To Hold Forever

by Carrie Carr

  Amanda trailed her fingers through Lex's hair. "What made you think about joining the sheriff's department? Is it what you always wanted to do?"

  "I don't know. I guess when we were out there, looking for those escaped prisoners. It seemed like something different from ranching." Lex closed her eyes and enjoyed the gentle touch. "I was so burned out. This is all I've ever done and it started getting to me." She stayed silent for so long, Amanda thought she had fallen asleep. "You know, Charlie has been around here for as long as I can remember. He's always been someone I looked up to. When Dad was off at some rodeo, he'd always come out and take me for rides in his squad car. I'd even get to run the siren, if we were here on the ranch." The memory was one of the few happy ones she had growing up. She hadn't exactly been unhappy on the ranch. But because of the added responsibility of having to handle things when her father was away, she grew up more quickly than other kids her age. Lex had no idea how miserable her existence was until she pulled a complete stranger out of a flooded creek, a few years earlier. "Charlie was more of a father to me than my own. I've always looked up to him."

  "Do you think you'd be happy as a deputy?" Amanda was fearful of the answer. She realized ranching was a hard life. But the thought of Lex purposely doing something so dangerous terrified her. Seeing her unhappy was worse. "I think if it's something you want to do, you should."

  Lex raised her head. "You do?"

  It was one of the hardest things she'd ever said. "Yes." Amanda swallowed her fear. "I want you to be happy, honey. And if working with Charlie will do that, I'm all for it."

  "Thank you." Lex put her head down but kept her eyes on Amanda. "But I decided it wasn't for me."

  "Why?"

  She wasn't certain she could find the right words, but Lex felt Amanda deserved to know. "When I fell into that sinkhole, a lot of things went through my mind. My family, my friends, the ranch. But the most important thing I couldn't stop thinking of was you. And if something happened to me, how it would affect you." She used her thumb to brush away a tear that fell from Amanda's eye. "You and Lorrie mean everything to me. I can't knowingly do something that would put my life in jeopardy and leave you behind." She sat up and rested on one hand so they were eye to eye. "We're a family." Lex put her other hand on Amanda's stomach. "And growing. I promise I'll be here until we're both old and gray."

  Amanda couldn't say anything. She pulled Lex to her and began to cry. She knew in her heart that everything would be all right. Lex promised, and she never went back on her word.

  THE HORSE MOVED along at an easy gait, its head bobbing with each step. A gentle breeze blew across Lex's neck, drying the perspiration that gathered around her tied-back hair. To her, the quiet surrounding them was relaxing, and she could make out several different birds by their song.

  "Momma, what's dat?" Lorrie, seated in front of her, pointed to the left.

  At least it had been quiet. Lex stopped Mine and squinted in the same direction to see what her daughter was talking about. A sudden movement caught her eye. "That's a rabbit."

  Lorrie twisted around and stared at her mother. "Ribbit?"

  "No, rabbit. Raa-bit."

  "Rabbit. Can it pway?"

  Lex had to think about the best way to answer her question. "No, lil' bit. It's a wild animal and we can't play with those. He might hurt you."

  "Why?"

  Lex had to admit it was a good question. She remembered when she asked her father a question and he would brush her off with, "because I said so". She vowed if she ever had children, she would give them the best answer possible. But sometimes, especially lately, Lorrie tended to question everything. The answers were becoming harder to come by. "Uh, well." Lex lowered her voice, so as not to startle the rabbit. "Wild animals aren't used to us, and when they get scared, they only want to get away. Even if they don't mean to they will scratch and bite to be left alone. If we try to catch them we could hurt them. You wouldn't want to hurt it, would you?"

  Lorrie scrunched up her face while she thought. "No." She waved as the rabbit disappeared into the brush. "Bye, rabbit. Momma?"

  "Hmm?"

  "Is puppies wild?"

  Lex couldn't help but chuckle. "Not all of them. Why?"

  "Derek has puppies. His mommy says no pway. Why?" Derek was a friend of hers from daycare. He constantly bragged about the litter and he had even brought pictures to show everyone. Although it had been over a month ago, Lorrie hadn't stopped talking about it.

  Oh, boy. Lex wished Amanda was with them. She knew what the next question would be. "They're probably too little to play with. Do you remember the baby horse you saw?" Earlier in the week, one of the mares on the ranch gave birth, and Lorrie had wanted to play with the foal. She had gotten upset when Lex told her it was too young to play.

  "Yep."

  "Puppies are like that, too. You have to wait until they're old enough before you can play with them."

  "Otay." Lorrie was quiet for the next five minutes, until something else came to her. "Momma?"

  Lex sighed. "Yes?"

  "When can puppies pway?"

  There it was. Lex knew that no matter how she answered, the next question could get her into trouble. "You have to wait until their eyes are open and they can get around real well."

  "Oh. Otay." She was appeased, for the moment anyway. They had ridden along for another minute or so when something else popped into her head. "Momma?"

  Lex was beginning to wish they had found something else to do, other than riding. "Yes?"

  "Can I gets a puppy?"

  Great. Now what should she say? Lex could only hope Amanda wouldn't kill her for the answer. "I don't know, Lorrie. We'll have to see what your mommy says about it."

  "Otay." Lorrie bounced in the saddle. "Momma?"

  Her patience was wearing thin, but Lex tried to keep it out of her voice. "Yes?"

  "We go fast?" Lorrie had obviously become bored. "Mine wanna goes fast." She rocked forward. "Pease?"

  How could she resist such a plea? Lex tightened her hold on Lorrie and urged the horse into a canter. "Hang on, kiddo." They headed to the house, while Lex silently prayed that Amanda was in a good mood.

  "DON'T YOU DARE lay this on me now!"

  Even though she was in the kitchen, Martha cringed as she heard Amanda's voice rise in the den. "I'm sure glad it's not me in there." She started to hum in order to drown out the argument.

  In the living room, Jeannie was getting dizzy watching her sister pace back and forth. "I don't see why it's such a big deal. I thought you'd be glad."

  Amanda glared at her. "Right. I've been busting my ass, trying to get everything organized for your wedding, and then you dump this on me?"

  "But Mandy, I don't want to be as big as a house on my wedding day. Surely you of all people can understand that." Jeannie had decided to wait until after her baby was born to get married, much to her sister's displeasure.

  "What's that supposed to mean?" Amanda put her hands on her hips. "Are you saying I'm fat?" She was extremely self-conscious of her appearance. Even though she only had a slight "baby pooch", she could already tell that her clothes were fitting differently. She spent too much time in the mornings trying to find pants that weren't too tight. Her clueless partner was no help. Lex had rubbed her stomach and mentioned how cute she was, which caused Amanda to burst into tears and lock herself in the bathroom for over an hour.

  Jeannie rolled her eyes. "Of course not." She touched her own stomach. "I'm the one who looks like she's going to have twins."

  "Mommy!" Lorrie raced into the room and stopped suddenly when she saw Jeannie on the sofa.

  Lex followed, her boots thudding as she chased after her daughter. "Lorrie, wait. You can't--" She practically skidded to a stop. "Hi, Jeannie."

  "Hey there yourself, Slim." Jeannie watched the little girl, who hid behind Lex's legs. "She doesn't like me, does she?"

  Amanda held out her arms and Lorrie jumped into them. "How's my girl?" She kiss
ed Lorrie's head. "It's only because she doesn't know you very well." Amanda sat on the other end of the couch and Lorrie cuddled closer. When Lex sat on the arm of the sofa, Amanda leaned against her. "Did you two have a good ride?"

  "Uh, yeah. About that," Lex ran her fingers through Lorrie's hair. "I think I may have gotten in a little over my head."

  No longer upset at her daughter's snub, Jeannie found Lex's words humorous. "What else is new?"

  Amanda ignored her sister. "Lorrie, did you and momma have fun?"

  "Yep." Lorrie cut her eyes at Jeannie and stuck her thumb in her mouth. The woman scared her. When Jeannie scooted closer, she tucked her face into Amanda's shoulder.

  The child's gesture hurt Jeannie's feelings more than she cared to admit. She purposely softened her voice. "Hi there, cutie. Do you remember me?"

  Lorrie burrowed deeper and her voice was muffled. "Yep."

  "I'm not that scary, am I?" Jeannie lightly touched Lorrie's back. "After all, I am your mo--I mean, aunt." Now more than ever, she regretted her absence in the child's life. It also made her realize how smart she was, allowing Amanda and Lex to adopt Lorrie. She was obviously very well loved.

  Lex could see the sadness cross Jeannie's face. "Any word on Rodney's job search?"

  "Actually, he was offered a chance to join another doctor's practice. Now all we'll have to do is find a place to live."

  "Which doctor?"

  "Dr. Anderson. He told Roddy his other partner decided to move to Houston."

  Lorrie decided the strange lady meant no harm. She turned and curiously stared at her. "Hi."

  Jeannie's face glowed. "Hi, sweetie."

  Now that Lorrie had relaxed, Amanda wanted to hear more from Lex. "You were trying to say something, earlier?"

  "It's not that important. We can talk about it later." Lex hoped Lorrie had forgotten about their previous conversation. Unfortunately, the child had a one-track mind.

  "Mommy?"

  Amanda looked into Lorrie's eyes. "What is it, honey?"

  "Can I gets a puppy?"

  Lex lowered her head. She knew what was coming next. The tone in Amanda's voice promised Lex a slow and painful death.

  "Lex, did you and Lorrie talk about a puppy today?"

  "Not exactly. Well, sort of." Lex lifted her face and couldn't decipher her partner's tone. "I mean, we were riding along, and she saw a rabbit. And then--" Her mouth was covered by Amanda's hand.

  "Mommy, we sawed a rabbit." Lorrie saw what Amanda did to Lex and thought it was fun. "Can I help?"

  Amanda quickly jerked her hand away and wiped it on Lex's shirt. She should have remembered how Lex would lick her palm to get it off her mouth. "Gross."

  Lex smirked. "I thought you liked it when I--" She cut her sentence off when Amanda waggled a finger at her.

  "Very funny. Now, explain to me why Lorrie wants a puppy."

  "You remember, she's been asking for a while. Ever since she saw those pictures at daycare." She tried to explain the scenario to Jeannie, who appeared confused. "A friend of hers at the church daycare has new puppies, and he brought pictures to show everyone. Now, all we hear about is how much Lorrie would like one, too."

  Lorrie followed the conversation. "Yay! Puppy!"

  "Not yet. Why don't you ride your pony for a while?" Amanda allowed her to get down. Lorrie went to her rocking horse and climbed aboard. Now that the little girl had been sidetracked, she went to Lex. "You were saying?"

  Lex rubbed the back of her neck. "Um, well. Like I said, she saw the rabbit and wanted to play with it. I explained how she should leave wild animals alone, and then she changed directions and asked if puppies were wild, too."

  Jeannie cracked up. "I would have loved to hear your answer to that one."

  "Hey, I did all right." Lex felt a finger tapping her leg. "Oh, right. I told her puppies weren't wild, but couldn't play until they were old enough. Then the little interrogator asked if she could have a puppy. I told her we'd have to ask you, first."

  "Gee, thanks." Amanda glanced at Lorrie, who was still riding in a private adventure. "What do you think?"

  "I don't know. I was going to ask you."

  Amanda shook her head. "You're worse than she is." She turned to Jeannie. "I finally have the two of them housebroken. What's your opinion?"

  "Don't drag me into this."

  "How about," Lex lowered her voice, "we get her a young dog, not a puppy? She'd still have a dog to play with, but it wouldn't be as hard to train."

  It sounded good to Amanda. "Okay. But we leave her at home with Martha while we're looking. I don't need to have both of you giving me that pouty face."

  "I don't know what you're talking about." Lex gave her the exact look.

  Amanda did her best to ignore Lex. It was going to be a long week.

  "LORRIE, COME BACK here," Lex grumbled, chasing into the kitchen after her wet and naked daughter. A small, excited terrier yipped happily at her heels. Its white, smooth coat was liberally covered with black spots and its head was black, with brown eyebrows and cheeks. The high-strung dog loved chasing games, especially ones as impromptu as this.

  Less than a week after they decided to find a pet for their daughter, a woman at the realty office approached Amanda. Peggy Kincaid was recently divorced and she was moving into a one-bedroom apartment. She had raised her rat terrier, Freckles, from a pup. The idea of cooping the frisky animal into such a tiny space wasn't fair and she would rather give Freckles to a good home than subject her to apartment life. As she was only three years old, the sweet dog immediately hit it off with Lorrie. They became friends and were now inseparable.

  Martha spun to one side, almost dumping the bowl of liquid gelatin she carried. "Lexie, watch out." She raised the bowl higher to keep from dumping it on the giggling child.

  "Mada, catch me," Lorrie squealed, grabbing Martha's apron.

  Lex dropped to her knees and wrapped a fluffy towel around Lorrie. "Gotcha."

  "Nooo!" Lorrie jerked, the movement enough to loosen Martha's tenuous grip on the bowl.

  The cold mixture hit Lex perfectly on the head, falling down the collar of her shirt. "Dammit." She held Lorrie away from her body to keep her from getting any of the green mess on her.

  Lorrie took the opportunity to twist out of the towel. She laughed maniacally and took off. Freckles barked and dutifully followed.

  Laughter could be heard in the living room, where Lorrie had obviously headed. Martha placed the empty bowl on the counter and helped Lex to her feet. "You should keep the bathroom door locked when you bathe her."

  "I know." Lex used the towel to wipe her face. "It gets so damned steamy in there, though. I always feel like I need a bath after hers."

  "That's certainly true this time." Martha used a dishcloth to dab at the green streaks of liquid dripping from Lex's hair. "I guess we won't be needing extra Jello tonight, after all. Why don't you go on upstairs and--"

  "Martha, have you seen--" Amanda paused in the doorway, holding one hand over her mouth. She willed herself not to laugh. "Uh, Lex? Ronnie caught Lorrie. He and Lois took her to her room to get dressed."

  Lex tossed the towel on the floor to clean up the mess. "Thanks." She leaned against the counter and took off one of her formerly white socks, which was now a lovely lime color. "Let me get this cleaned up so I can a shower."

  "I'll take care of it," Martha offered. "Put those clothes in to soak so they don't stain."

  "Yes, ma'am." Lex was tempted to remove her shirt altogether, but having a houseful of guests quickly vetoed that idea. She edged around Amanda. "Go ahead, laugh."

  Amanda uncovered her mouth and burst into giggles. She followed her partner up the stairs. "I'll help you, honey." She ran a finger across Lex's throat for a taste. "Mmm. Refreshing."

  "Smartass."

  Halfway up the stairs, they were almost run down by Lorrie and Freckles. "Mommy, catch me," Lorrie shrieked.

  "Don't even think about it, kiddo." Lex held out her hand
s. "You know better than to play on the stairs."

  Lorrie stopped short and frowned at Lex. "Momma, you ucky."

  Ronnie, who was home from college for the holidays, exchanged grins with Lois. He'd been around Lex long enough to know when to keep his mouth shut.

  Lex mirrored Lorrie's posture, both hands on hips. The others were hard-pressed to control their mirth. "You had a hand in it, remember?"

  "Mada did it," Lorrie added for good measure. "Uck."

  "Lorrie--"

  Amanda decided to cut in before Lex got too mad. "Lorrie, go downstairs and apologize to Mada for playing in the kitchen."

  "Mommy, you go too?" Lorrie gave Amanda her most adorable grin and captured her hand. "Pease?"

  "Well, I was going to help your momma."

  Lex started up the stairs again. She moved past Ronnie and Lois. "Nah. You guys go on. I'll be down in a little while."

  Twenty minutes later, Lex was clean and almost to the living room when Jeannie caught up with her. "Hey, Slim. Got a few minutes?"

  The sounds of a football game could be heard from the television in the living room, and Lex sighed. She hoped to catch at least part of the first game. "Sure. What's up?"

  "I was going to try and walk off these stupid false labor pains."

  The harmless contractions had been making Jeannie uncomfortable for the past week. She held out her hand. "Would you like to join me?"

  "Only for the walking," Lex teased. She gripped Jeannie's hand and followed her through the back door. "It's a little cool. Are you sure you don't need a jacket?"

  Jeannie rubbed her belly with her free hand. "Are you kidding? I'm carrying my own personal furnace. But if you can't handle a little cool air--"

  "Hrumph." Lex tugged Jeannie outside. "It's not that cold." She allowed her sister-in-law to control the pace as they followed the sidewalk toward the barns. The breeze ruffled her still-damp hair. "How are you feeling? Other than the obvious?"