American Spirit
Page 26
As I often say, our military and first responders see the worst of human nature day in and day out. It takes a toll on the individual, and their families. There can be no healing if they don’t have a safe place to come back to. CKFF tries to give families the tools to find that safe place.
The events and programs have an impact far beyond the few days they last. Listening to the comments couples make after the retreats fills my heart with hope for not only them and their families, but our country as a whole. Couples talk about how they’ve improved the way they communicate, learned to build support systems, and found the freedom to grow while still being connected.
It’s not easy, or always pretty. Some compare the early going to ripping a Band-Aid off and seeing open, oozing wounds. But hopefully that leads to healing.
For Levi and Danielle, the retreat changed the way they see their marriage. “It restored the traits that have faded from the years of war and deployments,” said Levi afterward. “I feel renewed in ways not thought possible and have a new outlook on the way I need to be in order for our relationship to grow stronger. . . . Everyone always thanks veterans and first responders for their service but your foundation is the real hero. You give so selflessly and we couldn’t do what we do without the support of so many great people.”
“I remember Taya telling me to always remember I’m worthy at the empowered spouses retreat,” said Kathy, “but it was at the couple’s retreat that both of us felt worthy. Thank you for helping each of us see that in the other, reminding us just how important feeling worthy is in our marriage. Feeling worthy is a powerful thing that we rarely feel in our marriage . . . and this weekend we felt it and knew why we need to make changes to feel it regularly together and individually.”
“The revitalization retreat reminded us of how important it is to give back to others,” said Juan and Courtney. “Throughout our trip we constantly talked about how incredible it was that this foundation was supporting us in such a meaningful way. . . . We’re forever grateful to be a part of the CKFF family.”
Often, people think service people and first responders have a tight community, which offers support not only in crisis but day to day.
Sometimes that’s true. However, for many—and especially the non-service spouse—their typical experience is emotional isolation. Often they are afraid to share details about their relationships, or life in general: say the wrong thing, and maybe you’ve put your spouse’s career in jeopardy.
We’ve seen results. One young couple pulled back from divorce after one of our retreats; a recent graduate of the Mastering Your Marriage program related a tale about Christmas being unexpectedly pleasant this year.
“Unexpectedly”?
Yes.
The verdict actually came from the couple’s teenage kids, who revealed that for the first time in their lives, there had not been one blowup. For years, the tensions in the house, at a boil under normal circumstances, reached an explosive level every holiday season.
Actually, the kids were slightly disappointed—they traditionally bet on when the blowup would occur, and no one had collected that year.
For the record: we get our money the way other organizations do—donations, grants, and fund-raisers. We strive to keep our overhead low, aiming at putting 80 percent directly into the programs.
You can find more information about donating or applying for a program on our website, www.chriskylefrogfoundation.org.
I remember Chris and I talking about the value of family and how, while service is so important, there really is no substitute for family. Families are a source of great joy. Greater joy, as Chris was surprised to find, than anything he had in the military.
Work stress can get in the way of that. And there are few stresses as severe as those that come from military or law enforcement careers.
I want the foundation to help service members and first responders experience that joy, even while serving others. I want to help them cope with the special strains that come from their service, small and big—the stress of moving or being alone for extended times, the strain of not knowing if the fleeting kiss after breakfast will be the last one you’ll ever have.
We want people to serve for twenty or thirty years, if that’s their career path. We don’t want them to just survive; we want them to thrive while doing it. I can only imagine how much easier our life would have been if we had been involved in programs like Chris Kyle Frog Foundation. We were hungry for information with nowhere to turn.
The military has a job—to fight. They were never intended to be the provider for all facets of life. There is a saying, harsh but true in many ways: “If the service wanted you to have a wife, we would have issued you one.” And no matter how family friendly they try to be, they are still an organization run by more bureaucracy than anything you will find in the private sector.
If life is a battle, love is worth fighting for. CKFF is here to help. The impact goes beyond the couple; it changes the world for this generation and the next. The children in these marriages don’t just stop betting on who ruins Christmas; they see the value of working through impossible odds and letting love win. They learn tools to peacefully work through strains others don’t have. They see how just when the chips are down, love wins.
I saw this with my own parents and their friends who have all been married about fifty years now. It changed me, and it will change these kids and the world. Love ripples throughout the community, just like the American Spirit.
And that’s why I do what I do and why I believe I should always try to do just a little more, whether it’s with the foundation, the kids, or everyday life. One more smile, one more time rolling up your sleeves for someone else—it will ripple out and have its own effect on the world.
What about you? What will you do today to help make the world a better place and keep the American Spirit alive?
People think about their legacy. They think about the mark they will leave on the world. Oftentimes they think there are grand plans, careers, or buildings they need to leave to show they lived. But I have seen in my own life, and those of others, that sometimes the biggest marks we leave on the world start with one small action, one step in faith, one opportunity to show up. You never know if your sandwich on the windowsill might lead to a homeless shelter in the next generation.
Each of these people in each of these stories braved rough terrain. They were inspired by a spirit of independence and freedom to make a difference and traveled unknown territory to do so.
Each time you wonder if the American Spirit is lost, I hope you remember these stories and channel your own pioneer spirit. When you hear the politicians and the fearmongers tell you all is lost, I hope you reject that notion. When you see the flag and wonder if it has any meaning anymore, I hope you see more than an archaic symbol flying in the wind. I hope you see as I do the real stories, the real lives—yours and mine—alive and well in the red, the white, and the blue.
Acknowledgments
We wish to thank everyone mentioned or quoted in the book for their time and kindness in speaking with us, but most of all for their incredible efforts making their communities and our world a better place. You are all truly wonderful.
Countless staffers and assistants helped fill in the blanks when we were writing about the organizations, and we appreciate those efforts as well. In the end, there were many stories that we might have included if we’d had more time and space. Thank you to everyone who shared ideas and suggestions.
This book took us over a year to write, and we were helped by many along the way, especially our editor at William Morrow, Peter Hubbard. Also at William Morrow and its parent, HarperCollins, we have been blessed with the friendship as well as the assistance of Sharyn Rosenblum, the best publicist in the business. In editorial, Nick Amphlett helped keep everything on track. Thanks also to copyeditor Andrea Monagle, production editor Andrea Molitor, managing editor Nyamekye Waliyaya, and designer Bonni Leon-Berman.
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nbsp; Finally, to you our readers—we hope some of these stories will inspire you to do what you can to help others. It doesn’t have to be a huge gesture; living right, helping your neighbors, befriending someone in need, simply listening—that is where the ripple of kindness starts. If you can be one person’s light on any given day, you will have made a contribution.
We don’t always know the good we do, or the effects we have. But the American Spirit is present in each one of us, waiting to be expressed and shared.
About the Authors
TAYA KYLE is executive director of the Chris Kyle Frog Foundation. Chris and Taya’s story was the subject of Clint Eastwood’s blockbuster film American Sniper, starring Bradley Cooper and Sienna Miller. She is a featured speaker on the Patriot Tour, with Marcus Luttrell, David Goggins, and Chad Fleming. Taya is the New York Times bestselling author of American Wife. She lives in Texas.
JIM DEFELICE coauthored Chris Kyle’s multimillion-copy bestseller, American Sniper, and Taya Kyle’s bestselling American Wife. His other books include West Like Lightning: The Brief, Legendary Ride of the Pony Express. He lives in upstate New York.
Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at hc.com.
Also by Taya Kyle and Jim DeFelice
American Wife
Copyright
american spirit. Copyright © 2019 by 300 Spartans, LLC. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
first edition
Cover design by Jeanne Reina
Cover photograph © wundervisuals/iStock/Getty Images
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data has been applied for.
Digital Edition APRIL 2019 ISBN: 978-0-06-268373-1
Print ISBN: 978-0-06-268371-7
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