by K. B. Wagers
“Lights up,” he said, crouching down out of reach, a Hessian 45 hanging loosely in his hand.
I wondered if I could move fast enough to grab it. First, I had to convince my limbs to start working again.
“I told you to just get some sleep, Hail. Why don’t you listen?”
“I slept some. Besides, if you were really Emmory you’d already know the answer to that.” Laughing was painful, but I did it anyway. “We’re in space.”
“I realize it didn’t stop you from trying last time, but it does make my job slightly easier.” He smiled, a slow curving of his lips that made my heart ache. “Hail, what’s it going to take to get some cooperation from you? I’d like to get you some food, but if you’re going to fight me every step of the way, I’ll knock you out and hook you up to the auto-feed.”
I looked up at not-Emmory from my spot on the floor; the familiarity was so on point for him it made my heart ache. The worst of the shock had dissipated, but I kept a wary eye on the Hessian 45 in his hand as I got to my feet. My stomach growled, making the decision for me. “I’ll behave.”
“I have your oath? Don’t hurt anyone. Don’t try to escape.”
“For the next hour, I give you my word I won’t hurt anyone, and I won’t try to escape,” I replied.
The smile that flickered to life on not-Emmory’s face was so much like my Ekam’s it broke my heart. “Done.”
I held out my wrists but not-Emmory shook his head. “I trust you to keep your word.”
“You shouldn’t. Aiz could tell you how many times I’ve broken it.”
“Oaths to your captors don’t count. We all know that.”
“Aren’t you my captor?”
Not-Emmory shook his head again. “I am your Ekam, Majesty.”
I looked at him with a sad smile. “I wish I could believe you were. But my Ekam is dead.”
The pain that flashed across his face shouldn’t have been so easy to replicate, and for an instant I wanted to break my oath and tear out his throat for daring to show me such an expression.
Be better, Haili, Cire whispered in my ear, and I turned my head to look the ghost of my sister in the eye. Just because they are liars and deceivers doesn’t mean you have to be.
I straightened my shoulders, spotted the way my not-Ekam’s hand tightened on his gun, and smiled. “Well, if you’re going to feed me let’s be about it, your hour is running out.”
He stepped aside and gestured at the door, leaving me no choice but to head out into the corridor. We walked in silence, the ship around us eerily quiet except for that telltale hum of spaceflight.
“The Shen ship didn’t look anything like this.”
“This is Farian, Majesty. It was the only way we could get here fast enough.”
The news that we were on a Farian ship threw me. One more missing piece in this puzzle my addled brain couldn’t seem to wrap itself around.
Focus on the details, Haili, my mother ordered.
“Six months isn’t fast,” I said with a bitter laugh.
“It took us that long to find you.”
“You couldn’t just track me?”
“You were a long way away, Majesty. Besides, your smati is off.”
“Oh, right,” I replied, and switched it back on again, unsurprised when it registered the person in front of me as Emmory. A trick of light, Aiz had said, enough to fool even the tech.
“What did you do? Kick over every rock in the galaxy first?”
“We kicked a few rocks over, Majesty,” he replied with a slight smile. “But mostly it was Fasé.”
Her ghost’s insistent questions echoed in my head, but I shook them away. “Is that why I haven’t seen her? Why she hasn’t fixed this hole in my side or the bruises all over me?”
An expression I couldn’t quite name flickered over not-Emmory’s face, and I snorted a laugh. “Don’t sweat it, you were bound to screw something up. Though I’ll give you points, yours is much more convincing. Even Aiz didn’t get it right on the first try.”
“How so?”
“Aiz’s Emmory was—” I looked up, my eyes following the curve of the gray wall, and I reached a hand out to touch it as I searched for the words. “His Emmory was what he thought Emmory was to me—my Ekam, my loyal BodyGuard—all duty and formalities. He didn’t realize there was more to it than that.” Foolish tears sprang into my eyes and I flicked them away even though I knew not-Emmory had probably seen them.
“Anyway, you know I’m going to get out of here, right? I’ve got places to be, powerful beings to kill. Or Farians, whatever, at this point I’m less than picky. You know they might be the ones who paid Jamison to blow you all up?”
“Food first, Majesty.” Not-Emmory stopped and gestured at the open door across the hall.
I poked my head in, and my stomach grew more insistent at the smells weaving their way around my head. There were a pair of trays sitting alone in an otherwise deserted mess and Portis was sitting on the tabletop, his boots propped up on the seat.
You could probably get to the table before him, knock him out with one of the trays, he suggested.
It was tempting, but I shook my head. “I need to eat.”
“That’s why we’re here, Majesty,” not-Emmory said from behind me, a thread of confusion in his voice.
“Not you,” I replied, waving a hand at Portis. “I was talking to—” The words stuck in my throat and I dropped onto the bench with a frown. “Nothing, never mind.”
Are you worried you’re going to offend him by telling him you’re talking to his dead brother? Portis asked, nudging me with his foot. That’s not Emmory, baby. Come on.
“Hush,” I muttered, then snatched up a piece of roti and crammed it into my mouth.
Not-Emmory didn’t comment, eating his food slower and with a decorum that suggested his meal was there more to make me feel comfortable than because he needed it. But he ate like an Indranan, bunching up labra with a bit of roti between his thumb and fingers.
“Is there no silverware because you don’t want me stabbing you with a fork again?” I asked around a mouthful of food.
Not-Emmory chewed and swallowed, studying me for a long moment before he answered. “You’ve never stabbed me with a utensil, Majesty, fork or otherwise. But Zin thought it would be safer this way given the circumstances.”
I swallowed, hating the dangerous sliver of hope jabbing itself into my brain, and wiped my hand off on the napkin next to my tray before I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Who are you and what do you want?”
“I’m your Ekam, Majesty.”
“My Ekam is dead!” I shoved my tray across the table at him and got to my feet. Hope had turned into anger and it burned in my throat. “He was murdered back on Earth. My friends were murdered back on Earth and I’m tired of seeing you wear his face like you own it. Your hour is up. Take me back to my room or let me go.”
Not-Emmory sighed. “We’re in space, Majesty, so obviously the second option isn’t happening.”
“Majesty.”
I turned as not-Zin came through the door, Gita in front of him.
It’s not her, Hail. You were right before. They replaced everyone.
I wasn’t even sure whose ghost was whispering that into my ear because I was too busy backing away from the trio who were watching me with pity written so clearly across their faces.
“Hail, everyone’s ali—” Not-Gita stuck a hand out, but I slapped it away. Tears appeared in her eyes.
“I am done with this farce.” I jabbed a finger through the air in not-Emmory’s direction. He’d gotten to his feet, a resigned look on his face and his hand on his gun.
“She’s not going to believe us,” he said, shaking out a pair of cuffs with his other hand. “Turn around, Majesty.”
“An oath to a liar,” I replied with a smirk. “You want cuffs back on me, you’re going to have to work for it.”
“I’ve never lied to you, Majesty.”
>
I rushed him and got a face full of sapne for my trouble. Not-Emmory hadn’t pulled his Hessian 45 but instead lifted his hand to release a cloud of the foul lavender smoke directly into my path.
The floor surged up to meet me, followed just as quickly by a blanket of darkness dragging me down into the depths of unconsciousness.
20
The voices filtered in through my pounding head.
“We should have sent Johar instead. Not me. She hasn’t trusted me for weeks.”
“Gita, it’s not your fault. We knew it was a risky play.” Not-Emmory’s reply was sympathetic.
“I don’t understand why Fasé can’t fix this,” not-Gita said.
“I don’t either, but she says she can’t. There are limits, and Hail’s so deep in this delusion it’s too big a risk for Fasé to interfere.”
“What about Mia? She said she thought she could help, and as much as I hate to admit it, Hail trusts her.”
“I’ve already said no, Gita.” Not-Emmory’s voice was hard. “I’m not letting that Shen put a hand on her. I wouldn’t have before and I’m especially not in the mood now.”
“I know you’re awake,” Hao’s ghost whispered in Cheng next to my ear.
I cracked an eye. “How did you know that?” I was strapped down to the table in the medical bay again and for a moment wasn’t sure if I’d imagined the last few hours, but I was in the same Farian clothes I’d put on after my shower and wasn’t hungry. Turning my head slowly, I met my dead brother’s metallic gaze.
“Your breathing shifted.” Hao smiled, tapping a finger to his temple. “Besides, I know you well enough to recognize the difference.”
“Pity you’re just a ghost, you could help me get loose.”
“I could,” he conceded after a glance at the pair in the doorway. “Why is it so hard for you to believe they’re real?”
“They can’t be real.”
“Why?”
“You know why. Because you all died, Hao,” I hissed the reply. “I sent you into the embassy and you all died.”
“If we’re not all dead, then what? You didn’t fuck up and kill us? I would think that’s a good thing. Putting aside the fact that you had no idea Jamison would blow up the embassy, you’re not responsible for keeping us alive. We’re all adults here.”
“You know as well as I do that’s a nice fantasy but it’s not the case. We’re always responsible for our crew. I was listening to you when you lectured me, you know.”
“I never lectured you.”
I gave my brother’s ghost a flat look. “You lectured me every chance you got, and you know it. What’s the point of this thought experiment?”
Hao smiled. “Just trying to get you to follow your logic through to the end because you’re stuck in a loop at the moment. Why would they keep up the pretense even after you’ve called them on it? Where’s Aiz? Or Adora?” He gestured around him. “Why go to all this trouble just to convince you we’re still alive? What do they get out of it?”
“I don’t know, okay? I don’t know anything anymore, it’s all a mess. I’m a mess. You all died, and it destroyed me.” I blinked back the tears. “I’m not nearly as strong as everyone liked to pretend.”
“You are, sha zhu.”
“No. Aiz spend almost six months kicking my ass, killing me, and bringing me back to life, fucking with my head the whole time. Don’t act so surprised, gege,” I said when the murderous look slid over his face. “You sat and watched it happen.”
“I know,” he said finally, smiling a sad smile. “It’s still hard to hear.”
“I liked it.” The words were raw in my throat. “I am so tired and there is still so much left to do. Always more fighting. You were lucky, you got to get out early. I am stuck here, trapped again between a duty and my own desires.” I forced a smile. “But I’ll fight and maybe we will win and then I can join you.”
“Oh, little sister. It hurts to see you like this.”
“It’s all right.”
Hao shook his head. “What you need to do now is figure out what’s real. We’re alive or we’re not, which makes more sense?”
“I don’t know.”
“You think about it and let me know when you decide, okay?”
“You’re just a ghost, what can you do?”
“You’d be surprised.” Hao smiled at me as he got to his feet. “Don’t let this beat you, Hail. Your heart knows the truth; stop being so scared of what it’s telling you.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, could have sworn I felt a brush of his fingertips over my cheek, but when I opened them Hao was gone and not-Emmory was looking down at me.
“How are we going to get through this, Majesty? What do I need to do to prove to you we’re real?” He looked weary, a sheen of exhaustion in his brown eyes. They’d replicated the look of the Tracker augmentations, too, so that silver chased through his irises.
“Go get some sleep, not-Emmory,” I replied, closing my eyes. “You look like you need it. Pretending to be someone else is exhausting enough, but Emmory is relentless. I’m going to hang out here for a while. Maybe when we both wake up we’ll be in the mood to compromise.”
His exhale was quiet, and I couldn’t stop the flinch when he put a gloved hand down on my hand and squeezed. “Sleep well, Majesty.”
He turned the lights down on his way out, leaving me alone in the dimly lit med bay. Hao’s words spun around in my head; try as I might to ignore them, they kept resurfacing. They were buoyed by that last shred of hope that just wouldn’t burn to ash no matter how many fires were lit with it.
What if Emmory and the others were alive? They couldn’t be; it was impossible. What would be the point of Aiz or any other faction of Shen pretending to be them when I already knew he could pull off this trick?
These people, whoever they are, Hail, have Mia prisoner. Which means they’re not Aiz’s. They’re the enemy.
That thought slammed into me with the same force as not-Emmory’s palm strike.
The restraints holding me down were standard medical ones, and I was able to get myself free with a minimum amount of fuss and padded on bare feet to the doorway.
I steeled myself for the shock as I tapped the pad by the door, but it slid open without protest and without putting me on the floor.
The hallway was empty, except for Hao’s ghost, who leaned against the curved wall, one leg crossed over the other. “We getting out of here?”
“I need to find Mia,” I replied.
His smile curved upward. “Of course you do. Lucky for you I know where she is.”
The corridors were silent, only the hum of a spaceship in flight to give away the fact that we were still out in the black.
“I don’t suppose you know where we’re going?”
“You wanted to bust Mia out?”
“Oh, no, I meant where is the ship going?”
Hao’s ghost laughed. “I don’t, sha zhu, sadly. Could probably find out for you. Or you could just ask Emmory.”
“Not-Emmory,” I corrected absently.
“Right,” he said. “Not-Emmory.” Hao stopped at a doorway. “Door is probably locked, but if you pop the panel you should be able to short it.”
“Thanks.” I bent to the task; the panel came loose easily and a few twisted wires later the door slid open. “Hey, are you—”
Hao was gone.
“Mia?”
“Hail?” Mia scrambled to her feet, her hands gloved and in complicated-looking shackles. “What are you doing?”
“Getting us out of here.” I closed my hand around her upper arm. “Are these Farians? Or that opposition faction you told me about? I don’t know how they found us, but we need to go.”
“Hail.” My name was an exhale laced with sadness, and I frowned at Mia when she resisted my pull toward the door. “They aren’t Farians. These are your people.”
Her words were a hammer to my throat. “My people are dead!” I hissed.
“
Majesty, let her go and step away.”
I glanced over my shoulder at not-Emmory and muttered a curse.
Mia stepped in close, pressing her cheek to mine, her lips brushing my ear. I heard not-Emmory’s warning behind us and the sound of Hessian 45s powering up. “Sleep, Hail,” she whispered, and I did.
When I woke again, I was curled up on the bed in the room not-Emmory had put me in originally. For a moment I let myself pretend that I was back on the Hailimi, safe and surrounded by the people I loved.
“Majesty, I know you’re awake.”
I rolled over, spotted someone who looked like Fasé perched in a chair and not-Emmory standing by the door. The lights were dim, throwing shadows around, and I sat up, folding my hands in my lap.
“That’s a new low,” I said. “When Fasé comes back and grows up she’s going to kick your ass for wearing her old face.”
Not-Fasé smiled, a perfect replica of the look she used to give me when she knew more than I did but wasn’t telling. “Why is it so hard for you to believe we’re alive, Majesty?”
Her words were an echo of Hao’s and I wondered for a moment if the ghost I’d seen was really a ghost. It was the kind of sneaky, reckless thing my Hao would do.
Except if it wasn’t a ghost it wasn’t your Hao, you idiot, my brain screamed at me. None of these people are who they say they are.
“Nothing adds up,” I replied. “Besides, I heard not-Emmory there. Even if you were Fasé and I were someone who needed to be fixed, she couldn’t do it.”
Fasé winced. “It’s a wonder you don’t have a splitting headache, because I think I just got one trying to follow that logic.”
“This would go a lot smoother if you’d all just stop with this charade and show me your real faces. Tell me what you want.”
Fasé dipped her head and unfolded her legs from the chair. “How about if I show you what really happened on Earth?”
“I saw what happened,” I snarled. “You all died and left me alone.”
Not-Emmory’s face was impassive, but I saw his hand shift to his gun as not-Fasé approached me. I scooted away from her until my back was pressed to the wall.
“And the Cevallas didn’t tell you differently, so you just went with it because of course you would expect your worst fears to come true.”