Marriage For One

by Maise, Ella

  It was a little rough, our kiss, and somehow I think I knew it’d be like that with him. Rough and demanding and consuming. Knew it even before this madness had started.

  When my tongue got its own idea and started to get more into it, I rose up on my toes, basically climbing him with my arms to get more of him, this prickly and rough-around-the-edges man who was apparently mine in public for the better part of the next two years. Leaning in harder to get more, his hand slipped from my cheek to cradle my neck. I felt his other arm go around my waist, bringing me flush with his chest. Maybe he wasn’t that good at communicating with me, but he sure was good at this.

  Something I couldn’t exactly identify was rising up to the surface inside of me, and to be honest, more than happy to be that close, I wrapped my own arms around his neck and a groan slipped from my lips. That was when he suddenly stopped and pulled back. He wasn’t as out of breath as I was, but he was definitely breathing hard. Flushed, I just stared up at him in wonder. What the hell had just happened? Was he trying for an Oscar or something? Had he felt whatever I had felt there for a second? A minute? Or had it been an hour?

  I quietly cleared my throat and dropped my arms, fixing my dress under his stare. Turning my head slightly to the right, I wiped my mouth with my fingers because I didn’t think it was a good idea to keep licking my lips trying to taste him again.

  Facing him, I started, “Jack, I—”

  “Your ex-fiancé is staring,” he said in a calm voice. His breathing didn’t appear to be labored anymore, so opposite of what I was feeling.

  I stiffened but didn’t look back to where I knew Jack had just glanced or had probably kept glancing while he was kissing me. So, this was just a show. My stomach dropped and I let go of what I had been about to say. His kiss had been just a show. I mean…of course it was a show. I already knew that—he had given me a warning, for Christ’s sake. It wasn’t like he had smiled at me and then lost control and kissed me because he just couldn’t stop himself. Nope. He had given me plenty of warning, but…but for a second there, I had lost myself in the kiss and had forgotten. For a second there, I had thought he was actually, maybe… It had probably just been a fluke. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the haze clouding my brain and return to reality. Jack was a good kisser—so what? Maybe I could simply wait for the next public event when he thought we should lock lips again, just enjoy it for what it was, and not think too much about it.

  When Jack pulled my chair out for me to sit down, I studied him a bit more carefully out of the corner of my eye as I took my seat. His face was as it always was: set and aloof, his expression cool and unreadable. If his lips hadn’t been a little more reddish because of my lipstick transferring onto them, I wouldn’t have even guessed he had just kissed someone—kissed me. There was absolutely no evidence left of what we had just shared.

  Feeling confused, I picked up my fork and didn’t even realize my plate had been switched out for some sort of chicken dish as I dug in without another word. Jack and I were quiet for a long time, letting other voices fill the heavy silence between us.

  “You think that was better than a turtle?” he asked after the better part of fifteen minutes had passed in silence. The event was plenty loud, and he had to lean toward me so I could hear him. The other two couples sitting across from us weren’t exactly silent as they laughed out loud in a way that made me cringe every time it started up again. I had to lean toward Jack as I had him repeat his words. My stomach still wasn’t sitting right after the whole thing.

  “Oh yeah, that was very professional.” I winced and tried to salvage the moment. “As in I think we did a very good job of making people believe this is a real thing between us.” It had almost fooled me, too—almost. “Hopefully I wasn’t too bad either?” I asked lightly, trying to look like I didn’t care much about it either way but at the same time regretting the words as soon as they left my mouth because I was curious, dammit.

  I broke a piece of bread in half and stuffed the whole thing in my mouth.

  “No, you were fine.”

  My chewing slowed down as I processed his words then I forced myself to swallow the bread that tasted so much like cardboard.

  “Great,” I mumbled, low enough that he didn’t hear me. I was fine.

  He leaned in again, his arm carelessly slung on the back of my chair. “What did you say?”

  I leaned away, nothing obvious, just a little, as I reached out for my second glass of white wine. A hell of a headache would be waiting for me when I woke up the next morning. I just knew it.

  “Nothing,” I mumbled into my wine, and Jack leaned in closer, his shoulder on my back. I couldn’t lean away because the damn wine glass was already in my hand.

  “You need to stop talking into your beverage. Is everything okay?”

  I put the wine glass down, took a breath as I did so, and then set my eyes on his jaw. “Everything is fine, just a little tired after all the excitement—not the kissing part, obviously. That wasn’t much of a workout. Easy peasy.” Stop moving your lips, Rose.

  “Why are you not looking at me?”

  “I’m looking at you.” I looked down at his pants and then at the table where his left hand was resting, turning the whiskey glass around and around—anywhere but his eyes. Then I got pissed at myself and looked straight into his eyes with a raise of my eyebrow.

  He stared at me in silence for a good twenty seconds, and I stared right back. Nothing was going on between us. This was Jack. This was temporary. I was the one who was making things awkward by trying to put some meaning behind something that didn’t…well, it didn’t mean anything. He had told me he was about to kiss me and then he’d kissed me. It wasn’t anything new. Everyone kissed with their mouths and tongues; we hadn’t done anything special.

  His jaw tightened and he stood up.

  “I need to check on a few clients then we can leave.”

  I opened my mouth to say something, but he had already walked away. When the waiter presented the dessert, I gave him a forced smile. It looked like some sort of eclair with three dots of something green on the side. A jam? Sauce? I had no idea. Making sure certain people weren’t looking at me, I looked over my right shoulder and found Maddy and Sierra; they were six, seven tables behind us. When I caught Maddy’s eyes, I smiled warmly and waved at her. She enthusiastically waved back.

  My gaze searched for Jack next, and I found him talking to an elderly man a few tables away from the girls. I faced forward and accidentally met the eyes of one of the guys sitting at our table. The ladies were absent, and the other man was busy talking on his phone quite loudly. The one whose eyes I’d met gave me a sly smile and lifted his red wine glass in a salute. I looked away.

  “Are you enjoying your night?” he asked. He was the one sitting closest to me on my right, and since the other guy was still on his phone, he couldn’t have been talking to anyone but me.

  I forced a small smile and nodded at him.

  “I’m Anthony.”

  Because I was the most intelligent person alive, I acted as if I couldn’t hear him, pushed my chair back, grabbed my plate with two hands, and found myself heading back to the table where the girls were sitting. Obviously, you never leave your dessert behind. When they noticed me coming, both Maddy’s and Sierra’s subdued faces broke out into a smile.

  This time, because I didn’t want to embarrass Jack, I asked a waiter if they could bring me a chair, and while standing between the girls with a dessert plate in my hand, I asked the chaperone if she’d mind if I joined the girls. When I got the okay and the chair, I sat between them and started chatting.

  When they asked me if my husband had left me behind, I found Jack in the busy ballroom in a second and pointed him out. He was standing with his hands in his pockets again. He actually looked really good in a tux. His eyes found mine and, having been caught, I quickly looked away.

  When I found the girls contemplating how to eat the eclairs on their plate, I r
eached for mine with my fingers. It was easier, and also, I’d left everything else at my table and had nothing else to use. The girls relaxed when they saw me and attacked their own eclairs with such joy that I smiled at them. As we talked about random things and ate our desserts, I snuck glances at Jack, acutely aware of where he was the entire time.

  When he finally got back to my side, it was hard to say goodbye to the girls. I kissed them both on their cheeks and waved goodbye as they giggled behind our backs. I was sure the giggles were all for Jack, who had actually kissed their little hands and bid them a good night, stealing more pieces of my heart in the process.

  As we were waiting for our coats to be brought out, Jack pointed at my lips with his fingers. He was smiling softly. “There is chocolate around your lips.”

  I closed my eyes as I felt a rush of heat hit my cheeks.

  Way to go, Rose. Way to go.

  “I’ll be right back!”

  “Rose, no, we need to—”

  “Just a minute!” Yelling at him over my shoulder, I rushed to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Sure enough, on the left edge of my mouth were the tell-tale signs of chocolate, and even worse than that, my runny nose was starting to make an appearance again. At least he hadn’t noticed that in the dark.

  Pulling the completely soaked—yet again—tissue paper out of my nose, I tilted my head back when I felt a rush of liquid trailing down. Groaning, I made another ball of paper and pushed it up my nose, hoping it’d hold until we could reach the apartment. The last thing I wanted was for Jack to see me with a runny nose.

  When I was done I rushed back to him. “Sorry, sorry.”

  “You don’t have to apologize to me. It’s fine,” he murmured.

  A lot of things were fine this evening.

  He held up my jacket and when I hesitated for a second, he raised an eyebrow and just waited. I pushed my arms in and let him settle the heavy weight of it on my shoulders. I turned to face him so we could leave and bundled myself tighter in my coat, knowing I was about to freeze my ass off the second I stepped outside.

  Jack was right beside me as he opened the door, and I took my first step into the cold and busy night. With my right hand, I held the collar of my jacket closed and breathed out, watching it puff out in a cloud in front of me. On my third step, a warm hand gently slipped around my left one without a word, and I climbed down the stairs hand in hand with my husband as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

  The number of times Jack Hawthorne smiled: three. (VICTORY IS MINE.)

  Chapter Fourteen

  Rose

  I woke up in the middle of the night with a loud gasp and a light sheen of sweat covering my body. My breathing was labored and my heart rate was a little faster than I would’ve liked it to be. Feeling dazed and not sure where I was exactly, I looked around. The room was dark, but as my eyes adjusted to the sliver of light coming through the terrace doors thanks to the moon, I realized where I was: in my room at Jack’s apartment, where I had gone to sleep, but… I closed my eyes and groaned, letting myself drop back to my pillow. I turned to my side, facing the terrace doors, and just stared at nothing. It was…Sunday night, the night after the charity event.

  And I had just dreamed of Jack.

  I was so incredibly aware that what I had just seen wasn’t real, but it had felt real—real enough that I felt a vast emptiness inside me. I swallowed and turned onto my back, staring at the dark ceiling, trying to rein in my emotions. I could still feel his arms around me, his touch, could feel and hear his voice right next to my ear. I couldn’t remember the words, but I’d remember that low, gruff sound anywhere now, and when I’d looked back over my shoulder, Jack had been right there smiling at me.

  I lifted my hand and touched my cheek where I could still feel the prickly sensation, a remnant of his stubble rubbing against my cheek. It felt so real that I had to close my eyes and try to feel the ghost of his touch.

  I was screwed.

  It all had felt so real.

  In my dream, I was in love with Jack, and I was pretty sure he was in love with me too. When he kissed me, just a slow graze of his lips on mine, there had been no one around. It was just us. Then he smiled against my lips. We had both smiled, and I’d wrapped my arms around his neck and forced him into a longer, more satisfying kiss. I’d never felt a happiness like that. When we’d come up for air, we had both been smiling, him pushing my hair out of my face with his hands, our foreheads resting against each other as we caught our breaths.

  There had been no one around.

  No one to show off for.

  Just us.

  My feelings hadn’t just disappeared suddenly like the dream, though. They hadn’t changed. I could still remember what I’d felt. I still wanted him and that, more than anything, scared the hell out of me, because it wasn’t real and yet I could still feel it.

  I breathed in and out of my mouth and kicked off the covers. It was too hot inside the room.

  After a few minutes of just staring into the darkness of the ceiling, I closed my eyes and desperately tried to go back to sleep in the hopes that I could pick up exactly where I’d left off.

  I tried and it didn’t work.

  When I realized it wasn’t happening, I dropped my legs from the bed and gripped the edge of the mattress, just sitting there for a few minutes, trying my best to clear my mind.

  This was all happening because of that damn kiss and all that touching and smiling at the charity event. I knew it, but the dream had been too much. Feeling so good about something, feeling so happy and then having that feeling just be a lie? The moment I’d woken up, I had felt the physical loss of him intensely.

  Saturday night had ended as soon as we got back to the apartment. Jack had disappeared into his study or office or whatever the hell he called that place, our car ride having been just as uneventful. He hadn’t mentioned the kiss or seeing Jodi and Bryan and Joshua. And I…instead of sitting down and trying to process the fact that Joshua was now with my cousin and maybe—probably—had left me for her, I had been stuck on the kiss I had shared with Jack. Joshua hadn’t occupied my mind for more than a few fleeting minutes.

  It had been all Jack.

  Sunday morning when I woke up, thinking maybe we could have breakfast together since I wasn’t opening the coffee shop, I’d looked for him. I even went as far as knocking on his door and going into his room, only to find him already gone. If someone asked, I wouldn’t admit it, but I had waited around until two PM, and when he hadn’t shown up, I’d decided to go to the coffee shop and spend time in the kitchen baking instead. I’d picked up my phone countless times, thinking maybe sending a quick text asking what he was doing wouldn’t be such a bad idea, but I hadn’t ever gone through with it.

  He hadn’t contacted me either.

  Heading back to the apartment at eight PM, nothing had changed. I didn’t think I had anything specific to say to him, but I wanted very much to see him and be around him. When I had gone to bed at eleven, he still hadn’t been around.

  Massaging my temples, I sighed and blindly reached for my phone on the nightstand. I didn’t know why my heartbeat quickened when I took a quick look at the screen and scrolled through a few messages from Sally; there was nothing from Jack there, no calls, no texts—and why would he call or text me anyway? We weren’t that. We weren’t ever going to be that, no matter what dreams I had.

  Thoroughly annoyed with myself for being so affected just by a simple dream, I got up to my feet and looked for something I could wear over my panties. I left the simple short-sleeved thin grey t-shirt on and quietly left my room. The only positive thing for the night was that my nose wasn’t running at that particular moment, and it looked like I was over whatever allergic reaction or flu had crossed my path.

  When I made it to the staircase, I paused and glanced toward Jack’s room but didn’t dare go anywhere near it. Slowly going down the stairs, I decided a cold glass of water would be just the th
ing to wake me up from stupid and pointless dreams, but then I saw the light coming from under the door of Jack’s study and turned that way instead.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jack

  The last forty-eight hours had been hell. I’d spent my entire Sunday at the office dealing with an unexpected crisis that took me away from Rose and when I had successfully handled that hoping I’d get to go home, I’d faced a much more annoying situation in the name of: Bryan Coleson. But it was done. Rose was done with them. I’d made sure.

  As if that wasn’t enough for the day, before I could leave the office Joshua had showed up. Everything was piling up and I was slowly getting buried underneath it all.

  So I was in my study at three AM, doing nothing but making myself miserable instead of going to bed…just a few doors down from her.

  When there was a hesitant knock on the door, I snapped out of my thoughts.

  “Come in.”

  First, her head peeked in, her shoulders and body hidden behind the door.

  “Hey, Jack.”

  “Hey.”

  “Am I bothering you? Can I come in?”

  If I’d been sure it wouldn’t startle her, I’d have laughed out loud. She wasn’t bothering me enough—that was the problem.