by Wood, Lauren
My last wife had been the love of my life. And I couldn’t stop the feeling that if I dated someone else, it was like I was shitting all over her memory. She had been perfect. She was everything that I had wanted and more. And I couldn’t just get over her. I couldn’t just let her go and find someone else. It didn’t work like that, in the slightest.
I believed in soulmates, and she had been mine. I could never love another woman, and, more importantly, I didn’t want to love another woman. Even if that woman happened to be Quinn, who was the most amazing woman I’d met since my wife.
When my phone started ringing, I knew who it was before I even looked at the caller ID. Quinn. She’d been calling me every couple of days to give me an update on her mother. I knew that I shouldn’t care, yet I did. I hung onto every word she told me in these short phone calls.
“Quinn,” I greeted her, my voice gentle and sweet, a way that she wasn’t used to and hadn’t experienced before she’d left.
“Ezra.” The way she said my name was so relieved as if talking to me was the best thing that had happened to her today. She sounded a bit stuffed up, and I knew that she’d been crying. For a moment, I wondered if today was the day that her mother had finally passed, and everything inside of me wished that wasn’t the case.
“How are you?” I asked. “How’s your mom?”
“She’s actually doing good,” she told me with pure joy in her voice. “She surprised all of the doctors because she should actually make a full recovery.”
“I’m so glad to hear that, Quinn,” I let out a deep breath. I really was happy about her mother. There was nothing I wanted more than for Quinn to be happy, and I knew that this was contingent on her mother, as of late. Now that her mother was doing well, she could be okay too.
I was here to do nothing but support her even though I knew that I shouldn’t. I wasn’t her boyfriend. I was the man she’d slept with twice just so that she could get me out of her mind. I was the man that had hired her. And I was going to be the man that did something much, much worse.
“I should be coming home within the next couple of days,” Quinn said. “My mother’s doing so well, but they’re only keeping her here for another two or three days for observation. Then, she’s going to be released. Once she is, I’m going to make sure she’s settled into her nursing home, and happy. Then I’ll come back, so should be within the next week.”
“Oh, that’s good.” Except that it wasn’t. It was far from good.
“The doctors are coming in now, so I’ll talk to you, later.”
“Goodbye, Quinn.”
“Bye, Ezra.”
When the call ended, I felt my heart drop. I felt terrible about the decision that I’d made, but I couldn’t change it, now. I knew that it was for the best, and it was. After Quinn had kissed me, I knew that this was going to be a problem, and for the last two weeks, I’d been wrestling with thoughts of what I should do.
And I finally had an answer, but it wasn’t one that she would want to hear. I didn’t have any option other than to fire her. Our relationship was becoming so much more, and that wasn’t something that I could handle.
A part of me thought that I should have told her the truth over the phone, but that would have made me the cold-hearted bastard everyone thought I was. And I couldn’t be that person, not to Quinn.
How much would it have broken her heart to have had this good news about her mother and then me squashing all of that because I was a selfish man who was unable to put her needs above my own? I had always been the selfish one, a very selfish man, and I couldn’t change that, not even for Quinn.
I didn’t want to hurt Quinn. In fact, that was the last thing that I wanted to do. But it was out of my hands. This thing between us, it wasn’t normal. And how much longer would it be until we ended up in bed together once again? And then what would that make us? Would she be considered a nanny with benefits?
It wasn’t like I was heartless. This was hurting me, too, even if I was the one making the decisions. I was going to miss Quinn, more than I knew, but that didn’t mean that she could stay. She was a temptation that I couldn’t have in my life. I wasn’t leaving her with nothing, either.
She would get a fifty-grand severance check, and I had found her an apartment and would pay her first two years’ lease. She could keep the car that I’d bought her, and I would hook her up with some secretary job with one of my colleagues where she would make a similar paycheck as she made with me.
I was being more than generous with her, and that was what made me okay with all of this. And she was going to be forced to be okay with all of this, as well. The only person that I was concerned with was Paige. And as much as I didn’t want her to be sad, she would get over it, eventually.
Ginny and Paige got along well enough, and Ginny, quite frankly, reminded me of Mary Poppins. She did the job that she needed to do, and best of all, there was no way that we would be involved in any kind of relationship that wasn’t strictly professional. And that was important to me.
I never should have involved myself with Quinn sexually. And maybe I had nobody to blame but myself. It definitely wasn’t her fault, and it wasn’t fair that she was getting the repercussions. But at the end of the day, it was my money, my job, and my decision, even if it was one that I didn’t like.
The doorbell rang, and I sighed. I already knew who it was, unfortunately. I was quickly growing tired of Klaus dropping by without any warning. It didn’t matter how many times I’d told him that it was unacceptable. He did it anyway because that was the kind of person that he was. Klaus got everything that he wanted, and he didn’t care what he had to do to get it. That was one of the things that I’d always despised about him.
“I’ve got it,” Ginny said, and she was opening the door before I could tell her not to. When I didn’t want Klaus here, I just didn’t answer the door, although that hardly stopped him. He could be quite the insistent pest when he wanted to be, and he wasn’t exactly the guy to accept ‘no’ as an answer, not caring who he inconvenienced.
“Thanks for letting me in, Ginny,” he told the nanny. “Ezra! Long time no see, brother.”
“It’s been a week,” I reminded him. “I wouldn’t exactly call that a long time.”
“Well, I would. I’ve missed you.”
“Alright, you’ve come, you’ve said hello, now leave.”
“Well, there’s more to it.”
“What, Klaus?” He was so aggravating.
“With Quinn still being out of town, I figured that you might need a little fun,” Klaus smirked at me. “So, how about you and me hit the bar, for old times’ sake? I’ll have you know that I went the other day, and the women there have only gotten hotter since you last left. There was a redhead, and ooh, brother, she was beautiful. Off the chain.”
“I’m not going with you to the bar.”
“The strip club?”
“Absolutely not!” I exclaimed and looked around to make sure that Paige wasn’t around. Thankfully, she seemed to be in the kitchen with Ginny. “Just go by yourself, isn’t that what you’ve been doing for the last couple of weeks?”
“It’s not as fun when it’s not with you.”
“That’s a bummer,” I said, evenly. “But it’s not my concern, unfortunately. Go by yourself.”
“Like a loser?”
“Then take a friend.”
“I don’t have many friends.”
“I wonder why,” I said, sarcastically. “Besides that’s a personal problem, deal with it on your own, Klaus.”
He sighed. “Fine, then it looks like I’m not going.”
“Then don’t go,” I told him. “Just leave my house.”
“How are you and Quinn?”
I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest. “What are you talking about?”
“I mean, after you hit that. Are you guys dating now?”
“You already know the answer.”
“But you’re banging her?
” He nodded. “Which is why you wouldn’t let me?”
“I’m not actively banging her.”
“You have in the past.”
“Klaus.”
“Fine, fine.” He put his hands up in surrender. “Don’t tell me. I already know that it was good.”
12
Quinn
“Your mother’s health has had an entire turnaround these last couple of days, and today has been no different,” the doctor said. She was my mother’s main doctor. She had the most beautiful, curly hair, hanging down her shoulders. Her eyes were a warm brown, and she was absolutely beautiful. Not just that, but she was honest and incredibly sweet. Whenever we had to receive news, we always asked that Dr. Latta give it to us because there was nobody that was better than her at giving us news. And she was kind enough to constantly do so.
“That’s so great to hear,” I exclaimed, my hand resting on the medical bed. My mother, Maria, was awake as well, which was amazing. She had spent such a majority of her time sleeping, and it was nice that she was finally being more awake now. The improvements she’d made were magical and unexplainable, which was what her doctors said.
My mother should have died, but she hadn’t. She was a fighter, the best fighter that I knew. And I was so proud of her because I didn’t know so many people who would have nearly as much willpower as this woman. She truly was one of a kind, and it was one of the reasons that I was so happy to be able to call this amazing woman my mom.
“Yep, we should be releasing her tomorrow morning, have her other accommodations been made?” Dr. Latta was holding her chart and was staring at us, happily. In the weirdest way, she reminded me of Paige, as strange as that sounded. She was a little ball of sunlight which was incredibly needed in a time like this.
“They sure are,” I answered. “We found her an amazing nursing home, so tomorrow, she will be transferred there.”
“Well that sounds amazing,” she told us, nodding her head at us.
And it really was amazing. The nursing home that we’d found had nothing but good reviews, which was something that was necessary to me. I wasn’t going to place my mother somewhere if she wasn’t receiving the absolute best care. I loved her too much for that, and I wanted to make sure that she also liked where she was.
My mother was unable to go and see the nursing home because of her predicament, so I ended up having to go without her and just send her some amazing videos and pictures. She’d completely fallen in love, especially when she had heard about all of the activities and extracurriculars that they offered. Her days would be far from boring.
And the best part was with my job, I could more than afford it and any health care she needed and could pay it on a biweekly or monthly basis. For once in my life, everything was going well, and the sun was finally shining down on me. Luck had never done me so well, in the past.
“It sounds like you guys have everything figured out. I will get back with you guys tomorrow, sometime in the morning, to do one final checkup. The nurses will frequently look in here, and apart from that, I’ll sign her discharge papers, and you guys will be more than welcome to go. Does that sound okay?”
“More than okay,” my mother piped in. “I’m tired of sitting in this bed, unable to do anything. I can’t wait to stretch my legs.”
Dr. Latta laughed. “Well, I’ll try to get you off this bed as quickly as I can.” She was grinning. “Do you guys have any questions for me?”
Maria didn’t say anything, so I answered the question for us. “No, I think we’re okay.” I stood up and held my hand out, and Dr. Latta was quick to take it. “Thanks so much, Dr. Latta, you really made her happy today.”
“Well, that’s what I strive to do as a doctor.” She was still smiling. “You guys have a very good night, and if you need me, just tell a nurse and I will be here as quick as I can.”
“We’re happy to hear that. Thank you again.”
“Good evening, ladies.”
She walked out of the room, leaving me and my mother alone together.
“Oh, mija,” she said, her voice so relieved. “I’m so happy, muy contento. I thought that I was going to die, muerto. But I have fought through this, and I’m going to live. I’m not going to waste this gift, either. And I’m so happy that you were with me every step of the way, mija. I really hope that I didn’t mess up anything for you, back home.” Her voice sounded worried and tired despite her miraculous turnaround.
Oh, my mother. Even when she had just recovered from her deathbed, she was worrying about others and how she was impacting them. My mother was the most selfless woman that I’d ever known, and I could only hope that I was a portion of the woman that she was.
“Of course not, mom,” I told her and rolled my eyes before grabbing her hand. “You’re my world, and I would never let something happen to you. Nothing is as important to me as you are, you do understand that, don’t you?”
She was smiling at me as if those words were enough to make her entire day. “I love you so much, mija.”
“I love you more.”
Before she could start talking again, I felt the overwhelming need to go and pee. Usually, I had a pretty good bladder and only had to go to the bathroom a few times a day, but I’d started to notice that I was having to go once an hour, which was so unlike me. I tried not to think much of it, but I excused myself and walked out of the room.
I settled onto the toilet and peed once more, hoping that it was the stress of everything that was making me pee this much. That was the only answer that I could come up with. Once I finished, I washed my hands before walking back into the medical room.
My mom was staring at me when I walked outside. I knew that she had noticed how often I was going to the bathroom, but thus far, she’d managed to keep her thoughts to herself which was very unlike her. As sweet as she was, she could be a very opinionated woman, which was something not a lot of people were prepared for. Even I didn’t want to hear what she said a majority of the time.
I sat back down, and Maria wrapped her hands in mine. “Mija,” she said. “Is there something that you’re not telling me?”
My eyebrows knit into a frown, as I looked at my mother. I wasn’t a good secret keeper, and even if I was, I enjoyed telling my mother about almost everything that happened in my life. What could I possibly be hiding from her?
“What are you talking about?” I asked her, looking into her eyes. “You know I never lie to you, that’s never going to change.” My words could not have been more honest.
“Well, it’s quite obvious that you’re pregnant.” Her words made my eyes widen, and I snatched my hand away from her. Was she absolutely insane to be suggesting something so ludicrous? Once the surprise and shock had worn off, my lips curved into a smile, and I couldn’t help but to laugh at her even though I tried to keep the chuckles in.
“Now, what are you laughing at?” My mother asked me.
“You,” I said, matter-of-factly. “You saying that I’m pregnant, I mean, that’s probably the funniest thing that I’ve ever heard. I couldn’t be further from pregnant.”
Maria raised an eyebrow at me. “Is it really so farfetched?” She asked. “Have you been opening your legs to anyone as of recently? Anybody attractive in your life, hmm?” I had forgotten just how nosy my mother could be. I was sure that everyone had those issues with their mother, to be completely honest.
“Mother!” I exclaimed. “First of all, you can’t just say ‘opening your legs’ like that! Second, that’s none of your business!”
“I’m just asking questions…” She waved me off the best that she could. “But your answer has made me realize that you have been sexually active. Be honest with me, mija. Who is it? That gorgeous boss of yours? It seems like he’s pretty tempting…and it’s hard to live with a man that attractive without…something…happening.”
“Yes, mom,” I said, sighing exaggeratedly. She would find some reason to figure out the truth anyways. Why not just tell
her? Besides, she’d already told me that she liked him and she’d been rooting for the two of us ever since I started working with Ezra. She didn’t have to know about everyone I’d slept with, though. A daughter deserved the right to keep some secrets from her mother.
“Oh, that’s wonderful,” she told me.
“I’m not pregnant, mom. Can we just drop it?” I asked her and let out a deep breath. “Please?”
She stared at me for a long time, thinking about what she wanted to say before she sighed and nodded. “Fine, fine, I’ll let it go for right now, doesn’t mean that I won’t ask you more in the future. You know I like to know what’s going on in your life. You could stand to open up to me more, you know. I don’t want to make you feel guilty, but you won’t be able to talk to me forever. I may have advice you need, you never know!”
The thought that I could be pregnant had never even crossed my mind. Yes, of course, I knew that having a small bladder and having to pee constantly was a common sign of pregnancy, but with everything happening, I hadn’t been able to piece two and two together. After all, what were the chances that I could be pregnant after one or two encounters? Besides, my mother was probably wrong.
There was nothing she wanted more than for me to have children, and this was probably just her excitement getting the best of her. It’d been a long time since she had me, and there was a chance she was just projecting what she wanted to be true onto my actions.
But the timelines did match up, unfortunately. After all, the last time that I’d slept with Ezra was six weeks ago. And wasn’t that when pregnancy started to show, when women started to get symptoms? And what if I was just worrying myself about nothing? Wasn’t there a thing called false pregnancy? And then again, my “symptoms” could have been caused by my mother even getting these stupid thoughts in my head. I was probably only reacting to the stress of everything that I was going through. And, quite frankly, that was the reason that I wanted to go with, because it was the easiest for me to believe and cope with.