Under an Alaskan Sky

by Jennifer Snow

  He wavered. “No. Maybe... I don’t know. Just give me a sec to figure this out,” he said. He went to leave the room, but then turned back and jumped over the bed to Cassie. He gave her a kiss and held her chin up to look into her eyes. “This is going to be the hard part. We’ll get through it.”

  * * *

  AS SHE DRESSED, Cassie listened to Tank trying to coax Kaia out of her bedroom. “Kaia, come on out, let’s talk about this.”

  “Go away!”

  “No, I can’t do that. We need to talk about what you saw.”

  “I saw you and Cassie in bed together. Pretty sure there’s nothing to talk about.”

  Cassie winced as she leaned against the door frame of Tank’s bedroom. His shoulders slumped as he rested his head against Kaia’s bedroom door. They had a strict “respect of privacy” policy in this house. He wouldn’t go into the room unless invited. If Kaia refused to come out, there would be a standoff through the door.

  Unfortunately, Kaia must have forgotten about the come-in-by-invite-only rule that morning.

  “Sweetheart, I was going to tell you about Cass and me, but you had a lot going on... We were planning to have a chat with you today. We are sorry you found out this way.”

  Very sorry. This situation was tough enough. Now they’d possibly made things even harder. She wished she could regret staying over the night before, but unfortunately, it was exactly the reassurance she’d needed from Tank.

  “Kaia...”

  Silence from the other side.

  Tank glanced at Cassie, shooting her a desperate look. Unfortunately, she had nothing to offer. Which was like a brick to the forehead. Here they were, moving forward with a real relationship, and she was determined to integrate more fully into their lives. She was a role model and confidant to Kaia already, but she was quickly realizing that stepping into a more serious, more permanent role in the little girl’s life wouldn’t be easy.

  Especially now with Montana back. Before, it had been just whether or not she’d make a good stepmom...now it was almost a competition to see if she could measure up to Kaia’s real mom.

  Shit. How had she never considered what it would mean to be a stepmom to Kaia? Had she never fully believed she and Tank would make it that far or had she obviously thought that Tank would still parent and she would just be...Cassie?

  Right now, she had no idea how to deal with the situation and that was speaking volumes.

  Mostly that she was going to have to try even harder. Cassie had always committed to being there for her. Now she needed to prove that her commitment went even further. She didn’t just want to be Kaia’s friend, someone she could rely on, someone who babysat her when necessary and took her shopping or helped with homework. She wanted to be family. To think long-term and plan a future with Kaia and Tank.

  And she wanted to believe that eventually Kaia would want that too.

  Tank turned back to the door, knocking gently. “I’ll give you some time to...process what you saw. But after school, we do need to talk.”

  Silence.

  He slowly walked away from the door, looking slightly hopeless.

  Cassie hugged him tight. “As you said, this was never going to be easy.” But she wasn’t willing to retreat this time.

  * * *

  A FULL DAY of silence later, he was dying.

  Of all the ways he’d been planning on telling Kaia about him and Cass, this was never one of them. Mortified that she’d found them in bed, he was mostly terrified of the psychological damage it could cause her.

  Shit. And he’d been doing so well keeping her from needing therapy as an adult.

  This had to be the longest they’d ever gone without talking to one another. She’d even forgiven him faster that one time he said he could trim her bangs to avoid the cost at a salon and she ended up wearing a baseball hat for a month until they grew out.

  He was going crazy.

  He knocked on her bedroom door just before dinner. “Hey, Kaia, I think it’s time to talk now.”

  Silence on the other side of the door had him sighing. “Kaia, I know we have rules and boundaries in this house, but if you don’t come out, I’m going to have to come in. We don’t ignore problems in this family.”

  Nothing. She was calling his bluff. Fantastic.

  “Okay, I’m really coming in now.” Turning the door handle and stepping inside, Tank caught a chill, as though someone had walked over his grave. Spidey senses tingled as he scanned the empty room. “Damn, Kaia.” Her bedroom window was still slightly ajar. Her safety fire rope ladder hung over the edge.

  The note on her desk had his heart hitting the pit of his stomach.

  Dad,

  I’m happy for you and Cassie. Clearly, she’s the one that matters most to you now, so I’m going to live with mom.

  Love, Kaia

  Jesus, seriously? When had his daughter developed a knack for the dramatic? It seemed like overnight, Kaia had become a moody preteen, and thinking that he now loved Cassie more than her? What the hell had happened to his no-nonsense, mature, practical little girl?

  Montana’s arrival in town and in their lives had happened.

  Frustrated, he reached for his cell phone and started to text Montana, but then stopped, seeing one from her, letting him know that Kaia had arrived at her place safely and that she would call him soon.

  Great. He should be the one with Kaia right now. Talking all of this through, making her feel better... He sighed, running a hand over his beard.

  What was the right way to deal with this? He wanted to drive straight over to Montana’s and bring Kaia home, but was that the right thing? His daughter was upset. Clearly she needed space. Acting like a caveman and forbidding her from leaving the house was never his parenting style... As she got older, raising her would only get more challenging and he didn’t want to push her away.

  So, ignoring his every instinct, he folded the letter and tucked it into his pocket. Leaving the house, he headed straight to the bar. There was only one thing to do while he waited this whole thing out. Those damn darts weren’t going to throw themselves.

  * * *

  “OH MY GOD, what are you doing here? Let’s go get her.” Reed indeed looked ready to kick everyone out of the bar, whether they’d finished their drinks or not.

  And Cassie totally agreed with her brother. She re-read Kaia’s brief running-away letter and looked at Tank in disbelief. Why was he so calm right now? When she’d left his house that morning, he’d been a mess—understandably so—and all day she’d been waiting on an update about how his discussion had gone with Kaia.

  This letter and Tank’s lack of freaking out wasn’t what she’d been expecting.

  “That’s not the game plan,” Tank said, casually stacking beer glasses behind the bar.

  “You have a game plan for this?” If it was up to her, they would drive straight to Montana’s, take Kaia home and bar the bedroom windows until she was thirty. Montana was in town for a month and the little girl was jumping ship already.

  Cassie had felt the intense sting of being replaced in the little girl’s heart, but it couldn’t possibly even come close to how upset Tank must be feeling right now. Leaving him on his own to deal with it earlier that day hadn’t sat well with her, but she’d had work obligations, and with North Mountain Sports Company now open and business across the street booming, she had to pick up the pace on her own bookings and incentives... She couldn’t put all of her hopes into the approval of the jump site.

  “Yes. I’ve been texting with Montana about it...”

  Oh good. He and his ex were working together on this game plan.

  “Kaia arrived safe and sound. She begged Montana not to send her home.” Heartbreak was evident in his voice and Cassie felt horrible that she was partially to blame for the little girl’s running off. “We decided t
o let her stay the night and Montana will bring her home after school tomorrow,” Tank said, leaning against the bar and reaching for Cassie’s hand.

  Cassie sighed, stroking the back of Tank’s hand. “That’s probably for the best.”

  “I hate to be the voice of dread,” Erika said, “but Tank, have you thought about what you’re going to do if Kaia continues to want to spend more time with Montana? What if she decides she wants to live with her mom? For real?”

  “It’s all I’ve been thinking about. I’m not sure what legal rights Montana has, but I’m sure she has some, and if Kaia decides she’d rather be with her...” He ran his free hand over his hair.

  Cassie understood his fear, and she wanted to reassure him that she was pretty certain that wasn’t what Montana would want. After the conversation Cassie had overheard at the North Mountain Sports Company grand opening event, Montana’s real intentions for being there were starting to shine through. Cassie wasn’t sure it was her place to tell Tank...and for Kaia’s sake, she hoped she was wrong, but she suspected Montana wasn’t interested in parenting full-time. “I say we not get ahead of ourselves yet. Let’s just take it one day—one outburst and crisis—at a time. Kaia is angry right now, but I’m sure once she has time to cool off and really think about things, she’ll realize that she’s being hasty,” Cassie said, hating seeing Tank look so unsure. She squeezed his hand tight.

  But his gaze drifted past her and he gently released her hand and straightened as John Cartwright approached the bar.

  “Hey, John,” he said. “What can I get you?”

  “A beer, please,” John said, avoiding Tank’s eyes as he rummaged in his wallet for cash.

  “Put it away. It’s on the house,” Tank said, pouring the pint.

  “I insist...” John put the money on the bar and shifted from one foot to the other while he waited.

  What was going on? The two men were usually bickering about basketball by now. But tonight, John looked uncomfortable and Tank seemed to be taking a long time to pour that beer.

  “Hey... You haven’t been in here in a while. Starting to think you’re trying to dodge me.” Tank laughed, but the look Cassie caught on John’s face confirmed it was true. She looked back and forth between them, feeling a thick tension around them.

  “My loan’s not getting approved, is it?” Tank asked.

  Loan? What loan?

  John sighed, lowering his voice. “I was planning to call you about coming in to the office to discuss...”

  “Now’s as good a time as any for bad news,” Tank said.

  Bad news? What was he talking about?

  “I’m sorry, Tank. We just couldn’t make the numbers work,” John said. “Wish I had better news. I hope you can find another way to buy out Montana’s share of the bar.” He took the beer and headed back toward the pool tables.

  “Thanks for trying, man,” Tank mumbled after him.

  Montana was part owner of the bar? What the actual fuck? When was Tank planning on telling her? Had he been planning on telling her? She stared at him now, but he avoided her gaze.

  He removed his apron and tossed it onto the bar. “Reed, can you watch the bar for me for a few minutes?”

  “Sure thing, man,” Reed said.

  Tank disappeared toward his office and Cassie climbed down from the stool and followed him. This may not be any of her business, but if she was hoping for a future with Tank, he had to stop keeping things from her and avoiding tough conversations.

  He glanced up as she entered and a look of guilt spread across his face. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

  She took a deep breath, unsure of what to say. Up until a few days ago, this really was none of her business, but after opening themselves up to more than friendship, she expected full transparency, honesty... He had to start trusting her. “Why didn’t you?”

  “Because I was hoping I’d get the loan and be able to buy her out and then it wouldn’t matter.”

  He was so missing the point. “Of course it would matter. Tank, obviously you and Montana share more of a connected past than you’ve ever admitted. You two share a child. You’ve admitted to being in love with her years ago...and now she owns the bar with you?” Cassie’s emotions were in a whirlwind. In the grand scheme of things, maybe this shouldn’t matter, but it did. The fact that he didn’t tell her hurt the most, but emotions aside, she had to face the fact that logically, there was every reason in the world for Tank and Montana to be together. Their lives were interconnected in more ways than he’d let on. Kaia wanted her parents to reconnect... The little girl’s running away was a clear indicator that she wasn’t happy about Cassie and Tank acting on their feelings... This was a mess.

  “I’m sorry, Cass. I shouldn’t have kept this from you,” he said, coming around the desk and wrapping his arms around her.

  She folded her arms across her chest. “If we’re going to do this...be in this together, I need you to be open with me. Tell me things, let me in, let me help.”

  He nodded. “I know... I’m trying, Cass. This isn’t easy for me.”

  She swallowed hard. “I know, but this relationship can’t work if you don’t try a little harder.”

  He kissed her forehead and she heard him sigh as the disappointment of the reality of things settled in the air around them.

  “Theo was my father’s name,” he said.

  She studied him. “What?”

  “My full name is Theo Alexander. And no one knows that.” He took a breath. “After growing up in foster homes, I learned not to get close to people...”

  Cassie wrapped her arms around his neck, relaxing just a little.

  “So...when I fell for Montana and gradually opened up, learned to trust and then things ended... I guess it just reconfirmed that the only person I could rely on, count on in life, was myself.”

  She kissed his forehead. “I can’t imagine how tough growing up was for you and I’m sorry you had your heart broken in the past...but I want to know you. The real you. All of you.” She raised her lips to his and kissed him softly.

  “Be patient with me...even more patient, okay?” he said.

  She nodded slowly. What choice did she have? She couldn’t expect him to change overnight. Baby steps were still progress and she just hoped everything started to fall into place soon... The uncertainty and upheaval of their lives in the last few weeks were starting to take their toll on her. “On one condition—no more secrets, okay?”

  He kissed her again and pulled her in to him. “I promise. No more secrets.”

  * * *

  SEEING MONTANA’S NEW Jeep pull into his driveway early the next morning, Tank quickly moved away from the window. He took a deep breath and blinked exhaustion from his eyes. Sleep had eluded him and worry about Kaia and what Erika had said had him going crazy.

  If Montana wanted shared custody and Kaia voiced her desire to live with her mom, what could he do? What did he want to do? He hated the idea of not having Kaia with him and it seemed brutally unfair that Montana could waltz in like some fairy tale and win his daughter’s affections so easily.

  Unfair. So many things were unfair.

  He couldn’t help the bitter disappointment he felt about the bank loan falling through. He’d been putting his hopes on it. He should have told Cassie about the bar, but he’d wanted to tell her when he had good news...that the situation would soon be resolved. He’d wanted to tell her once he was full owner of the bar and that particular tie to Montana had been severed.

  But he knew she was right to be upset. The bar thing was just an example of his struggle with vulnerability, his inability to fully trust and be open.

  He thought he was making strides in that direction, but they obviously weren’t big enough, fast enough.

  He stopped pacing as the front door opened. “Dad?”

  Rus
hing into the hallway, he hugged Kaia tight, any anger or annoyance melting away at the sight of her.

  “Hi, Dad... I’m sorry about leaving without telling you,” she said, the words coming out on a grunt as he squeezed her.

  He glanced at Montana as she entered. Her expression was unreadable, but something was definitely not right. “I won’t say it’s okay, but I understand you were angry. I’m glad you’re back.”

  Kaia stared straight into his eyes as she delivered her next blow. “I’m not back. I’m just here to pick up some stuff, and then I’m going back to Mom’s.”

  Tank blinked.

  Montana looked panicked behind Kaia.

  “I’m sorry...what?” Keep calm. Don’t raise your voice. This is a misunderstanding.

  “Mom said it’s okay with her,” Kaia said, a note of defiance in her tone.

  She what? Tank stood and cleared his throat. “Kaia, could you go to your room for a moment, please?”

  “Sure. I have to pack up some stuff.” She turned to Montana. “Don’t leave without me.”

  Montana simply nodded.

  When Kaia was out of earshot, Tank turned to his ex. “What the hell, Montana? We said one night.” They had a deal. If she thought she could join forces with Kaia against him, they were both wrong. He loved his daughter and he respected her right to a relationship with her mother, but moving in with Montana after only a month was not happening.

  “Calm down,” Montana said. “It was the only way I could get her to come back here. She was furious last night, then she was upset, then mad again... She’s disappointed that you being with Cassie means you won’t be with me.”

  Did that fact also upset Montana? He couldn’t read her, but she looked tired...not her usual vibrant self. “Why didn’t you explain things to her? Tell her that you and I aren’t getting back together. With or without Cassie in my life.”

  Her voice and expression took on an edge. “Look, Tank, I’m not exactly used to this parenting thing.”

  “Exactly why you should continue to just let me do it!” Too loud, too harsh, but the words were out. He meant them. Montana being in Kaia’s life might be good for her, but in what quantity? Certainly not full-time. He knew that now. Not if she couldn’t be honest with the child. Misleading Kaia hadn’t been the right thing to do. “I’m sorry, but you shouldn’t have given her false hope about us...or about her living with you. That’s not going to happen.” And he’d fight to make sure it didn’t. His daughter needed stability and a strong role model and while her mother had a million admirable traits, she wasn’t fully committed to parenthood. She lacked the knowledge and experience he’d gained from years of raising Kaia alone.