by Amy Davies
He sighs and walks over to the couch, where he sits down and kicks his feet up on the coffee table before switching the TV on. He leaves me standing there, with my thoughts running around my head.
It’s Zarah’s fault I’m here. She begged me to stay with him, said she would sleep better tonight if she knew I was safe. And she knew I would be safe with Ace. I take a deep breath and sit on the other side of the sofa from Ace. He’s watching some cooking programme on Netflix, something about not being able to cook.
We don’t speak.
He laughs a few times and my head keeps snapping in his direction, because when Ace smiles or laughs, it brightens up his entire face.
The show finishes and I look down at my phone clutched in my hand, checking the time. It’s just past midnight. I yawn and climb to my feet. I bite my lip because I know what I have to ask, and I’m not sure I want to hear the answer.
“Umm, Ace, I’m kind of tired and want to go bed. Which room am I in?” The TV flicks off and Ace stands. He turns and walks towards the stairs, without a word to me. I close my eyes and will the stupid tears to stay hidden. I shouldn’t be this upset over him not talking to me, right? I told him that we can’t happen, so he is giving me what I want. But I can’t stop wondering why he’s stopped fighting for this to happen between us. Why now?
I follow him up the stairs and see only one bedroom door is open, and Ace is standing in the doorway in just his jeans. He’s taken off his socks, boots and shirt.
“Ace, which room am I in?”
“This one,” he states without turning to face me.
“Wait—what?” I stammer.
“I said you’re staying in my bed with me. You don’t come into my house and sleep in another bed.” He did not just say that. I can’t sleep next to him.
Oh, God.
My heartrate spikes and I start to panic. I haven’t shared a bed with a man since Gary. My vision gets blurry and my breathing is coming in short, fast pants. My knees go weak, but Ace catches me before they completely give out.
“I got you, baby. Just breathe for me. In and out. In and out, that's it. Good girl.” His voice is calming and soothing. My breathing settles and I see that I’m in Ace’s lap in the middle of the bed. He’s leaning against the large, wooden headboard.
I raise my head up and take in Ace’s worried expression. Without thinking, I lift my hand and smooth the creases between his eyebrows.
“Don’t frown. You’re too handsome for that.” My words must make him happy because he smiles and leans in to kiss me. This time I let it happen. I slide my hand around his neck and feel the short hair under my fingertips.
Wow, he can kiss.
He makes me forget all the bad that has happened—not only today but over the last few years. I lose myself in the touch of his lips, in the way his tongue mates with mine. I feel his hands slide up and down my thighs and find myself hating the jeans I’m wearing.
My skin is heating up, but then Ace speaks, and it’s like an ice-cold bucket of water is poured over me.
“Fucking hell, sweetheart, you’re a fucking blessing to me.” I freeze and pull back. My body jerks from his and I clamber off the bed. I shake my head back and forth making myself slightly dizzy. I know my hair looks crazy right now, but I don’t care.
“Ana, what—” I stop him.
“This cannot happen,” I scream, and wrap my arms around my stomach, somehow trying to protect myself.
“Why? You know I want you, and I know you want me. I will never hurt you, Ana. Fuck. Tell me, why? You never open up to me. You never talk to me. Why?” He roars the last word, making me flinch and fall against the wall before sliding to the floor.
My gentle crying has now become full on sobs. Ace has never once scared me, but right now he is. I’m shaking like a leaf. I feel a shadow fall over me and shrink back even more. I hear a growl, and my head snaps toward the sound.
Ace is now standing by the bed, pulling his t-shirt back over his body. He picks up his phone and presses a few buttons before placing it to his ear.
“I need you at my place. ASAP.” Then he hangs up. I watch him get his boots back on through my hair, and don’t stop the tears from running down my face. I hiccup and Ace casts me a side glance before standing to full height and stepping towards the bedroom door. He looks down at me and speaks.
“I would never hurt you, babe. Seeing you cower from me is breaking my heart but fuck if I can look at you right now. Court is coming over to watch you. He’ll take you home tomorrow so you can get ready for work.” With that, he walks out.
My body shakes with sobs. It’s getting harder to breathe, but I force a deep breath. I can't pass out again. The last time that happened I woke up in the hospital with a broken arm and a concussion.
I must have fallen asleep, because suddenly I’m being lifted and carried towards Ace’s bed. I freak out.
“NO! Not his bed,” I scream.
“Okay, Mouse, chill the fuck out, woman. Fucking hell. I’ll take you to the spare room. He can deal with your crazy arse tomorrow.”
Court lays me on the bed and I’m asleep in no time, the events of the day clearly having taken a toll on my body and mind.
When I wake up, the sun is shining through the window because no one closed the curtains. I peel my eyes open and notice I am not in my bedroom. I shoot up to a sitting position and take in the room
You can tell this is a man’s bedroom. The walls are white, the curtains are navy. There is a chest of drawers, with a large TV on top, plus a matching wardrobe. Two bedside tables match the other furniture.
I close my eyes as last night's events come flooding back, and a sob breaks through. I cover my face with my hand and cry.
Taking a few breaths, I climb off the bed and walk out of the room, looking for a bathroom. I need to empty my bladder. I pass Ace’s room and see the bedding looks like it did last night, which means he didn't come home after our incident. My stomach clenches and I continue my search for the bathroom. Once I find it, I do my business and wash my hands and face.
I pull up my big girl knickers and walk down the stairs. Court is sitting at the large, round, six-seater kitchen table, drinking a mug of coffee. He lifts his head when he hears me. Court is a mean man, but he’s good-looking, and he only sleeps with girls once. I’ve heard this way too many times to count, but the females flock to his broody demeanour.
“I’m gonna go. I’ve called an Uber,” I lie. I just want to get out of here.
“I’ll take you. I have the van.” I shake my head, but Court is having none of it. He stands to his full height, towering over me. His thick black beard and piercing green eyes stare down at me.
“Fine.” I know when to not argue with these men. I pick up my phone and bag and follow him out of Ace’s house. I take one more look around because I know I won't be coming back here again. I pushed Ace too far last night.
I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
I’m in the kitchen finishing up placing some of the dinner orders when I hear his voice. My heart skips a beat and my muscles tense up. I haven't seen or heard from him in three days. Nancy just told me he was busy with the club and would be around soon. I know he’s had eyes on us because a prospect called Ditch had been in the cafe every day, watching over us. He got his name because he’s been run off the road and into a ditch quite a few times. I laughed when he explained his name.
I pick up the plates and take them out to the counter for Alesha, Bull’s old lady. She smiles at me when I set the plates down, then shakes her head.
“Can you take these over to the boys, please?” She points to the table where EC, Batch and Ace are sitting. I go to shake my head, but she gives me a stern look. I huff out breath and pick the plates up, scowling at her. She just laughs at me. Why doesn’t anyone believe I can be mean? I step up to the table and the boys’ conversation stops. Yeah, because that’s not awkward.
“Here you go.” I set the two pl
ates down in front of Batch and EC and turn to walk away, but his voice stops me.
“Can I order?” I take a deep breath before turning around to face the man who has held my mind captive for the last three days—hell, who am I kidding, for the last year.
“What's the magic word?” I raise an eyebrow at him. I know Nancy brought him up better than that.
“Now.” He smirks at me.
“Whatever.” I walk away but stop when he calls my name. I can see people are watching our interaction.
“Please. Can I place an order?”
“Of course. You know where the counter is,” I smart off, and speed walk back into the kitchen. I can hear the boys laughing it up. I feel proud of myself for not breaking under his stare. He was the one who walked away from me. I know I hurt his feelings, but he scared the ever-loving crap out of me. I was only trying to put distance between us. He’s a scary biker who can have any woman he wants, so why me? I’m damaged goods, as they say. Gary has ruined me for everyone.
“Oh, you think that was funny?” Ace’s voice comes from the kitchen door. I jump and place a hand over my rapidly beating heart.
“You scared me. Will you stop creeping up on me like a flippin’ ninja or something.” I chuckle but Ace’s face shows no emotion.
Oh great, here we go.
“It wasn’t nice to show me up in front of my boys like that, babe.”
“Oh, so I’m ‘babe’ again. Nice to know. I didn’t mean to show you up, Ace, but Nancy brought you up with manners. Biker or not, you can still use them,” I state to him. Manners were a big thing in our house growing up.
Manners cost nothing.
“Fuck, you’re never going to make things easy, are you?”
“Easy? For what?”
“Us, Ana.”
“There is no ‘us’, Ace,” I say, emphasising my point with finger quotes. He sighs and rubs his beard, and really naughty thoughts flash in my head of the way he would feel between my legs.
“There will be…”
Screaming and yelling pull us from the moment. We both dash out to the cafe and see Nancy laying on the floor, unconscious. We both run to her side. I can see Ditch is already on the phone. I can only assume he’s dialling nine-nine-nine for an ambulance.
“Mum, can you hear me? Mum?” Ace’s frantic voice fills the space. I pull my cardigan off my shoulders and bundle it up under her head. I check her pulse and find it’s there, but slow.
“Ambulance is on the way, Ace,” Ditch says from somewhere. Ace just nods but never takes his eyes off his mum. Ditch will make a good brother one day.
“She will be fine, Ace. She’s a fighter,” I tell him. He nods but doesn’t look at me. I only hope what I’m saying is true.
Ace
I’m pacing the hallway right outside my mother’s hospital room. They have been in there for what seems like days, but I know it’s only been a few hours. Fuck. The boys are sitting in the waiting room as only immediate family are allowed back here. Once we know what’s going on, I’ll let them know.
Ana is here with me. She keeps offering me reassuring smiles, but I can't bring myself to believe they will make everything better.
The door opens and a nurse steps out. She smiles at me in a sympathetic way, and my heart sinks into my boots.
“You can come in now, Mr McGowan.” I feel a small, warm hand slip into my cold, callused one. I don’t need to turn to look in order to know who it is.
“I’m here.” I squeeze her hand and walk into the room. My mum looks so fucking small. And pale. Did she really look like that yesterday when I saw her? Mum smiles at me, but when she sees Ana’s hand in mine, she beams. Tears fill her eyes at the sight of us together. I know she wants us together; she’s made that known for fucking months.
“Mum.” I lean in and kiss her head, keeping one hand wrapped around Ana’s tiny one. “You scared the fuck out of me—of us.”
I ignore the doctors in the room and solely focus on my mother. Tears fill her eyes. I lean in and kiss her head, while still holding Ana’s hand. She’s my lifeline at the moment; she’s keeping me from lashing out with the anger that’s coursing through my veins.
“I’m sorry, my boy. My body just isn’t strong enough anymore. You need to know a few things. I need to tell you some secrets that I’ve been keeping from you.”
“What secrets?”
“Let the doctors talk first, okay?” I nod. Why do I feel I am not going to like whatever the fuck they’re going to say. Motherfucker.
“Mr. McGowan, there isn’t much else we can do for your mother at this time. She is refusing any and all treatments. So all we can do for her is to keep her as pain free as possible, and comfortable.”
“What the fuck do you mean as pain free as possible? I want her completely fucking pain free,” I snap. I feel Ana squeeze her fingers around mine, but I snatch my hand out of hers and walk towards the window. I close my eyes and breathe in and out through my nose, trying to calm my anger.
I feel Ana come up behind me and run her hand over my back, her touch burning me, and I snap.
“Fuck off, Ana. Fuck, just leave me alone, for just a second. Fuck!” I hear her gasp but don’t turn around to face her. I can see the pain I just caused. My anger spikes and I spin around to face the people in the room. My mother is looking disappointed in me. I don’t look at Ana—I can’t bring myself to do it.
“I need to get the fuck out of here. I’ll leave the boys here and come back in a bit.” I walk over to my mum and kiss her head. “I love you, Mum.”
“Ace, don’t go,” she pleads. But I need to clear my head.
“I’ll be back.” I leave the room and stop once I reach the boys. “Watch over them. I need to get out of here.” I get a nod from Dyson and leave them there.
Stalking out of the hospital, my anger is raging through me. I need to get on my baby and feel the wind on my face. I reach my bike and climb on before starting her up. Pulling out of the car park, I see the building that is keeping my dying mother alive get smaller and smaller in the side mirrors.
I drive for hours, going nowhere in particular. The wind is whipping around me, my sunglasses shading my eyes from the sunset I’m driving towards. The sun feels warm on my face, and I can't stop from smiling. My mum loves sitting out in the garden at this time of the day. She says we should enjoy at least one sunset in our lives, as we never know when it will be our last day on earth.
I pull over at a service station because I need a piss. I’ve been driving for hours. I empty my bladder and stop to grab a coffee and a bite to eat. I watch as the people come and go from this place. Seeing different people live their lives while my mother’s life is about to end… I huff out a breath and walk back to my bike.
I take a deep breath and walk into my mother's hospital room. I hate the smell of these rooms. My mother lays on the bed looking smaller than before. I hate seeing her like this. There are tubes everywhere, wires coming from every direction. The heart monitor beeps, filling the room. Stepping closer to the bed, I take my mum’s tiny, withered hand in my strong one.
I lift my gaze to the chair in the corner. My Ana is curled up in a ball, her head resting on her bent arm. Her hair has fallen over half of her face. She looks like a fucking angel sleeping there. My gut tightens as I remember the way I spoke to her earlier. She will be pissed at me, but I won’t let her fester in those feelings. I’ll apologize, and we can move past it.
“Honey.” Mum’s weak voice comes from her bed, barely a whisper. I almost miss it.
“Hey, Mum. How are you feeling?” I lean in and kiss her cheek. She smells like oranges; the one piece of food she managed to eat.
“Like I’m dying.” She smiles weakly at me.
“Fucking hell.” I pinch the bridge of my nose.
“Too soon?” she jokes. I can’t help but chuckle. She pats the side of the bed. “Come sit.” I perch on the bed and take her hand in mine. I bend my knee and rest our hands on it
.
“I’m sorry I left. I’m a fucking arsehole, Mum. I’m so fucking sorry—but hearing what the doc was saying...” I take a deep breath. “I couldn’t handle it. Which is shitty, because it’s you who’s going through all this shit.”
“I know, Ace. It’s a lot to take in, but we will deal with this. My time here is limited, and I don’t want to see you being angry in my last few days.” My head snaps up to her face, and she gives me a sympathetic smile and a nod.
“Days?” My voice cracks as the emotion tries to break through. I’m a fucking hard arse, unless it involves the women in my life. I go to climb off the bed, but Mum stops me. She takes the corner of my cut in her hand.
“I need to tell you everything. I understand if you hate me after this, but I need to tell you. I have waited way too long to open up about this.” Tears fill her eyes, and she takes a shuddering breath.
“Mum, I could never hate you.” She nods, unconvinced.
“You have a brother, Ace. A twin. His name is Aiden.” My heart slams into my chest and my breath catches.
“A brother? A fucking twin? What the fuck, Mum?” I force out, my anger rising again. I know I can’t lash out at her.
I could never hate her, but fucking hell—a twin brother. Why has she kept this from me?
“Tell me,” I grind out between my clenched teeth, trying to control my rage and confusion.
“I met your father one summer, and we just… clicked. I was working in a bakery at the time, and he came in. We flirted at first, but things quickly escalated. I fell hard and fast, and so did he. He was a prospect at the time… I fell pregnant with you and Aiden shortly after we got together. He was great—until he became a fully-patched member.”
“My father is a member of an MC?” I shake my head, trying to sort through what she’s telling me.
“Yes. He became the president when you and Aiden were young—toddler age. He changed right after, staying out all night. When I questioned him he would yell at me, tell me the club came first and I should shut up and deal with it.” He sounds like an absolute cunt.