Rattling Around: The Baxter Boys #5 (The Baxter Boys ~ Rattled)

by Charles, Jane

  “My dad killed my mom. I was there.” I squeeze her hand. “Tink got me through it.”

  His words nearly suck the breath out of me. “I’m sorry.” What else do I say to something like that?

  “It was a long time ago.”

  I suspect he’s trying to make light of it, but that’s something that sticks with a person for the rest of his life and I’m not certain Kaden will ever recover. Yet, looking at Sean, I think I have hope for my brother for the first time since I got the call.

  And, Sean’s trying to give me strength or comfort, I’m not sure. That’s really something because if I had gone through what he and Kaden had witnessed, I’d want to run and hide from it, and then try to forget. Instead, Sean’s stepping up and he doesn’t even know me. Of course, it’s not like I asked him to share with me. Gramps only wanted him to open the vents, but Sean brought hope with him.

  “How old were you?” Do I pry to learn more? I shouldn’t, but he opened the door and I need to have the faith that my brother will be okay.

  “Twelve.”

  “You testified?”

  He swallows hard because I can see his Adam’s apple bob. “Yes. But, I couldn’t have done it without Tink and the rest of the bikers, but especially Tink. He helped me find my courage. Without them, I know I couldn’t have looked at my dad and told the judge what he did, but I also knew that I had to because if he was found not guilty, I’d have to go back to living with him.” Sean rubs the top of his bald head then drags it down his face until he’s squeezing his bearded chin in thought. “I was scared shitless because my biggest fear was that I would testify and Dad would still be found not guilty. Then I’d have to pay for that betrayal as soon as he had me back.”

  “Gary isn’t getting Kaden back. Even if the worst happens, and he’s found not guilty, I’ll fight for custody of my brother.”

  Sean nods. “You’re his guardian?”

  “Until he’s eighteen.” Ten years I’ll be more of a mom than a sister and I have no clue what I’m doing.

  “It’s good that he has you.”

  “I guess.” I sigh. “But I’ve got so much to learn and I’m slowly catching on that Mom kept a hell of a lot from me, and Uncle Tink, or we wouldn’t be where we are now.” I shake my head over everything that had gone wrong, when it could have been fixed before it got bad. “At least he tells me that he had no idea how bad things were.” I shake my head. “If Uncle Tink had a clue that Gary was abusive, he would have gotten Mom and Kaden away from Gary. I think he’s kicking himself for not catching on sooner, but he trusted her.” I blow out a sigh. “So many secrets. Mom kept a ton from Uncle Tink and me, and those two kept me in the dark about my grandparents.”

  He looks me in the eyes, sympathy in his brown eyes. “Like the stove.”

  “Locks on all the doors, the front door being actually barred so nobody can come in or out, why they are sleeping in the dining room...” I rub the lids over my dry, scratching eyes. I don’t think I’ve slept a full night since I got the phone call that Mom had been murdered. “Damn, I need a glass of wine.”

  Sean leans in and smiles. “I’ve got some back at the house. Why don’t you get away from here for a little bit?”

  That sexy smile and warmth in his brown eyes is about the only invitation I need. And, if this was an ordinary time in my life and an ordinary invitation, I’d accept it in a heartbeat, but that part of my life is over. At least for right now. “I can’t. I can’t leave Kaden.” My brother and I have been together constantly since I returned and the only thing I’ve been able to do by myself since the plane touched down was pee, poop and shower, and I don’t see that changing until the prison doors lock Gary up for good.

  “Zach’s inside and Tink and his buddy are out front.”

  To just walk away and breathe for a bit sounds heavenly. To just forget for a moment…but, it’s not like I know Sean. He could be a creep. Then again, it’s not like I’m picking some stranger up in a bar either.

  “Your grandparents know me and it’s just across the street, not far,” he says as if reading my mind.

  A glass of wine and away from my family is what I need. A break.

  “We’ll be able to talk better.”

  Talk. That’s why we are out here to begin with. Not to date or flirt or anything else. But, talking is good too. Other than Dad and Uncle Tink, I haven’t been able to talk to any other adult. Well, there is Moira, my best friend, but she’s still in Paris so our contact is limited. I’d do anything to have my best friend with me through this, but she has her work and can’t dump everything like I did.

  “Do you know them well? My grandparents.”

  “Well, enough to answer some questions,” he says.

  Hopefully the questions Uncle Tink has been evading. He says we’ll discuss all the other stuff going on after the trial, like he doesn’t want to pile anymore on me. “Did you know my mom?”

  He shakes his head. “Zach had talked to her a few times because he’s over here a lot, but we never really saw anyone come and go because of the front door.”

  I was hoping he’d have more information as to what was going on with Mom, but I don’t think I’ll ever really get all of those answers. But, Sean can let me know what is happening with my grandparents and I have a feeling there is a lot I need to know. “You really do have wine?” How sad is it that I’m really hoping he wasn’t lying about the wine?

  “The best.” He laughs. “Dylan is in charge of all food and drink in the house, so you won’t be disappointed.”

  Right now I don’t really care if it’s out of a box. Besides, I doubt I’ll be able to afford what I became used to drinking in Paris.

  He stands. “Dylan is fixing dinner for you guys too, so we can go pick it up.”

  “As in real food, not something boxed that goes in a microwave?” It’s sad that this is the best news I’ve had all day—I get to eat real food, enjoy a glass of wine, and maybe just step away from what my life has become, even for a moment.

  “Real food,” he laughs and stands.

  3

  Silence fell on the room when Noelle announced to her grandparents that she was going to go across the street for a moment. Is it really that big of a deal?

  “Can I go too?” Kaden asks, panic in his voice. He’s looking from me to Noelle back to me, eyes wide and I’m afraid he might hyperventilate.

  “We’ll just be gone a little bit,” Noelle assures him in a soothing voice, in complete opposite to the force I witnessed earlier. Does she keep herself in constant control and exude calm whenever she’s around her brother? If so, one of these days, she might snap and it explains why Noelle was so intense earlier.

  Kaden looks around, his neck is straight and there’s tension in his narrow shoulders.

  “Uncle Tink can come in and stay with you,” she offers optimistically.

  Kaden frowns and pulls the blanket up to his chin.

  Does he really only feel safe with Noelle? There are five other adults either inside or outside of this house.

  “That’s okay, I’ll stay.” Noelle’s tired tone and eyes suggest that she’s resigned to remain. Has she gotten even one break since she got home back in January?

  I get that Kaden is terrified, and I know where he’s coming from. If I would have had someone I trusted, I wouldn’t have let them out of my sight. But Noelle also needs to be able to take a few moments for herself. It was her mother too and even adults need care. Six months of constant care of a child can take its toll even in the best of circumstances. Everyone needs a break.

  Instead of trying to reason with Kaden, because I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t do any good since we just met, I head through the house to the front window and open it “Hey, Tink, did you ever tell your nephew how you got that lame-ass tattoo?”

  “I’d hoped that you would have grown out of your irritating, smart mouth ways,” he calls back.

  “Some things are permanent.” I grin.

 
He comes up to the window. “What’s going on?” he asks quietly.

  “A lot that you haven’t bothered to tell her,” I whisper before I look at Kaden. I don’t want the kid to hear my conversation. “Meet me out back.”

  “Got it,” he says as he heads to the end of the stoop.

  “Why haven’t you told Noelle what is going on with her grandparents and this house?” I demand as soon as Tink shows up at the back of the house.

  Tink shoves his hands in his front pockets, ducks his chin and sways from side to side. “She’s had enough on her plate. I was hoping it could wait until after the trial.”

  I can’t believe that this big guy who helped me find my courage is getting all sheepish and shit? “Well it can’t because she wants to cook.”

  Tink winces. “Guess I should come clean.”

  It can’t be easy for Tink either. What he has to come clean about involves his own parents.

  “Her mother didn’t want Noelle to know because she was afraid she’d come back for a visit. Which I didn’t get, but I went along with, thinking she knew best.” He rubs his temples with his thumb and middle finger. “I fucked up. My sister was really good at keeping me in the dark and I was so involved with my own life and the kids that I didn’t bother to look too close. Caroline knew that if Noelle was home, she’d see what I didn’t and what she was hiding from everyone else.”

  “Gary’s abuse?” The answer should be obvious, but I ask it anyway.

  Tink nods. “If I had known…”

  But he didn’t and wondering if and how he could have changed this shitty situation doesn’t do anyone any good.

  “She lived in fear and Gary is the one who did a number on your sister,” I remind Tink when I shouldn’t have to. He’s seen situations like this before. “The timing sucks, but if Noelle’s going to be living here, she needs to know.”

  “You’re right. I should have told her before now. I just didn’t want to have that conversation.”

  Pain slices through his eyes and I immediately feel like shit. ”I’ll do it,” I hate to be the one to have to tell her, but Tink has his plate full too, plus he’s still dealing with guilt that he doesn’t need to be carrying. “I offered to take her back to the house for a glass of wine and conversation.”

  Tink stills and turns back to me. “Exactly what kind of conversation?”

  I hold up my hands and take a step back. I knew Tink was protective of his kids, but apparently grown nieces fall into that category too. “A break. Wine. Explanation.”

  “That’s all?”

  I give him a disbelieving look. “Seriously?”

  Then again, he hasn’t seen me in ten years. Not since he dropped me at Baxter. A lot could have changed since then. “I’m being a friend. I think she could really use one. One that isn’t a part of all this.” I gesture to the house.

  He stares at me for a good thirty seconds. “Make sure that’s all,” he says before he turns and heads back into the house. Tink pauses at the back door. “Tell her everything,” he finally says. “I should have, but I always found a reason to put it off.”

  “I get it.” Bad news is never easy to deliver, especially when you’re already dealing with more shit than anyone should have to go through.

  “How do you know about his tat?” Kaden asks when me and Tink come back inside.

  “Because he helped me when I was in a situation like yours.”

  Our eyes meet and I can tell by the tilt of Kaden’s head and the suspicion in his blue eyes that he’s wondering if I’m giving him a load of shit or if it’s true.

  “You’re a much nicer kid than he ever ways” Tink says to Kaden as he rubs my bald head.

  I’ve missed Tink. I had no idea how much until I ran into him today.

  But he also scares me. It’s a good thing that he doesn’t know I think Noelle has a nice ass. He’d kick my ass back to the age of twelve.

  “You don’t think it’s lame, do you Kaden?” Tink sits down on the couch and holds out his arm so that Kaden can see Tinker Bell, with her green clothes, yellow hair and magic wand on his left forearm. “I never told you why I got this?”

  Kaden shakes his head.

  “We’re going to grab dinner from across the street, if it’s done,” I say. “We shouldn’t be gone long.”

  Immediately Kaden’s eyes go wide with fear.

  “It’s just across the street,” Noelle reminds him. “You have your cell phone and my number. Just call or text and I’ll come right back.”

  “You can see the place from here,” Zach says as he stands. “Come here.”

  Kaden pushes the blanket away and slowly walks to the window.

  “See the brownstone over there.” He points.

  “They all look the same.”

  “There,” he says. “Where the guy with the camera case is coming out. That’s where they’ll be.”

  Kaden looks over his shoulder at Noelle.

  “I promise. I won’t go anywhere else. I’m just going to help and come back with something to eat.”

  Their eyes hold for a little bit then Kaden gives a quick nod, like he’s trying really hard to be brave.

  Noelle turns and blows out a silent breath. If Kaden would have insisted she stay, she would have and that isn’t good for either of them. His dependence on her can’t be healthy for either of them.

  “Let me tell you about the tattoo,” I hear Tink say as we head out.

  Guilt engulfs me as I leave my little brother behind. I know he’s safe and in good hands, but he’s been terrified for months. No matter how many people tell him that he’s safe now, Kaden is convinced that Gary is going to somehow get him.

  “He’ll be okay,” Sean says as we cross the street.

  Could he read my mind? “I hope so.”

  “Time. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but distance does help.”

  “I hope so because sometimes I don’t know if I’m doing anything right,” I confess. “It took him weeks to sleep alone again and now that we are here, he’s back to clinging.” I stop on the sidewalk when we cross the street and turn to Sean. “I’m not complaining, I’m really not, but I worry about his mental state and how he’s going to come through all of this. If he can.”

  Sean takes my hand again, just like he did when we were sitting outside. How is it that his touch almost immediately calms? He’s a stranger. A big stranger, but he puts off a protective vibe and it’s all I can do not to press against him and ask him to hold me.

  I blink and glance up. Am I that exhausted and lonely that I’d curl up with a stranger?

  “Have you gotten him any help? A psychologist or psychiatrist.”

  I blow out a sigh. “Almost immediately.”

  “Does he specialize with children who have been traumatized?”

  “She’s supposed to, but Kaden doesn’t seem to be making any progress.

  “Maybe there won’t be any until after the trial. That’s how it was with me. The trial took up everything and no amount of talking was making that go away.”

  “That’s what the therapist said.” At least now I know she wasn’t just making stuff up to keep Kaden as a client. “Kaden seems to like her, even if they aren’t getting anywhere right now.”

  He tugs on my hand. “Come on. Let’s get you that glass of wine and we’ll have a talk.”

  A part of me just wants to go with him, enjoy wine, and forget everything, and Sean is just the type of guy who could make forgetting very enjoyable. If I was more like Moira and less like me, I’d ask him to get the bottle and meet me in his bedroom. But, I am me and need to be responsible. Getting drunk the night before the trial is not being an adult. “This talk isn’t going to be pleasant, is it?”

  “I wish it were,” he admits. “But Tink agrees that it’s time that you know.”

  “Why didn’t he tell me?”

  Sean looks at me. “He’s been trying to protect you and not pile on more. Don’t blame him.”

  B
ut I do. Not for what is going on, but for keeping secrets, just like Mom did.

  “Come on.” He tugs on my hand again. “Wine and words, then dinner.”

  4

  Nobody is in the living room when we step inside but music from Christian’s saxophone can be heard from upstairs. Soulful, sexy and seductive. The type of music that makes guys think of a girl and all their warm, soft parts wrapped up in Egyptian cotton sheets. No doubt it’s something Christian wrote while thinking about Bethany.

  If this were a date, which it’s not I remind myself, I’d invite Noelle up to my room where we could hear the music better, through a closed door, and go about getting to know her better.

  Instead, I’ve got the shitty job of telling her what Tink’s avoided.

  I don’t know where anyone else is, but I know Dylan’s in the kitchen. As soon as I texted him, while I was upstairs at the Dempseys’, he said he’d throw something together so the family, Tink and the others could have dinner tonight.

  Noelle gasps as she steps into Dylan’s domain. The two of us designed the kitchen together, but he’s the one who spends all of his time in here. At one time the kitchen was small and dark, but we opened it up and got rid of a wall that served as an awkward breakfast nook and another wall that blocked off the mudroom just inside the back door. Open concept, which is all the rage, wasn’t an option because of the load-bearing wall between the kitchen and dining room, but neither one of us wanted that gone anyway. Dylan just craved a decent kitchen, and I was determined to preserve the character of the house. Removing the wall would have destroyed that.

  After completely gutting and reconfiguring, we turned this into a large kitchen with a central island that Dylan likes to write at while the rest of us sit and eat.

  “Hey,” Dylan says as he sets a spoon aside and comes forward. He dries his hands on a towel then holds it out to Noelle. “Dylan.”

  “Noelle,” she says, shaking Dylan’s hand. She isn’t looking at my roommate though, but at the kitchen.