since Axel had refused to answer any of my calls or texts, I’d texted Steele earlier. He’d been out, and he’d sounded drunk, but he’d agreed to call it a night and come home so we could check on Axel.

  I smelled the alcohol on Steele’s breath. He was a Puck Brother, after all, and three of their numbers had been booted from the team for a barroom brawl in true Puck Brother fashion. I guess he was carrying on the tradition, minus the suspension. Straight-arrow Steele would never do anything that would get him suspended from the team.

  “Have you been drinking away your sorrows?”

  “Yeah, I guess. I didn’t expect losing to hurt like that. It’s not like I haven’t experienced losing before.” I had the distinct impression he wasn’t talking about hockey, but I played dumb.

  “The bigger the stakes, the harder it is. You guys did the best you could under the circumstances.”

  His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Our best wasn’t good enough. We failed.”

  “You lost, but I wouldn’t say you failed. You have a great foundation for next year.”

  “Rumor has it they’re dismantling the team and rebuilding. Mr. Parker is pretty disgusted about the suspensions.”

  Understandably, Steele was worried about being traded or cut from the team. I didn’t know what words would help him feel better, but Steele was an asset to any team. He was one of those guys who did his job, didn’t ask for personal recognition, and never caused problems. He was a real team player, not to mention talented, and most organizations would kill for more guys like him. Surely the Sockeyes knew what they had.

  Another thought sliced through me like the cold blade of a knife. Was Axel safe? Would he be traded or on the chopping block? What would happen to us if he was? I’d never considered his precarious position with the team until now. Hockey players moved from team to team constantly. It was a given, and I’d taken it for granted we’d both be in Seattle for the foreseeable future.

  “You okay, Geneva?” Steele stared oddly at me, bringing me back from my thoughts.

  Negativity wasn’t needed right now. I was here to cheer up Axel, not depress him all the more. “I’m good.”

  Steele shrugged and opened the condo door. I followed him inside and thanked him for cutting short his evening for me.

  “Don’t worry about it. I was done anyway.” He winked at me and headed for his room. “Good night.”

  “Good night,” I called after him.

  After I heard the click of his door shutting, I tiptoed to Axel’s closed door and pressed my ear against it. I heard the sound of soft snoring and smiled. When Axel was really tired, he snored. The more tired, the louder his snore. That game had taken everything out of the team, and I was surprised he wasn’t shaking the walls with his snoring.

  I turned the doorknob and entered. As quietly as I could, I stripped off my clothes and carefully pulled back the sheets. He made a noise but didn’t wake. I crawled between the sheets and slid up next to him, spooning my chest against his back and wrapping my arms around his waist.

  Axel moaned, but he didn’t wake up. I planted a trail of kisses along his shoulder and up his neck.

  “Mmmmm.” A slow smile spread across his handsome face. He rolled onto his back and pulled me across his chest. One eye opened and then the other.

  “Gen?”

  “Who else would it be?” I teased. “Were you expecting another woman to crawl into your bed in the middle of the night?”

  “Nah, just you. I thought I was having a good dream. A really fucking good dream.”

  I rolled up on an elbow so I could look him in the eyes by the light of the alarm clock. “I know you said you’d see me tomorrow, but since it’s after midnight, it is tomorrow.”

  “Did security let you in?”

  “Steele escorted me up here.”

  “Ahhh.”

  “He’s pretty drunk.”

  “Yeah, it was a bad night for all of us.”

  “I could make it a better night.” I slid my hand down his flat chest and found what I was looking for. He was already hard. “You don’t waste any time.”

  “Not when you’re around.” His chuckle was wicked, and I liked that. He even seemed in relatively good spirits. Sex had that effect on him. I rolled over and dug a condom from his nightstand. After opening it, I crawled over to where he lay on his back in the middle of the bed, slid the sheets downward, and exposed his cock.

  With great concentration to take my time, I slowly unrolled the condom over his erection. Then I sat back on my heels to appreciate my handiwork. His body was a thing of beauty, and I never tired of gazing at him. By the hot desire smoldering in his gaze, he felt the same way as his eyes roamed over my body.

  “You’re so fucking hot,” I said as I slid an appreciative hand across his abs.

  “So are you.”

  I moved my leg to the other side of his body and straddled his hips. “I’ll make you forget everything but my name.”

  “I like that.”

  I lowered myself slowly onto his cock, letting him fill me inch by glorious inch. Groaning, he closed his eyes and arched his hips to take me deeper until we were joined together as one. He gripped my waist as I began to rise and fall onto his dick.

  “Oh, fuck, yeah, baby. Just like that.” He was in heaven and so was I. In fact, not only was I in heaven but I was in deep shit. I adored this man, and I’d never felt this way before about anyone. This was scary to me, and I kept my feelings to myself because voicing them would be a whole new level of vulnerability for me. I was too much of a coward to go there.

  Opening yourself up to someone took courage. As hard as it was to admit, I didn’t have that courage. I held back a piece of myself from Axel, just as I did from anyone, but he was chipping away at the size of that piece.

  I’d fallen in love with this man.

  I was in love.

  With. This. Man.

  “Hey, is something wrong?” Axel said softly, staring at me somewhat oddly. I blinked a few times, then realized I was perched on his cock and not moving.

  “No, nothing, just enjoying the moment.” I should’ve been enjoying the moment instead of fretting over my fragile heart. I shoved my insecurities to the back of my mind and concentrated on Axel’s pleasure and mine. I fucked him, torturously slow at first but building in speed and intensity until our orgasms wrecked us both, leaving us in an exhausted, brainless heap of muscle and tissue and bone.

  I lay on
top of Axel for a long time and listened to the steady sound of his breathing. He was an after-sex sleeper, which I didn’t mind. I soon joined him in the land of sex-sated slumber.

  Chapter 28—To the Future

  ~~Axel~~

  I woke the next morning to the sun pouring in the window and realized I’d overslept. In a panic and fearing I’d be late for practice, I shot up in bed and rubbed my eyes. Then a soul-crushing realization slammed through me, leaving me bereft and empty. We didn’t have any more season left.

  I was without hockey, and without hockey, I’d always been a little lost.

  Squinting into the early-morning light to get my bearings, I felt a stirring beside me, and hockey became the last thing on my mind.

  Geneva.

  I gazed down at her. She was sprawled on the bed, hogging it, as she liked to do. The sheets and comforter had fallen down to her waist, and she was glorious in the morning sun. Suddenly, my hockeyless days and night didn’t seem so bad after all. We had each other. Now we had time to explore this thing growing between us. I felt the special connection, and I was certain she did too, even though we didn’t really discuss our future together or how we felt about each other beyond sex.

  Geneva blinked and squinted into the sun.

  “Hey.” I smiled down at her. She smiled sleepily back. Stretching, she glanced at the alarm, then did a double take. Her eyes grew big and she sat up. I read her mind.

  “The season’s over. Surely you don’t have to go into work.”

  She nodded slowly as the previous night returned to her. “Not early, but I do have to be there. I’m not sure I have a job. I’m essentially an intern/assistant. Not someone they need to keep on during the off-season.”

  “What?” I hadn’t really thought about what might happen if she was out of a job, short-term or long-term.

  “I don’t know if I’m still employed. My contract was until the end of the season. Roy wanted to talk with me today.”

  “Shit. That could be good or bad.” I watched appreciatively as she walked naked toward my bathroom. Geneva didn’t have a modest bone in her body, another one of the things I loved about her. When I heard the shower turn on, I was all in for a little dalliance in the shower.

  Minutes later, Geneva had left for work, and I was wandering around the condo. We had a final team meeting in a few hours, but until then, I was at a loss.

  Steele wandered out of his bedroom, yawning and stretching. Even though he’d showered and shaved, he still looked like shit. He nodded at me and poured a cup of coffee. After a few gulps, he set it down on the counter and regarded me with annoyance.

  Now wasn’t the time to discuss the odd sensation I’d had last night when I’d entered the condo. I hadn’t told Geneva either. I didn’t want her worrying right now. She had enough worry about the future of her job.

  “How ya doing?” I said innocently, not understanding his irritation. He must be taking his throbbing head out on me.

  “Considering I’m hungover and my roommate kept me up all night with noisy, headboard-slamming sex, I guess I’m doing as expected.”

  “Sorry.”

  “You don’t fucking sound sorry.”

  “Aren’t we cranky this morning?”

  “And aren’t we Miss Sally Sunshine, you fucker.”

  Now where did that come from? I’d never seen steady-as-a-rock Steele in such a foul mood. “What the fuck is your problem?”

  “You.” He pointed a finger at me, his face filled with disgust. “You’ve got it made, you asshole. You’ve got a great career ahead of you, and now you have a great woman by your side. You’re a fucking lucky asshole.”

  “Uh, thanks.” I navigated around a potential landmine, not knowing what’d set off my buddy, but I had the distinct impression his mood had very little to do with me personally.

  He scowled at me as if my perceived good fortune was somehow detrimental to his mental health. I’d never seen him like this.

  “What the fuck is going on with you, Steele? Your life seems damn good to me. You’re a professional hockey player. How many of us get to do that? How many of the guys we’ve played with from the time we could barely skate have made it this far? So we lost out in the playoffs. We’ll be back next year. We had a string of bad shit happen. Nothing you or I could control. We did the best we could.”

  He looked away from me, his attention elsewhere. When he turned back to me, most of the anger had drained from him to be replaced by worry.

  “What if I get cut?” he said.

  Now I understood, or at least understood part of it.

  “You’re our future star defenseman. No team is going to be stupid enough to get rid of you when you’ve shown such promise.”

  He shrugged, unconvinced according to the look on his face. “I guess.”

  Something else was wrong with him, but I didn’t want to delve into a potentially messy discussion when we’d need to leave in a few minutes for the SHAC.

  He and I would have plenty of time to further discuss this later if Steele chose to unload. Knowing him, he’d batten down the hatches and go back to being his usual rigid, quiet, unreadable self.

  ~~Geneva~~

  I waited outside Roy’s office, wringing my hands and tapping my toes, the picture of nervousness. My outward calm was one of my strengths, but that calmness in this current storm eluded me. Before I could stop myself, I caught a fingernail between my teeth and nibbled on it.

  Irritated at my display of weakness and refusing to fall back on an old habit, I shoved my hands under my thighs and sat on them. I hadn’t bitten my fingernails since before I’d worn a bra. I wasn’t going to start now.

  I was strong. I was resilient. I was a fighter. Whatever happened, I would make the best of any situation. I slapped myself mentally. Listen to me. I was already planning on being let go. I had to be more positive. I was good at my job, reliable and steady. I never balked no matter how shitty the task. I did it professionally and cheerfully.

  And I really wanted this job. Like I’d never wanted any other job in my life. I’d had a taste of working for professional hockey, and I wanted more. Was that so bad?

  I had to admit, I didn’t want to prematurely end this thing I had going with Axel. Every second of every day, I felt him burrow deeper and deeper into my previously impenetrable heart. Somehow, he’d managed to drill through my tough outer shell and get to my gooey center inside, that part of me that cried at sappy movies and wanted to rescue every homeless kitten on the street. Yeah, that girl. The one no one knew existed, except Axel. He knew. He didn’t have to say it. I could tell.

  Roy opened the door and motioned me inside. “You haven’t been waiting long, have you?”

  “No. Not at all.” If I’d waited an hour, I’d have told him I hadn’t been there long. I was the epitome of cooperation. I stood and followed him into his small office.

  He moved a pile of uniforms from the only available chair besides his. “Have a seat.”

  I sat down and clasped my hands in my lap to keep from fidgeting. I willed myself to present a calm demeanor no matter what happened. I’d take whatever happened and make the best of it.

  Roy riffled through a few pieces of paper on his messy desk and pulled out a yellow pad with stuff scribbled all over it. Roy didn’t like computers. He preferred paper whenever he could get away with it.

  I wasn’t able to read what was on the pad without being really obvious. He looked up from his desk and sighed. I quickly looked away, not wanting to be caught being nosy. My stomach dived to the depths of despair. He was letting me go.

  “I’ll get right to the point. You know why you’re here. Your contract with the team ended when the season ended.”

  “Yes, I know.” My voice cracked, and I silently cursed my lapse into emotion. Gathering my strength, I pasted a pleasant, unconcerned expression on my face.

  He consulted something written on the pad.

  “You’ve been a valuable member of our
group, Geneva. Always jumping in to help. I never have to remind you to do something. You’re thinking ahead. You get along well with the staff and the players. You seem to truly enjoy the job. Not everyone makes a good equipment person, but you have the right stuff to be one. All in all, I have very little to criticize.”

  I nodded but didn’t speak. My heart stopped and my throat clogged up. Tears threatened. I blinked rapidly to stem the flow of tears. I wasn’t a crier. I was an in-control person. I’d fought my way through every disaster in my life, and I’d do it again.

  Roy hesitated and scanned his notepad for something. When he found it, he held his finger on it to hold his place. Why was he prolonging this agony? People usually rushed to give good news and hemmed and hawed around bad news. I felt physically sick. My boss met my gaze, and a slow smile spread across his face.

  “I’d like to offer you a permanent job as part of our staff.”

  The bastard.

  He’d been playing me.

  The stubborn bitch in me wanted to tell him hell no, but that particular bitch wasn’t in charge at the moment. “I’d be honored to be part of the Sockeyes equipment staff.”

  “It’s settled then. Personnel will discuss salary, benefits, all that with you. Any questions?”

  “No, none.”

  “I’m sorry I have to cut this short. I’m late for another meeting.” He stood and so did I. We shook hands. “Thank you.”

  “Thank you for making this decision an easy one. I wanted to tell you earlier, but there was a holdup while personnel dealt with the suspensions and new players joining the team.”

  I smiled, not wanting to gush, as Roy wouldn’t appreciate gushing. He wasn’t a man who talked much, one of his strengths, if you asked me. I had no patience for people who jabbered uselessly just to hear themselves talk.

  I soared out of his office on wings of hope. I couldn’t wait to tell Axel my good news. That I thought of Axel before anyone else was somewhat surprising and one more sign of how important he’d become recently in my life.