To Hold Forever

by Carrie Carr

  "As long as it takes." He squeezed her shoulder. "We should be getting some backup anytime, now."

  "Good." Lex gripped her gun tighter to keep her hands from shaking. "I'm not ashamed to admit this scares the hell out of me."

  Charlie gave her a tiny smile. "Me, too. I've never had to use my gun like this before, and I've been Sheriff for almost thirty years."

  Lex felt better after his confession. She was about to say something else, when she realized it had gotten quiet. "I wonder if they've run out of ammo?"

  "I don't know." He raised his head high enough to see over the bushes. There wasn't any movement from the criminal's camp.

  Suddenly, a voice rang out. "I want to give myself up." One of the men stood, holding his hands above his head. He started out in the open, walking slowly.

  "Dammit, Gary, get back here," one of the other men yelled.

  "No! I've had enough, Ed." Gary continued to walk forward.

  Ed stood also, pointing his rifle at the other man's back. "I said, get back here!"

  Gary ignored him. When a shot rang out, he crumpled to the ground. A spot of blood grew on his back as he lay still.

  "Teach you to run out on us." Ed ducked behind the fallen tree they used as cover.

  Lex started breathing hard. "Did you see that, Charlie? He shot his own man."

  "Yeah." Charlie was relieved when several of their party joined them. "You guys fan out the best you can."

  Daniel, one of his newer deputies, came up to him. "Oscar and Jack are taking Jeremy to the main road. There's an ambulance on the way to meet them."

  "Good, thanks." The return of gunfire from the convicts stopped their conversation. "Stay down."

  With adrenaline racing through her body, Lex no longer felt nervous. She continued to take careful aim before pulling the trigger on the rifle, but returned the felons' fire bullet for bullet. Another scream caused her to pause, but only for a moment. She didn't know if it was her shot, or one from another deputy that hit. Remembering Jeremy's pain-filled face, she decided she didn't care. "Bastards."

  "Hold your fire," Charlie commanded his group. He waited but no more shots came from the escapees.

  Lex held her rifle against her chest. "Should we go check on them?"

  "Not yet. I don't want to risk anyone."

  Wayne, another one of Charlie's men, came up and squatted next to the sheriff. "I think I can get closer to them and see what's up."

  "Okay, but don't take any chances." Charlie used his radio to communicate with the others. "Wayne's moving in. Cover him." After receiving the acknowledgements, he nodded to Wayne. The deputy took off, using trees and brush to conceal his whereabouts.

  Lex held her rifle at the ready and blinked the sweat from her eyes. She watched as Wayne moved closer and closer. He stood and waved. "They're both down." More men followed. They handcuffed the criminals and dragged them out of their hiding place.

  Charlie stepped out of the trees and went to kneel next to the man who had been shot in the back. He looked up as Lex joined him. "He's dead."

  "Damn." Lex looked down at the man, who appeared years younger than herself. "Why would they shoot one of their own guys?"

  "I don't know. We may never find out. The other two aren't in very good shape." He stood and put an arm around her shoulders. "How are you doing?"

  She shook her head at the senselessness of it all. "Tired." Watching the deputies take the injured men out of the area, she sighed. "Are you going to need any help with them?"

  "I think we can handle it from here. Why don't you take your guys to the house? We'll do the cleanup."

  "Sounds good." Lex gave him a weary smile. "I've got a date in town anyway."

  Charlie pushed her in the direction of where they left their horses. "Give Amanda and Lorrie a kiss from me. And tell Martha I'll call her when I can."

  Lex turned and waved. "You got it, Charlie."

  Chapter Eight

  ANNA LEIGH AND Martha stood in the doorway to the living room. Seeing Amanda and Lorrie asleep on the sofa, they decided not to intrude. "Poor thing. Mandy looks completely exhausted." Anna Leigh could feel a chill in the air, so she tiptoed into the room and covered the two with a quilt.

  Martha waited until she was out of the room and they were in the kitchen. "I'm glad they're finally taking a nap. They were both getting a little cranky."

  "I hope Mandy isn't coming down with anything. I can't remember the last time she took a nap in the middle of the day." Anna Leigh walked over to the counter and raised the coffee pot. When Martha nodded, she took out two mugs, filled them and brought them to the table. "I wish we'd hear from Lexington. That would do her a world of good."

  "Thank you." Martha took a sip. "I put a call in to the dispatcher at the sheriff's department. Carla's a sweet girl and she promised she'd let me know as soon as she heard anything."

  A knock on the front door brought Anna Leigh out of her chair. Martha followed her and stood by the staircase. As the door opened, Martha covered her mouth with one hand and gasped. "Lexie?" She rushed over and enveloped the exhausted woman in a hug. "Oh, baby. Look at you."

  Lex was covered in dry mud. Her hat was still damp from the earlier rain and her face was drawn and shadowed. "Sorry for the mess, but I came straight here." She forgot who had taken her horse to the barn for her and barely remembered the drive into town. "Charlie said to tell you he'd call when he got a chance."

  "That's fine, honey." Martha could feel the clammy skin underneath the moist clothes. "You need to get out of these wet things."

  Lex acted as if she hadn't heard her. "Where's Amanda?"

  Martha took her by the arm and led her to the living room. "She's napping, but I think she'd rather see you." She exchanged glances with Anna Leigh and left Lex alone.

  Kneeling next to the sleeping woman, Lex watched her for a moment. Unable to help herself, she reached out with a trembling hand and brushed the hair away from Amanda's face. "Sweetheart?"

  At the sound of her lover's voice, Amanda's eyes popped open. She sat up quickly, waking Lorrie. "Are you really here?"

  Lorrie began to cry, until she noticed who was beside them. "Wex!" Her arms reached out and she latched onto Lex's neck, knocking the hat off her head.

  "Whoa!" Lex tumbled backward as she was greeted similarly by Amanda.

  Amanda ran her hands all over Lex's body. "I can't believe you're finally here." She moved until she sat across her partner's hips. It was then she noticed bloodstains on Lex's shirt. "Oh, my god. What--"

  "It's not mine." Lex caught Amanda's hands and held them. "Jeremy got nicked, but he's okay." She grinned as Lorrie patted her face.

  The child giggled as Lex caught one of her hands in her mouth. She pulled it back and placed it on Lex's lips, chortling as she was captured again.

  Now that she was looking, Amanda could tell how worn out Lex was by the dark circles under her eyes. "I think we need to get you upstairs and into a nice, hot bath."

  "Bath!" Lorrie squealed and hopped up and down on Lex's chest. "Me likes bath."

  Lex closed her eyes and enjoyed the love of her family. There would be time later to think about what she'd gone through.

  AMANDA RAISED HER head from Lex's shoulder. They had both gone to bed after Lex's quick shower, and she was surprised to see hints of the morning sun coming through the window. Once again, Lorrie was missing from the room. Her grandmother had obviously taken her downstairs for breakfast. The little girl refused to let Lex out of her sight the day before, so they had brought her to bed with them while they took their "nap", which had turned into fifteen hours of sleep. She looked down into Lex's face. "What happened to you out there, love?" The dark circles were still evident under her eyes and there were lines between her eyebrows and around her mouth as she frowned in her sleep. Lex had cried out several times during the night, and only Amanda's comforting words settled her. Amanda was about to lay her head down, when her bladder made itself known. Grumbling, she h
urried to the adjoining bathroom.

  The movement of the bed awakened Lex, and she looked around the room in confusion. It took her a moment to realize where she was. She didn't remember anything after her shower and was surprised to see that she was wearing a pair of Jacob's pajamas. Her body ached all over from sleeping in one position for so long. Seeing the sunshine streaming through the blinds, she rubbed her eyes. A heavy weariness weighed on her shoulders as she remembered the events from the previous two days.

  Amanda left the bathroom to find her partner sitting up on the bed with her arms wrapped around her legs. "Good morning, sleepyhead."

  Lex raised her head. "Who are you calling sleepyhead? I see you're still wearing your jammies." When Amanda sat beside her, Lex leaned into her body. The soothing fingers that were massaging her scalp caused her to moan in appreciation. "I'll give you twenty years to stop doing that."

  "Only twenty? I was thinking more along the lines of seventy or so."

  "Mommy!" Lorrie raced into the room and tried to climb onto Amanda's lap.

  Amanda saw movement in the doorway. "Hi, Gramma."

  "Good morning, you two. Someone got up around eight last night for dinner and you were sleeping so well that we kept her with us for the night." Anna Leigh joined them and sat on the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling, Lexington?"

  "Not too bad. Although I don't know why I'm tired, after all that sleep." Lex brushed her fingers through Lorrie's hair. "Wait a minute. Did she call you mommy?" she asked Amanda. "When did that start?"

  Lorrie tapped Amanda on the chest. "Mommy, pway."

  "Sure, honey, in a little while." Amanda turned to Lex. "She called me that yesterday morning and hasn't stopped. I have a feeling I'll be hearing it a lot."

  Lex took the little girl from Amanda and hugged her. "She's a good mommy, isn't she, lil' bit?"

  "Yep."

  Anna Leigh laughed. "That sounds familiar. I wonder where it came from?"

  "I'm pleading the fifth." Lex ducked behind Lorrie, much to the child's delight. She felt her hair grasped in two small fists when Lorrie turned around. "Ouch!"

  Amanda untangled Lorrie's fingers from Lex's head. "Lorrie, be nice to Momma Lex."

  Lorrie put her hands on Lex's cheeks and gave her a kiss. "Momma, good."

  Lex felt tears trickle down her face. She had never heard a sweeter sound. "Momma loves you, Lorrie."

  LEX WATCHED QUIETLY as Lorrie sat on the floor with Jacob, playing with a wooden toy train he had built for her. They pushed it back and forth, and she would clap in delight when he made puffing sounds along with the action. At Amanda's urging, they had decided to spend another day at the Cauble's home. A large part of her was glad, because she didn't feel like doing anything more than watching their daughter play.

  Out of the corner of her eye, Amanda took a surreptitious glance at her partner. Lex had barely spoken all day. Her listlessness was unusual and Amanda was concerned. She squeezed the hand she was holding. "Can I get you anything?"

  "No, I'm good, thanks." Lex turned her head when Martha and Charlie walked into the room. "Hey, there."

  Martha sat on the edge of the sofa and placed her hand on Lex's shoulder. "How are you feeling? We were on our way to the ranch and thought we'd drop by."

  Lex leaned into the touch. "I'm fine. A little tired, but okay."

  "Can I talk to you in the kitchen, Lex?" Charlie ignored the pointed look from Amanda. "I need to fill you in on a few things."

  "Sure." Lex released Amanda's hand and followed him from the room.

  Charlie put his hands in his pants pockets. He looked everywhere in the kitchen except at Lex, until she cleared her throat. "There's no easy way to tell you this."

  "Tell me what?"

  "Maybe you should sit down."

  Lex crossed her arms over her chest, but didn't leave the spot where she stood. "Tell me."

  Suddenly, the pattern on the tile floor was fascinating to Charlie. "That man you shot, Mack Wilkins?"

  "That was his name?" Lex felt bad that she never asked.

  "Yeah." Charlie rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm sorry to be the one to break this to you, Lex. But he died last night on the operating table."

  Lex paled and slid down the wall to the floor. "No. I couldn't have."

  "It's not your fault, honey. He lost too much blood on the way to the hospital." Charlie stepped forward and reached out to her.

  "No!" Lex encircled her torso with her arms. "No." She choked back a sob.

  Amanda had heard Lex cry out and she rushed into the kitchen. "What's going on?" She saw Lex huddled against the wall. "Charlie?"

  "He was fine when I left. I couldn't have killed him." Lex closed her eyes and leaned forward.

  Surrounding her grief-stricken lover with her arms, Amanda gave Charlie an accusing look. "What did you say to her?"

  Lex raised her head. "I killed him, Amanda. I didn't mean to, but I did."

  "I know you didn't, baby." Amanda had no idea what she was talking about. Feeling he was responsible for her lover's anguish, she glared at Charlie.

  "Yesterday, when we caught up to the escapees, they began to shoot at us," he explained. "Did she not tell you any of this?"

  "We haven't talked about it. What happened?"

  "We had to return their fire, and one of Lex's rounds hit the leader of the group. We traded shots back and forth for a while, and he lost a lot of blood during that time. Once it was resolved, we took them into custody and brought them to the hospital. He was too weak and never made it out of the operating room." Charlie twisted his hat in his hands. "I didn't want her to hear about it on the news."

  "Thank you." She pulled Lex closer. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I know it was as hard for you to tell her as it was for her to hear."

  He touched Amanda's arm. "Let me know if I can do anything for her." Saddened by Lex's distress, Charlie left the room.

  "Come on, love. Let's get you off this floor." Amanda helped Lex to her feet.

  "I don't want to go back there."

  Amanda rubbed her hand across Lex's back. "You don't have to. We'll go home and try not to think about it."

  "No, I'm not going."

  "What do you mean?"

  Lex shook her head. "I can't go to the ranch. I killed him there."

  In the doorway, Martha had heard what Lex said. "Bull. That man was shooting at you." She moved into the room and stood in front of Lex. "Don't you dare feel bad about defending yourself and Charlie. He told me how brave you were."

  "I didn't--"

  "You most certainly did. Had you not been with Charlie, I could have lost him. Please don't let some lowlife scum ruin your life, or make you run away from the only home you've ever known."

  Lex bit her lip and thought about what Martha said. Coming to a decision, she straightened her posture. She knew when she was deputized that she might have to use her firearms. It was the criminal's own actions that killed him, not her. "I won't." She brought Martha close to her and kissed her cheek. "Thanks."

  Martha blushed. "Don't thank me. I only told the truth." She nodded to Amanda and left the room.

  "She's something else, isn't she?"

  Lex gathered Amanda into her arms. "That she is."

  Amanda rested her cheek against Lex's shirt. "Are you going to be okay?"

  "Yeah. It's going to take me a while to accept the fact I had a hand in a man's death, but it was in self defense. Can we go home in the morning?"

  "We could leave now, if you want." Although the last thing Amanda wanted to do was leave the warm cocoon of love enveloping her.

  "Nah, tomorrow's soon enough. Lorrie can spend more time with her great-grandparents this way.

  "Sounds good to me." Amanda closed her eyes and inhaled her lover's scent. "I could stay like this forever.

  Chapter Nine

  AMANDA'S EYES OPENED and she squinted to get her bearings. The room was dark and the digital reading on the alarm clock next to the bed showed it wa
s only five o'clock in the morning. She wasn't sure what had caused her to awake, until she felt an unusual queasiness. It was the third day in a row she had been disturbed in this manner, but she chalked it up to her frazzled nerves. Even after they returned to the ranch, Amanda couldn't help but think about the escaped convicts and all she and Lex could have missed if things had turned out differently.

  "Why are you awake?" Lex rolled over and faced Amanda. "Is everything okay?"

  "I'm thinking about how lucky I am." Amanda palmed Lex's cheek. "We could have lost all of this."

  Lex covered Amanda's hand with her own. "But we didn't. Besides, I made you a promise that I would come home. And you know I don't break my promises."

  "I know. I was so scared."

  "To tell you the truth, so was I. When we finally caught up to those guys, I wasn't too sure if I could even raise my gun." Lex brought Amanda's hand from her face and kissed the palm. "The last thing I wanted to do was let Charlie down. He was depending on me to cover his back. Once things got going, I only did what I had to do to keep us both safe."

  Amanda moved so she could snuggle against her lover. "And you have no idea how thankful I am for that."

  "I think I do. I was glad you were in town with your grandparents. I wasn't as scared for me as I was you. Now things can get back to normal." Lex tucked the bedding around Amanda. "Get some rest, sweetheart."

  Her eyes already sliding closed, Amanda yawned. "Love you."

  Lex kissed the top of her head. "I love you, too."

  SEVERAL DAYS LATER, Lex trotted down the stairs en route to joining Amanda and Lorrie for breakfast. A firm knock on the front door caused her to change direction. She opened the door and then took a step back. A man and woman faced her. Lex directed her glare at him. "What are you doing here?"

  "What? You're not glad to see me? It's been a few years, little sister." Hubert Walters had his arm around a petite blonde woman. "Aren't you going to ask us in?"

  Getting over her surprise, Lex couldn't contain her curiosity. "Okay, fine. But there better not be any funny business or I'll throw you out." She moved to allow them to enter. "Let's go into the den."