Chasing Me

by Jennifer Probst

  "Because she wants you, James! She's using the expo to blackmail you, or warp your mind about your art. And you chose to accept it all!"

  His jaw clenched. "I was trying to understand. Sort things out. Fuck, Quinn, how do you think it makes me feel to be a liability to you? A fucking noose around your neck? Even Brian saw it, and he warned me away from you."

  My mouth fell open. Now he was using Brian as an excuse? "What are you talking about? Why didn't you ever tell me you spoke to Brian?"

  "I came to see you the night you got the news about the job. Brian called me into his office, and basically told me you were going places, but I'd bring you down. Said you deserved someone who wouldn't break your heart."

  I wanted to throw accusations at him, prove he was lying, but I knew he told the truth. Brian did have other intentions toward me, but instead of being direct, he went through James. Disappointment cut deep. Would I still be able to work with him, knowing he'd tried to break us up? I shook off the thought. I had to concentrate on James right now.

  "Is that why you slept with her?" I asked bitterly. "Because you figured you'd fail me anyway, so why not grab a few orgasms with your hot teacher?"

  "No! Damnit, Quinn, I love you so fucking much you'll never realize. I texted you I was working late, and Ava came in, and I finally confronted her. Asked why she put me into the expo. We had words, and all of a sudden, she's on me, and I was about to push her away when you walked in."

  I choked on my temper. "She was kissing you, James! Her mouth on yours! I bet there was plenty of time to stop her, or not let her get near you, but you didn't. I saw it!"

  He took a step forward, his hands out in a plea. "Quinn, the truth is, for one moment I wondered if I should let you go. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm gonna fuck up your life. Look at you! You're graduating, with a full-time job, and you're on the road to a successful life. I can't even get through art school, and I'm a trust-fund baby with no skills. Your father hates me. My parents called and let me know I'm an embarrassment to the family because I'm serving fucking coffee to my millionaire friends. I feel like I'm always chasing myself. I'm a loser!"

  "You are not a loser!" I screamed at him. "You're the man I loved, but you did the same thing you did in Key West when you accused me of cheating. You took the easy way, letting yourself believe you weren't worthy of me, like I'm some kind of fucking saint! I thought you changed. I thought you believed in us."

  My voice broke, along with my heart, and I watched him lose it. He threw back his head and yelled a bunch of curse words, as if he realized we were dying right in front of him and there was nothing left to do. My eyes filled with tears, and I was breaking in two, looking at the man who held my heart and had stomped on it because he'd given up.

  "I didn't kiss her back."

  Red hazed my vision. I was reminded of all those weak excuses men used when caught cheating. She didn't mean anything. I was drunk. I never had sex with that woman. "You didn't push her away!" I choked out. "She was right there, pressed against your dick, her lips near yours. Why didn't you push her away?"

  "I froze, Quinn! I kept thinking I was going crazy. She was my teacher, and the key to getting into the expo, which I wanted so fucking bad I didn't realize what she was doing. When she came over to me, I went into shock!"

  We breathed hard, falling silent. The air pulsed with emotional energy. "I'm sorry," he said brokenly. "I don't want her, and never wanted her. It's only been you. I should've told you all the shit going on, but I was trying to handle it and then it became a clusterfuck."

  "Would you have told me about the kiss?"

  My question shot at him like a bullet. He jerked, and his brow lifted while his lips pursed an inch. "Yes."

  "Lie. You wouldn't have told me."

  "What about Brian? Did you keep anything from me about him?"

  Had I? Was I just as guilty, trying to figure out who I was and if James fit into my life? I thought over my reactions and dialogue, and realized maybe I was a bit guilty, too. "I sensed he wanted more than a business relationship between us," I finally said. "He never made a move toward me. And if he had, yes, I would have told you. Everything."

  "Did you ever think about you and him together? What it would be like?"

  I moaned softly, because I had, for a brief time. "Yes. But it wasn't possible. I could never love anyone the way I do you."

  My admission should have made things better, but it didn't. The lies and subtle non-truths between us shimmered like an unscalable wall.

  The fight died in me, and all that was left was ashes. The ashes of us.

  "We can work this out," he said. He took a few steps toward me, but I couldn't bear to get close, not like this. Not when we were so broken. "We love each other. I'll quit the Brush Institute. Find another way. Hell, I'll go to administration in the morning and tell them everything. Pull out of the expo. Work harder on myself. We can do this."

  I didn't say anything. My head hurt and my heart ached, and I just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep so I didn't have to think anymore.

  "I need time," I whispered. "I can't do this now."

  "Okay." He swiped at his eyes, which looked damp, and nodded. "I understand. I just need you to believe me."

  I kept my silence.

  "I love you, Quinn."

  He turned and left me alone.

  Chapter Seventeen

  JAMES

  TWO DAYS.

  She'd left me alone for two days, refusing to answer my texts or calls. I knew Quinn would come back to me when she was ready, but the sick pit in my stomach burned acid up my throat and didn't allow me to do anything but stay at my place. Brooding. Drinking.

  Waiting.

  I went over the scene a thousand times in my head, cursing myself for not shoving Ava away the moment she came near me, instead of just standing there like an asshole. Quinn was right. I'd had my chance, and blew it because all my doubts made me wonder briefly if I should just fuck Ava and free Quinn for good. The knowledge kept me up all night, filled with guilt and a dark fear she'd end up leaving me for good.

  But that wouldn't happen. Quinn and I loved each other too much to let go without a fight.

  As the thought tumbled through my head, a knock sounded at the door.

  I lurched over and flung it open. She stood before me, dressed in jeans, a purple sweater, and boots. Her dark, silky hair spilled over her shoulders in pin-straight strands I adored running my fingers through. Her dark eyes stared back at me, wide and serious, with something gleaming in the depths I didn't want to face. I knew I'd do anything to keep her.

  Anything.

  She didn't speak, just walked in and shut the door behind her. I knew I looked like a wreck in sweats, an old T-shirt, and bare feet. Thank God I'd brushed my teeth.

  "I missed you," I finally said.

  She blinked, her voice soft. "I missed you, too."

  "I've thought about what happened between us, Quinn. Over and over. I know I fucked up in a lot of ways, but I think we'll be stronger moving forward now."

  She swallowed, her gaze dropping a few inches. My heart beat so loud I couldn't seem to hear anything else. "I don't know if I can forgive you."

  I jerked back. Pain slammed through me like I'd just gone a few rounds in the ring. No. No, no, no... "You need more time," I forced out. "You need to realize I didn't know what I was doing. I'm pulling out of the expo, Quinn. I'm done. I'm withdrawing from the school, and I'll move forward and do this on my own."

  "I don't want you to," she said. "I think you need to deal with Ava on your own and make some decisions, but you should not pull out of the show. You worked too hard, you're too talented, and you deserve it. Don't let her take that from you, James!"

  "I don't want anything if I don't have you."

  She choked through her next words. "I'm going to Key West. Alone. I want to be with my friends and have some time to myself. I don't know if I can be with you anymore."

  I knew I should ha
ve been patient and understanding. I should have been the grown-up man I always craved to be, but that dark, raw hunger and need for her rose up from my gut and took over. I grasped her shoulders and pulled her close, my hands tangling in her hair, forcing her head to tilt back. Immediately, I watched her pupils dilate; her lips parted, and I knew she wanted me even then, even when she was disgusted and angry and full of pain. We had a connection that ran deeper than we ever understood, and I shook with the need to show her how good we were together.

  "Don't say that," I ground out. I leaned in so my mouth was inches from hers. "Do you think I'm just going to let you walk out of my life without a fight? I'll do anything necessary to keep you, Quinn. Anything."

  Her eyes lit up with a furious need that mirrored my own. I watched as the spark ignited, knew when the sexual hunger began to burn out of control, mocking anything else but the craving to be naked with each other, entwined, connected in the only way that ever made sense. Her voice trembled. "You think sex can solve this?" she threw out. Her body shook. "I don't think so. In fact, now I know the reason you've held back with me. You were saving it for your fucking teacher."

  I stared at her in pure shock. "What are you talking about?"

  "You used to rip me apart with your need to get inside me. But now you're controlled. Oh, you're a great lover, and can wring a string of orgasms from me, but there's something missing. Now I know what it is."

  Holy shit. She thought my desperate need to control my inner animal was an insult? A sign I wanted someone else? The past few months of how hard I tried to give her what I thought she expected flashed before me, and I finally realized how wrong I'd been. Quinn could take anything I gave her. She probably reveled in the primitive way I claimed her. Of course she'd wondered why I suddenly changed. I groaned in frustration. I tried to explain. "Quinn, I was trying to change for you! It had nothing to do with Ava, or any other woman. You're the one I want with my last dying breath. I didn't want to treat you like an animal! I wanted to give you romance, and passion, and sweetness. I wanted to adore every part of you in the way you deserve."

  "Whatever you want to tell yourself," she tossed out. "I'm done with this conversation."

  In a flash, I realized the only thing to do was unveil my real self again. The man I truly was, dark, and dirty, and possessive. Raw and uncivilized. For her. Only her.

  My grip tightened. "You're not going anywhere," I growled. "You think I'm going to let you fly off to Key West without proving what you mean to me? I'm done with the lies, and pretending to be someone else with you. Someone I believed you deserved."

  "I never wanted you to pretend!" she shouted.

  "Good," I growled, yanking her head back. I lowered myself over her. "Because I'm going to fuck you so long and hard you'll never forget it again."

  "Fuck you!"

  My mouth slammed down on hers, and I was lost.

  Her taste always drugged me, but knowing I could lose her drove me into insanity. I held her as my tongue thrust past her lips, conquering her sweet, wet mouth while I backed her up until she slammed against the wall.

  She fought me for a while, twisting and trying to get away, but I also knew how bad she wanted me to conquer her, how she craved to feel that wild high when I fucked her, so I kept my grip firm and my kiss deep, until she began to soften, trembling beneath me, and then I had her. But I also needed the words.

  "Tell me you want this, Quinn." I bit her lip, and she moaned. "Tell me, or I'll stop."

  She shuddered. "I want this."

  This wasn't about finesse or gentleness. This was about a primitive claiming of man to his mate. I kissed her hard, bruising her lips, soothing with my tongue, and yanked her sweater and bra off. Keeping my knee pressed against between her thighs to hold her in place, I ducked my head and sucked on her nipple. She cried out, arching up for more, and I bit and licked and plumped her tits, drowning in her gorgeous, clean scent, reveling in the smooth silkiness of her pale skin. My mouth never paused as my fingers deftly unsnapped her jeans and pushed them, along with her underwear, to her ankles. She was still wearing her boots.

  Quinn wiggled to kick the fabric loose, but I stilled her, dropping to my knees as I licked her navel, pressing my lips to her mound, breathing in her musky arousal, knowing she'd drip over my fingers with her excitement.

  "I love your sweet pussy," I murmured. "Love how you clench around my cock when I push inside you. Love the way you cream for me and draw blood on my back when you get too excited. You're so fucking beautiful."

  She panted in response to my dirty talk, and I was disgusted with myself for denying both of us the excitement of being everything we wanted in the bedroom. When had I decided to be a nice guy when I made love to my woman? When had I lost my way?

  "I want you to come against my tongue," I ordered.

  "Oh, God, James, don't--"

  "Come hard, Quinn." I pushed her pink lips apart and attacked her pussy, licking at her hard clit with sharp, stinging strokes that pumped her to the edge fast, my fingers curling and plunging into her wet channel, that hot, sweet cunt sucking me in deep and begging for more. She screamed and writhed against my mouth, and I went wild, parting her wider, using the flat of my tongue over her dripping slit, then circling her throbbing clit until I finally closed my teeth around the nub and bit gently.

  She came hard, thrashing her head against the door, and I swallowed every drop, making sure to extend her climax. I yanked off her boots, pulling off her pants and underwear, then stood up. Her hands grabbed at me, halfway drunk with pleasure, but I held her off, shoving down my pants in one quick movement and grabbing her knee. Bending slightly, I hooked my knee under her left thigh and dragged open her legs.

  "Wrap your arms around my neck."

  She did, shaking, and I growled my approval and bit her neck. She shuddered and cried out again. "Hold on tight, Quinn. My cock needs to be inside you, needs to be swallowed whole by your gorgeous cunt, which is all pink and wet and glistening." I pushed myself inside until I was buried deep. My eyes rolled to the back of my head, it felt so fucking good, so tight and hot, squeezing my dick mercilessly.

  "James!"

  "That's right, baby, scream my name, I'm the only one who can make you come like this, aren't I? Now, give it to me, all of it." Hoisting her up against the door, I lifted her high and slammed her back down on my cock. She cried out, and I did it again, lifting and thrusting, over and over, going so deep inside her I didn't know where I ended and she began. I took her like the animal I was, rough and raw, with no finesse or anything tender, and she loved every fucking second of it. Her nails dragged down my back, my mouth bit her neck, and she was coming and screaming against me, and I never stilled my thrusting until I exploded and splashed my semen inside her, marking her for good, marking her as mine.

  Sweaty, exhausted, we sank to the floor in a tangle of naked limbs and clothes surrounding us. I smoothed back her hair, and we tried to catch our breath. Peace settled over me, and a rightness reminding me Quinn was the other half of my soul. I'd never question myself, or us together, again.

  "I never meant to make you doubt how much I want you," I said. "I was stupid. Trying to be a man I thought was better for you."

  She blinked, her face still sad. "I want so much for us," she said slowly. "But the most important is just to be ourselves and love each other. No lies."

  "No lies."

  I smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Let me make you some dinner."

  "No, James. I have to leave. Nothing's changed."

  I stared at her like an idiot. What? Hadn't we just made up? "Quinn, what are you talking about? I thought I made you understand."

  She rolled to her feet and put on her clothes. "You did. But there's still too many doubts. All I can think of is you kissing that woman. It's burned in my memory."

  "I explained that--"

  "I know! I know what you explained, and I know my body weeps for yours! I know I love you more than any
one, and I don't want to live without you! But I still need some time and distance. Sex won't fix it. I'm going to Key West without you. I'm sorry."

  I thought of her, free in Key West, surrounded by her friends, surrounded by temptation. She didn't need me after all. She was strong enough to leave me behind and make it on her own. My gut twisted, and I watched her walk to the door, her chin tilted upward in that move of determination I knew so well.

  "I love you, James. I just need to figure out if it's enough for us."

  She left.

  Chapter Eighteen

  QUINN

  Something had almost broken when I left him last night.

  I wanted to stay. Wanted to weep and take him back in my arms and forgive him. I knew he didn't love or want Ava. Knew it was a stupid mistake he regretted. But there was so much more working beneath the surface, I began to wonder if I was good for him.

  He'd tried to change the core of who he was, in bed and out, to please me. He put me a on a pedestal I never asked for, thinking I was some kind of holy do-gooder meant for gentle hands and sheer adoration. I never wanted that. In Key West, we were equals. We loved each other with an open passion that had no limits, and we never questioned it.

  But Chicago had changed so many things. The everyday struggle at life made our island romance feel like a dream. I knew it was real, the way we felt about each other, but I still doubted our future. I needed some time to regroup, think, and make a decision.

  But first, I was going to have a chat with Brian.

  I headed to New Beginnings and asked Sharon for an appointment. I only had to wait twenty minutes before I stepped into his office.

  "Quinn, I thought you were off this week. Big Spring Break."

  I studied his face for a while. Kind eyes, thick ginger hair, laugh lines bracketing his full mouth. His crisp button-down shirt and khakis cut a figure of competence. Brian was an amazing man. Besides his drive to make the world better, I sensed he had a good soul. Attractive. Mature. Intelligent. I imagined our life together, matching perfectly in all ways except the only way that truly mattered.

  That unknown element that connected two people. I could spend the rest of my life trying to explain it or put it into words, but it was a gut feeling, a sense of rightness in a crazy world. Brian and I didn't have it. Would never have it. The only way I could take the job was if he understood it.