Always a Bridesmaid

by Cindi Madsen

  Violet had laughed and picked the first one.

  With Ford’s thigh resting against hers, her resolve cried for help. She considered ignoring it and surrendering to the urge to rest her head on his shoulder.

  Then Addie stepped out in a mermaid gown.

  While Violet was happy to lend her expertise, she had her limits, so she’d steered clear of that particular style. Addie hadn’t mentioned liking them, anyway.

  But that dress… Violet was tempted to slap a hand over Ford’s mouth before he said anything stupid, because Addie looked stunning. The fabric might be busier than the bride-to-be would’ve chosen herself, but the gown highlighted every one of her assets.

  If you don’t stop holding your breath, you’re going to pass out.

  Addie stepped onto the pedestal and spun, showing off the ruffles that began mid-thigh and cascaded into a court train.

  Lexi once again beamed, and Violet couldn’t fault her for picking the dress. It was so close to the triple-starred dresses in her binder. In fact, she suspected it was from the same designer she’d followed for the past five years. She’d almost put a similar dress on hold last year, back when she still believed Benjamin’s someday promises.

  “Damn, Murph. Who knew you had an ass like that? From a guy’s perspective, I approve. Shows off your figure, and I’ve always been an ass man.”

  A light blush pinkened Addie’s cheeks before she pivoted to face the mirror.

  Why did it sting that Ford approved of the dress Violet would’ve picked for herself?

  Being in the bridal shop was messing with her head, fuzzying up her thoughts, and she hated that she couldn’t just be happy for Addie.

  And she truly was. By just be happy, Violet more meant why did complicated emotions like agony and mourning come along for the ride?

  It prompted thoughts of what else she’d lost. A future involving vows and babies and the knowledge that, in spite of her faults, someone loved her for her.

  Someone chose her.

  A fissure formed in her heart, as if proving there’d always be a piece missing, and she had to blink triple time to stick to her no-crying decree.

  “I do think it’s beautiful,” Addie said. “But I look in the mirror and see…not me. It’s like peering at a stranger with my face, and I’m not sure what that means.”

  Lexi circled her, cell phone out and snapping pictures. “You don’t have to decide right now. Keep it in mind as you try on the rest, and I’ll have these photos to help us compare.”

  The following two gowns were a no go, and then Addie came out in a halter-top dress that made Ford say, “Whoa, Sarah Connor. That one shows how ripped your arms are.”

  “Does it give off the impression that I’m going to be the one carrying Tucker down the aisle, though?”

  They all swore it didn’t, and after debating over how lacy the bodice was, she added it to the maybe pile.

  Finally, Addie came out with Violet’s number-one pick.

  The tiniest bit of vertical ruching made up the pure white top. The dress flared around the upper thigh and ended in a puffed skirt that landed at calf height.

  Violet wrung her hands, awaiting Ford and Addie’s jokes about grabbing the iron again.

  Instead, Lexi sucked in a breath and Ford sat forward.

  Addie stepped onto the pedestal and grinned at her reflection. Then she turned to face them and ran her hands down the skirt. “Well?”

  During the many times Violet had been involved in this part of the process, there was just something different that happened when a bride-to-be put on the right dress. The air changed, as if it and everyone involved had been enchanted, and most of the commentary went silent, when you’d think it’d be the opposite.

  “I’m gonna have to kick my own ass later for saying this, but that’s the one. You look…” Ford’s forehead creased as if he were searching the contents of his brain for the right word. “Like you, but pretty.”

  Violet pinched his arm and widened her eyes at him. His statement about it being the one had caused a fluttery, tingly rush, but then he’d added that last part.

  “Not that you’re not normally pretty. I just mean… Hell, I said it was the one. What more do you want?”

  Addie laughed. “I get you. That’s how I feel. It’s like an upgraded, fancier version of me.”

  “And I had this idea that you can take or leave…” Violet kicked off her scuffed purple Vans and placed them at Addie’s feet. “You could order yellow Chucks to match your colors. It’d also be super cute if your fiancé and the rest of the wedding party wore them, too. I’ve shot photos where people did that, and it’s insanely cute.”

  Addie stepped into the Vans, remarking they were the same shoe size. Her grin stretched to a whole new level of joy as she studied her reflection. A euphoric haze filled the room and swelled inside of Violet, and she reached for her camera out of habit before remembering yet again that she no longer carried it everywhere.

  Lexi already had her phone out, taking pictures, which would suffice.

  After Addie returned to the fitting room to change into her regular clothes, Ford stood. “Ladies, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta take a leak.”

  Violet began tidying up the dresses that’d been set aside. She paused on the mermaid-style one. Her heart knotted as she traced the intricate design on the bodice, the longing she’d claimed to be rid of rushing forward to out her.

  “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your help,” Lexi said to Violet once the consultant left to ring up Addie’s dress.

  “Even though I told her she can wear Converse sneakers?”

  “I forced her into heels for my wedding and still haven’t heard the end of it, so that’s a spot of genius. It fits her. You managed to pinpoint her style in a handful of minutes, which made me realize I’ve been asking all the wrong questions, thus the nonanswers.”

  “I’ve done this seven times. I’m kinda an expert.”

  Lexi slung one of the other gowns over her arm. “More than just playing bridesmaid or even taking photos. Considering the binder, I’m guessing you’ve planned a few weddings.”

  “I did plan one.” Violet attempted to exhale her conflicted emotions over the subject and charge on. “Mine. My ex continually assured me we’d get married someday, but he didn’t actually mean it. In the end, he played me for the fool I was.”

  Sympathy softened Lexi’s features. “I’ve been played before. It doesn’t mean you’re a fool.”

  “I appreciate that, but I definitely felt like one when I found him with another woman at Maisy’s wedding. They tied the knot the same day I started that stupid fire in the bakery.”

  Lexi put her hand on Violet’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

  Violet separated the mermaid gown from the others. “This was the dress I kept coming back to, no matter how much everything else changed. Over the past six months, I’ve rehashed our relationship way too many times, trying to find the signs I missed.”

  Embracing her fanatical, binder-creating side, Violet draped the mermaid gown over herself and glanced in the mirror. Even if she hadn’t been indulging in too many sweets at the bakery, she would still require a larger size. “One time, when I goaded Benjamin to set a date so I could book the venue, he told me ‘I thought you wanted to lose twenty pounds before the wedding.’”

  “That asshole!” Lexi slapped a hand over her mouth. “Oops. While I don’t stand by my colorful language, I stand by the sentiment.”

  “In all fairness, I had told him that.”

  “In all fairness, he’s still…” She leaned closer and whispered. “An asshole. One that obviously didn’t deserve you.”

  Violet shrugged, as if it weren’t a big deal she’d lost her belief in finding that special someone.

  So what are you doing letting yourself get s
wept up in sweet gestures from Ford?

  Ford might be charming, funny, and a hero to boot.

  The settling-down type, he was not.

  Which was why, no matter how much she enjoyed spending time with Ford, she should raise her shields before she ended up hurt again.

  Chapter Eleven

  Ah, shit.

  Ford had come back from the bathroom to see Violet in front of the mirror, a wedding dress over her clothes.

  A mere moment ago, he’d been ruminating on how much fun he’d had sitting next to her, remarking on gowns of all things. Affection had tightened his chest in a not-altogether-unpleasant way as she’d helped out his best friend, and he’d seriously considered following Addie’s advice.

  If there were anyone he’d be inclined to attempt a full-blown relationship with, it’d be a woman like Violet.

  So why not Violet?

  Because she has a fucking wedding dress over her clothes and is after someone to walk her down the aisle.

  Dating was one thing. Marriage was a whole different ball game—one he’d determined wasn’t for him. Say he could open himself to the possibility of more than casual, it’d still be a while before he’d be willing to move past the practice stage.

  Along with the nerves gnawing at his insides, his heart thumped a million miles an hour, affirming it agreed.

  The only thing keeping him from fleeing the scene—’sides Murph, of course—was the last snippet he’d overheard. Her ex implied she needed to lose weight before he would marry her?

  Not that Ford was volunteering for a stroll down the aisle, but what a prick. An ignorant prick at that. How dare someone behold those killer curves and request less of them.

  As he’d stated earlier, he’d always been an ass man, and Violet’s was perfection.

  He cleared his throat as he approached, and Violet quickly shoved the dress at Lexi. Her confusion lasted half a second, and then she placed it with the other dresses.

  Violet leaped from the pedestal instead of stepping down, so she must be getting antsy. “You survived your first wedding dress shopping trip. What are you going to do next?”

  Run.

  Or maybe hop on the dating train and enjoy the ride while it lasts.

  Except he didn’t want to be another jerk who hurt her, accidental or not. “Get back to work, I guess.”

  “And here I assumed you were the kind of guy who knows how to celebrate.”

  “He needs to be retaught,” Addie said as she exited the fitting room in her usual clothes. She and their group headed to the front of the store to wrap things up.

  The consultant had rung up the dress but suggested other items Addie might want to add: a strapless bra and the slip they’d originally thought was a dress. With each item she rattled off, Ford’s skin became itchier and itchier. He scratched at his neck and then headed outside in the name of fresh air.

  At long last, the women exited the shop, carrying bags he relieved them of. He placed the bags in the trunk of Lexi’s car, and it hit him that he and Violet now had a drive ahead of them.

  It’d be easier to evade her gravitational pull if he avoided her.

  Not that it was a stellar plan, given how small Uncertainty was, but she’d managed to duck him well enough. If only asking her how wouldn’t hurt her feelings.

  Violet rocked back on her toes. “I figured I’d ride with Lexi and Addie, since you have to get back to work.”

  The mutinous bastard in his chest twanged, the reverberations traveling through his entire torso. He swallowed hard, employing the poker face he had down pat, thanks to countless games with the gang. “That’d save me some time. I appreciate it.”

  Violet wrapped her arms around herself, and he’d swear she was offended.

  Ma had been hot and cold like that. Tell Dad one thing and be mad whether he agreed or disagreed. As if she were thirsting for a fight. Or an instance to later use against him.

  Whether Violet was playing games, testing him, or as sensible as a soup sandwich, he didn’t have the time or energy for this.

  “See you around,” Ford said. But after realizing the only place he and Violet could go was nowhere, he’d do his best to make sure he didn’t.

  …

  The scenery morphed from cityscape to green trees that met blue skies.

  Violet bounced her knee, her thoughts volleying between relief and regret. While Addie and Lexi were perfectly nice travel companions, she missed the woodsy scent that filled Ford’s truck. His easy jokes. His deep voice…

  Staring at his stupidly handsome profile and experiencing butterflies whenever he glanced her way.

  “You still alive back there?” Addie peered between the bucket seats.

  Violet slid her fingers along her seat belt, the bouncing of her knee creating a rustling noise. Stopping meant her restless energy would have nowhere to go. Then she’d be eyeing the door handle and considering a Charlie’s Angels roll onto the highway.

  And she asked a question. “Sorry. I get lost in my thoughts.”

  “Let me guess…” Lexi caught her eye in the rearview mirror. “You’re wondering if you made a mistake getting in the car with us instead of going in the truck with Ford.”

  “No. I was hoping to get to know both of you better.”

  “That explains all the questions you’ve been asking,” Addie teased, light enough Violet couldn’t be offended.

  “It’s just that you and Ford seemed to have a vibe,” Lexi said. “And if I’m not mistaken, you told me about your failed nuptials and then ran from him.”

  “Failed nuptials?” Addie asked, and Lexi winced.

  “Sorry.”

  Violet swiped a hand through the air. “It’s not a secret. I talked to all my friends about my wedding, we planned several versions, and I ended up holding the short end of the stick. Benjamin didn’t even propose, so it’s not like I have an epic story about being jilted at the altar.”

  “Wouldn’t that be worse?” Addie asked.

  Both Lexi and Violet hmmed.

  “Yes and no,” Violet said. “While I did foolishly plan an entire wedding, at least I wasn’t discarded in front of my family and friends. Fancy dresses and fairy-tale setting aside, the vows are what I truly want, so I guess being stood up day of would’ve hurt worse.”

  Like a scab that’d been picked, the wound in her heart throbbed to life once again. Fainter than it used to be but far from fully healed. “But it hurt enough.”

  “Lexi’s better at the pep-talk crap, but I’m sorry, Violet. That guy sounds dumb as a doorknob.”

  Naturally, her mind flashed to the day she told Ford she’d gotten to first base with his doorknob, and he’d replied, Lucky doorknob.

  “What Addie means is, I soften it when I call people on their crap,” Lexi said with a laugh. “The rest of the group are tactless and blunt. Once I got accustomed to it, it was rather refreshing.”

  “Wait.” Violet ran her fingers through her hair. “Who decided doorknobs are the dumbest of knobs? Are there even other kinds of knobs?”

  Both Addie and Lexi opened their mouths, looked at each other, and burst into laughter.

  “I like where your head’s at,” Addie said.

  “You mean lost in an earlier subject?” Violet picked at a stray thread on her jeans. “The truth is, after everything happened with Benjamin, I decided to give up men.”

  “Oh honey, I gave them up for Lent once, and it was the worst forty days of my life.” Lexi hit her turning signal. “And that doesn’t make me weak. Technically I discovered I could live without them, but I’m a fan of sex on the regular and a hot man to cuddle with at night. The experience did give me time to reflect, though…”

  After checking her blind spot, Lexi merged onto the smaller, cracked highway that would take them to Uncertainty. “I had this ideal
man in my head, but after dating too many self-centered duds, I realized I’d been wasting my time on the wrong guys. That’s why, when I met my Will, I gave him a shot, despite my belief that a country-boy schoolteacher—even one hotter than hell and half of Georgia—wouldn’t be my type.

  “But boy did Will Shepherd prove me wrong.” Lexi’s voice turned as dreamy as her expression. “And he continues to do so every single day.”

  The flame that burned inside Violet—the one she couldn’t quite snuff out—craved love stories with happy endings and wanted more fuel for the fire. “What about you and Tucker, Addie? How’d you guys meet?”

  “I don’t even remember my life without him,” Addie said. “We grew up together, got into loads of trouble, and earned our reputations as hooligans. I used to get so mad when he treated me like a girl, and then one night, I wished he’d see me as one. After a drunken flirting session where I embarrassed the pants off myself—”

  “Literally,” Lexi added, “since I’d forced her into a dress.”

  Their laughter mixed together, and Violet experienced a contact-happy high, same as she’d gotten from their tales of romance. The two of them rehashed memories and explained how they’d become friends.

  “Here’s what you should take away from those stories, Violet.” Lexi slowed as they passed the sign welcoming them to Uncertainty. “One, that I’ll force my friendship on you, so do yourself a favor and accept it now.”

  “Two,” Addie cut in. “Her head was obviously full of stump water when she asked me to help plan her wedding.”

  Lexi raised her voice over Addie’s. “Three, when life throws you a curveball, you might want to catch it.”

  Both of them looked at Violet, so apparently it was her turn to reply. “Oh, I’m not much for catch. Balls just hit me in the face, and two seconds later I try to get my mitt up.”

  The girls erupted in giggles, and Violet found herself giggling as well.

  “How about this, then?” Lexi asked. “Three, country boys are sexy, and I think Ford was upset you didn’t ride back with him.”