Arms of Grace

by Eleanor Chance

  After introducing the segment, she directed her first question to me. “Grace, I’m told you’ve been caring for the child you’ve named Johnny for several months now. Is that true?”

  Easy one, I thought and forced my mouth to form the words. “Yes. Since he has no parent or guardian, I’ve been acting in that role in an unofficial capacity. I was in the planning stages of adopting him when the Department of Social Services issued their petition.”

  Charlotte explained the petition to the camera and said, “Haven’t experts declared him brain-dead with no chance of recovery?”

  “One expert I know has declared that. He’ll be reexamining Johnny this morning. The doctor who’s been treating Johnny since he came to the hospital has had different results. We’re hoping those will be submitted as evidence at the hearing later today.” I said, growing more confident. “Our hope is that DSS will withdraw the petition before the hearing takes place.”

  “So you believe a local physician over a world-renowned expert in the field who ran a two-month research study that included Johnny? If so, why?” she asked.

  My confidence wavered, and I wasn’t sure how to answer. I had no evidence to prove that Jay had falsified his results so I couldn’t mention that. I had no way to prove that Brad was right. Before I could answer, Paul came to my rescue and said, “Johnny has shown drastic improvement since Dr. Morgan filed his initial results. We’re hoping he’ll see that as he does the exam this morning.”

  “I see,” Charlotte said. “But Dr. Morgan said in an interview last night that he did an exam yesterday and saw no change. Would one day make enough of a difference to do another one?”

  Her tone had changed, and she was going on the offensive. Even though I knew the media thrived on conspiracy, I’d gotten the impression she was on our side. I stared at the camera at a loss.

  It was Alec’s turn to rescue me. “Yes,” she said, “it can. Even hours can make a difference, especially with a child this young. Those of us who spend a great deal of time with Johnny have seen him start to recover before our eyes. We’re confident that the improvement will be obvious to Dr. Morgan too.”

  “For the child’s sake, we all hope so too,” Charlotte said, clearly trying to hide her irritation at not having won that round. She turned back to me and said, “I’ve read reports that you’re trying to adopt Johnny because you’re unable to have children. Why have you waited until now to make this step in such a challenging situation?”

  My jaw dropped at that. I was shocked that she had such personal information about me and that she could have gotten so quickly. I shook my head and was about to respond, but Paul waved his hands at her and said, “Let stop there. I have an agreement prohibiting personal attacks on Ms. Ward.”

  “How is that an attack?” Charlotte asked. “I understood that it was common knowledge that you can’t have children,” she said, turning to me.

  “It’s okay, Paul,” I said and squeezed his hand. Turning to Charlotte, I said, “I don’t know how you found that out, but it’s not exactly common knowledge. I’ll answer the question though. It’s true that I’m unable to have children, but that’s only a small part of why I’m doing this. The main reason is because it’s right. For whatever reason, Johnny has no one in this world to care for him. When he recovers, I want him to know that he has someone to love him.”

  “That’s admirable,” she said, “but how will you be able to afford the medical bills on a nurse’s salary? And how do you intend to keep working after taking on such a huge burden? His medical bills must be astronomical, and you’re divorced, correct?”

  Paul started to interrupt again, but I held up my hand to stop him. He threw up his hands in defeat and sat back with his arms crossed. “I am divorced, but I’ve made wise financial decisions in my life and am capable of supporting Johnny. There will also be multiple avenues of assistance available from federal and state agencies. I’ve had time to investigate this and understand exactly what’s involved.”

  “Very well,” Charlotte said. “Now, let’s talk about the allegations made by Dr. Morgan that you’re spreading lies about doctors and hospital administrators. Do you know what he meant by that?” she asked, finally getting to what I knew she’d wanted to ask all along.

  Paul answered before I could say anything. “We have no idea what Dr. Morgan is alluding to. You’ll have to ask him. All we’re concerned with here is saving the life of a child. We believe he’s been misdiagnosed, and we’re doing our best to get that remedied before a tragic mistake takes place.”

  “We’re all behind you in hoping this matter is resolved in the best way for everyone involved,” Charlotte said and wrapped up the interview.

  Her crew was out of there in a flash, and the next one got set up. While they were doing that, I told Paul and Alec that I thought the interview had been terrible and hadn’t done much to help Johnny.

  “I thought it went great,” Paul said. “Trust me, if I hadn’t been friends with the producer, it would have been much worse. Once they edit it and add music and video and photos of Johnny, it’ll be great.”

  Alec nodded, and Adam came up and said, “That went great. Ready for round two?”

  “Sure didn’t seem that way to me,” I said. “I’ll have to take your word for it.”

  The next interviewer asked us to take our places on the sofa, and we started again. The next two interviews followed the same line of questioning, but the third interviewer was much kinder, and I decided to switch to watching his news show instead.

  It was almost eight by the time we were wrapping up. Alec saw that I kept glancing at my watch. “You have somewhere to be?” she asked.

  “I’m dying to know what happened with Jay and Johnny. Let’s go,” I said.

  I thanked Paul and said good-bye to everyone before racing out the door, grateful that we weren’t far from the hospital.

  Alec and I went straight to Johnny’s room, but Jay wasn’t there. I asked around the pediatrics floor, but no one had seen him. It was eight thirty, and I was getting concerned. Jay should have been in and done by then. Johnny’s diaper was wet, and he hadn’t been bathed. I started to do it myself, but Alec told me to go see if Jay was in the cafeteria.

  He wasn’t there either. I headed back to Johnny’s room, hoping Jay had shown up while I was gone, but Alec was still alone with Johnny.

  “I’m going to call him. We were up late last night. Maybe he overslept,” I said.

  The call went to his voice mail, so I tried calling the room directly. Jay didn’t answer. I called the front desk and said, “Dr. Jay Morgan was in room three oh one last night, but he’s not answering. Do you know if he left the hotel?”

  “He checked out a day early, at five o’clock, ma’am,” the desk clerk told me.

  I tried his cell again and then called his house. Alec raised her eyebrows at me, and I said, “I’ll try his office.”

  The phone rang several times and then forwarded to his receptionist. “We haven’t heard from him since he left for Richmond, but we aren’t expecting him until Monday. I’ll leave a message that you called,” she said.

  I turned to Alec and said, “Where could he be? I’m not sure what to do.”

  She finished changing Johnny and handed him to me. “I’m sure he’s in the hospital somewhere. You know how it is around here. No one pays attention to doctors coming and going.”

  Her comment made me realize that he’d have to have help with the tests. I called a few techs, but they hadn’t seen him either.

  “Maybe he’s in Kinsley’s office. They’ve probably got their heads together scheming,” she said.

  I handed Johnny back to her and said, “Stay here.”

  I ran for the elevator and went to Kinsley’s office. I turned the doorknob, not caring what he’d think if it opened. It was locked, so I went down the hall to the boardroom. It was locked too. I sat on a chair in the hall and tried to figure out my next move. In my desperation, I decided to call
Jay’s daughters. The first didn’t answer, but the second picked up. Sherry told me that he had a fishing lodge in the mountains and sometimes went there without telling anyone.

  “The lodge doesn’t have a phone or cell service,” she said. “He goes there when he doesn’t want to be bothered.” She hesitated when I asked where it was. “I’m not sure I should tell you. He told us what happened between the two of you.”

  “Thanks anyway,” I said. “It doesn’t matter now. Please ask him to call if you hear from him.”

  I hung up and went back to Johnny’s room. I updated Alec and said, “I don’t understand this. He promised to be here. Do you think something could have happened to him?”

  “No, other than he chickened out and ran away,” she said.

  “Don’t say that. You weren’t there last night. He was telling the truth. I’m not that gullible, you know.”

  Alec put Johnny in the crib before sitting in the rocking chair. “I’m not saying you are. Maybe he meant what he said last night but then came to his senses. If he’s so brave and honest, why did he go along with the deception after that child’s death in the first place? And look at what he did to you in Baltimore.”

  I turned away from Alec and rubbed my forehead.

  “I’m sorry, Grace. I know you’re scared. You know better than anyone what Jay’s capable of.”

  I sat on the floor next to her and said, “Don’t apologize, and thanks for not saying ‘I told you so.’ We’re all feeling the strain. What are we going to do? The hearing is in three hours.”

  “We need to call Paul and find Brad. This is worse than bad, Grace,” she said and put her hand on my shoulder.

  “You don’t have to tell me. I’ve screwed it all up again. You call Paul and Brad. I have to find Jay. Without his testimony at the hearing, Johnny has no chance.” I got up and faced her. “I’m going to the hotel to see if he left me a message. I still can’t believe he would just leave without saying anything. I’ll meet you at the courthouse.”

  “Good idea. Maybe there’s a simple explanation. Be careful, and call me as soon as you know anything.”

  When I asked the hotel clerk about a message from Jay, she told me that he hadn’t left any messages. She hesitated slightly and looked around before saying, “He did say something strange before he left. When I said, ‘Come back and see us,’ he said, ‘I’ll never be here again.’ I thought he meant to our hotel, so I asked if there’d been a problem. He said, ‘I’m never coming back to Richmond.’ He had a strange look on his face when he said it. Kind of dazed, you know. That’s why I remembered. It was eerie. He walked out after that.”

  I thanked her and went back to my car. I called the hospital again to make sure Jay hadn’t shown up. He wasn’t there. I dialed Paul’s number next. I was ashamed of myself for trusting Jay and putting Johnny in jeopardy.

  “Alec told me what happened,” Paul said when he answered. “This is one time I wish I hadn’t been right, but we can still do some damage control. I hope you aren’t blaming yourself.”

  “Of course I’m blaming myself,” I said, wondering how he could even ask that. “Jay begged me to stay the night. If I had, he wouldn’t have been able to sneak away. Now it’s too late.” I broke down.

  “Don’t do that, Grace. This is all on Jay and Kinsley. We’re right where we were before you went to Jay. Nothing’s changed. I’ve prepared for the hearing. I have copies of Brad’s results, and he’s going to testify. We have a video too. The judge will see reason. We have a good chance, so pull yourself together and come to the courthouse. I’ll fill you in our plan.”

  I agreed to meet Paul to placate him but had no intention of going to the hearing. Even though Paul was optimistic, I had no doubt of the outcome. The limits of my courage were exhausted, and I didn’t have the strength to watch the judge hand down Johnny’s execution order. I left the hotel and drove out of the city needing to get away from the noise and carefree busyness surrounding me. I drove aimlessly on empty back roads for two hours before pulling into a park along the James River. When I turned off the ignition, the dashboard clock read 1:07 p.m., and I had to assume that the hearing had ended. I expected a call from Alec or Paul any second. I wanted to know, and I didn’t.

  I turned the car on and lifted my trembling hand to the radio button. I found a continuous news station and sat back to listen, desperately hoping that Johnny’s story hadn’t made the news.

  The newscaster reported the traffic and weather before the local news started. My mouth went dry, and my heart pounded. I decided I’d rather hear the news from Alec and reached up to turn the radio off, but before I could the newscaster said, “In local news, a judge has approved a petition from the Virginia Department of Social Services to authorize the removal of life support from a fourteen-month-old child in a Richmond hospital. The child, simply named Baby John Doe, has been a ward of the Commonwealth of Virginia since being abandoned in a local emergency room eight months ago. The judge approved the petition based on the medical findings of Dr. Jay Morgan, one of the country’s leading pediatric neurologists, who declared the child brain-dead. Dr. Morgan could not be reached for comment.”

  The walls of the car closed in, and I needed to get air. I stumbled from the car and staggered for ten feet before vomiting onto the asphalt. The mess splattered my shoes and pant legs. I wiped my mouth on my coat sleeve and blindly headed for the river. Even though it was spring, the day was chilly and gray. Patches of frost lingered on shaded grassy areas. I climbed onto a large boulder, oblivious of the fact that I was ruining my best suit.

  I looked out over the tumbling water. This is where it all started, I thought bitterly, remembering police photos of the spot where that couple had pulled Johnny from the river. I imagined my life without Johnny, what it would have been if they’d left him to die. Empty and loveless, I was certain. I wouldn’t have traded the chance to love Johnny, even if it meant losing him.

  I knelt on the rocks and tried just as hard to imagine my life ahead without him. I had changed. I had people who cared about me, but it was Johnny who gave my life purpose. My future rose up as a dark void before me. Sobs racked my body until I feared the pain would tear me apart.

  “I failed him,” I cried, but my words fell on the damp air. What more could I have done? I cursed fate and wept out my bitterness. The pain of loss and past failures flooded over me with this ultimate failure. I got off my knees and stumbled to the edge of the rock.

  The water level was higher than normal from recent rain storms. The cold, muddy water surged by below my feet, and I imagined stepping off the edge. Without Johnny, no one needed me. When Johnny was gone, I would just be in the way. I slid my feet forward another inch and shuddered as twigs and leaves swept by in the roiling river below.

  What I was contemplating went against everything I’d been taught to believe. Even in my darkest hours with Danny, I hadn’t considered ending it all.

  “Are you there?” I yelled to the heavens, praying for the prince on a cloud from my childhood to swoop down and rescue me. Only silence answered. Bile rose in my throat again, so I took three quick breaths and searched my heart for answers. Had finding Johnny been nothing more than a coincidence and not part of some greater plan? If that were true, what would it matter if I stepped from the rock?

  I willed my feet forward, but they didn’t obey. I longed for the freedom that would come if I took that step, but my survival instinct was strong. Through the din of the war raging in my mind, I heard a whisper of a voice carried on the wind. I looked over my shoulder but didn’t see anyone. I scanned the landscape one more time before turning back to the river. I was alone.

  I knew I had to act or I’d give in to instinct and pull away from the edge. I tried to coax my feet to move, but they stayed cemented in place. I leaned forward, but instead of falling, I was yanked violently back onto the rocks. My hip and elbow struck hard. Pain shot through my body and brought me to my senses. A man dressed in a green uni
form lay next to me on the boulder. I scrambled to my feet and backed away.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” I shouted at him.

  “I should be asking you that,” he said and got up, rubbing his shoulder.

  “None of your business,” I said.

  He stepped toward me, and I held up my hands to block him. “Stay back,” I said.

  “I wanted to make sure you’re all right,” he said, stopping where he was and holding his hands up in surrender. “I’m Ryan Poole. I work for the state park service. I saw your car in the parking lot and was afraid someone might be on the river. Looks like I was right.”

  I limped to a tall boulder nearby and leaned against it. I rubbed my hip and noticed blood seeping through my sleeve at the elbow. Ryan asked if he could sit next to me. I nodded.

  “Will you allow me to treat your injuries?”

  Too weak to protest, I nodded again.

  He asked me to remove my suit coat. “I have a first-aid kit on my four-wheeler just over there,” he said and pointed toward it. “Will you come with me to get it?”

  I nodded again and followed him to the four-wheeler. While he gathered his supplies, I took off my jacket and rolled up the sleeve of my blouse. Drops of blood splashed onto my pant leg. I numbly watched the pattern of the spreading stain and wondered why I had followed Ryan. What difference did a few cuts and bruises matter compared to what I was facing?

  He came back and examined my wounds. I took the chance to get a better look at him. He looked my age or a little older. He had short-cropped brown hair with touches of gray at the temples. He had a rugged look but a kind and open face. The muscles in his arms were toned and solid. Definitely an outdoorsman.

  “That’s quite a gash,” he said. “You need a doctor to treat that.”

  I turned away at the thought of doctors and hospitals and began to cry softly. “I know. I’m a nurse. Why did you stop me? Why didn’t you just let me go?”