Free Hand (Irons and Works Book 1)

by E M Lindsey

  Derek blinked, letting Basil go over the signs again and again until he understood. ‘Why?’

  ‘Because you’re doing this. You don’t want more from me. You don’t want my voice,’ Basil replied.

  Derek felt his stomach clench, wanted to find the guy who had made Basil feel this way and beat him until he was unrecognizable. He took a breath, then shrugged. ‘Your voice,’ he signed, then reached out and touched Basil’s hands. ‘I like this voice.’

  Basil’s eyes shined, and he didn’t smile, but he leaned in and kissed Derek for far, far more than he was worth.

  13.

  Basil was at the little Mexican restaurant mostly to escape his sister, and because the owner knew some rudimentary ASL from when his aunt had lived there. The one thing he could appreciate was the older shops, those who had been in the community for a while, knew how to talk to him at least a little. It was a reminder that his aunt had made some impact on this place, and maybe if he stuck around, he’d make some difference, too.

  It didn’t mean he didn’t miss DC, or his Deaf friends, or knowing where exactly to go to be surrounded by his people and his language. But he was starting to feel less apart, less isolated, and that meant something.

  He picked a table far from the window just in case Amaranth came looking for him—and it wasn’t that he was ashamed, but he was still processing and trying to understand exactly what it was he was feeling for Derek without her smug look and constant teasing about him finally getting laid. He understood she meant well, but she didn’t understand what it had cost him to finally cross that line, even if it felt more of a relief than a fear or burden.

  As he studied the condensation on his glass of water like maybe it held the secrets of the universe, a hand in his periphery caught his attention. He glanced up and noticed a man standing there—vaguely familiar, though maybe it was just the fact that he was covered in tattoos that made him seem like they’d met before. He was holding a small baby in the crook of his arm, and Basil immediately recognized her as the one Derek and Sage had been taking around town.

  ‘Hi,’ the man signed. ‘I’m Tony. I work with Derek.’ His signs were slower, but more fluid than Derek’s.

  Basil smiled at him. ‘Do you want to sit?’

  Tony looked a little hesitant, but he turned his head and said something to the hostess who brought over another menu and a small highchair for the little girl.

  ‘Are we interrupting?’ Tony asked once Basil had looked up again.

  Basil smiled, shaking his head. ‘Lunch break. You?’

  ‘Off work today. Baby,’ he said, and reached over to tickle his daughter’s cheek. She gave a laugh, her feet kicking, cheeks plump with her grin. ‘My wife and I switch.’

  Basil considered him for a minute. ‘Your signing is good.’

  ‘It’s slow,’ Tony countered, ‘but we’re on level three now. I want to be fluent before she develops more complex language.’

  The fact that he was using ASL—properly, the grammar, the flow, even if some of his signs were a little archaic—meant he was dedicated, and it made something happy twist in Basil’s gut. One more child being taught that the way she was born wasn’t wrong, even if it was different from her mom and dad.

  ‘She’ll thank you,’ Basil told him.

  Tony grinned, his entire demeanor going soft as he looked at her. Basil had seen that look before—his own parents loved him that much and fuck, he missed them. It also made something ugly rise in his chest, because he was pretty sure no one had ever looked at Derek like that. Not once.

  ‘Derek was smiling when he came into work today. He wouldn’t tell me why, but I have a feeling I know,’ Tony told him.

  Basil licked his lips and debated about keeping it a secret, but he thought about all the ways Derek had been forced to keep himself a secret from the world. His formative years had been shoved into a box and locked away, and he couldn’t bring himself to do that, even if this ended up being nothing. ‘You’re probably right. We had a good time last night.’

  ‘He said you went to his apartment,’ Tony said, and there was a look of significance in his face that Basil didn’t understand. His confusion must have been apparent, because Tony went on, ‘He doesn’t let people in his apartment. Only Sam, sometimes Sage. No one else.’

  That hit Basil like a physical blow. He didn’t understand Derek’s trauma—not completely, not the way he wished he did—but he could understand the impact of Tony’s statement. ‘I don’t know what to say.’

  Tony smiled. ‘Don’t let it put pressure on you. He won’t break if it doesn’t work out. I just want you to know that it meant something to him.’

  ‘I know,’ Basil told him, because that, at least, he was aware of. There was no other way to interpret the way Derek talked to him after, and the way he held him. There was no way to misinterpret the gentle love-making in the morning, or the shower, or the sweet way he poured him shitty cereal and made stale coffee in his tiny six-cup coffee maker. It was something more than a fling, and not quite love, but it could get there if he let it.

  ‘He’s serious about you,’ Tony said. ‘It might not seem like it, he’s shy and scared, but he’s trying. He would have taken sign for Jasmine eventually, but you made him want it more.’

  Basil absently rubbed his fingers over his tattoo and considered what that meant, too. ‘He makes me want to try.’

  ‘May I?’ Tony asked, then pointed at Basil’s arm. Basil offered it up, and didn’t flinch when Tony brushed his thick, calloused fingers over the design there. ‘It’s not finished.’

  Basil couldn’t help his laugh, mostly in wonder at how all the artists at the shop seemed to just instinctively know it wasn’t finished. ‘No, not yet.’

  Tony grinned at him. ‘It’s beautiful. It suits you.’

  Basil felt himself blush because it did, but it was strange to have someone else notice it and understand it without really knowing him as a person. Then he realized if this worked out, if he and Derek made something of all this, Tony eventually would know him. Just like the others would, because they were Derek’s family. The thought caused a slight rise in his anxiety, because they were all hearing. Tony and Katherine knew sign for their daughter, and most of the others knew how to understand the few things the baby wanted, but that was it. And he didn’t see the same drive in them that Derek had. There was no motivation to try.

  And the thought of that level of communication barrier made his stomach twist uncomfortably. He didn’t want to speak, he never would want that, but he’d lived that life before. And maybe they wouldn’t be cruel the way Chad and his friends had been, but there would be a wall between them, and he couldn’t cross it on his own.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Tony asked.

  Basil affected a smile. ‘Fine,’ he lied. It was probably obvious—he was shit at hiding the truth from his face—but he couldn’t bring himself to talk about it just yet. Not with this man he hardly knew, and not without knowing what the future held for him and Derek.

  ***

  Derek: Any chance you want to change our lesson into a date? My last appointment should be done around four, and I was thinking we could go into Denver and have dinner. We can work on restaurant signs, then make out in my car.

  Basil: Blushing.

  Derek: Is that a yes?

  Basil: I’m work close but maybe after. Close tonight eight.

  Derek: What food do you feel like eating? I’ll make us a reservation.

  Basil: You decides. Surprise me good thing.

  Derek: Prepare to be blown away. Then maybe just blown.

  Basil jumped away from the counter when he felt his sister smack his side, and he realized she’d been reading over his shoulder. His face blushed so hot he felt a little dizzy and he pulled his phone away from her.

  ‘Dirty,’ she signed, waggling her brows.

  ‘Do you mind?’ he demanded, his hands slapping together in more embarrassment than anger.

  ‘I’
m happy for you. Finally you’re getting laid!’ She moved to the side of the counter where she was working on trimming one of their rose deliveries and she picked up her sheers with one hand. ‘I like him.’

  Basil bit his lip and rolled his eyes up toward the ceiling, taking a breath for strength. ‘Me too, but I don’t…I don’t know.’

  Setting the shears down, she leaned on the counter. ‘Don’t ruin it before it starts. I like him, and you like him.’

  Basil pursed his lips. ‘All his friends are hearing. His family. The whole shop is hearing.’

  ‘The owner’s baby is deaf,’ she pointed out. ‘Her mom and dad both know sign. Your boyfriend is learning sign with classes. Not even YouTube, but real classes, with a real Deaf teacher.’

  Basil’s stomach twisted, because it was true, but it didn’t mean there weren’t problems with the whole situation. ‘The people he works with are his family. He loves them, he relies on them. They don’t sign, and I don’t want to speak.’

  She gave him a flat look. ‘No one is going to make you speak.’

  ‘They don’t sign, Amaranth. They know baby sign language, and I want more than that.’

  She walked around the counter and put both hands on his shoulders, turning him to face her and let their gazes connect for a long time. He was overwhelmed for a second by just how much she looked like their father—the dimple in her chin, the cut of her jaw, the almond shape to her eyes. Her hair held the same curl, a slight frizz in the humidity of spring which framed her face.

  He missed his parents and wondered what either one of them would tell him about Derek. They had never cared he was gay, but they hated the idea of Chad, and he never got the chance to ask if it was because they could just tell he wasn’t a good guy, or because they thought Basil should stick to someone in his own community. His aunt had been cut off for assimilating, and even Amaranth had gone months without speaking to them when she had chosen to speak, to attend a hearing school over a deaf one, whenever she brought hearing boys home.

  Would they tell him to give it up—that although Derek was a nice boy, it wasn’t enough? And if they did, would he have done it?

  ‘I know what you’re thinking,’ she told him.

  Basil blinked at her, feeling his eyes get a little wet. ‘No you don’t.’

  ‘Yes,’ she countered. ‘And mom and dad would love him. They’d want to wrap him up tight and chase the pain in his eyes far away. I know they were angry at Aunt Rachel for her choices, but they got over it. And I think it was a lot more than Uncle Rick.’

  Basil had long since assumed, but all four of them had died before he got the chance to ask, and he could never be sure. And really, did he want to live his life on a hypothetical answer he could never confirm? Because in the end, his parents were dead. Wherever they were, he liked to think they just wanted to see him happy.

  ‘Go on your date tonight and stop thinking so much,’ she told him. ‘Let yourself be happy. Derek can make you happy.’

  Basil bowed his head, but nodded, because he didn’t have any plans to turn Derek down, no matter what his parents might have wanted. It still weighed on him, probably always would. The idea of being with Derek made this town feel a little more permanent, and it was in that moment he realized a small piece of him had always planned on going home. Except DC was starting to feel a lot less like home the more time passed.

  14.

  Derek got a text from Basil saying he was late, and that he’d meet him at the restaurant. The place he’d picked—an out of the way little Moroccan shop complete with shin-high tables, floor poufs, and baskets full of bread instead of silverware—was just on the outskirts of the Cherry Creek mall to really be considered hole-in-the-wall, but it still had an old-world, almost indie feel to it which Derek loved.

  The place held twelve tables, which meant they could only seat by reservation, and it meant that the entire meal wouldn’t be overwhelming with noise. He found it funny—the place was dimly lit with no windows, covered in tapestries and artwork, and it should have made his claustrophobia rear its ugly head, except it never did there. Maybe it was the gentle music, or the hands-off demeanor of the service, but he was excited to be able to share the place with Basil and not run the risk of a panic attack settling in.

  He arrived a little early, shedding his shoes at the door before he was seated, and he ordered some tea to soothe his nerves as he waited. He toyed with the edge of the menu, then nibbled on some of the bread in the center near the little candles, and he checked his phone obsessively like he was almost expecting Basil to cancel.

  He hadn’t seen him since the morning after—way too early to feel properly human. But he’d still dragged his ass out of bed to make sure Basil had breakfast and coffee and a long kiss before he had to run out and open the shop. He’d gone back to bed when Basil had gone, wrapping himself in the blanket that still held the faint echo of Basil’s floral scent, and he wanted to keep the other man there every night, so he’d never lose it.

  Just when twenty minutes had passed and he started to really panic, he saw Basil’s head poke around the side of the wall and spot him immediately. The relief was almost visceral as he rose, beckoning Basil over, and for just the briefest second, he was captivated by the soft, socked feet padding across the floor. Derek met him with a hand to Basil’s cheek, drawing him in for a soft, chaste kiss.

  It felt right again, like a puzzle piece slotting into place where it always belonged. From the faint pink on Basil’s cheeks, he thought maybe the other man felt it too. They settled together, side by side on their cushions, and Basil’s gaze roamed around for a moment, taking it all in.

  When he returned his attention to Derek, he laughed quietly and shrugged. ‘New place for me.’

  Derek nodded. ‘No one really knows about it, but I like it. The food is good. We can share.’ He held up the menu and tapped on the vegetarian five courses. ‘They play music and have dancers between the entrée and dessert.’

  Basil’s eyebrows rose. ‘You take dates here?’

  Derek felt himself blush. ‘No. You’re my only date.’

  At that, Basil’s lips lifted into a pleased grin, and he nodded, tapping the menu with his long finger. Derek fought the urge to lift his hand, to bite the tip of that finger just to see if he could make Basil’s cheeks go darker, make him squirm a little in his seat. But there was time for that later. Derek was feeling bold, but also romantic. He desperately wanted to give Basil a reason to say, and he knew that was his abandonment and fear talking, but it was also want.

  Luckily, his swirling thoughts were interrupted by the server, and Derek checked with Basil to make sure it was fine before he ordered the five courses for them to share. Basil seemed utterly unbothered by Derek taking the lead, and when the server left, Basil even shifted a little closer and instead of saying anything more, he just leaned his head on Derek’s shoulder and relaxed against him. Their hands found each other’s and fingers linked, and Derek felt the soft, beating pulse in Basil’s wrist against his thumb.

  ‘Long day?’ Basil finally asked, shifting so his hands could be seen properly.

  Derek shrugged. ‘No. I had ASL class this afternoon, but I didn’t do well for my presentation.’

  Basil’s eyebrows lifted. ‘You’ve been signing very well.’

  Derek cleared his throat, flushing a little. ‘I got nervous,’ he admitted. ‘I was…thinking about you.’

  Basil seemed to understand, and his face pinked just the slightest bit, his mouth twitching at the corners. ‘Our night?’

  Derek shrugged, but he knew his face had given it away. He tried his damndest to pay attention in class that afternoon, but every time he was idle, his thoughts kept drifting back to before, to the feeling of his fingers inside Basil, to the way he surrendered with open mouth and warm tongue under his pressing kisses. The teacher had noticed his distraction and admonished him in front of everyone, and Derek wanted to care, but more than that he just wanted to get out o
f there and get the day over with so he could be with Basil again.

  And now they were here. ‘I missed you,’ he said instead of answering him.

  Basil looked startled, but he smiled all the same and shifted just a fraction closer. ‘I met your boss today.’

  Derek, who had just taken a sip of his water, choked on it. “What?” he couldn’t help but voice, then swiped his mouth with the back of his hand before he signed, ‘What?’ to clarify.

  Basil chuckled and shrugged. ‘He was nice. I met Jasmine, she is so sweet. Very smart.’

  Derek felt himself puff with a little pride, and he nodded. ‘So smart. She’s going to be president one day. Or maybe an evil dictator. Either way, I plan to be on her good side.’

  Basil laughed louder, shaking his head, but he looked so damn happy and Derek wanted to keep that look there. ‘Do you want to meet my friend after we eat.’

  Derek’s eyebrows furrowed. ‘Your friend?’

  ‘You know him,’ Basil clarified. ‘Amit. He gets tattoos from your brother. He works at a bar and I’ve told him about you.’

  Derek felt something hot and uncomfortable in his gut, and he realized it was jealousy. He knew Amit—the guy Basil had been on a date with the night the date with Niko had gone poorly. ‘Your ex?’ he couldn’t help but ask.

  It was Basil’s turn to choke—just a little—on his small bite of bread he’d dipped in his soup. ‘My ex?’

  ‘I saw you,’ Derek admitted. ‘The night of my bad date. You were with him at gelato.’

  Basil blinked, then threw his head back and laughed. ‘Not a date,’ he insisted with very clear signs. ‘Only a friend. Promise.’

  Derek hated that he’d made an ass of himself because he knew his expression had given him away, but he couldn’t help it. ‘Sorry.’