Arms of Grace

by Eleanor Chance

  Craig’s eyes widened, and he said, “Didn’t Serena explain our wishes to you?”

  “No, this all happened so fast. We haven’t had a chance to talk to her,” I said.

  Craig fidgeted for a few seconds. “I meant everything I said in the hearing, but Kristin and I have decided that it would be best for Johnny if we make a clean break. Seeing you come and go would only cause confusion. I know this isn’t what you hoped for, but it’s about what’s best for Johnny. I’ll give you occasional updates, but that’s going to be the extent of our contact.”

  My hands tightened into fists. I looked at Ryan. His face was red, and his jaw was clenched, which was as much anger as he ever showed.

  “You can’t be serious,” I said. “You’re just going to drag Johnny away to a strange home with strange people and never let him see me again? He’ll think I died!” My voice rose with each word, and people started to stare.

  Ryan took a step toward Craig and said, “You said you could never repay Grace, but you’re doing the opposite. You’re punishing her. She didn’t have to report that call from Mara. She could have kept it secret, and you never would have known what happened to your son. This is how you repay her, by denying her access to him?”

  Craig stepped back. “I’ve been studying child psychology. They say that with a child Johnny’s age, this is the best way to do it. I agree, and it’s what we want. Kristin and I are just starting our lives and family together, and now we have Johnny. We want to do that without outside influences.”

  “You got it from a book?” I said. “A book! Johnny’s not some test subject. He’s a person. You can’t do this to him. To us. We’re not some interference. We’re his parents.” The tears I’d fought all morning won out.

  “Please don’t,” Craig said. “I’m sorry. Maybe when Johnny’s older. Give us time. You’ll have a grandchild soon. He’ll fill the void left by Johnny.”

  “No, no. You can’t do this us,” I cried.

  Ryan put his arms around me and gently pulled me back. “We’ll respect your wishes, but you’re making a big mistake. I don’t how you can do this to us.”

  Craig’s lip trembled, but Kristin stood by him, emotionless. “We gave it a lot of thought. We believe it’s for the best,” he said.

  Craig slowly turned and gripped the stroller handles. He gave us one last look and pushed Johnny out the door. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to wake up and find out it had only been a nightmare. Johnny was gone. My baby was gone, and I’d never see him again.

  Ryan got me out of bed a month later and told me I’d moped long enough. He said it was time to go out and discover my next adventure. I decided to treat myself to breakfast at Juliana’s and a day of touring museums. He thought a day in the city was just what I needed and even offered to come with me, but his eyes glazed over at the thought of spending hours strolling through museums. I let him off the hook and went alone. I needed solitude. I had a lot to figure out. Ryan said his next adventure was to start cleaning out Johnny’s room and turn it back into an office. I was sure what he meant was to turn it into a man cave.

  It was a beautiful spring morning and reminded me of the day I’d gone for my walk when Johnny was taken off life support. I’d been certain that was my last day with him, but I’d been blessed to have him for another whole year. At least the second time he’d gone with his father, who loved him and wanted the best for him. Life without Johnny would be a long, difficult adjustment, but I could survive knowing Johnny would be loved.

  After breakfast, I drove to the canal walk and found the spot where Ryan had proposed to me. My first step to recovery was reminding myself that I wasn’t alone and that I had the perfect man to spend my life with. I teared up as I remembered the joy I’d felt that night and pledged to find my way back again. Ryan had given me so much. He deserved a life of joy too.

  My next stop was the Virginia Historical Society. I hadn’t been there in years, and they were hosting an exhibit I’d wanted to see. I took my time, reading each placard and sign. As I walked to my car four hours later, I turned on my phone to check my messages. There were three texts from Ryan, one wishing me a good day and two asking me to bring dinner home and where were his glasses? I grinned at that last one. Ryan was an intelligent and capable man, but he couldn’t ever keep track of anything.

  The next text was from Serena. It read, “Get to my office NOW!” She had sent it forty-five minutes earlier. Serena was generally so reserved, so her text had me concerned. I texted back that I was on my way and drove to her office.

  I made my way from the parking garage to the street as fast as I could. When I was a block away from Serena’s building, I heard someone call my name. I looked around but didn’t recognize anyone on the busy street. I started walking again but only made it a few steps when someone yelled, “Grace!” I turned to see Craig Stuart rushing toward me through the crowd. I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and waited for him to reach me. Without a word, he took my arm and led me into an alley.

  I pulled my arm free. And backed away. “What are you doing here, Craig? You’re supposed to be in Albuquerque.”

  Craig put his hands on his knees to catch his breath. Without looking up, he said, “It didn’t work. It didn’t work out with Johnny.”

  “What are you saying? Why were you chasing me down a sidewalk?” I asked, trying to understand. “How did you find me?”

  Craig leaned against one of the buildings and slid to the ground. He rested his head in his hands and said, “I’m saying that I’m giving Johnny to you. He’s miserable. He cries all the time and won’t sleep. He’s exhausted. I’m exhausted.” He started to sob.

  “He just needs time. We warned you this could happen. He doesn’t understand. Just give him time.”

  “He calls out for you all day. You’re his mother. He needs you,” he said, trying to get control.

  I imagined Johnny confused and not understanding why I never came when he called, and my heart ached. “Let me go back with you and stay until he’s settled. He’ll get used to you, just like he got used to being in the hotel. You shouldn’t have taken him away so abruptly. He wasn’t ready.”

  Craig looked up and said, “No, you don’t understand. Kristin threatened to leave if I keep Johnny. She never wanted this, never wanted him. She was too afraid to tell me when she saw how happy I was that Johnny is alive. I thought my long nightmare was over. I never considered Kristin’s feelings. She didn’t sign up for a handicapped two-year-old when she married me. She wants to focus on our baby and others to come. She doesn’t want Johnny.” He broke down again.

  Tears rolled down my face as I watched him. How could anyone not want Johnny? It was inconceivable to me. “So you’re choosing Kristin over Johnny, your own flesh and blood?” I said.

  His shoulders shook, and I regretted what I’d said. He was in an impossible situation. As much as I wanted Johnny back, I hated witnessing Craig’s misery. I wondered how different things would have turned out if Mara had called six months earlier.

  “I’m sorry, Craig. That wasn’t fair,” I whispered. “Just give them time. He’ll forget me. Kristin’s his mother now. He’ll come to love her in time, and she’ll love him.”

  He climbed to his feet and wiped his face on his shirt. “She’s not a bad person. She’s not. This has all been so overwhelming. We hadn’t planned to have children right away, but she got pregnant. We’re happy, but when this happened, Kristin got overwhelmed. I love Johnny. I see my Samantha every time I look at him.” He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a photo. “This is her. Here, you take it. Give it to Johnny when he’s old enough.”

  I studied the picture, and Johnny’s eyes looked back at me. He had Samantha’s coloring and blond hair too. She was beautiful.

  “We had a hard time getting pregnant. Samantha had two miscarriages. We walked on eggshells through her pregnancy with Johnny. She made it to term and went into labor while I was at work. She cal
led an ambulance, but the paramedics found her in a pool of blood by the front door. The placenta had ruptured. They kept her alive long enough to deliver Johnny. I went straight to her when I got to the hospital, but it was too late, too late to say good-bye. By the time I got up the strength to tear myself away and go to the nursery, Johnny was gone. The first time I saw him was in Serena’s office.”

  He said the words in monotone, as if he’d spoken them a thousand times and was weary from the telling. I wanted to hold him, to take his pain away. Tragic, I thought, recalling Agent Michael’s words.

  “If you do this, Craig, there’s no going back. You can’t do this to me again, but we won’t shut you out like you’ve done to us. You can be a part of Johnny’s life, as much as you want,” I said.

  Craig reached into his other pocket and pulled out an envelope. He shoved it into my hand and said, “No. When I leave here today, you’ll never see me again. This is the paper permanently relinquishing my parental rights. Judge Brackman has agreed to reinstate the adoption. Johnny’s your son now, forever.”

  I stared at the paper in my hand and said, “You don’t have to do this. You can still be a part of his life. Come visit as often as you want. We won’t shut you out. It doesn’t have to be either-or.”

  Craig looked up, and I saw a glimmer of hope in his eyes. “When Johnny’s older, tell him about me. Tell him I love him. Tell him I left him because I love him. Call me when he knows, and I’ll come.”

  I nodded and smiled at him. “Where is Johnny? What have you done with him?”

  “He’s with Serena. She told me you were on your way. That’s how I found you. Take Johnny home. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve caused. Forgive me,” he said and stumbled off toward the street.

  I clenched the paper in my hand and ran to Serena’s office. Johnny was on her lap, and she was reading his favorite book to him. When he saw me, he lifted his arm and cried, “Mama.”

  I lifted him up. “That’s right, my little man. Mama’s here, and it’s time for us to go home.”

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  To Mike, my extraordinarily patient, supportive, and loving husband, partner, and friend

  Acknowledgments

  Thank you to my family for putting up with this indulgent dream of mine. I couldn’t have done it without your continued love, support, and motivation.

  Thank you to my friends, who were sometimes more excited about this than I was. I feed off your energy, and it strengthens me in times of doubt.

  Finally, thank you to all the editors, doctors, nurses, lawyers, and social workers for taking the time to talk with me and teach me. Your assistance was invaluable.

  About the Author

  Eleanor has been an avid reader since she was five years old. This has fueled her life-long passion for writing stories about discovering joy in the midst of trial and conquering our flawed natures. She cherishes books that inspire her writing and her life and aspires to create that same experience for readers.

  Eleanor has lived in five countries and currently resides in the Williamsburg, Virginia area with her husband. She is the proud mother of four grown sons and Nana to one amazing grand-darling.

  Eleanor loves hearing from readers. You can connect with her at:

  www.eleanorchance.com

  or

  eleanor@eleanorchance.com

  Copyright © 2019 Eleanor Chance

  This is a work of fiction. The characters, names, places, incidents, and dialogue are either products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real or are used fictitiously.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form whatsoever without prior written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief passages embodied in critical reviews and articles.

  Published by Darlington Publishing, Williamsburg, VA

  Ebook ISBN - 978-0-9981274-4-6

  Paperback ISBN - 978-0-9981274-2-2

  Hardback ISBN - 978-0-9981274-3-9

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2019938385

  LCCN Imprint Name: Darlington Publishing