Heart Failure

by Chris Zett

  “Yes.” Lena arched into her touch as Jess cupped her breast. “More.”

  Oh, yes. Jess completely agreed. She wanted more too, and now was the time to take it. She explored the pliable flesh with her fingers, and as she grazed the areola, Lena’s nipple hardened. Jess flicked her thumb over it.

  Lena moaned and shifted onto her side, pressing her breast against Jess’s hand.

  Lowering her head, Jess kissed the other breast and licked until that nipple hardened too. She loved the swift reaction and rained kisses on the swell of the breast while she kneaded the tip between her thumb and forefinger. She got lost in the sensual feel of the soft tissue beneath her fingers and the salty taste of Lena’s skin on her tongue. Shivers ran up and down her spine.

  Wait. She stiffened. Not shivers. Lena’s hand.

  Lena’s hand that should have been on the mattress and not on her.

  Obviously, her discomfort showed because Lena stopped. “What’s wrong?”

  To her surprise, everything felt very right, even Lena’s unplanned touch. At least on her back; she still wasn’t so sure if she’d trust her with other areas of her body. “Nothing.”

  She relaxed, and it must have worked because Lena continued her caress with one hand. Unlike the massage earlier, her touch was light, like a breeze cooling sun-kissed skin. Her other hand wandered higher and tangled in Jess’s hair, pressing Jess’s head back to her breast.

  It was as if those fingers were charged with electricity. Sparks ran down Jess’s scalp to her neck. She didn’t resist the directions but only because she wanted it too. Not because she melted again, this time not into the massage table but into Lena. Into her body, soft and firm, curvy and lean, and perfectly responsive beneath Jess.

  Jess continued to kiss and suck and nibble and lick every inch of Lena’s breasts until they were both out of breath. Then she kissed her way down, over her flat abdomen, and let her hands explore the shape of Lena’s hips.

  “Jess…” Lena’s hands gripped her head, either in encouragement or restraint.

  The tug wasn’t painful, but it was enough to stop her. She looked up, even though she couldn’t make out Lena’s face. “Let me taste you.” Jess’s mouth watered at the thought.

  Lena moaned, and the sound vibrated in her belly underneath Jess. “But I haven’t prepared. I didn’t expect…”

  “Nothing to prepare. At least not for me.” Slowly, Jess stroked with one finger from the curve of Lena’s hipbone to her middle until she reached curls already softened by wetness. “Please.”

  “Oh, yes.” Lena released the hold on her head but kept her fingers loosely tangled in Jess’s hair.

  That was all the encouragement Jess needed. She swiftly slid downward, ignoring the sensual glide of smooth skin against her own. If she gave in and explored the sensation, she’d lose her grip on her own arousal and give up control.

  The musky scent of Lena’s excitement flooded her nostrils, and she breathed in deeply. It had been so very long, but had it ever been so amazing? She couldn’t remember and didn’t care. The desire to taste overwhelmed her, and she inserted herself between Lena’s legs and gently pushed them farther apart with her shoulders. She parted the silky curls and slid her tongue all along Lena’s folds to her opening.

  Again, Lena moaned deeply, and the muscles in her thighs tensed. Feeling their power up close, around her shoulders, was even better than the fantasy Jess had of them wrapping around her waist.

  With the next swipe of her tongue, Jess explored the hard bud of Lena’s clit, and she stopped thinking and analyzing. Lena’s sounds and movements and the renewed grip in Jess’s hair were enough to guide her. For once, she didn’t need a plan. She just followed her instincts. Her only goal was to heighten Lena’s pleasure until she panted and squirmed and pressed herself against Jess’s mouth with one last, drawn-out moan.

  Afterward, Jess rested her head on Lena’s abdomen to catch her breath and gather her wits. Only now did she become aware of the aching pulse between her own legs. She reached down with her hand to take care of her need. Already close to the edge, it just took a couple of strokes to climax. She bit her lip to contain a moan.

  The fingers running lazily through her hair stilled. “Jess?” The question behind the whispered word was painfully obvious.

  Don’t you want me to touch you? Lena’s voice echoed in her mind as if she had spoken aloud.

  Jess’s cheeks burned, and she was glad of the darkness to hide her blush. As she had never been one to play dumb, she rolled onto her side with a sigh and scooted upward until she lay next to Lena, facing her. “I… Usually…” She valued directness and honesty, but this wasn’t something she had much experience in talking about. The last few women had been only too happy to follow Jess’s lead. “You don’t need to… It’s better this way. I love giving pleasure.” That wasn’t the whole truth, of course. With the right partner, Jess enjoyed being touched and giving up control. But it had been ages since she’d known someone so well to trust her. And she wouldn’t enjoy it tonight, with her soft body that had lost all attractiveness.

  A featherlight touch on her cheek took Jess by surprise, but she managed not to flinch.

  “Thank you for explaining. I enjoy giving too, very much so, but this is supposed to be fun for both of us. If you don’t want to, I respect that.” Lena brushed a strand of Jess’s hair behind her ear.

  What was it with Lena and her hair? The touch drove Jess crazy, and she almost regretted the conversation they’d had. She’d better leave now before the combination of great sex and continued caresses further addled her brain and transformed her into a purring cat.

  “Thank you. For everything.” She kissed Lena’s lips one last time, lightly to avoid further temptation, and rolled over to stand up. “See you tomorrow.”

  She left the room quickly and closed the door before Lena could catch more than a glimpse of her in the light from the main room.

  After she’d dressed, she looked at the closed door of the bedroom with a sigh. The urge to go back and snuggle up next to Lena was strong, chipping away her resolution. Since when did she feel like this after sex?

  She blew out the flickering candles and left the garden house.

  Now she had to figure out how to sneak in past her mother to shower and change before she retrieved the baby monitor for the night.

  For the first time in years, Lena wanted to pull the sheets over her head when her internal alarm clock woke her. Not because the bed was so comfortable, and especially not because it still smelled like sex, but because she didn’t want to face Jess.

  With a sigh, she stood and went for a quick shower. The massage table and the pile of used towels in the bathroom were visible reminders of yesterday evening’s events. Not that she needed any. The pleasant relaxation of her body hadn’t yet left her.

  The sex had been great. Jess had seemed to know exactly what she liked, and the orgasm had been amazing. But afterward, she’d tossed and turned in her bed. Her mind had been too keyed up to sleep and had run in circles, while her body had wanted nothing more than to bask in the afterglow. And when she’d forced herself to get up to at least blow out the candles, she’d been touched Jess had been so thoughtful as to extinguish them. She’d gone back to bed and thought some more about what had happened—and what hadn’t.

  She’d have preferred to look at Jess and to touch her, but she’d sensed Jess had her reasons, and that was okay. If they were in a relationship, she’d like to work on that with Jess—if she wanted to—but they weren’t. And that was fine. Not only fine, that was what she wanted too. Wasn’t it?

  Lena wasn’t a dreamer who believed in happily ever after just because the princess had tumbled with the maid in the hay. She snorted. Jess would make such a bad princess.

  But she’d grown to like Jess as she’d gained a glimpse of the complex and often sweet
woman beneath the rough surface. And she wasn’t sure in which direction their budding friendship would develop now. Would they awkwardly drift apart, or would they grow even closer? Maybe they’d repeat the sex in a sort of friends-with-benefits arrangement. If that happened, would Lena be able to draw the necessary barrier between friendship and relationship?

  She’d had a couple of friends like that before, but never someone who was so linked to all aspects of her life, from her morning tai chi, to her new job with Jess’s mother, to her living arrangements. Did she trust Jess not to hurt her? And even worse, for a chance to repeat their evening, did she even care about getting hurt?

  She turned the shower to cold and rinsed off the soap. Now wasn’t the time for reveries.

  The morning was pleasantly mild, even though the sun had just grazed the horizon. A smiling Jess was waiting for her at the edge of the clearing. She greeted Lena as if she didn’t have a care in the world, but dark circles under her eyes suggested Lena hadn’t been the only one to lose sleep last night.

  Ella could have been the reason, but Lena suspected otherwise. She was a little ashamed of how much she enjoyed not being the only one affected. Even though she wanted to talk about the consequences of last night, Lena decided it could wait until after tai chi. They could both use some routine and time to center their thoughts and emotions. She answered the greeting with an easy smile of her own and started her warm-up.

  After the session, Jess was the first to speak. “Could we talk for a moment?”

  Though the words were a stereotypical introduction to a brush off, Lena didn’t get any negative vibes from her. “Sure. Do you want to join me for tea on the porch?” The porch of the garden house was tiny compared to the main house, but they’d have privacy.

  Jess nodded and quietly followed Lena. She sat on one of the old Adirondack chairs Lena had found in Maggie’s storage shed and stretched out her legs.

  Preparing two mugs of green tea didn’t take much effort, but Lena kept her thoughts on her actions in the kitchen instead of on the woman waiting outside. When she carried the steaming mugs out, Jess had closed her eyes and tilted her head up toward the morning sun.

  Her mouth held a soft half smile, and the usual lines around her eyes and between her brows had vanished.

  Lena put the mugs on the small table between the chairs and sat. She twirled the string of the tea bag around her finger, and the bag bobbed up and down in the mug.

  Jess opened her eyes before Lena could think of something to say. Today, they shone in the bright blue of the morning sky.

  For a second, Lena regretted not negotiating for at least some light last night. She’d have loved to study Jess’s expressive eyes during the lovemaking—wait. Sex. She meant during sex. She sat up straighter. “What do you want to talk about?”

  Jess mirrored her posture. “I’m sorry I left so abruptly last night, and I wanted to see if we’re still okay. I know I said it before…but…” She blushed but didn’t look away. The fine lines around her eyes had deepened. “I enjoyed last night, but it can’t develop into a relationship. My life is focused on Ella at the moment, on getting my health back, and on going back to work. A relationship isn’t in the plan, and I don’t want to lead you on.” She groaned and rubbed her eyes with both hands. “I’m sorry. This is presumptuous. You haven’t given the slightest indication you would expect more, and why would you? I have nothing to offer.”

  Lena’s first instinct was to comfort. She wanted to reach over, hold Jess’s hand, and tell her how much she could offer, if she’d give herself permission to. Instead, she pulled the teabag from her mug and squeezed it. The hot liquid stung enough to curb her impulse. “It’s okay, Jess. I enjoyed last night too, but I have my own reasons why I can’t commit to a relationship.”

  “Really?” Jess studied her with a questioning gaze.

  Lena didn’t know what the unspoken question was. Did Jess want to know her reasons? She wasn’t sure if she wanted to say out loud what scared her most, so she only answered the verbal part. “Really. But I hope we can still be friends. I’ve come to value our friendship, and I’d hate for it to be awkward when we see each other in your mother’s house. Plus, I need our walks to stay fit since I quit my waitressing job.”

  “Nah, you’re plenty fit. I can vouch for that.” Jess grinned and winked.

  “Ah, we’ve overcome the awkward morning-after phase and reached the teasing stage? That was quick.” Lena leaned back as the last bit of tension drained from her. Maybe last night hadn’t ruined their friendship after all.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Jess sat at the small table beneath the walnut tree while Ella slept in the stroller next to her. She skimmed through the Journal of Cardiology, but nothing caught her interest for long. She wasn’t in work mode at the moment. The sun shone, bees buzzed, and the flowers scented the warm air with late summer fragrances.

  The last week had flown by. During the first weeks of what Jess had thought of as exile at her mom’s house, she’d expected to go mad watching the grass grow. Now she had her routine—tai chi, midday and evening walks, and enjoying every precious moment with Ella, who had grown so much and was already developing the first signs of a personality. Jess couldn’t believe she’d go back to work soon and leave Ella behind.

  No, that wasn’t true. She wouldn’t leave her behind. Millions of parents went to work every day and came home to enjoy their time with their kids even more. Work wasn’t just a means of earning money for her; it was her calling, her vocation. Something she’d always wanted and needed to do. And she was still on track with her plans. Pregnancy and illness might have put her out of the race for most of the year, but she had lost neither the knowledge nor the skill to be on top of her profession.

  Now she needed to go back to the city and prepare the condo. The cleaning service had been through this week, but she needed to restock the fridge and pack up her maternity clothes. She wanted to start with a clean slate.

  “Hey, why are you frowning?” Lena carried two glasses with ice and a pale-green liquid that was probably one of the herbal tea mixtures her mom and Lena loved to create. “Here, Maggie decided we were done for today and sent me to find you.”

  With a grateful smile, Jess accepted the cool drink and sipped it carefully. Mmh, they had added lemon, and the herbal taste wasn’t too overpowering. “I need to drive into the city tonight to get the condo ready for my move back on Sunday.”

  Lena settled on the chair next to her. “Are you taking Ella with you?”

  “No, my mom is going to watch her. Maybe I’ll use this last opportunity for freedom to go out to a nice restaurant. Not something I can do much when I’m alone with Ella.”

  “That sounds like a plan. Are you meeting friends?”

  “No.” How could she explain she’d grown distant from the circle of friends she had before? In recent weeks, she hadn’t missed anyone and wouldn’t know what to talk about with them anyway. She sighed. “I’m not in the mood for any of them. But…would you like to come with me?”

  “Do you need help with moving your stuff and cleaning?” Lena fished a small ice cube from her glass and crunched on it.

  “That’s not why I’m asking. I thought you might like an evening off too. Going out, having some fun.”

  “I haven’t done anything like that for ages.” Lena smiled wistfully. “I used to be too tired to even miss it, but since I started working for Maggie, I don’t feel like dropping into bed at nine dead to the world anymore.” She brushed a strand of her curls behind her ear and nodded. “I’m game. But not too nice of a restaurant. I’m still on a limited budget.”

  With the promise of Lena’s company, the prospect of driving to the city didn’t faze Jess anymore. She drained the glass. “Don’t worry about that. It’s my treat.”

  “No, we’re not dating. And even then, I’d like to be able to pay my
own way.”

  Jess laid a hand on Lena’s thigh before she could think about whether it was a good idea. But removing it now would be weird. Friends could touch like this, right? “And I respect that attitude. But I’d love to go to my favorite place and enjoy your company. It’s not super elegant, but…” How did she politely say it was out of Lena’s budget? She tried a different approach. “They’re big on local, organic ingredients, and more than half of the menu is vegetarian or vegan. I’m sure you’d love it. Plus, I still owe you dinner. Let me take you, please.”

  “You do?” Lena frowned, but then her expression morphed into a smile, and she playfully hit Jess’s hand still resting on her. “Oh, right, you do. You lost the blackberry competition because you wanted to play doctor.”

  Jess snorted and removed her hand after a light squeeze. “That’s what you think playing doctor is about? Maybe I need to show you another meaning of the expression.” Her mouth was dry, and she wished she hadn’t finished her drink.

  “Right.” Laughing, Lena reached for Jess’s glass and stood. “Okay, if you’re going to take me out for dinner in the city, invite me to your place, and show me all about playing doctor, I should shower and change.”

  She was teasing, but Jess’s body hadn’t gotten the memo. A simmering heat burned in her middle that had nothing to do with the sunny afternoon and everything to do with the woman who walked away with gently swaying hips. It looked nothing like the high-heeled walk previous dates had used to gain her attention. No, Lena was absolutely more attractive because she moved her curves in a natural and unpretentious way.

  Jess tore her gaze away and stood. She needed to get ready too, preferably with a cold shower.

  Lena licked the last of the raspberry sorbet from her spoon and gazed at the empty bowl with regret. Sharing the dessert had sounded like a great idea when Tyler, their waiter with a man bun, had suggested it. She could have devoured twice as much and was more than happy to admit Jess had been right; she loved the restaurant. Not only was the food amazing, but the wine was so good she had a hard time deciding if it was better than the one they’d had at the beach house. And the atmosphere was surprisingly relaxed. Yes, the table had a finer white cloth than she’d ever eaten from, and all the guests and staff were dressed up, but a colorful mixture of wildflowers and herbs in intentionally mismatched tiny glass vases brightened up the otherwise minimalistic decor.