by Amy Davies
Me: I can imagine. I have everything ready for tomorrow.
Ace: Good. I need you to take my mind of this heavy shit, babe. I’m going fucking crazy.
Ace doesn’t normally show emotion when around the boys, so I’m surprised he’s telling me this.
Me: What do you want to talk about?
Ace: You. Me. Us. Me making you mine. In. Every. Way.
I swallow hard, and my core clenches.
Me: Ace, all this talk of you claiming me… it scares the hell out of me. You scare me.
Ace: I would never hurt you, babe; you know that. Fuck, we’ve been through this shit before.
I glance over at Zarah, who is giving me a concerned look. I shake my head at her. She must know it’s Ace who’s texting because she nods in acknowledgement and turns to look at the TV. The scene on the TV makes my body heat up. God, I bet Ace would be amazing in bed. He looks like a man who’s had plenty of experience and knows what he’s doing. My phone vibrates in my hand, startling me from my thoughts.
Ace: Answer me, Ana. Tell me you know I would never hurt you.
Me: I know you won’t. But my heart is another matter, honey.
Oh shit, that just slipped out and my finger clicked send before I could delete that ‘honey’ part. I bite my lips and watch as the three little dots appear as Ace writes his reply. But it doesn’t come—the dots vanish. I look out the window next to the couch and see people sweeping past, walking their dog. I wonder if me and Ace will ever have a dog. Whoa, where did that come from?
My phone vibrates in my hand, but it isn’t a text coming through. No, Ace’s face lights up the screen, which means he’s calling me. Oh no.
“I need to take this,” I tell Zarah, and jump up and run out to the garden. The weather is a little chilly but nothing too bad.
“Hello?”
“I like that.” Ace’s voice comes through the phone and wraps around my body, making all kinds of emotions come to the surface. I know what he’s talking about, but I ask anyway.
“Like what?” I sit down on the wooden bench.
“You calling me ‘honey’. It means I’m getting somewhere with you. You care for me,” he states matter of fact.
“Of course I care for you, Ace. We’re friends.” I cringe at the word friends. We’re more than friends and we both know it, but my damned head is making me second guess everything.
“Friends? I don’t want to be just your friend, Ana. I want to be your fucking everything. Can’t you see that? Fuck me, you’re turning me into some teenage girl here.”
“God, Ace.” I whisper his name as the lump in my throat grows. I cough and clear it to speak to him.
“You could never pull off the teenage girl look, even if you tried. You’re too manly and handsome for that.”
“You think I’m handsome?”
“Don’t fish, Ace McGowan. You know the ladies love you.” It’s true; he always has desperate women fawning over him. I’ve seen plenty. But come to think of it, what I haven’t seen is him actually do anything with them. They fuss over him but nothing else. Have I made us waste so much time because my head made up things to keep me from getting my heart hurt?
“I do know. But there’s only one lady I want in my bed, panting out my name.” He chuckles through the phone.
“Always with the sex talk, huh, Ace.”
“Always, babe. Tomorrow, after the... the funeral, I want you to come home with me. Stay the night with me. No questions, no ifs, buts or maybes. No more waiting. I want to take you so fucking hard everyone will know who you belong to. I—”
“I don’t belong to anyone, Ace,” I snap, my voice rising in volume.
“But you already do, baby. You’re the Unforgiven Rider’s Sergeant-at-Arms’ old lady. Everyone knows that, except you. You need to let that sink in. You have one more day, babe, then you’re mine.”
“I can’t get a tattoo, Ace,” I blurt out, then cover my mouth with my hand. Ace’s laughter comes through the speaker, making my stomach knot. His laugh is sexy, deep, throaty and like velvet.
“So you’re accepting that you’re my old lady; you just don’t want the tattoo brand.”
“Damn it, Ace. I hate needles,” I confess to him.
“Again, you’re saying you belong to me; you just don’t want the ink.” I need to end this conversation before I open my mouth and spew more words, letting him get what he wants.
“It’s late, Ace, and we both need sleep. Tomorrow is a big, emotional day. I’ll see you in the morning.” He sighs and my heart aches for him. I want to hold him and take his pain away. My head and heart need to be on the same page when it comes to Ace.
“Fine. But I’ll send a prospect to pick you and Zarah up in the morning and bring you to the clubhouse. I you want you on my bike when we go to the cemetery.” I don’t want to argue with him tonight. He’s going through a tough time, one I know all too well about. Losing a parent is never easy, no matter how old you are.
“Can they pick us up at the cafe? I need to make sure the food is ready to take to the clubhouse.”
“Okay, babe.” His voice seems sadder now that I’ve brought up the funeral. “I have two prospects transferring the food from the cafe to the clubhouse while we say... goodbye to Mum.” The emotion that comes through the phone forces my own to surface.
“I wish I could hold you right now, Ace,” I mutter, not quite sure he heard me.
“Me, too, babe. Do you think Zarah would care if I popped around?” I suck in a breath at his question. I don’t think he heard me, but to be honest, I could do with seeing him and touching him. Damn, my head needs to catch up with my heart and body.
“She’ll be fine with it. She’s Team Ace,” I partially joke. But what I said is true. She is rooting for Ace and me to be together, like she said earlier.
“On my way.” He hangs up, not waiting for my reply. I jump off the bench and run into the house.
“Shit, Ace is coming over. Clean up while I sort my room.” I run around like a headless chicken but stop dead in my tracks when I see Zarah gawking at me. “What?”
“Ace is coming here? Now?” I nod, and snap back into running back to my room, yelling my response to my sister.
“He is so fucking sad, Z. Nothing will happen; he just needs company.”
“He has plenty of that at the clubhouse.” Her words stop my actions of picking clothes up from the floor and throwing them into the laundry basket.
“Bitch. Why did you have to say that?”
“Proving a point: that you want Ace all to yourself.” Okay, she does have a point there.
“Oh, shut it and clean, woman.”
Not ten minutes later, Ace is knocking on the door. I fast-walk over and pull the door open for him. He looks ragged; dark circles under his eyes, hair looking greasy, like he’s run his hand through it a million times today. My heart aches at the sight.
“Come on.” I take his hand and lead him to my bedroom. Zarah went to her room right before he got here. Each step closer to my room makes my heartrate speed up. I feel Ace’s grip tighten on my hand, and I look around to face him. He offers me a small smile, which I return.
I push my bedroom door open and step aside for Ace to follow. I close the door behind him, nervous about what to do next, but Ace takes the first step. He removes his club cut and places it on the back of my desk chair, before removing his white t-shirt. It’s Ace’s signature outfit: dark jeans, white t-shirt and black biker boots.
I’m already in my jammers, but they’re hidden under my dressing gown.
“Get in bed, babe.” His voice is gruff, making me shiver. His lips quirk at the move. I untie the rope as I watch Ace finish undressing. I stand there, stunned, looking at the man before me. Tattoos cover both arms from wrist to shoulder, abs for days, and the special V. My mouth waters and my core clenches, but thoughts like this shouldn’t be present tonight. Now is not a good time.
Ace climbs into the bed and settles on the lef
t. Did he know I sleep on the right? I shake my head and look at his face. His eyes are fixed on me—more like my whole body. His eyes scan me from head to naked feet. I’m in white cotton shorts and matching camisole vest with lace over the breast area. I may not flash a load of skin in public, but I like to dress comfy but flirty in bed. It’s my thing. Gary hated it.
“Damn, babe. Are you sure we can’t have sex tonight?” he asks, and reaches under the blanket to adjust his dick. I squeeze my thighs together, and Ace chuckles, seeing the effect he’s having on me.
“Nope. No sex.” I climb in and Ace immediately pulls me to him and wraps his arms around me. I sigh in content at the feel of them caging me close to him. I feel safe with Ace. I always have.
His breathing evens out, and I can tell he’s slipping into sleep.
“Night, baby.” His warm breath washes over my bare shoulder, making my skin pebble with goose bumps.
“Night, honey,” I say, now knowing he likes that. His arms tighten briefly before we both fall into deep sleep.
Ace
I stare at the white ceiling, waiting for Ana to wake up. I wish today was like any other day, but it isn’t. It’s the day I have dreaded most in my thirty-two-years. Today is the day I bury the woman who gave me life, who fed and clothed me, and who taught me how to be the man I am today.
My mum was probably my best friend, and I’m man enough to admit that. She was there when I needed her, even though I was a hellion growing up. She bought me my first bike—bought me my first pack of condoms when she caught me and Becca McGee kissing and being a little hands-on in the garden when we were fifteen. I chuckle as the memory of her face comes into my head.
Ana stirs next to me, and I look down at her. She’s been my saving grace these past few weeks, even without knowing it. I’ve acted all tough biker on the outside, lashing out when I get angry, but inside I’ve been becoming more and more numb to the fact my mother passed away.
I risk stretching over to get my phone to check the time. I’m pretty sure Ana set an alarm but fuck if I know. I pick up the phone and see it’s eight-ten a.m. We have plenty of time. Mum’s funeral isn’t until ten-thirty.
“Morning,” comes the sweetest voice ever known to man. Her voice is full of sleep but holds a promise of sex in its huskiness.
“Morning, darlin’.” I pull her tighter and grip her thigh, which is draped over mine. Her gasp makes me smile. I don't think she realised how she was lying.
“How you feeling, Ace?” She clears her throat of any sleep, and I’m slightly disappointed about that. Ana’s sleepy voice is sexy as hell. I change our position so we’re laying on our sides, face to face. Her eyes still hold some sleepiness to them, but blue in them are bright and showing her emotions. She’s just as sad about today as I am. She thought the world of my mum.
“Don’t know. Lost maybe.” I lift my hand and slowly trace her jawline with my fingers. Her eyes close at the touch, making my heart swell with happiness in this time of darkness surrounding us.
“You aren’t lost, honey. You’re here with me and the club. No matter what happens, you are never alone. You know that.” I nod and lean in and lay a gentle kiss on her lips. I don’t deepen the kiss—even if the need to do so is raging inside of me. Now is not the time to claim her for the first time. When we fuck for the first time, it will take me all night to cover every inch of her perfect body.
“Always first and last,” I say, before slipping out of bed. I hear her quick intake of breath and walk over to the chair to pick up my clothes. I pull them on and Ana watches me without saying anything. I sneak little glances at her and notice her cheeks are burning red as she sees me half naked, my cock almost breaking through the material of my boxers.
Once I’ve pulled my cut over my shoulders, I walk back to the bed. Ana is sitting up, holding the blanket close to her body, trying to hide from me. Yeah, not going to happen.
“Don’t ever hide from me, babe. I want to see you. Always.” I lean in for a kiss but pull back quickly, causing Ana to moan in frustration. I smirk at her. Her body tells me something completely different to her words.
“You’ll have all of me soon enough, baby. I promise you that. Get ready, while I pop home and do the same. Then I’ll come back so I can get us to the cafe. Solar and Jas will be there soon. Solar is riding beside me—behind Mum. Jasmine will be in the family car with you.” She nods and climbs from the bed.
I ride home and take a quick shower, so I can get back to my girl. When I’m around her, the numbness fades. It doesn’t suck me in.
I slowly slide my cut on over the crisp white shirt Ana got me. She bought the same for the boys too, because none of us had shirts to wear. My stomach clenches at the sight in the mirror. This is what I’ll wear to say goodbye, for the final time I will see her.
I shake my head and take a deep breath, before leaving the room. Locking the door behind me, I walk over to my bike and mount up. The ride to the cafe is a short one, and before I know it, I can see people standing around. It’s like a sea of people, there at that many here who have come to give Mum a good send off.
Ana walks over to me and takes my hand in hers. Solar and Jasmine are standing just up from the cafe. We walk over to them hand in hand, and that does something to my heart.
“Hey, guys,” Ana says as we approach my brother and his woman.
“Hi,” Jasmine replies, and the two women hug. I look at Solar and see him watching me.
“You okay?” he asks me while shaking my hand and patting me on the back.
“Yeah. I’ll be glad when it’s all over.” I scrub my hand over my beard. I take a deep breath and Ana must see the struggle trying to break free.
“Ace, let’s go and grab a coffee.” I nod and point to where Mum’s cafe is.
“Mum’s cafe is just over there. I’d love for you to see it. We’re gonna ride behind the funeral car from there.”
“We can walk from here,” Ana explains.
“Follow me, bro.” Solar nods, and we watch as our women link arms and walk in front of us. We walk in silence, and then we’re at the cafe.
“Come on in,” I say, and slap my brother on the back. The place is packed with brothers and family of the club.
“Everyone,” I bark over the noise. Everyone goes quiet, and my heart speeds up in my chest. I’m about to introduce my long-lost fucking brother my MC family. “I’d like to introduce my brother, Solar. He’s from the Cornish Crusaders MC down in Cornwall. He’ll be riding with me today.” All my brothers climb to their feet and come over to greet my brother.
“Hey, I’m Dyson—VP.”
“I’m EC.” Each of the boys talk to Solar and Jasmine until it’s time. My face drops for a split second, remembering why we’re all here. The bottomless pit opens and threatens to suck me in. Ana comes to stand next to me and again takes my hand in hers.
“They’re making their way to the church,” I say to the room.
“Yeah, we should get going too.” I pull Ana and hug her tight to me. Her smell invades my senses and memories of this morning come flooding back. She goes up on her tiptoes and whispers in my ear.
“Always.” My breath gets caught in my lungs, but I hold myself firm. I nod and let my eyes do the talking. They hold hers for a moment, and she sees me. I nod again and kiss her forehead, before turning to Solar.
“I just wanted to show you this before we left.” He follows me over to the wall of photos. He stares at the photo of us as newborn babies. I can feel the sadness seep from him, because I can feel the sadness creeping in too.
“Mum asked me to have this blown up and frame it here. She told me this was the one picture she always kept with her. She said that if I ever found you, to tell you her heart broke having to leave you, that she always loved you and hoped, one day, you could find it in your heart to forgive her.” The emotions take over, and my chest feels like it’s caving in with the weight of not having Mum around.
I clench my fist, tr
ying to rein in my grief.
“I don’t remember her. I don’t remember what she looked like or anything.” His eyes stay firmly on the photo of us.
“Here.” I pull out the box of photos I have of Mum for him. His eyes flick over our mother in each photo. My heart literally aches for him, for not knowing such an amazing woman.
“Who is older?”
“That would be me, little brother. By a whole seven minutes.” I chuckle. Talking to him seems easier than what it was when we first met. I just wish I’d had him all my life. Things would have been so fucking different when we were growing up. I know we would have had each other’s backs.
Brothers in blood, stick together like mud, one of the old-timers used to say.
I check my phone for the time. My stomach gets heavy, knowing the time is closing in on our final goodbye. I clench my fists and take a deep breath.
“Come on, let’s lock up. The car will be here any minute.” The hair on the back of my neck stands on end as I see the funeral car carrying my mum’s body coming around the corner. My eyes stay locked on the coffin in the back, even as the car comes to a stop. I can’t stop staring.
Mary, from the funeral directors, climbs out of the car and stops by my brother and me.
“Ace, how are you?” Her voice is soft, perfect for her job.
“Not too bad. This is my brother—”
“Aiden.” My brother introduces himself.
“Nice to meet you. I’m sorry for your loss. Once we get to the gate of the church, I’ll climb out and walk in front of the car. You continue on your bikes and then follow the coffin inside the church,” Mary explains to us. We both nod and climb onto our bikes. Brothers in blood and arms riding side by side for the first time… It’s a fucking shame it took our mum dying to bring us together.
The ride to the church is uneventful. I see a few people stand on the side of the road, with their hands over their hearts. My mum has well and fucking truly left her mark on the town.
We pull up at the big steel gates leading to the church. We park our bikes and climb off. Our women walk towards us. I can see Ana has been crying again. Jasmine rubs her back soothingly.