“Hey.” Ashley scoots next to me and gives me a hug.
Racine scoots to my other side, pulling a wad of tissue from her backpack. “So, you’re upset about the rumor? Or the mountain lion? You look crazed, Ruby. It’s starting to freak me out.”
“Did you dump Ezra?” Ashley asks.
“No. I mean, yes. I mean … I can’t explain it.”
“Ruby, just tell us!” Racine insists.
I stare at Racine, trying to focus. Tell them. Tell them what? “I can’t,” I sniffle, blowing my nose.
Racine gives me her best you’re-a-pain-in-the-ass look, pursing her lips together.
“Fine.” I throw my tissue at the ground. “But you’ll never believe me.”
She looks toward the heavens, letting her smooth bangs fall across her eyes. “You’re soooo dramatic.”
In one long breath, I explain everything, exhaling as it comes out. “The lion that attacked us last night, it was Ezra. And he’s not … he’s normal now. I mean, he looks normal. Like Leo. Because he is Leo. Leo and Ezra. And the stupid mountain lion. It’s unreal. But both Angel and I saw it.”
Racine rolls her eyes. “Ohmigod. If you don’t want to tell us that badly, just forget it!”
The warning bell rings, and Racine waits for Ashley to leave. Then she blocks the doorway, cornering me. “What’s really going on?” she demands.
“I told you.”
“Ruby, I know you miss him. But you’re being really freaking crazy.”
Looking her dead in the eyes, I steady my voice. “Racine, Ezra’s something … different. He knows how to do things. Weird things, like, turn into things, weird things.”
Racine shakes her head at me sympathetically. “I’m really worried about you.”
“Ray, I’m serious. He has Pecos heritage. And there are stories about the Pecos being magic. And old rumors about his family.”
“Sweetie, it’s called folklore. I mean, do you believe in vampires? Or the Chupacabra? Or aliens in Roswell?”
“How is this any different from ghosts and haunted forests? You believe that.”
“Ruby …”
“I saw it—him. So did Angel.”
“Angel saw it?” she asks skeptically.
I nod my head.
“I want to talk to him then.” She throws her arm around me, leading me out to the hall. Before we get to our classroom, she stops and pulls me away from the door by my shirtsleeve. “Look, I believe you saw something weird. Okay? But I’m sure there’s a logical explanation.”
Maybe she’s right, but the answer doesn’t suddenly materialize during fifth or sixth period. While the teachers lecture, I stare out the window, thinking about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. My own Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, wondering who, is who. When sixth period ends, I almost clap. My torturous day is over. Finally, I can go home and finish my nervous breakdown in private.
I try to exit the classroom quickly, keeping my head down. Unfortunately, I’m not quick enough. Racine catches up outside the room and asks if I want to go to Margarita’s for a shake, before mock chastising me for trying to sneak out of class without her. When Giovanni and Marta catch up, Racine nudges my side. “Well?”
“You could bring Angel.” Marta grins. “Since Ezra’s obviously out of sight out of mind.”
Nervously hopping from one foot to the other on the front quad, I flip Marta off.
She smiles slyly. “That the best you can do?”
“Come off it, Marta,” Racine snaps. “Don’t be such a bitch.”
Marta tosses back her long hair, opening her mouth to say something snotty, I’m sure. But she stops mid-syllable, staring at something behind me.
“Holy shit!” she sputters.
I turn, expecting to see a couple in full-blown make-out mode or some tricked-out hotrod in the parking lot. Instead, across the street, the new-old Ezra leans casually against his black truck, thumbing the round silver belt buckle, he’s wearing. He stares at me from under his straw cowboy hat as if one of us might spontaneously combust.
“Ruby!” Racine grabs my forearm, holding it in a death grip.
“No f’ing way,” Marta gasps.
I stare back, mesmerized by his face, while Racine shakes me.
“What the hell is going on?” she asks.
“I … I told you,” I stutter.
It’s hard enough to swallow, much less talk. I manage to croak out, “I’m sorry,” before taking off. I run away from the school, away from my friends, and away from Ezra. I run until I find myself feeling weak and breathless on the old Frontage road.
A big oak finally slows me down. Its branches, like thick knots of twine, hover over the side of the tarmac. It reminds me of Ezra. The old Ezra. My Ezra. I stop under it to rest, catching my breath before making myself walk the rest of the way home.
Up my driveway, Ezra’s black truck idles near my front door. Terrified, I stop in my tracks and turn in circles. Tucked into the foothills so far from our neighbors, I suddenly panic. I’m not afraid of him, exactly. But I am scared to face him. Especially alone.
“Ruby,” Ezra says quietly, stepping down from his truck as I walk up the driveway, “I just want to talk.”
A violent shudder rips through my body and I wrap my arms around my shoulders, trying to hold all my feelings inside.
“Don’t be afraid,” he pleads, looking stricken.
“I am afraid.”
“Please, Ruby. I love you.” He takes my hand, squeezing it between both his own. “I can’t lose you.”
“You love me?” I yank my hand away. “You lied to me. I don’t know who you are—what you are.”
“I’m me,” he whispers. “Just different.”
Ezra has the most stirring golden eyes. He looks sincere, like he’d rather throw himself off a cliff than lie to me again.
“Go away.”
“That’s not what you want,” he insists.
“I hate you,” I sniffle.
“You don’t.”
“For now, I do.”
“For now?”
“It’s possible I’ll hate you less next week.” His face softens, and I see the Ezra I love inside the boy I was so taken with. Making the switch is hard—trying to reconcile the two. On the outside at least, they’re so different. “You’re the Watcher my mother was talking about, aren’t you?”
He pauses, searching my face before answering. “Yes.”
“Shiankya. Mountain lion. Watcher and Guardian of the Mountain,” I recite.
“Yes.”
“I read about you.”
He shakes his head slowly, narrowing his fine eyes. “You have every reason to think I betrayed you. But I swear I haven’t. I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work. But you have to let me explain before you decide.”
“I don’t have to let you do anything.”
“Please,” he pleads. “Give me five minutes.”
“Who are you?”
“My name is Ezra Leonardo Lucero. I am the guy you fell in love with—and the guy you met at the ruin.”
“And the mountain lion?”
He nods.
“A shifter?” I whisper.
“Something like that.”
The fact that both Ezra and Leo are standing in front of me makes me reel. “Leo is everything I hate in a person. You were just the way you described yourself in high school.”
He runs a perfect hand through his perfect hair and sighs. “I had trouble reconciling my two halves, Ruby. And you got the worst of both. I’m flawed, obviously.”
“I don’t understand … how could you be … how long were you …” I have no idea where to start.
Ezra’s eyes bore holes into the gravel. When he looks up again, his face seems troubled. “It’s such a long story. But I’ll tell you. Let’s go inside.”
I want to. I really do. But anger runs through me like ice water when I think of everything that happened between Leo and me, and I’m not scared anymore, just p
issed. “You made a fool of me. You let me make a fool of myself! You had me completely, Ezra. You knew you did. Why didn’t you just tell me? Why run away and then meet me at the ruin like,” I point at his face, “like that?”
Ezra closes his eyes, breathing deeply before opening them again. “I never thought it would get this far.”
“But it did. And you had to know how I’d feel when I found out.” I keep my voice low, clenching my fists to keep from yelling.
“I wanted to know you better from the moment I saw you in the market that first time. In the beginning, I just wanted to be around you. I thought you’d like Leo better. Later, I needed to know you liked me. The real me, flaws and all.”
“Leo wasn’t better.”
“I didn’t think you’d pay attention to me looking like I did. Then you dragged me to Pecos. After that, I couldn’t stay away.”
“I don’t understand. Once you knew I liked you anyway, why keep pretending to be Leo? Why couldn’t you just be Ezra?”
“Ruby, it was me you were with. I am Leo—and Ezra.”
“He …” I sigh and look away. “You weren’t the same.”
Ezra looks stricken. “They’re both a part of me.”
I sniffle, wiping a tear out of my eye. “You toyed with me.”
His face collapses, crumpling in a way that crushes the remains of my shattered heart. “I suppose I did.” He sighs, and a tremble moves through his body. “But I couldn’t control the change. On my own land, on Pecos land, they let me keep my face. Outside the forest I couldn’t have been this for you if I’d tried. Not until you told me you love me.”
“Th … they?” I stutter.
“The Ancients.”
My hands lock my temples in a vice grip, pushing back waves of nausea. “Ezra,” I say. “You’re not making sense.”
“I was angry and self-centered. And I wasn’t a good Watcher. I didn’t care anymore, not until you came along. You were my test, Ruby.”
I look down at my toes. “I don’t understand.”
He grabs my limp hand again and presses it to his chest. “You trusted me. You believed in me. You wanted me despite my face, not because of it. You made me want to be more than a shell. It had to be of your own free will. But I had to give you enough of a reason. Loving me, it’s no small feat. I know that. But you do anyway.”
I rip my hand away, hating myself for feeling so vulnerable. “Did.”
“You still do,” he says confidently. “It’s the one thing I know for sure.”
I stare openmouthed, wanting to argue, to make him spell everything out. But I don’t even know what I’m arguing about. Nothing he’s saying makes sense.
“Are you even human?” I scoff, stepping back.
His eyes flare like I’ve slapped him. “Mostly.”
“Mostly?”
“Plant. Human. Animal. They’re just words, Ruby.”
“No, they’re a classification. Plants are not human. Animals are not human. Cells and bacteria and viruses are not human. Normally, living things fall into one of three categories,” I answer curtly.
“And I’m saying it’s not cut and dry.”
I want to cover my ears and close my eyes. The world has to be consistent with what I know. It has to be, or everything I’ve ever believed will come unraveled.
“The things you’ve been taught, they’re not fixed like you thought. The universe is full of wonder.”
“You can read my mind too?” I ask sarcastically.
“Sometimes.”
“I … you …” I stop, completely dumbfounded. “For real?”
“Yes.”
“But how?”
“I think it has something to do with the ruin.”
I cross my arms over my chest, gripping my sides, tethering myself to the planet. “Ezra,” I say, breathing out to stop my voice from shaking, “what do you watch?”
He stands up straighter, his already taut body stiffening. “That’s an even longer story.”
“My mother …” I trail off.
He nods, maybe reading my mind. “Said Watchers don’t mix with True of Heart.”
You are true. One day you’ll be True of Heart. That’s what Mom wrote in her letter.
“I don’t know what that means, Ezra.”
“I don’t either. But I’m in love with you. And you’re in love with me. And I can’t believe the Ancients would let that happen if it wasn’t meant to be. Ruby, you gave me my life back. Maybe I’m wrong, but if I am, I don’t accept it.”
The ground shifts beneath my feet, pitching me forward and back. “You have to go,” I whimper. “I can’t … I can’t do this.”
“I’m not giving up. You don’t just walk away from destiny.”
“Destiny?” I shout. “Are you serious? How am I supposed to wake up tomorrow, and love you, and live my life now like everything is normal? It’s not going to happen!”
Ezra digs his hands into his pockets. He stands in my way, blocking the pathway to my house. My eyes ache, and my lungs burn. I can’t breathe. I’m not even sure I want to. All I know is, if I don’t get away now, I’m going to fall apart.
“Move,” I whisper.
Ezra doesn’t budge. He stands in front of me, stubbornly forcing my hand. After a moment, he reaches out and I push past him toward the house. I run without looking back, trucking up my front steps.
Twenty-Three
Bold New World
As Las Gallinas gossip about Ezra, I do my best to ignore him standing across the parking lot. Just like yesterday morning, he’s outside near the quad, propped up against his truck, hands tucked into his pockets as he stares at me.
“You still haven’t talked to him?” Racine asks when she notices me frowning.
“No.”
“What is he doing?” Ashley squeals.
“Trying to wear me down?”
She glares. “He’s insane. The Devil.”
Marta snorts. “He’s insane alright. Insanely good-looking.”
“He’s not the Devil, Ashley,” I assure her.
“No?” Racine says guardedly. “How do you explain it, Ruby?”
“I can’t, yet. I just know he’s not evil. He’s … Ezra.”
“Whatever,” Marta scoffs. “I forgot how flipping hot he is.”
“Funny how you hated him so much when he wasn’t handsome,” I snipe at her.
Racine eyes me suspiciously. “You aren’t going to let him off the hook, are you? I mean, he doesn’t look even remotely apologetic.”
“He’s Ezra.” I grimace. “Was he ever?”
“Yes, well. That?” She points to him as we walk across the quad toward the main building. “Has stalker written all over it.”
“Ray, you all grew up with him. He’s still the same boy, whatever that means.”
She stops, yanking me to the side, away from Las Gallinas. “What if what people say is right?”
“He didn’t cast a spell on me! Torrance told me about the Peñas. They sound tragic, but I seriously doubt they’re actual witches.”
She looks past me, at the steady tangle of students trudging to class. “Your boyfriend disappeared and came back different, and then you tell me you think he’s a shape-shifter, and then he starts stalking you. Everyone and their mothers are talking smack about the Peñas and how Ezra cast a spell on all of us, especially you. Get the picture, Ruby?”
“I know you think I’m crazy. But I don’t think he’s evil. I think he’s … different.”
“Ruby, none of us think you’re crazy. We’re just worried.”
“Is it so terrible I want to believe he’s good?”
She shakes her head dismally and taps the tiled floor with a red Converse. “And if you’re wrong?”
“Then I am.” But I hope to God I’m not. My mind doesn’t know how to think about alternatives. A bad-seed Ezra just isn’t an option. “I know you’re worried, Ray. I’m worried too. But I need to know who he is before I decide. I need
to know what’s really going on. I am going to talk to him eventually.”
“Don’t you mean what he is?” She purses her lips together.
Bumping Racine with my hip, I push my face underneath hers awkwardly, trying to make cross-eyes at her. “It’ll be okay. Trust me.”
“Cut it out,” she laughs.
“I love you, you know.”
Racine throws her arms out and hugs me. “You’re not scared to find out?”
“I’m terrified.”
She locks her arm in mine, walking us down the hall. “I don’t like it. But since you’re going to talk to him, anyway, will you at least tell me before you do it?”
“Yeah,” I lie.
I put on a good game face. But I know I’ll probably fold when it comes time to follow through. My heart believes Ezra is good, but my head is pissed and terrified, and since Mom died, it’s gotten really freaking excellent at shutting my emotions down. I’m not sure I want anyone to know what I’m doing beforehand, especially if it doesn’t go well.
After sixth period, following a too-long day spent trying to pretend I don’t notice people staring and a lot of nervous fingernail biting while Las Gallinas pretend to forget Ezra’s a freak over lunch, Racine and Ashley walk me out to the front quad. Marta and Giovanni are already at the flagpole waiting, and when Angel spots us huddled together, he honks his horn and waves from his cruiser, motioning me over.
“You’ve got ’em all wrapped around your little finger,” Marta says sourly. “You sure you’re not a witch, Ruby?”
“Want to test me?” I glare at her.
“Where are you going?” Ashley asks.
Racine looks out at the mountains. “Didn’t you say you and Angel and Torrance were going into Santa Fe after school?” she lies.
“Right. To meet Liddy,” I improvise.
“Liddy and Torrance seem really tight,” Ashley says.
“Yeah, I think he may move in.”
“That’s great.” Racine smiles, winking at me conspiratorially. The last thing I need is Marta spreading some rumor about how I’ve run into Angel’s waiting arms, and Racine knows it.
“Then we’ll all be one big, happy family,” Marta snips sarcastically.
Not at all in the mood for Marta’s crap, I pull myself up straight and step in front of her. “You know, it’s hard enough without your stupid attitude dogging me everywhere. I’m really freaking tired of it. Can you just shut up for once? Please.”
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