Arms of Grace

by Eleanor Chance

  “Not much change. He must have been strong and healthy before the accident to be doing as well as he is. I wish he’d regain consciousness so we can see if, or how much, brain damage he has. Dr. Carter thinks it’ll be severe.”

  “I wish they’d find out who he is. Most people say his parents drowned in the flood, but they haven’t recovered any bodies from the river. You hear about stuff like this but never think you’ll see it in real life.”

  I just nodded, wondering how she’d react if she knew the truth about my “real life.”

  “I have to get back to work,” she said. “I’ll let my department know about the transfer. They won’t be happy. We’re already shorthanded.”

  “If you have any trouble, have your supervisor call me. The department heads are aware that this program is a priority, so it shouldn’t be a problem.”

  She turned to go.

  Before she got away, I said, “Want to get to dinner tonight after work to celebrate? My treat.”

  It took longer than I liked for her to answer. She looked me up and down and said, “Sure, I guess.”

  “Great. Call when you get home. We’ll decide where to meet.”

  “Talk to you then,” Alec said and waved on her way out.

  Alec called that afternoon and suggested an Italian restaurant she liked. I didn’t eat out much, so I was glad she knew a good place. I loved Italian food, but I’d never told Alec that, so it was a lucky coincidence.

  The restaurant was small, but not very crowded since it was a weeknight. I was relieved she hadn’t picked one of those huge, noisy chain restaurants. They usually had the music so loud it was impossible to carry on a conversation without shouting.

  Once we ordered, I took advantage of the chance to find out why she’d come to Richmond. “Can you tell me, or is it too personal?” I asked.

  “It’s not too personal, but it is boring, so you’ve been warned. I was running away from my mother.”

  I laughed and said, “Weren’t you a little old to run away?”

  “You wouldn’t ask that if you knew my mother,” she said and grimaced. “My father was a lawyer and later a California state senator. He’s retired now and writing his memoir, not that anyone cares enough to read it. My mother’s a tenured sociology professor. My parents pride themselves on being part of the Bay Area elite. My two older sisters are more than happy to follow in their footsteps. The oldest is a commercial real-estate lawyer. The other’s a biomedical engineer.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with wealth and success,” I said.

  “There is if you sit perched in your hilltop mansion smugly watching the minions scurrying about below. I’ve never wanted any part of that world. I used to wonder if I’d been switched at birth because I’m so different from the rest of my family. I’d lie in bed at night imagining what my ‘real’ family was like. I look exactly like my grandmother, though, so that ended my hope of being a changeling.”

  I took a bite of bread and chewed slowly before saying, “I know what it’s like to wish you’d been born into a different family.”

  Alec looked up from her plate. I could tell she wanted me to say more, so I shoveled a spoonful of pasta into my mouth.

  She took the hint, and said, “After I graduated from UCLA and passed my boards, Mother interfered to get me that job in San Francisco so she could keep me under her thumb. I took the job to shut her up but immediately began planning my escape. I applied for jobs all over the country. I was ecstatic when I got the offer here. I didn’t know anything about Virginia, but moving here meant I could put a continent between Mother and me. One day I packed my bags and boarded the plane without telling anyone where I was going.”

  “Sometimes running away is the only option,” I said without looking up.

  “My family doesn’t feel that way. Even my friends thought I was crazy for leaving my cushy life. Luxury often comes at a price, and you can’t understand another person’s life until you’ve lived it.”

  I look into her eyes and nodded. No one understood that better than I did.

  Alec stared at me for several seconds before she said, “I probably sound like a whiny coward, but I did what I had to do.”

  The server stopped by the table to ask if we needed anything, and Alec ordered cannoli for our dessert. Even though I loved cannoli, I wasn’t sure how I’d fit it in if I finished the pile of pasta on my plate.

  When the server walked away, I said, “Give yourself credit. You have a right to the life you want. Not many women would jump off into the unknown like that. I admire it.”

  Alec’s eyes widened when she said, “That’s high praise coming from you. Now it’s my turn to ask you something.”

  I stopped with my forkful of linguini in midair, and my gut tightened. I wasn’t ready to open up about my past like she had.

  “What’s happened to cause this change in you? It’s pretty drastic. I couldn’t have pictured us doing this even a month ago.”

  I relaxed and finished chewing. That was a question I could answer. “I lost a dear friend from childhood the same day Johnny was abandoned here. With the hurricane, it was literally the perfect storm.”

  “I remember you saying you’d gotten bad news. I’m sorry I was so abrupt with you, but we weren’t exactly on friendly terms.”

  I smiled at her. “That’s an understatement, but I understood. Can I tell you about my friend? I haven’t been able to talk about him since the funeral. Taking care of Johnny has helped with the grief, but that’s not the same.”

  “I’d like to hear about your friend. What was his name?” Alec asked and seemed genuinely interested.

  “Andrew. He was like the father I should have had.” It felt good to say it out loud. “He got me through some of the most difficult times in my life, and I’ve had difficult times.” I shook my head to chase away the memories and folded my arms. “I owe him more than you can imagine. When he passed away, I remembered lessons he taught me about finding happiness and friendship. He was the best man I’ve ever known. In fact, he’s the only truly good man I’ve ever known.”

  My throat tightened, and I had to stop. I didn’t want to break down in front of her. I looked up when she put her hand on my arm, and I saw compassion in her eyes.

  I took a few deep breaths and said, “After some serious soul searching, I realized how miserable I’ve been and how miserable I’ve made everyone around me. I behaved that way for over twenty years, but that’s not who I was before. I need to let go of past pain and bitterness. Even though Andrew knew my reasons, it disappointed him when I drove people away. I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m starting over. Making peace with you is the first step.”

  “Hic locus est ubi mors gaudet succurrere vitae,” Alec said.

  “Here, death happily serves the living,” I said.

  “You speak Latin?” she asked with surprise.

  I nodded and said, “I studied it while I was in nursing school, but what does that quote have to do with this?”

  “One of my anatomy professors recited it on our first day working with cadavers in the lab. He was referring to people who donated their bodies to science, but I’ve learned that it has a wider meaning. Grief over Andrew’s death could have driven you further inside yourself. Instead, it was the catalyst for positive change. Wouldn’t he be happy to know that?”

  “I know he would be. Thinking about his death like that does ease the pain some,” I said.

  “I’m sorry you lost your friend, Grace, but I’m glad he opened the way for us to become friends if you’re planning to consider me a friend.”

  “It’s what I’d hoped even if I don’t deserve it. That old Grace isn’t who I want to be. When you know me better, maybe you’ll understand why I acted that way, but for now, I hope you can accept me as I am. I have a hard time trusting people. I hope you’ll be patient.”

  “I tend to trust everyone—well almost,” she said and winked. “It gets me into trouble too. We’ll make a g
ood pair, but take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “To new friendship, then,” I said and lifted my glass.

  Chapter Three

  When I got back from dinner that night, I heard on the news that the FBI had taken over the investigation into Johnny’s case. Agents thought they’d found the couple’s boat, but it was an untraceable fishing boat. The rain had long washed away any finger or shoe prints. Even the tire tracks were gone. Officials set up a tip line for any information and offered a reward.

  I walked into Johnny’s room the next morning to find a man leaning over his crib. “Excuse me, may I help you?” I asked.

  He flinched and turned toward me. He looked me up and down, and said, “Who are you?”

  “You first,” I said.

  “Fair enough. I’m Special Agent Grant Erikson.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his credential, flipping it open inches from my nose. “Now, I’ll ask you again, who are you?” He stood taller and straightened his shoulders. He was over six feet tall and had a broad build. He was trying to intimidate me, but he had a friendly face, so it didn’t work.

  “I’m Grace Ward. I’m a nurse here. I’ve been looking after Johnny.”

  He sniffed and stuffed his credential back into his pocket. “Who?” he asked.

  “Johnny. The baby,” I said and motioned to his crib.

  “You don’t look like a nurse. Where’s your uniform and badge?”

  I looked down at my clothes. I’d forgotten that I’d changed into my street clothes after work. I reached into my purse and took out my ID badge and held it inches from his nose like he’d done to me. “I was coming to visit Johnny before I go home. Why are you here?”

  I wasn’t sure he’d answer, but I was dying of curiosity. Maybe they’d found out who Johnny was. Maybe his parents were about to walk through the door.

  “I’ve been assigned to his case. I’ve been here to see him before. You said you’re looking after him. Why? Does he have some relation to you?”

  I decided the best way to answer was to give the simplest explanation. “I was the nurse on duty in the ER when those people abandoned him. I gave the police my statement.”

  “Ah, I thought your name sounded familiar,” Erikson said and nodded. I was surprised he remembered me out of the hundreds of people the police had questioned. “So you actually got a look at the man and woman?”

  “Yes, I did. I gave a description with my statement,” I said.

  “Yes, I read it, remember? Not much to go on.”

  “It happened so fast, and I was more focused on the baby.” I don’t know why I felt I had to explain. I’d always been observant and loved murder-mystery shows. I thought I’d given a good description.

  “I’m not criticizing. Sometimes people remember details after the fact. Probably wouldn’t matter by now. They’re long gone. It’s a frustrating case.”

  “Do you have any leads?” I asked and picked Johnny up, cradling him on my shoulder.

  “I have my own theories,” Erikson said and leaned against the wall. He looked like he wanted to say more but just shook his head.

  When I sat down in the rocking chair with Johnny, Erickson came closer and silently studied Johnny’s face.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “Doesn’t matter,” he said. “We found the couple’s house from a tip, but neighbors say they took off the night of the storm and haven’t been back. We haven’t found anything else that’s useful.”

  “So, what happens now?” I was glad they were making progress, but it sounded like they were still a long way from finding the truth.

  “Johnny will become a ward of the state. If his parents aren’t found, he’ll enter the foster system if he’s ever well enough to leave here. Then he’d be available for adoption. Aside from that, we’ll keep investigating until we have nowhere else to look.”

  The word adoption stuck in my mind. Since that day in the PICU, I’d known that I would do whatever it took to protect and care for Johnny in the hospital, but on some level, I assumed he’d go home with someone else if he survived. If he could be adopted, who better than me to do it? I loved him in a way no one else at the hospital did. The thought of him becoming my son thrilled me. I looked at my poor unconscious boy in his crib.

  “Thanks for telling me,” I said. “Do you have a card so I can contact you?”

  He took a card from his wallet and handed it to me. “Call if you think of anything else,” he said and left.

  I went to Johnny and caressed his silky cheek with the back of my forefinger. He was already mine. I didn’t need a piece of paper to tell me that.

  Life settled into a routine of sorts. I continued to spend every minute I could with Johnny. He was the little angel who had blown into my life and transformed me. I rocked him and sang lullabies that my mother had sung to me. More importantly, I talked to him. I told him things I couldn’t tell anyone, things I hadn’t even told Andrew.

  Work on the ID unit took more of my time away from Johnny than I liked, but I was enjoying the work. Once the program was up and running, the physicians, nurses, and researchers congealed into a cohesive unit. Team members were becoming friends and began socializing outside of the hospital. They often met in the staff lounge after a grueling shift to blow off steam. I was glad to see it happening but wasn’t interested in being a part of it. I watched from the edges, like a lone planet orbiting around them.

  Alec found me in Johnny’s room one day after work. She sat in the chair opposite me and glared. She’d been upset with me for the past few days, but I’d been doing my best to avoid her.

  “Hello, Alec,” I said cheerfully, pretending I hadn’t noticed her frowning at me.

  “Don’t give me that. We need to talk,” she said.

  “So, talk.”

  “What’s going on? Why are you avoiding everyone? What happened to ‘I’m going to change my life and be nice to everyone’? Was that just talk?”

  “That’s not what I said. But I’ve been nicer, haven’t I?”

  “To me. You’re tolerable to everyone else. People are talking. They think you’re a snob or worse, that you don’t trust them.”

  The truth was, I didn’t trust them, or more accurately, I didn’t know them. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to. Being part of their social group wasn’t for me. “I can’t change overnight. I told you it would take time.”

  “But you’re not even trying. You spend all your free time with Johnny. It’s admirable, but you need to be around real people too.”

  “Johnny is a real person,” I said and frowned, irritated at her comment.

  “Fine. But you know what I mean, like grownups who can talk back to you, not a comatose baby.”

  I lowered my shoulders in defeat. “What do you want, Alec?”

  She perked up and said, “Do you have plans tomorrow night?”

  “Yes, with Johnny.”

  “Someone else can take your place for one night. I’m sure you’ll both survive.”

  Not really wanting to know, I asked her why.

  “Caroline, Angela, and Kimberly are coming to my apartment tomorrow to hang out. You know, pizza, beer, and girl talk.”

  It sounded like the last thing I wanted to do, and Alec knew it. “Doesn’t sound like my kind of fun,” I said.

  “What is fun for you? So you don’t drink, but if you want to be part of the adult world, you have to learn to be around people who do. I rarely drink, but it doesn’t bother me if other people do. They’re not going to get drunk. We all have to work the next day.”

  She had made a good point, so I searched for a valid excuse but came up empty. “Fine,” I said, “but do you have to invite Angela? I know she’s part of your posse, but that girl doesn’t know how to think before she opens her mouth.”

  “My posse? Really? But if you feel that way about Angela, why did you want her on the ID team?”

  “She’s good with the patients. She puts them at ea
se, and she has an endless supply of energy.”

  “You could use a dose of comic relief. Besides, I can’t uninvite her.”

  Ignoring her comment, I said, “I’m too old to ‘hang out.’ I could be Angela’s mother.”

  “Not quite, and no more excuses. It’ll be good for you.”

  “I doubt that, but since you won’t take no for an answer, I’ll come. Just promise to leave me alone after this.”

  Alec jumped up and pinched my cheek. “No, I won’t promise. You won’t regret it.”

  I shook my head at her. She obviously didn’t know me very well.

  I had that familiar knot in my stomach for the following twenty-four hours. I tried to back out the next morning, but Alec wouldn’t hear of it. I knew if I wanted to keep her as a friend, I had to go. She’d been great about not pushing me. I owed her.

  I followed the directions she’d given me to her apartment. She lived in a popular, historic part of Richmond called Shockoe Slip. Her apartment building was a converted warehouse in Tobacco Row. I wouldn’t have chosen to live there, but it was a nice area. It was too busy and trendy for my tastes.

  I had bought my house in the suburbs five years earlier. It was easy to keep my anonymity there. I didn’t know any of my neighbors, and I was invisible to them. I was sure Alec knew every one of her neighbors on a first-name basis.

  I stood outside her door for a full three minutes before knocking. I could hear the women talking and laughing inside. I was tempted to turn and run, but then I’d have to explain to Alec the next day. I squared my shoulders, took a breath, and knocked.

  “Grace is here!” I heard Alec shriek from inside.

  Here we go, I thought. She opened the door and hugged me, something she’d never done. I wondered if she’d been drinking. I tried to smell her breath, but she rolled her eyes at me.

  “Stop it, Grace,” she said and pulled me into the room.

  The other three stared at me in dead silence. They’d never seen me outside of work. They must have been thrilled when Alec had told them I was coming. Angela, the impetuous one, was the youngest in Alec’s posse. She had fiery Italian eyes and a brilliant smile to match. The rest of us had made a game out of guessing what her hairstyle du jour would be. Kimberly and Caroline were both thick-haired blondes in their mid twenties, but their personalities were polar opposites. Kimberly was independent and opinionated even though she always conceded to Alec, who was the clear leader. Caroline was reserved but confident. She had a much sweeter disposition than the other three.