To Hold Forever

by Carrie Carr

  "As safe as any delivery can be. But," here the doctor gave Amanda a severe look, "you have to promise to keep behaving yourself. No working, lots of rest, and absolutely no stress. If your blood pressure goes up again, I'll put you on total bed rest."

  Lex answered for both of them. "We promise." She flinched when Amanda squeezed her hand particularly hard. "What?"

  "You're not the one who has to do nothing all the time." Amanda pulled her hand away and attempted to cross her arms over her stomach. Not being able to do so comfortably made her even more upset. "This is so unfair."

  Dr. Vaughn tried to gently reassure her. "You knew you'd have to make certain concessions when you decided to become pregnant."

  "I know. But I didn't think I'd be forced to give up so much. And what about next week? My sister is getting married and she wants me to be her matron-of-honor."

  "You can still participate, as long as you don't overdo it." The doctor patted her on the knee. "Don't think of this as a bad thing. You'll be begging for quiet once the baby arrives."

  Amanda slipped her hand into Lex's. "I remember what we went through with Lorrie." She rested her head against her partner's arm. "I'm very lucky to have Lex. She had more sleepless nights than I did."

  "I've enjoyed every minute of it." Lex was glad Amanda seemed more like herself. She never knew which one would make an appearance--happy, glad to be pregnant Amanda, or the woman whose glare could melt steel. Lex had been on the receiving end of that particular look more than once. She still hadn't figured out why. "So. Dr. Vaughn, is there anything special we can do to help Lorrie understand all this? She's felt the baby kick, but I think she's still confused."

  Dr. Vaughn checked her watch. "I think I can help you with that. Let me find out something." She headed toward the door. "I'll be right back."

  Lex exchanged confused looks with Amanda. "Was it something I said?"

  The door opened and the doctor came in with a pleased look on her face. "Are you busy tomorrow afternoon?"

  "Not that I know of." Amanda verified that by watching Lex shrug. "What's up?"

  "I don't know why I didn't think of this before. We have a 'big brother, big sister' program and the next class is tomorrow afternoon. It's a puppet show that helps explain what a new baby means to the household. Afterward, I spend about fifteen minutes with each family so the child can hear the baby's heartbeat with a stethoscope. It goes a long way in making the big brother or sister feel more a part of the experience." The blank stare she was getting from Lex surprised her. "Trust me, it's a lot of fun."

  "I'm not sure if I want her to have that much knowledge. Lorrie already outthinks me more than she should." Lex's proud look told she wasn't serious. "Are you sure she's not too young for it?"

  Dr. Vaughn adjusted the white coat she wore and placed her hands in the pockets. "Not at all. We have several different classes. She'll be with kids her own age."

  Amanda slid from the table less gracefully than she wanted. She welcomed Lex's steadying arm around her shoulders. "It sounds wonderful." She pulled her top over her stomach. "Would you mind giving Lex all the details? I've really, really got to go." She toddled out of the room as fast as her growing bulk would allow.

  LEX HELD LORRIE'S hand after they left the truck. Amanda walked quietly beside them. She had been introspective all morning, and Lex wondered what was going on with her. Once inside the doctor's office, they were directed to a conference room at the end of the hall. Excited children's voices streamed through the open door. Lex struggled to keep Lorrie from racing inside. "Hang on there, lil' bit. No running indoors." Lorrie broke free and took off, leaving her parents behind.

  Amanda couldn't help but laugh at the look on her partner's face. "She listens about as well as you do." She followed their daughter at a slower pace until they were inside the organized chaos of the room.

  Six other young children were chatting excitedly with each other, some pointing to the elaborate puppet stage set up in one corner of the room. A man and a woman, both appearing to be in their mid-twenties, stood close by. They were dressed in black and the woman glanced up and noticed the latest arrivals. She brushed her red hair away from her face and her eyes widened when she recognized Lex and Amanda. She said something to her partner and walked across the room toward them.

  "Oh, shit." Lex hoped there weren't any liquids nearby. What were the odds that Ashley Pendleton would be one of the puppeteers? She put her arm around Amanda and led her to the rear wall, where the other parents sat.

  One of the women held out her hand but didn't bother standing. She was further along than Amanda, but appeared happy to see them. "Amanda? What a small world."

  It took Amanda a moment to place her. "Laurie Roland?" It had been four years since she had sold them a house, but Amanda rarely forgot a face. She shook Laurie's hand before sitting next to her. "Where's Dan?"

  "He's over there, getting me some juice." She pointed to another wall where a refreshment table had been set up.

  "I think I'll go say hello. Excuse me, ladies." Lex nodded to Laurie and crossed the room. She had a feeling there was about to be a major gab session between the two pregnant women and she'd feel more comfortable talking with Dan.

  Laurie laughed when Lex made her escape. "Is she as squeamish as Dan? I swear he turns white during every one of my exams."

  "Worse." Amanda watched her daughter interact with a smaller girl, whose wispy blonde hair stuck out over her head. She pointed to the two girls. "It looks like our daughter Lorrie has already made a friend."

  "Are you talking about that dark-haired little girl?" At Amanda's answering nod, Laurie chuckled. "She's with my Courtney. Oh look. Isn't that sweet?" Lorrie had taken Courtney's hand and led her close to the front of the stage. They sat next to each other and continued to chatter.

  Amanda loved how open and friendly Lorrie was with other children. "Your daughter is beautiful, Laurie. How old is she?"

  "Thank you. She's twenty-seven months, but hasn't seemed to have hit her terrible two's--yet. How about yours? I see that she's the spitting image of Lex." She leaned closer to Amanda and lowered her voice. "How did you manage it? Forgive me for saying so, but I can't picture Lex pregnant."

  The loud laugh that unexpectedly erupted from Amanda caused them to be the center of attention for a moment, before everyone returned to their own conversations. "I'm sorry. But, you've got it so right. Lex would have to be sedated for nine months if she were pregnant."

  "I can imagine. Well, no matter how she came to be, she's absolutely adorable." She noticed Amanda bristled when the female puppeteer approached Lex. "Do they know each other?"

  "Not as well as that bi-, I mean woman, would like to." Even though Amanda would have liked nothing better than to yank the woman bald-headed, she stayed where she was to allow Lex to handle things. For now.

  Lex felt a touch on her back and assumed it was Amanda. "Hey there, beautiful." She turned and realized it was Ashley. "Forget I said anything." She took a step away to keep the woman out of her personal space. The last thing she wanted was for Amanda to see their interaction and get bent out of shape. "Hey, Ashley. I didn't know you did puppets."

  "That's because you didn't take the time to find out anything about me." Ashley stepped between Lex and Dan, turning her back on him to remove him from the conversation. "I see you're still with that fat gal. Don't you know you could do so much better?"

  "I think you should leave." Lex's voice was soft, but the angry glint in her eyes spoke louder than her words.

  Ashley ignored the warning and moved closer, her breasts almost brushing Lex's shirt. She had barely touched Lex, when her hand was grabbed and squeezed. "Let go. You're hurting me."

  Lex leaned close so that her words wouldn't be overheard. "If you ever say anything about my wife again, you'll find out what hurt is. Get it through your thick skull, woman. I don't want anything to do with you. Back off, and go play with your puppets." She released her grip and stepped ar
ound Ashley. "Dan, why don't we go sit with our ladies and enjoy the show?"

  Dan wasn't sure what had transpired, but was more than happy to follow Lex. The redhead had given him the creeps. "Sure."

  Amanda waited until Lex got comfortable next to her before she took her hand and held it in her lap. Lex's heavy exhale concerned her. "Are you all right?"

  "Yep. I don't think she'll bother us anymore."

  "Good. I was wondering what we'd have to do to get it through her head." Amanda scooted closer while the room quieted down and the puppets came to life.

  "CAN I BE on teebee?" Lorrie tapped the monitor with one hand, fascinated. She pointed to a rapidly moving image on the screen. "What's dat?"

  Dr. Vaughn coughed to cover her laugh. "That's the baby's heart beating. Remember? It's that fast thumping sound."

  Lorrie bounced her head. "Bum, bum, bum, bum." She slid off Lex's lap and climbed into the chair next to the table. She watched the doctor move the wand across Amanda's stomach. "Dat's dumpin?"

  "Well, yes. We use this to help us see the baby. It also lets us hear the thumping." Dr. Vaughn took one of Lorrie's hands and helped her grip the wand. "Here, you can do it, too." She noticed Amanda squirming. "Are you doing all right?"

  "My bladder's about to burst, but otherwise I'm doing great." The wand slid all across Amanda's stomach, which bounced while she laughed at the look of concentration on Lorrie's face. "Careful, sweetie. That tickles. And I don't think me laughing too much is a good thing right now." Then she squirmed some more. Her bladder was demanding attention.

  Lex took up a position behind Lorrie, although she knew the doctor wouldn't let her fall. She was impressed by how patiently Dr. Vaughn answered all her daughter's questions. It affirmed in her mind their decision to use the doctor, who was new to the area.

  Lorrie swiped her free hand through the gel on Amanda's belly. "Uck!" She made a fist, which caused it to squish between her fingers.

  She turned and held out her hand to Lex. "Momma, help."

  "Hang on, kiddo." Lex grabbed a towel and picked up Lorrie. She missed the tiny hand, which bypassed the towel and splatted against her cheek. "Ugh."

  Dr. Vaughn took pity on Lex and took over the cleaning duties. Once she was finished, she helped Lorrie down to allow Lex a chance to wipe the gel off Amanda. "Come on, Lorrie. Let's go find some milk and cookies while your mommy gets dressed."

  Amanda sat up after they left. She liked how down to earth Dr. Vaughn was. "We got lucky with her, didn't we?"

  "Yep." Lex helped her with her blouse. "And the doctor's pretty cool, too." She waited until Amanda had pulled on her pants before she picked up her shoes. "I think Lorrie had a good time today." She knelt by Amanda's chair and slipped the comfortable shoes on her feet without a second thought.

  Amanda studied Lex's head. Something shiny caught her eye. "Ooh."

  "What?" Lex felt the top of her head, where Amanda tugged on a strand of hair. "Hey! Why are you pulling my hair?"

  "I found your first gray." Amanda released the strand of silver.

  "You did not!"

  "Did too!" Amanda pulled on it again. "Right here."

  Lex grabbed Amanda's hand. "Yank it out."

  "No! I like it." Amanda tucked it down. "I think you'll look good with gray hair."

  "I'm too young to be getting that old." Lex scratched her head. "I don't want to be old and gray before Lorrie starts school. They'll think I'm her grandma or something."

  Amanda rolled her eyes. "One gray hair does not make you old, silly. Now help me up so I can run to the restroom and you can relieve Dr. Vaughn of our daughter."

  Lex did as she was asked. While they walked out of the office, she rubbed the top of her head again. Maybe they'd stop by the drug store on the way home and pick up some hair color.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  THE FIGURE IN the mirror had become unrecognizable to Amanda. She glared at her reflection. The vibrant blue dress fit her form a little too well for her taste. She tugged at the sides in an effort to make it look better. "I look like a blueberry."

  Lex tucked in her navy blue dress shirt and buckled her belt. The black slacks she wore were a concession to the special day. She had promised Jeannie she'd "clean up," although she teasingly threatened to wear her old scruffy boots and her usual battered cowboy hat. Her sister-in-law hadn't been amused. She glanced at Amanda. "No, you don't."

  "I most certainly do."

  Lex fastened the buttons on her cuffs and moved to stand behind her lover at the mirror. She put her arms around Amanda and rested her chin on her shoulder. "You know, now that you mention it, you do remind me of something."

  Amanda tensed. "What?" Lex's breath tickled her ear. She fought the urge to brush the maddening lips away. The gentle assault continued as Lex nibbled on her neck. She tapped the top of Lex's head. "Hello? You were saying?"

  "Hmm?" It was always fun to tease Amanda, but Lex relented. "You look stunning. Seeing you standing there like that takes my breath away. I don't know how you manage it, but you keep getting more beautiful every day."

  Although she didn't believe a word of what her partner said, the sentiment touched Amanda deeply. "You're so sweet." She tangled her fingers in Lex's hair and pulled her closer. "But I thought you said this dress reminded you of something."

  "Yep. It sure does." Lex kissed the skin where Amanda's neck met her shoulder. "It reminds me how lucky I am to be married to you."

  Amanda turned in her arms and gave Lex a heartfelt kiss. "I'm going to have to keep you." A knock on the door kept her from more in-depth exploration. "Someone has rotten timing."

  Lex kissed the tip of her nose. "Nah. Another minute like this, and we'd be late for the ceremony."

  The door opened and Jeannie came into the room. She noticed the way Lex was wrapped around Amanda. "Don't you two ever get enough?"

  "Nope." But Lex loosened her hold and moved a step away from Amanda. "I guess you want some last minute instructions from your sister, huh?" She started to walk around Jeannie, who stopped her with a hand on her arm.

  "Actually, I wanted to talk to you both." Jeannie adjusted her dress and sat gingerly on the edge of the bed. She had decided against a traditional wedding dress. Instead, she wore a simple, pale blue silk dress that came to just above her knees. She held a small jewelry box that she kept moving from one hand to the other.

  Amanda noticed the gesture. She could tell that Jeannie was nervous about something, and she didn't think it was her impending nuptials. "Are you okay?"

  "Yes. I mean, no. I mean, I think so." Jeannie gnawed at her lower lip. This was going to be a touchy subject, and she was still debating on whether it was a good idea or not. Unable to come up with a suitable opening, she wordlessly handed the jewelry box to her sister.

  Lex stepped behind Amanda and peered over her shoulder. "What's that?"

  "I don't know." Amanda opened the box and saw two gold rings nestled in green satin. "Jeannie?"

  "Okay, let me explain." Jeannie stood. "These are mine and Frank's rings. I don't know what you're going to tell Lorrie when she gets older, but I thought--"

  Amanda snapped the lid shut. "You thought she might like them?" She handed the box to Lex.

  Jeannie lowered her eyes. She knew it had been a stupid idea. Her voice was barely audible. "I know she's your daughter now. But I only thought she'd like to have something of her father's, when she's older." She was surprised when she felt her sister pull her into an embrace.

  "That's an incredibly thoughtful thing to do, Sis." Amanda knew how hard it was for Jeannie to give up that final link to Frank. "Lex and I discussed this when we adopted Lorrie. When she's old enough, we plan on letting her know who her father is. And we'd like to tell her how brave and selfless her real mom is, too."

  "I'd like that." Jeannie wiped a tear from her cheek. "I guess I'd better get out there. Gramma is probably tearing the house up looking for me."

  Amanda grasped her hand. "I'll go wit
h you. It's almost time for the ceremony to start." She followed Jeannie out of the room.

  Lex studied the velvet-covered box she held. The aching loss was almost as strong today as it had been three years ago. She missed the robust man who had so easily befriended her. "Don't worry, Frank. I promise I'll keep a close eye on both your girls." She placed the box into her overnight bag and left the room.

  WHILE AMANDA RUSHED to one last bathroom break, Lex was in the kitchen struggling to keep Lorrie from removing her dress. The pale yellow dress flared out around her knees, due to the lacy petticoats beneath it. The lace itched, and Lorrie wanted no part of it. "Hold still, lil' bit. Your bow came untied." Before she could move her hand away, Lorrie had pulled the bow loose again.

  "No!" Lorrie started to swing the ends of the bow around. "Don't want dis."

  "I know, but it'll only be for a little while, then you can get into your play clothes." Lex tied the ribbon and caught the little girl's hands before she could do any more damage. "Lorrie, stop."

  Lorrie jerked her hands away. "No!" She stomped her foot for good measure. Her new black patent-leather shoes clacked loudly on the tile floor. She pulled at the frilly dress Jeannie had picked out for her. "Momma, dis no good." She shook one foot. "Hurts."

  "I know it's not comfortable, sweetheart. You won't have to wear it long, I promise. As soon as the ceremony is finished we'll go upstairs and change." If Lorrie wasn't in the wedding party, Lex would have dressed her in something more appropriate. As it was, she argued for days about Jeannie's choice of clothing.

  Instead of having Lorrie be the flower girl, Jeannie and Rodney decided to keep things simple and have her carry the rings. Lorrie had been very excited about her participation until she saw what she was going to have to wear. Even at three, she was extremely opinionated about her clothes. Amanda swore it was Lex's fault, even though she'd never expressed her views on fashion around their daughter.