Holy Cow!

by Boze Hadleigh

  PRAISE FOR HOLY COW!

  “If animals could read, they’d love this!”

  Doris Day

  Founder and President of The Doris Day Animal League

  Actress

  Copyright © 2015 by Boze Hadleigh

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

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  10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

  Cover design by Rain Saukus

  Print ISBN: 978-1-63220-557-5

  Ebook ISBN: 978-1-63220-952-8

  Printed in China

  In memory of Rusty—

  all cats go to heaven.

  In admiration of Doris Day,

  In appreciation of Ronnie and Linda, and

  In praise of animal activists—

  we are their voice. . . .

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  For invaluable help and support, thanks again to Linda and to Ronnie.

  At Skyhorse (beautiful name), thanks to my enthusiastic, savvy editor Alexandra Hess. Also to Marianna Dworak and to Cheryl Lew.

  Thanks as well to Judy Benesh, Eddie Espinosa, Earl Holliman, Lorri Jean, Sue Kutosh, Louie Magenheim, Jeff Olson, Mary Stark, Sarah Wheeler, Betty White, and late friends and animal activists Bea Arthur and Chad Oberhausen, and the late Dr. Betty Berzon.

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  INTRODUCTION

  DOGS

  CATS

  HORSES

  OTHER MAMMALS

  NON-MAMMALS

  INTRODUCTION

  Have you ever called someone a rat or a mouse, a sheep or a leech, a barracuda, a pig, or just plain chicken? How about bats or batty, catty, a social butterfly, a lounge lizard, a snake, or slothful? Ever seen anyone get mad as a wet hen?

  How seldom we think about how often we attribute negative human traits to innocent beasts, itself a term of contempt. By the way, the correct expression is “Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast,” not the savage beast. It’s from a Congreve play, The Mourning Bride, of 1697. Time to get it right.

  Here, in five chapters spanning the animal kingdom—dogs, cats, horses, other mammals, non-mammals—you’ll find the origin stories and the definitions of hundreds (at least!) of animal-related words, phrases, and expressions.

  A very few are of unknown origin, like charley horse for a cramp, taking a gander (a look) at something, a ratcatcher suit, sick as a lizard, or dingbat. Why bats, or for that matter, nuts, are associated with madness is unknown. A possible explanation is the seeming craziness of bats sleeping upside-down.

  Some expressions make little sense at first. Like to cow someone, when she’s such a gentle animal. But the phrase reflects her considerable size and may have been coined at a time when cows were less docile. Some words get slotted into an expression simply because they fit. Like none of your beeswax for none of your business. Nothing to do with bees. But did you know that in the 18th century people sometimes filled in facial pockmarks with beeswax, which is still an ingredient in many cosmetics?

  What, though, is so cute about a bug in a rug?

  In ancient times a new, unusual animal was often compared, usually unrealistically, with another, more familiar one. For instance, porpoise in Latin was a porco marino, a sea pig! And so we have a sea lion. Also a sea elephant, which is an elephant seal. Did you know a monkfish is an angel shark? (How on earth, or in sea, does angel relate to shark?)

  As a child, when I first heard of a towel horse I thought it was like a teddy bear but made of terrycloth (who or what was terry? “Unknown origin”). Towel horse typifies many animal terms that represent what an animal does or is “for.” In this case, one puts something on a horse—usually a person. So you can have a sawhorse or a towel horse or a clotheshorse, which was originally something to put clothes on. But language, like animals, evolves, so now a clotheshorse is, well, a fashionista.

  Some animal names are imprecise. Did you know almost any invertebrate that’s much longer than it is wide is called a worm? Worms, it turns out, are the majority of all animal life on earth—or under earth. And “little worms” in Italian is vermicelli, today thin pasta, but centuries ago, the generic name for all non-stuffed pasta until the word maccheroni, later macaroni, replaced it.

  Rarely, a person is compared to an animal in a positive or neutral way—a lamb, a dove, or a sea dog, who is an old or experienced sailor. Speaking of dogs, sometimes through Latin translation a word ends up quite different, e.g., kennel is from Old French chenil via Latin canis, dog. French words easily become mispronounced in English, as with chamois, originally made of goat, sheep, or deerskin for cleaning or polishing and originally the name of a southern European mountain goat-antelope. Since it’s invariably pronounced shammy in English, chamois is now often spelled that way—or called shammy leather.

  In French, a canard is a duck. In English, a canard is also an unfounded rumor or story, from the Old French caner, meaning to quack, which signified a hoax (which has nothing to do with calling a lousy doctor a quack, as you’ll see).

  Why is an unattractive or old woman called a crow? It boils down to sexism, and is related to crone, an ugly old woman, from Middle English via Middle Dutch, meaning an old ewe or carcass, related to the word carrion. As for eating crow, gentle reader, read on.

  To conclude on an avian note, in classical fables the crow was a thief, stealing more attractive feathers of others to beautify himself (male birds are prettier, like the peacock). In Renaissance literature the crow or upstart crow—many bookstores are named after the latter—is a plagiarist. In his day, Shakespeare was called an upstart crow, implying that the mysterious man from Stratford, whom nothing connected with the writing of plays and who was possibly illiterate, may have stolen or more likely fronted the plays written by educated courtiers who feared Elizabeth I’s potentially fatal censure. Which reminds us that there’s sometimes more savagery in the human breast than in a beast or animal.

  One way or another, people have always been drawn to animals, and as this book shows, they permeate our language. Fortunately, in a modern age freer of superstition and prejudice—and ironically less dependent on animals—we better appreciate our non-human cohabitants and now realize it’s their planet too.

  Boze Hadleigh

  Beverly Hills

  May 15, 2015

  DOGS

  Hot Dog

  A hot dog in the 1890s was often human, usually in college. The phrase could be complimentary, as with most phrases including “hot,” but typically denoted a showoff. A 1995 issue of Comments on Etymology gave a sample of 1897 collegiate slang: “Brown’s a hot dog, isn’t he?” “Yes, he has so many pants.”

  Dialect Notes in 1900 defined a hot dog as “one very proficient in certain things,” which by the 1960s evolved into the verb “to hot dog,” referring to the expertise of sometimes show-offy surfers, skiers and skateboarders. A hot-dog board was a short surfboard, more easily ridden than longer, heavier ones. Hot dogs enjoyed performing stunts, generall
y while skiing or surfing.

  Soon, baseball players were labeling their more flamboyant, attention-seeking teammates hot dogs. The 1979 book Bronx Zoo, about the New York Yankees, called Tito Fuente “One of the most renowned hot dogs in baseball history.” In 2005 the New York Times described snowboarders “hot-dogging” down a mountain. Hip-hop slang also uses dog, misspelled dawg.

  Hot Dogs

  When non-English speakers first hear the culinary term hot dog, they’re usually appalled until the name is explained. The “invention” of hot dogs is hotly debated, with myriad claims for credit, nearly all by Germans or German Americans. In 1987, Frankfurt, Germany, celebrated the frankfurter’s 500th birthday, its origin shrouded in myth and public relations.

  Back in the 1600s a butcher named Johann Georghehner from Coburg, Bavaria, created a dachshund sausage named after the small, long-bodied German canine. In England the comestible became known as a little dog, while dachshunds were eventually nicknamed sausage dogs.

  Johann took his sausage to Frankfurt, where it became a hit and was soon renamed a frankfurter—like natives of that city. A wiener is a native of Vienna (Wien in German). Whereas frankfurters or franks were made of pork, wieners or weenies were traditionally a pork-beef mixture. By the 1850s, sausage meat was often nicknamed dog’s paste, owing to sometimes valid rumors of unethical manufacturers including ground-up dog meat in their product.

  In 1871 immigrant Charles Feltman opened a sausage stand in Coney Island, which became renowned for them. In 1882 another kraut—sorry, German, but they do eat lots of sauerkraut—named Christian von der Ahe bought the St. Louis Brown Stockings and commenced the close association between baseball and hot dogs by lowering the ticket price to 25 cents, thereby assuring himself of crowds who would pay considerably more for his frankfurters and beer. (Humphrey Bogart later declared, “A hot dog at the ballgame beats roast beef at the Ritz.”)

  In the late 19th century “hot dog” emerged as a nickname for both the sausage sandwich and the human show-off. Anti-German sentiment during World War I caused “frankfurter” to go out of favor and boosted “hot dog.” Until World War II, hot dogs were often known as red hots because of another Bavarian, Anton Feuchtwanger, who in the late 1800s sold hot sausages to Americans who borrowed white gloves to handle the sizzling item. The gloves kept getting stolen until Anton’s wife suggested replacing them with a specially shaped bun . . .

  Another German immigrant, Oscar Mayer, started branding his popular meats in 1904 and built the first Wienermobile in 1936 (in 1963 the company introduced the advertising jingle that begins, “Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener”).

  The leading US retailer of hot dogs is 7-Eleven (currently Japanese-owned), and the biggest hot dog ever was created by the All-Japan Bread Association in 2006. The wiener measured 196.85 feet (60 meters) long, tucked into a 197.8 foot (60.3 meter) bun. Hot diggity-dog! That expression—a yet more enthusiastic version of the approving “hot dog!”—dates from the early 1900s.

  Funny that hamburgers, even more prevalent than hot dogs, didn’t evolve into slang words or phrases. Hamburgers, not made of ham, are of course named after the city and residents of Hamburg, Germany.

  Human Dogs

  Most expressions referring to humans in a canine way are unflattering to dogs and reveal the expressions’ age. For instance, a dull dog is a person with little or boring conversation.

  A lucky dog is someone with undeserved good luck, reflecting the attitude that dogs deserved little more than a bone. A desperate dog is deemed beneath contempt. Similarly, a dirty dog was either an evil character or, humorously, a sly fellow (a sly dog?) who achieves his ends using devious means.

  Originally, a sly dog was a man discreet about his pleasures or one who kept his vices or weaknesses to himself. Now it’s often more literal—somebody deceitful or cunning (“sly” derives from an Old Norse word meaning cunning). When it comes to successfully hunting for food, say, most animals are capable of feinting, but cunning canines?

  When someone is termed a clever dog, it’s not usually a compliment that they’re smart, but that one way or another they get what they want.

  Somebody leading a dog’s life was ill-treated or had a miserable life. If an actual dog’s life was such, it was (or is) typically due to a human. What else would make a dog dog-tired?

  The dogs of war originally referred, as in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar (published 1623), to the resultant horrors of war, later on to the politicians, generals, mercenaries, and arms merchants who profit from war.

  James Garner, who played a dog robber in the 1964 movie The Americanization of Emily, set in England during WWII (Emily was played by Julie Andrews), defined a dog robber as “the personal assistant of a general or admiral whose job it is to keep his man well-clothed, well-fed, and well-loved during the battle.”

  If somebody dies like a dog, they die without honor or dignity or in shameful circumstances.

  A watchdog was an official or authority supposedly guarding the public interest. The positive intent switched to a primarily negative one once authority and its motives became questioned more often.

  An underdog was the assumed loser in a two-dog fight. In the more compassionate societies of today—those which are—the negative has primarily changed to positive, as most everyone roots for the underdog.

  Two men and a dog used to mean very few people. Every man and his dog meant everybody.

  You Dog. . .

  Sadly, humanity’s best friend has often been considered anything but in numerous times and places. In today’s “Third World,” dogs are often no more than tolerated—and visibly underfed. Where humans go hungry, one can’t expect much compassion for canines. Then there’s religious dogma (which noun has nothing to do with dogs). Islam’s founder Mohammed deemed cats clean yet dogs unclean. To call somebody a dog remains a serious insult in many countries.

  Until about 150 years ago, the only good dog was a useful dog. The ancient Egyptians bred dogs to have chondrodysplastic, or dwarfed, legs that compelled them to trail game at a pace with which humans on foot could keep up. The Egyptians used other dogs, bred for speed, power, and tenacity that could overtake gazelles and kill them minus human assistance.

  In the United States as recently as the 1960s, a song (“So Long, Dearie”) lyric from Hello, Dolly! deprecates a man as “you dog.” Now seldom heard, anti-canine epithets are mostly confined to novels and old movies. They reflect a time when the “lowly” dog was scapegoated with specifically human traits, as in “you lying dog” (or hound, more widespread in Britain).

  In Australia and New Zealand, “to turn dog on” means to inform on someone or turn traitor.

  A dog in the manger harkens back to the fable about the dog who lay in a manger to keep the horse and ox from eating the hay he himself didn’t want. It still refers to a selfishly contrary person who prevents others from having what he or she doesn’t want or need.

  “It shouldn’t happen to a dog” implies it shouldn’t even happen to someone as low as a dog. “Every dog has his day” indicates that even a dog occasionally receives a bit of good luck or fortune and is used to counsel patience—good luck comes eventually.

  In Germany there’s a double insult: Schweinhund (pigdog), which the Collins German-English English-German Dictionary understatedly defines as a dirty fellow or cad.

  “Dog eat dog” doesn’t refer to the desperate hunger that can lead to cannibalism in any species but, rather, to the sort of cutthroat competition, typically to do with business or politics, unknown to any species except homo sapiens.

  Mutt, now often used affectionately toward any dog, is short for muttonhead, which derives from sheep. In the 1800s muttonhead referred to an incompetent or stupid person; mutt was applied to mongrel dogs on the theory that mixed breeds (animal or human) were less intelligent than purebreds.

  Cur

  Like humans, dogs can be aggressive. Cur refers to an aggressive dog, often a mongrel, but
came to be slang (per the Concise Oxford English Dictionary) for a despicable man.

  Mongrel, which denoted a dog of indefinable—therefore more than likely mixed—breed, came to mean, in a very humanly mean-spirited way, a person of mixed origin. What was sometimes seen as undesirable in a dog was often viewed as awful or unacceptable in a person.

  Many people would agree that dogs’ least desirable trait is excessive barking. Why don’t dogs get sore throats or laryngitis after extended barking? A canine’s vocal range is narrower than a human’s and its less delicate larynx or voice box isn’t as prone to stress and temporary damage. Arf-arf!

  Bitch

  Patriarchy has traditionally regarded women as psychologically closer to animals than men are, even though characterizing a human as a beast invariably applies to a grown male, typically in a violently sexual context. The ancient Greeks believed only females could become hysterical and fall into hysteria, both related to “hysterectomy,” all from their word for womb: hustera or hystera.

  A bitch is a female dog (or wolf or fox or otter). Female animals’ purported misbehavior was often projected onto women. For a long time, “bitch” was considered semi-obscene; the 1939 film The Women finds Joan Crawford insulting a group of well-to-do ladies by declaring there’s a word for them that’s not usually heard outside a kennel. Today the word is routinely and widely heard.

  The dictionary also defines “bitch” as a woman who is spiteful or disliked. A double standard of dislike still tends to cling to women, especially if very successful or very attractive or not attractive.

  In recent times, bitch took on a non-human, non-canine situational meaning, as in the gloomy aphorism “Life is a bitch, then you die.”

  In black English, bitch means woman. Oddly, bitching (often misspelled bitchen) came to mean, as an adjective, excellent, and as an adverb, extremely.

  Son of a bitch, an entrenched insult, is unthinkingly sexist, for who does it really insult? The mother of whomever one is trying to insult. (It’s worse in Spanish, where the phrase translates as son of a whore.) Contrast this with son of a gun, which is admiring of both father and son.