by K. B. Wagers
“If I don’t, something even worse happens?” I hugged him back and then stepped away. “I’m reasonably sure that’s the definition of selfish.”
“Hail, fighting the gods isn’t going to fix the problem. What happens to the Farians if you kill their remaining gods? What does that do to them?” He shook his head. “It doesn’t improve Indrana’s relationship with them, that’s for sure.”
“I can’t say I think that leaving them in the care of these gods is any better, Zin.” I lifted my hands. “Fasé, for all her inconsistencies, is a good leader. If I had to back anyone for taking over in the wake of the kind of instability we’re about to bring, it would be her.”
“And what would you do if you didn’t know what the future held?” It was a quiet, simple question. The kind that only Zin would think to ask, and it stopped me in my tracks.
What would I do? I sympathized with Mia and Aiz, the plight of the Shen who couldn’t be reborn with their people. The pain of families split apart by that injustice ate at me.
But I wouldn’t condemn all Farians based on the actions of the Pedalion. I knew there were those who sided with Fasé, or who were just trying to live their lives with no clue of the atrocities their government committed.
Who was I to be their judge and executioner?
Less violence, not more, is always an option.
I sank back into my chair with my head in my hands as Dailun’s words rang in my ears. “I don’t know. Go back to square one? Figure out some way to make peace between the Farians and the Shen?” When I looked back up they were both watching me with sympathetic smiles. “That’s still an option, even with all this gods-and-monsters cowshit we’re rolling around in.”
“When are you going to stop second-guessing yourself?” That question from Zin hurt.
“When we go back to the world where my arrogance didn’t get you all killed.”
“Damn it, Hail. You didn’t.” Zin looked like he wanted to say more, but Emmory stopped him with a hand on his arm.
“Your arrogance didn’t have anything to do with it,” he said. “That confidence makes you who you are. The gunrunner. The empress. Even the Star of Indrana. When you own who you are, there’s nothing that can stand in your way. Stop hiding from it.”
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you two,” I whispered, blinking back the tears in my eyes.
Emmory held out a hand and tugged me to my feet, pressing his forehead to mine for a moment before he leaned back and brought his hands up to cup my face. “I saw you during that fight with the Shen. Like it or not, you’re in your element there. Treat it like a tool, Hail. Learn to control it instead of letting it control you.”
The pain that had been tormenting me since Earth eased, the slivers of uncertainty and fear slipping free. The wounds they left behind healed as easily as one under a Shen’s touch. “That was better than Zin’s bathroom ‘be the empress’ speech,” I teased.
“Hey, I was pressed for time,” Zin protested with a grin.
“I know. It did the job, though, didn’t it?” I remembered being crammed into the shuttle bathroom with Zin as he ordered me to pull myself together for my people and be not only the empress I was born to be but the gunrunner I was.
It had done the job, just like this had.
“We’ll proceed as planned, but I’ll think of something.” I had to think of something. The only alternative was a fight I was becoming more and more worried Aiz and I couldn’t win.
I showered and changed into the pair of black pants and BodyGuard top that Stasia had tailored to fit me. “Welcome back,” I murmured to my reflection as I twisted my hair up into a knot at the base of my neck, startled by how familiar and yet strange I appeared. My holsters had vanished with the embassy back on Earth, but the pair of thigh holsters someone had found me were now worn in and holding the pair of the newest model of Glocks from Hao.
The fleet had jumped from the base to just outside the Farian home system, and then the Hailimi had made the two-hour trek in-system all by herself while the other ships waited to see what the Farians would do.
Gita and Johar were standing by the door of my old room as I came out of the bathroom. The familiar trappings of the Indranan ship had eased some of my nerves. It felt more like home again.
I was keeping things as compartmentalized as I could. Hamah’s betrayal still made me uneasy, and despite my assurances to the others I couldn’t be completely sure of anyone’s loyalty but my people’s.
However, I also knew I couldn’t control any of it. I wanted to give Hao, Sybil, and the others the chance to deal with things as they came up on Faria. I’d be wholly distracted by my part of the plan anyway and needed all my focus to be on Adora and the Pedalion.
Everything was coming together, but it could all go horribly wrong, and to make things even worse I still had no idea if I was going to be able to follow through with this fight or what Fasé had meant by her message about my choice. Despite what everyone had tried to tell me, the fate of the galaxy really was on my shoulders. I was determined not to let everyone down.
“Would you prefer I go with Hao or come with you?” Johar smiled, a quick flash of teeth, at my surprised look. “I don’t know that it matters either way. But I figured I would ask.”
Emmory and I had split the groups as evenly as we could. I’d lost the argument about keeping Kisah, Iza, and Indula behind with the ship, and my BodyGuards would be at my side. We were back to the Empress of Indrana.
I did at least manage to keep Admiral Hassan on board with the directive to hold our way off Faria for as long as physically possible and find us a new form of transportation if it came to that.
Dailun and Alba would also stay on the ship; Dailun was still in contact with his family, and staying put would give him the time he needed to get all the information on the Hiervet that he could.
Privately I could admit I wanted them out of danger, and the ship seemed the safest place for them.
Emmory and Zin would be with me. Gita was going with Hao, not because I didn’t want her by my side, but because I knew my brother did and would be too stubborn to ask. The look he’d given me at Gita’s laughter had been worth it.
For a moment I considered telling Jo she’d be better off with them, but something stopped the words in my mouth. “I’d love the company,” I said instead with a smile. “It’ll be fun to see Adora’s reaction on top of dealing with her brother and Fasé.”
Johar grinned as we headed out of my room and toward the bridge. “Not to mention, think of the story I’ll get to tell once we’re home. I won’t ever have to pay for a single drink ever again.”
I burst into laughter, not caring about the looks it drew from the crew members we passed. Johar could always be counted on to break the tension, and I wrapped an arm around her waist to hug her.
“You keep your eyes up, yeah?” she murmured in my ear before letting me go, and I nodded once, then continued on to the bridge in silence.
The planet of Faria was in full view when we came through the door of the bridge. She was paler than Pashati, paler even than Earth, her brown and green continents shaded by rust-colored shadows and surrounded by dark oceans.
“It looks like a planet soaked in blood,” Hao said.
A massive ringed planet lurked in the distance. The rings were too far away for a color. From this distance they were just white on the blackness behind them.
I spotted the orbital defenses a split second before the com link dinged its warning of an incoming message.
“Answer it, Kisah.” I settled in the captain’s chair as the screen came up. Emmory and Zin were on one side of me. Admiral Hassan and Jo on the other. The others were off-camera.
“Image is everything.” Hao’s voice was in my head over our private com as clearly as if he were standing by my side.
“You remember the first time you said that to me and wanted to know why I was smiling?” I subvocalized without looking his direction.
“I take it I didn’t sound like your nanny.”
“You sounded like my mother.” I closed my eyes for a moment and smiled, the memory washing over me.
“Image is everything. You show the target you’re scared and you’ll get your ass kicked. You bare your teeth at someone who outnumbers and outguns you, the odds that they’ll back down shoot into the stratosphere. Or they might kill you for your insolence. Is there any particular reason you’re smiling at me like that, Cressen?”
The amusement dripping from Hao’s voice knocked me from my reverie and I felt Portis shift uneasily at my side. “You sound like the nanny at the orphanage,” I lied. Who he sounded like was my mother, but I couldn’t very well tell Cheng Hao that his battle tactics lined up with those of Mercedes Bristol, Empress of Indrana. Being a fully accepted member of his crew now wouldn’t matter a bit. I’d be out the airlock faster than I could finish the sentence, or worse, ransomed back to my mother.
Hao arched a metallic eyebrow, the curiosity going to war with the amusement, making his sharply angled face a battlefield of its own. “I suppose,” he said at last. “I shouldn’t be surprised you were raised in an orphanage by a nanny whose previous job had been with the Solarian Special Forces.”
“I don’t know about SSF, but she’d done time somewhere.”
Gy chuckled at Hao’s side. “I want that story about the nanny, Cress, but later. We’ve got a job to do and we should get moving.” He slid Hao a mischievous look. “Unless you need to pontificate some more, my dear, about the virtues of looking mean.”
Hao looked at me. “I swear he’s gotten worse since I brought you on board.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I replied, miraculously holding in my smile when Gy winked at me.
Hao shook his head, the bronze strands of his hair almost hiding the smile. “Get your gear, get your war faces on, and let’s go.”
41
I opened my eyes again as the Farian appeared on the screen. They were looking at their console instead of up at me. “Unknown vessel, this is Farian space. Unless you wish to be destroyed, you will power down your weapons and shields and prepare to be boarded.”
“Someone missed a briefing.” I grinned when their head jerked up and their mouth fell open in shock. “Not sure the refresher is necessary, but we’ll do it anyway. I am Empress Hail Bristol, Star of Indrana, and I believe the Pedalion is expecting me.”
The Farian fumbled. “Yes. Of course, Your Majesty. I mean—they’re expecting you.” They cleared their throat. “Hailimi Bristol, you are slotted to land at the coordinates I’m forwarding to you. Please do not deviate from them. A welcome party will be waiting.”
“Excellent.” I resisted, barely, the urge to ask what would happen if I did deviate from the assigned landing space. “Teslina, did they send coordinates?”
“Yes, ma’am,” the pilot replied.
“Take us in, then.”
“Jo, let’s go do weapons check,” Zin said, and the pair left the bridge. Hao reached a hand out, tapping his fist to mine and then followed them.
I looked up at Emmory. “Thoughts?”
“Now?”
I grinned at his tone. “Yes, now.”
“I’m not sure I could tell you anything that would change your mind at this point, ma’am.”
“Maybe not.” I shrugged. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not curious what’s on your mind.”
Emmory didn’t look at me, his eyes focused on the screen showing our descent. The shields flickered, yellow to red to a vibrant blue as the ship sliced her way through the atmosphere.
“We are alone, Hail. No support, no backup if—no, when—things go sideways. Whatever you think, you’re still my responsibility. Keeping you alive is my responsibility.”
“I know.” I’d worried about this. The idea that my Ekam, or any of my BodyGuards, would stand by while I fought gods without getting involved had been laughable from the start. “You know if it comes to a fight and you’re there, you’ll have to stand, right? They’ll kill you without a moment’s hesitation and I can’t save you.”
“I don’t need you to save me, Hail. I just need you to know that what you were feeling when you thought we were all dead? It is what I would feel if I lost you.” He smiled, but there were tears in his eyes. “It would obviously not kill me outright, but I would wish it had.”
“Damn it, Emmy.” I swallowed down the sudden lump in my throat. “You’re gonna do this now, here?”
“You asked what was on my mind.” Now he did look at me, and the smile that followed was brighter than the sun.
“I was talking about the mission,” I muttered. But I reached a hand out, linking my fingers with his, and squeezed them once before I let him go. “I’m glad you’re here.”
We broke through the upper layer of the atmosphere and the landscape of Faria stretched out below us, the same dull greens and browns and washed-out reds.
“Ma’am, I’ve got us on approach,” Teslina said. “Landing in ten.”
I pushed from my chair. “We’d better go get ready. Kisah, can you give me shipwide coms?”
“You’ve got them, ma’am, whenever you’re ready.”
Inhale. Exhale. I shared a look with Emmory and then nodded to Kisah. “Attention everyone. We are ten minutes out from the landing site. You all know your jobs. I’m trusting you to do them. I’m not going to give you some crap line about the galaxy depending on us. What’s real is the person next to you. They’re depending on you. Keep them safe. Hail out.”
Hao’s voice came over our smati link almost as soon as Kisah cut the connection. “That was super inspiring.”
“Shut up,” I replied, heading for the bridge door.
Emmory and I walked in silence down the corridor. I heard the voices as we turned toward the stairs of the cargo bay and stuck a hand out in front of Emmory.
“I’m not saying Hamah was right, Aiz,” Talos said. “You know I’m not. What I’m saying is that you saw what Hail’s capable of during that fight the same as I did. You be careful.”
“Talos.” Aiz’s voice was thick with amusement. “We are about to land on Faria. The bounty on my head is at what, forty-seven million credits? I’m going to challenge their gods to a death match if they won’t listen. What part of this is careful?”
“None of it,” Talos admitted. “But you’re placing all your trust in the Star.”
“Of course I am, that’s how this is supposed to go. You like her, Talos? Why the sudden concern?”
“I do like her. So do you. So does Mia. That’s what worries me. We all like her a little too much, and we’re willing to trust her with this dangerous plan. Walking both of you right into the Pedalion as if they wouldn’t murder Mia and jar you. What if—”
“Enough, Talos.” There was a pause. “We are on the threshold of freedom. If I fall, you know what you must do. I am trusting you with it because you earned that trust. Stay the course and I will see you again at the end of all things. In the meantime, we will trust in the Star to show us the way.”
Talos’s murmured response was too low for me to catch. I’d heard enough anyway. I figured Aiz had a backup plan; it would have been foolish not to. It was just a little surprising that it didn’t involve trying to save his life.
I tapped Emmory on the chest and started walking. “—once Adora realizes we’ve double-crossed her, things might get exciting.” I made sure my voice was loud enough to carry to the stairs and when we crossed over the threshold, Aiz and Talos were headed down.
The rest of our group were already down in the cargo bay. Johar leaned against a wall with a foot propped up on a crate; she was cleaning a new knife. The knife I’d stolen from her back on Sparkos was secure in a sheath in my boot. She winked at me as I came down the stairs.
Talos said something else to Aiz and then approached me, extending a bare hand. I took it without hesitation, and to my surprise the Shen pulled me into a hug. “P
lease take care of them, Star of Indrana. They are the heart of our people.”
“I will,” I whispered. “You have my word.”
He released me, exchanged a look with Aiz and Mia, and then headed for the stairs.
The warning chime sounded and I braced myself against the slight jolt of landing rocking through the ship. “Everyone ready?”
Aiz dipped his head. The others followed suit. I put a hand on my gun and blew out a breath. “Kisah, you have point. Emmory next to me. Jo, you’re going to be next to Mia and Aiz. Zin with Fasé. Iza, Indula, cover our backs.”
“As always, Majesty.” Indula winked at me.
I was putting an enormous amount of trust in the Farian laws and our treaty protecting us all once we were off the ship.
Hao came over, reaching out to check over my guns, leaning in and pressing his cheek to mine for just a moment. “You watch everything, sha zhu.” He whispered the command in my ear. “And trust your gut, no exceptions, no doubting yourself. If it says run, you get the fuck out of there.”
“Same to you.” I grabbed the back of his neck and pressed my forehead to his. “I won’t have time to save your ass.”
I released Hao and smiled at Gita. “Keep him out of trouble, will you?”
“I can’t make that promise and you know it.”
I laughed. “True enough.”
Gita pulled me into a hug that I returned. “You be careful, Hail. Don’t trust Aiz; he is looking out for his people, not for you.” She whispered the instructions in my ear before letting me go.
I gave her a quick nod. Aiz would be outnumbered, not only by us but by the Farians once we landed. I hoped we were on the same side, but I didn’t blame Gita for her suspicions.
I grabbed for her and Hao’s hands before they could move away as the sudden fear gripped me, and they both looked at me in confusion. “Come back to me, please. Both of you.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I blew out a breath and looked around the cargo bay. “Let’s do this.”