Down Among the Dead

by K. B. Wagers

  “For that, you’re going to have to ask them directly, Hail.” Sybil spread her hands wide as she lifted them from her lap. “I don’t have those answers.”

  “You’ve seen so much of this happen, haven’t you?” I asked. “All three of you.” It was hard to keep the bitterness out of my words. Mia winced. Sybil had the grace to look slightly ashamed. Fasé finally looked at me again, but her expression was neutral, unchanging from how she’d been staring at the wall. “But you never have the answers when we need them.”

  “Hail.”

  I shook my head at Emmory as I pushed away from the wall. “No, I’m perfectly calm. I’m angry, but I’m not going to start throwing punches or”—I looked down at my guns and crossed to him, holding my hands up—“shooting people, but take those just in case. Because I’m in the mood to hammer this out.”

  Emmory pulled the Glocks free and put them on the table behind him. I saw a smile flicker over Fasé’s face and found myself equally grateful and infuriated by the sudden reaction.

  I looked to Aiz, hoping he was going to back me up. “I want everyone out. Aiz and Mia, stay. Emmory, you and Zin. Fasé and Sybil.” Hao looked like he wanted to protest, but I shook my head. “There’s too many variables right now and this is too important to risk being interrupted by people shouting at each other.”

  There was surprisingly little argument and I waited until the door closed behind the last person before I turned and pointed at Fasé. “We’ll start with you.”

  30

  I will remain endlessly grateful to you for saving these two.” I pointed behind me at Emmory and Zin. “And for Admiral Hassan’s life as well as everything else you’ve done for me and my empire. But you’re still new to this, Fasé, and kicking yourself for things not going the way you thought they would isn’t going to do us any good.”

  She tilted her head curiously. “How did you know?”

  “I recognize the look,” I said. “What happened on Sparkos was, I don’t know, maybe it was the way things were supposed to go. We’ll never know and it doesn’t matter anyway because it’s done.”

  “Fair enough.” Fasé’s easy agreement startled me. “Would you have listened if I could have gotten through to you?”

  “Probably not,” I replied. “But I’ll own it, I made my choice.”

  “You made the choice she wanted you to make.” Fasé’s gold eyes flicked toward Mia.

  “We’re getting to that,” I said.

  “Hail.”

  I turned and smiled at Mia. “There’s no point in trying to sugarcoat it, Mia. You lied to me, Aiz lied to me. You both had a very specific reason for wanting me there, and it served your purpose for me to think most of my people were dead.” I scrubbed at the back of my head. “It makes a lot more sense why you didn’t want to send Gita and the others away now.”

  “It was easier to get you to see right there on the edge,” Mia whispered, looking at her hands.

  “Nearly fucked it up, though, didn’t you? You both were worried about me—for good reason.” I smiled at her startled look. “I may have been eavesdropping on some conversations. You know the messed-up part of it all?” I asked. “I would have agreed to help you anyway.” I gestured at Emmory and Zin. “These guys would have protested, but I would have convinced them in the end.”

  “As much as I hate to admit it, she’s right,” Emmory said, and I winked at him.

  “Which brings me to you, Seer of the Council of Eyes.” I pointed at Sybil. “I have a sneaking suspicion you knew how this was going to play out from the beginning. That you know what’s going to happen in the next minute, the next hour, the next day. You’ve had years with the future, thousands of them if not more because damned if I can get a handle on how long you’ve actually been around. I don’t buy for one second that you haven’t seen the same things Mia has.”

  “That’s mildly insulting, Hail.”

  I shrugged. “That’s life. Given what the stakes are, I’m done with being led around by the nose, so how about you tell me what you saw in that future that made you agree when the Pedalion ordered you to help Fasé escape?”

  “It is not just about that future, Hail. It is also—” Sybil broke off and stared at me. “You knew? How?”

  “Gunrunners who believe in happy coincidences don’t live for very long.” I smiled and lifted a shoulder.

  Fasé was looking at Sybil in horror, her careful façade of indifference shattered by the news. Mia and Aiz, on the other hand, were muttering curses in Shen I knew all too well, and I really hoped they didn’t try anything before I was finished.

  Emmory was giving me the Look.

  “I’ll be honest, it was in large part a guess. But Fasé was on lockdown in Faria and though they were letting her talk with Stasia—likely to keep me from getting suspicious—there wasn’t much of a chance of her getting out of there on her own. You haven’t seemed the least bit surprised by anything that’s happened. Except you told me back on Pashati that you didn’t peek at the future for day-to-day things. Which means you’d already watched this all play out before you ever hooked up with us.” I tapped a hand on the holster strapped to my thigh and knew without looking that Emmory and Zin both had their guns in their hands. “I am curious if you saw this part, but if you didn’t I bet you are wondering why I’ve let you go on for so long.”

  “Star of Indrana, I—”

  “You’re not sold on Adora and the Pedalion, are you?” I cut her off with a smile. “There’s something you’ve seen. Something else you know. I see it in your body language, how you’re holding something in. I can hear it in what you’re not saying and the way you’ve said the things you did choose to share.

  “So tell me, Sybil, do you finally share it? Or do I have Emmory send your soul back to the Pedalion? We’ll muddle along fine without you, I promise.”

  “I—” She pressed shaking fingers to her lips, dropping her gaze to her lap for several heartbeats before she looked at me again. “Star of Indrana, I hope you know it is not empty flattery when I say that you are the most amazing human I have ever met. The things you see, the secrets you keep, the way you have lost yourself and then found it all again. Even the company you hold close to you is amazing beyond belief.

  “You cannot imagine the reputation that preceded you, though it was no fault of your own that my expectations were so high.” Sybil smiled when I snorted. “I was given a task along with the vision I saw so long ago. It is not something I have ever shared with another beyond my sisters in the council until this moment, and it is words meant for you, no one else.”

  “No.” I shook my head. “We’re done with secrets. We’re in this together, and together is how this goes down. You’ll tell me now and you’ll tell me in front of those who need to hear it just as much as I do.” I raised an eyebrow and made a motion for her to continue. Sybil pressed her palms together and bowed her head briefly.

  “I have seen the possible future Mia told you of, and it is terrible indeed. I was also told that the gods want to meet you, Hail. The Pedalion has known of this since the beginning. What is not known is what will happen once you are there.” She shook her head and gestured at Mia. “It could be as she sees and you will kill our gods. Or you will simply speak with them, though to what end I do not know. I have not seen it—no one has seen it. And that uncertainty scares the Pedalion more than you can know.”

  “I’m not surprised.” I tapped my fingers against my holster. For a race so dependent on their future-seers, the black wash of an unknown future had to be terrifying. “What about Fasé?”

  Sybil smiled. “For all that I have not seen, I know this. It is imperative that Fasé and the Cevallas are at your side when you meet the gods, but the Pedalion cannot know that this is our plan. If they know, they will do everything in their power to stop you, and this is the one thing that must come to pass if any of us are to survive the light that is bearing down on us. All other paths lead to chaos.”

  “T
hat’s rather been the plan from the beginning,” I said. “I’m fully intending to meet with your gods.”

  “I know.” Sybil let out the shaky breath she’d just dragged in. “And that is where I have the most fear, Hail. I do not want to see you fight my gods. It is true that everything dies, that everything needs to end. I would be lying if I said I wanted you to kill my gods, but you must meet them and I do not know how to reconcile this paradox.”

  “It’s not yours to reconcile, Sybil,” I said, and looked over at Aiz. He’d composed himself somewhat, but I suspected the only thing keeping his hand off the gun at his hip was my BodyGuards. “Aiz and I have already come to the agreement that we will talk first and fight only if we need to, which I hope you realize is a huge concession from him. If they will not listen, we will fight. And make no mistake, we will win that fight.”

  “I know,” Sybil whispered. “I have seen that, too, and wept for the loss of everything I hold dear.”

  “I can sympathize. It’s been a long few years. I know realistically I can’t stop all wars, but if I can stop this one? I want my people safe. I want your people to have the freedom to leave home and live their lives. I want Aiz’s people to be reborn if they choose. I want everyone to have the choice to die if that is what they wish. If we have to fight some mysterious force invading our galaxy in exchange for that?” I blew out a breath and smiled. “So be it. It’ll be a lot easier to do if I have some gods on my side.”

  “You really think you can make it happen?”

  “I think I got my miracle already.” I glanced Emmory’s way and smiled. “But we do this, or die trying. Are you willing to make that kind of sacrifice?”

  Sybil looked at me, eyes shining, then nodded. “Yes, Star of Indrana, I am.”

  “That’s what I was hoping you were going to say.” I smiled. “We’re not going to tell the Pedalion about this little chat, because you’re a wild card I’d like to keep hidden just in case.”

  “Of course.” Sybil got to her feet. “If it is all right, I would like to go and lie down for a while?”

  “I’ll take her back to her room,” Aiz said after sharing a look with me. Mia offered up a sympathetic smile at Fasé and followed her brother out the door.

  “You’re just going to trust her, Hail?” Fasé asked. “My people are at risk.” She waved a hand at the empty doorway. “Sybil was instrumental in setting up the network on Faria; if she has betrayed us they are all dead.”

  “I don’t think we need to worry, but you might want to tell them to do what they need to in order to keep themselves safe. I’m assuming she knows what’ll happen if she’s lying to me,” I replied, then reached for the Farian’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. It had to hurt Fasé, to shake her faith even further to know she hadn’t swayed Sybil to her side with the strength of her words. “Your message is no less valid for this,” I murmured. “If anything, remember that you won her over the hard way.”

  “I’m not sure that helps.”

  Because she still looked so lost I bent down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Then console yourself with the fact that the Star of Indrana believes in you and that when the dust settles on all of this you’ll have what you’re seeking for your people.”

  I strode back to Emmory and held my hands out for my guns. He put them in my palms and I holstered them, amused to note that my hands were shaking.

  “That went well,” Zin murmured.

  “Everyone is going to have to get on board with the idea that this is going to bring a shit-ton of trouble down on our heads.”

  “We already are, Hail. Your side is the side we’ll always be on,” Emmory replied.

  “I can tell you it’s a fucked-up universe where I’m the one who’s expected to be the peacemaker.”

  “You’re better at it than you think.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  The water I splashed on my face was warm, and I hung on to the edge of the sink, trying to stop the tremors that were crawling under my skin.

  Emmory stood just outside the doorway of the bathroom. Three steps away. Two if I really pushed off from where I was standing. The former wasn’t enough to get to him before he pulled his Hessian and shot me with the stun function.

  But if you really try, we could see what happens, the wicked voice in my brain whispered, and I shook my head so hard the room spun.

  I didn’t want to fight him. Flashbacks and sudden awful impulses notwithstanding, I liked my Ekam and I did not want to kill him.

  If I repeated it enough I would start to believe it.

  Emmory seemed to understand my struggle and didn’t say a word, didn’t do anything to draw attention to himself. He just stood there, a hand on his gun and sorrow in his eyes.

  I pressed my fingers to my eyes and dragged in a breath, blowing it out slowly as I coaxed my legs to support me. Dropping my hands, I met Emmory’s eyes in the mirror. “That was unexpected. I’m sorry.”

  The urge to fight had come out of nowhere, scaring me with its intensity, and I was grateful Emmory was the only person in the room with me when it had happened.

  “I know. It’s all right.”

  “It’s not, though.” I pushed away from the sink, could practically feel his flinch on the air. He backed up as I came out of the bathroom, but the need to fight had passed and instead I knelt to gather the shattered bits of the mug I’d thrown at the wall. “It’s not all right,” I said. “Shiva, that was so unlike me I don’t even know how to process it. I thought I was okay, but I am apparently barely keeping it together.”

  “Majesty, we’ll get someone to clean that up.”

  “I’ll clean up my own damned messes.” I waved a hand and dumped the shattered pieces of the mug, sticky with chai, onto the tray Stasia had delivered and cursed myself for wasting it.

  Emmory was silent as I rinsed my hands off in the sink and came back out with a wet towel.

  “Mia warned us this might happen,” he said finally as I tossed the towel onto the tray. “And Gita chewed my ass yesterday about putting too much on you.”

  “She what?”

  Emmory’s smile was sheepish, a look I hadn’t ever seen on him before. He leaned in the doorway of my room. We were on board the Farian ship where I’d retreated to try to deal with this unexpected desire to put my fist through something during a com with Alice first thing that morning.

  “She said we needed to be careful about asking you for too much. That you weren’t, despite appearances, back to normal.”

  “Well, she wasn’t wrong.” I gestured at the ruined mug and sighed. “I hate feeling this way, Emmory, like a gun with a malfunctioning trigger.” I dropped onto my bed and buried my face in my hands. “You know, the worst part is I’m not sure I’ll ever be back to normal.”

  “Hail.” The bed shifted as Emmory sat on the edge, and I heard him tugging off his gloves before he curled bare fingers around my wrists. “Look at me.”

  I did and the care shining at me from his eyes was a balm on my rough edges and shattered nerves.

  “I know you chose this,” Emmory said. “But it’s okay to be afraid and overwhelmed.” He shook his head before I could find the words to protest. “The universe will rise and fall on its own. You’re not responsible for what’s coming, and you’re not responsible for saving everyone. You’re the one who keeps saying we move forward, not back. So why aren’t you giving yourself the same permission?”

  I flung my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. “Thank you,” I whispered.

  “For what?” Emmory smoothed a hand over my hair as we separated.

  “Coming to get me?” My smile was watery. “I haven’t said that yet, but I am grateful.”

  “It seemed like you were pretty close to getting out yourself.”

  “No.” I shook my head. “I was pretty close to being lost for good.” I held my hand out, curling my fingers around Emmory’s when he took it. “So thanks.”

  “Of course.
I’ll always come for you.” He smiled. “Better?”

  I rubbed my free hand over my chest, surprised that the worst of it had faded away. “Yes.”

  “Good. Now, at the risk of stepping on toes, I’m going to handle the morning briefings with Alice for a while. If for no other reason than you’ve got plenty to do with Aiz and the others.”

  “Caterina’s going to love that.” I mustered up a small smile. “Though I guess she’s just going to have to get used to the empress surrounding herself with gunrunners and alien outlaws. Having my Ekam handling briefings is a minor infraction comparatively.”

  “She’ll deal with it. If they all haven’t figured out by now that you’re not a typical empress and things aren’t going to go the way they’re used to, I’m not sure what we can do to help them.”

  31

  What is it you’re objecting to?”

  “I object on general principle to the idea of walking right into Faria.” Aiz waved a hand at the console in front of us. “Diplomatic mission or not, the second Adora realizes that we are on board the trouble will start.”

  “Are you being contrary already?” I demanded. “Because we’re just getting things sorted here and if I have to remind you I’m in charge every step of the way—”

  “Then you’re not really in charge,” Aiz finished, bumping me with his shoulder.

  We stood next to each other leaning over the console in the main war room of the base. Sybil and Mia were in the corner, deep in discussion once more, and I wondered just what the pair were getting up to. Fasé paced, occasionally throwing in a comment or two in Farian I couldn’t follow.

  The three of them seemed to have recovered from Sybil’s revelation. We’d had a hard talk about just who else to tell, and at present it was limited to the people in this room.

  Hao had accepted it with a shrug. Gita had been less casual about it but deferred to Emmory’s judgment. Talos had been equally sanguine, though I suspected the reason for that was his trust in Mia. It did not escape my notice that Aiz chose not to tell any of the rest of his people.