A Rogue of My Own

by Johanna Lindsey

  But before she could point that out, Rupert said, “Excuse me,” and leaned off her.

  She glanced behind her to see him raising the boxed seat he’d occupied. He reached into the compartment under it and lifted out a rifle. Her eyes flared wide with her first conclusion.

  “You’re going to kill someone over this?!”

  “You don’t think he deserves it? But, no, that’s not my intention. I’m an excellent shot. I’m just going to help them decide to turn around.”

  Just like that? And said with such complete confidence? Whom did he think he was kidding? But she watched him open the window in the door nearest to her head. Braced on his knees because he was too tall to stand up in the coach, he got his head, half his chest, and the rifle though the window, no easy task. The window was wide, but his chest was wider. Then he took aim.

  The sound of the shot so close to her left her ears ringing. She barely heard Rupert swear, but then the coach did just bounce as his first shot was fired, probably making it go wildly off the mark. She covered her ears with her hands for the duration. It didn’t help much, but over the next five minutes, Rupert only sent off three more shots, the last one from the other window.

  “You can get up now.”

  She dredged up some indignation as she crawled back onto her seat so he wouldn’t notice how frightened she’d been, not just for herself, but for her baby. “It took you three shots to change Pearson’s opinion? Not such an excellent shot after all, eh?”

  “He had two others with him. All three are wounded now.”

  Her blush was only slight, her fear still present. The shooting might have stopped, but her trembling hadn’t. Nowhere in his description of what they would be doing in Le Mans had he mentioned running for their lives.

  Sitting opposite her again, his arms crossed, Rupert remarked after a moment of studying her face, “You know, I think this is the first time in my adult life that I have been ensconced with a female in a comfortable coach and haven’t tried to maneuver her onto my lap for a more enjoyable ride. Aside from my mother, of course.”

  “Is that remark supposed to have some hidden meaning?” she snapped.

  “Thought it was rather clear m’self,” he said with a roguish grin as he reached for her hand and drew her onto his lap.

  “What are—?”

  “You’ve had a bad scare,” he said in a low tone by her ear, his hot breath sending a shiver down her spine. “This will get your mind off it, don’t you think?”

  Her mind was already off it! She couldn’t imagine why he’d want to soothe her when he saw her in such a despicable light, but he wasn’t waiting for her answer. Putting a hand to her cheek, he maneuvered her lips to his, and within seconds that kiss became hot and explosive. Their brush with death had caused some heart-pounding emotions in them both that were now being released in a burst of passion.

  God, how could he keep doing this to her, making her want him so badly that nothing else mattered? It was bad enough when she just looked at him, but tasting him, feeling him! And remembering their lovemaking—if she didn’t know what this was leading to, she might have had the will to stop him, but she did know, and she didn’t want to stop him.

  Her fingers threaded through his silky hair. A lock brushed against her cheek as he changed her position slightly without ending the kiss. Her head now rested in the crook of his arm, while his hand, spread wide, moved slowly from her neck to her stomach in a long, delicious caress that only paused a moment before she felt his fingers press ever so slightly where her legs joined. Her clothes were in the way!

  A hard bounce of the coach broke that kiss and cleared her head enough for her to realize she had to try one more time to convince him about the baby before she let this go on. They would both regret it afterward if she didn’t. Or maybe this was his way of telling her that he did believe her!

  She put her fingers to his lips before he could kiss her again so she could ask him, “Do you believe me now?”

  “About what?”

  He really was confused, to go by his expression. But then his mind had been on only one thing and the passion was still in his eyes. So she clarified, “About the baby.”

  That quickly extinguished the fire—for him, anyway. He put her back on her seat, raked a hand through his hair, and pinned her with a scowl. “Your timing is deplorable, Rebecca. I thought I made it clear I wasn’t falling for that trap.”

  That doused the sensual flames for her. If he still thought that, he shouldn’t have kissed her! It didn’t matter that he’d managed to make her forget her fear over being shot at, what was left now was pure frustration.

  She ought to try one last time to convince him that he was wrong about her, but all she ended up saying was “You know, when we’re both old and gray-haired and looking back on our lives, only I will have the memories of this child we created. I think at that point I will pity you.”

  She definitely struck a nerve, to go by the dark look he was giving her now. She didn’t care. That prediction was no more than he deserved.

  He said no more.

  She’d said too much.

  Then Rupert shook his head. “What a fool I am to get taken in by you again and again. You are a master manipulator. So you want to marry me that much? Fine, I’ll have the captain marry us at sea on the crossing back to England. But don’t think you’re getting what you want, Becca. This won’t get you in my door. It will be in name only until it is proven you aren’t pregnant, and then we’ll have the marriage annulled. You will have to leave your position at the palace, of course. Maids of honor lose that title when they marry, and they certainly aren’t allowed to have babies. So you will go home and hide yourself away for the duration.”

  How dare he dictate his despicable terms to her! “I was already planning to return home because it’s getting harder and harder to hide my morning sickness. If there were another option, guess what? I’d take it just to spite you! But marriage to the most unfaithful skirt-chaser in London isn’t an option, and you’ve already had my answer. It’s not going to happen.”

  “It will,” he insisted.

  “Ha!”

  “You don’t think so? Then I guess you won’t mind when your pregnancy is announced in the newspapers.”

  She sucked in her breath, livid with rage. “Why would you do that?”

  “Because you’ve finally inserted some doubt in my mind, and as long as there’s even a speck of it, let me assure you, I will be damned before I allow any child of mine to go to strangers.”

  “Why don’t you just be damned!”

  Chapter Thirty-three

  HOW COULD YOU HATE someone and still feel bad about wishing them damned? Yet she felt bad! Rebecca actually had to grapple with herself to keep from apologizing to Rupert. She was certain that Rupert also had only spoken in anger and that he wouldn’t really marry her.

  But he did.

  The shock was tremendous and wouldn’t go away. Standing there on the deck of the small ship that Rupert had gotten them passage on, the cold wind in her face had dried her tears so quickly she didn’t even know she was crying. Such a horrible way to be married, and all because she couldn’t resist the tarnished angel. She was trying to think what this “marriage” would mean to her and couldn’t. It had no meaning!

  A bigger ship would take the coach and horses as well, but only Matthew would be traveling on that one, since it wasn’t sailing until the next day. The smaller ship didn’t offer a cabin but was leaving immediately and would get them to Dover within the hour.

  She only sensed him when he came to stand next to her at the rail. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him. The English coast was in sight by then and she kept her eyes on it.

  “Let me give you a few assurances, Becca,” Rupert said in a calm, soothing tone, as if he were actually doing her a favor. “I won’t touch you again. This marriage really will be in name only.”

  She might have thanked him for that if she could have
managed to speak. Then again, she would as soon not talk to him at all at this point.

  But he hadn’t actually finished his last remark and added, “I’m not going to take the chance of you really getting with child.”

  If she were prone to hysterics, she’d be having some. And he still wasn’t done pounding her self-esteem into the ground. Although his voice remained calm, he was insulting her at every turn.

  “You won’t even have to see me again until enough time has passed to prove that you are lying about the baby. In fact, I don’t need to show up for that. I’ll send one of my brothers to check on you in my stead, and I’ll get our marriage annulled immediately thereafter. So no harm done, at least from my perspective.”

  “My, how nice for you,” she said scathingly under her breath.

  “While I don’t doubt this marriage is exactly what you wanted all along, despite your silly protests to the contrary, too bad. No one is going to know about this, or should I be more explicit?”

  “Yes,” she replied sharply. “I am brilliantly cunning and stupidly dense at the same time. Do continue treating me like a child.”

  “Your sarcasm is uncalled-for.”

  “I disagree. Actually, I will probably disagree with you henceforth whether I agree with you or not! I can behave like a child if you insist on treating me like one.”

  She hadn’t looked at him yet, but she did look down to see his knuckles turning white as he gripped the rail beside her. Good. Why should she be the only one angry about this deplorable situation?

  “Have it your way, the explicit version then,” he bit out. “No one had better find out about this marriage-in-name-only that you say you didn’t want, and I know damn well I didn’t want.”

  Now he was threatening her? With what? Marriage to him for life? She might just get hysterical after all.

  “You can tell your mother, of course,” he went on. “I don’t want to have her pounding on my door if you’re foolish enough to try to convince her that you’re enceinte. But you will tell no one else and warn her of the same.”

  “Is that so? And what makes you think I’m going to do anything you say?”

  “Because for the time being you are legally mine, and that means you will obey me.”

  She nearly choked she drew in her breath so sharply. “Do not count on that, St. John. I don’t care what rights you think this mockery of a marriage gives you, as far as I’m concerned, you don’t even exist. Do I need to be more explicit?”

  “No, I believe we have come to a mutual agreement to forget about each other, which suits me just fine. As long as you do nothing to gain my notice, which means you stay at your home for the duration.”

  “Your threats don’t scare me.”

  He lifted a brow at her. “No? Then you really must have some odd notions about marriage, if you think you can do as you please now. Ask your mother if you doubt me.”

  He walked away, and she didn’t bother to look where. They were man and wife and would be until he got their marriage annulled. What a rude awakening that was going to be in three or four months’ time. For him.

  Chapter Thirty-four

  Where have you been?!

  Rebecca winced at Flora’s screeching tone, even though she had been expecting no less. It had taken so long to rent a coach in Dover and hie it back to London that it was now near dark. But the maid didn’t have to be quite that loud in expressing her relief.

  “Not where I wanted to be,” Rebecca replied tiredly, and moved to sit down on the bed.

  “Four days have passed!”

  “I’m lucky it was only four,” Rebecca grouched. “It’s not exactly easy to catch a ship at a moment’s notice, you know. No, I suppose you wouldn’t know. But let me tell you, I found that out firsthand.”

  Flora’s eyes widened. “Just where did you think you were going by ship? And alone? Without me?”

  “It wasn’t by choice. The ship sailed while I was telling my husband that marriage to him would be out of the question.”

  “So you married him?”

  Rebecca blinked now at Flora’s suddenly calm tone. “Why doesn’t that surprise you?”

  “Because it was the right thing to do, all things considered.”

  Rebecca snorted and, with some of her anger returning, leaped to her feet again. “Not when he didn’t want to marry me. Not when he thinks that I seduced him. Not when he’s so bloody sure that I’m lying about having his baby.”

  “Then—how did you end up marrying him anyway?”

  “A speck of doubt was how he put it.”

  “A speck?” Flora choked out.

  “Yes, just a speck.”

  “You spent four days with him and didn’t vomit once to prove—”

  “Course I did. Every morning.” Rebecca sighed. “But he’s not counting something he thinks I faked. Besides, on board ship, it wasn’t just the morning sickness I was beset with. I’m quite sure the only proof he’ll accept prior to the actual birth is a widened girth. But as it stands, he intends to annul the marriage, since he’s so positive I won’t start displaying some proof that I’m pregnant in the expected period of time.”

  “Well, too bad for him then, when you do.”

  “No, too bad for me. He’s such a rogue, Flora. I can’t believe I was ever attracted to him. Of course he didn’t show his true colors prior to that fateful night. But he certainly showed them when I caught up to him on that ship that sailed before I could get off it. And I was not going to marry him and told him so.”

  “You sure stuck to your guns!”

  “Don’t try to inject humor into this deplorable situation. He threatened to ruin me publicly if I didn’t accept his horrible temporary terms! And he’s ordered me to go into hiding at home in Norford until he’s satisfied enough time has passed to end this farce of a marriage.”

  “What happens when he finds out he can’t end it amicably, but only with a scandalous divorce?”

  “Once he sees that I wasn’t lying, he won’t end it a’tall, which is what I’m dreading. That was the only reason he married me, that slim bit of doubt he was having. He stated clearly that he will not let strangers raise his child. So I really hope I’m late in showing the proof he wants, so I can get out of this mess before he realizes there really is a baby.”

  “I don’t think you’ve thought that through,” Flora said hesitantly.

  “There’s no doubt in my mind that I despise him now,” Rebecca insisted.

  “I don’t mean that. I mean you got what you needed, legitimacy for your child. If you quietly end the marriage so no one even hears about it, you’ll be back where you started, but three or four months too late to do anything other than go away to have your baby in secret, then give the child up.”

  Rebecca paled. Why hadn’t that occurred to her? Because she was too busy being furious with Rupert St. John to think beyond getting far away from him?

  “I can see you got my point,” Flora added with a satisfied nod.

  “This is—intolerable. I can’t bear the thought of being tied to him for—”

  “Oh, stop it,” Flora cut in sternly. “Do you really think he’s going to continue being so despicable to you after he knows his silly conclusions are all wrong? He’ll more likely go out of his way to be as charming as you could ever want, to make it up to you.”

  Rebecca snorted. “No, he’ll just find some other reason to despise me. Don’t forget, he claims I seduced him, that this is all my fault!”

  “Did you?” Flora asked baldly. At Rebecca’s glare, the maid amended in a conciliatory tone, “No, of course not. Can’t imagine what I was thinking. But it makes you wonder how many times women have tried to trap him into marriage, for him to distrust the truth when it’s right in front of him.”

  “Do not make excuses for him, Flora. And I’ve spent nearly four horrid days with the man, so I’d rather not talk about him anymore.”

  Flora nodded in agreement and picked up the book she ha
d been reading. “How long has my mother been frantic over my disappearance?” Rebecca asked anxiously.

  Flora’s expression turned immediately sympathetic. “I waited as long as my nerves could bear to send word to her that you were missing. I kept praying you’d return at any moment. But after two days and nights and still no word from you, I couldn’t wait any longer. And now another day has passed and the man John Keets found to deliver the message hasn’t even returned yet. But I don’t doubt he succeeded. I thought Lilly would be here last night, so I can’t imagine what’s delaying her. I expect her to arrive at any moment, though.”

  Rebecca sighed. She should be grateful that Lilly hadn’t been worrying as long as she’d feared, but now she was worried about what was delaying her mother’s arrival. And she didn’t know whether she should stay at the palace and wait for her mother to arrive or try to find Lilly along the road on the way home. She might miss her in that case, since it was already getting dark. Besides, without her own coach and driver, she’d have to hire a hack, and it was doubtful she’d find one willing to drive her all the way to Norford at night.

  “I suppose I will have to spend one more night here,” Rebecca said. “But you can have my trunks brought up and I’ll help you pack them so you can have time to pack up your flat before it gets too late tonight.”

  “We leave tomorrow?”

  “Yes, first thing in the morning. If I could get us transportation tonight, I would.”

  “John can probably help with that if you want to leave now.”

  “But what if Mama arrives after we leave?”

  “John can watch for her, too, and let her know you’re safe and sound,” Flora said. “That’s going to be her main concern. She doesn’t need to actually see you to be assured that you’re fine.”

  “Poor Mr. Keets. We have quite taken advantage of his friendliness. I’ll have to think of a way to compensate him for all his help.”