To Hold Forever

by Carrie Carr

  "That's my job." Martha knew the look. She held out her hands. "Why don't you let me take her, so you can give Amanda a call?" It had taken all Martha's considerable negotiation skills to keep Amanda at home instead of coming to the emergency room. Only the promise of a phone call immediately after seeing the doctor appeased her.

  "Good idea." Lex was loath to give up her daughter, but it would have been too hard to juggle Lorrie and talk on the phone at the same time. She reluctantly passed the sleeping child to Martha. "I'll be right back."

  Since she had left her cell phone at home, Lex headed for the bank of payphones close to the waiting room. She fished changed out of her pocket and placed the call. Amanda answered on the first ring. "She's fine."

  "Was it broken?" Amanda was still peeved she was stuck at home. "Are they putting it in a cast?"

  Lex turned so she could watch Martha with Lorrie. "No. He called it 'nursemaid's elbow,' and said it was pretty common. I did it to her when I grabbed her arm." The knowledge of being the one to cause Lorrie pain made Lex feel physically ill. "It's all my fault."

  "Lex, you can't think that way. If it hadn't been for you she could have fallen out of the loft."

  "Yeah, right. And if I'd made sure the damned door was closed right, she wouldn't have gotten out at all." Lex slammed her hand against the wall in disgust. "Listen. I've got some paperwork to finish and then we'll be on our way home. Is there anything I can get you?"

  "Just the two of you. Hurry home."

  After promising to return as soon as possible, Lex returned to relieve Martha of Lorrie. She held her daughter carefully, although Lorrie never stirred. "You ready to get out of here?"

  "Sounds good." Martha placed a steadying arm around them as they left the emergency room. Neither noticed the woman who had walked in.

  ELIZABETH CAUBLE WAS surprised to see the trio, and was extremely curious as to why they had been there. She had come into the hospital to get a physician's referral. As a condition of her release, Elizabeth had to keep in touch with a psychiatrist at least once a month. Since she planned on being in Somerville for a while, she needed to get the name of a local doctor. There was no way she'd return to the hospital they'd locked her away in for over two years. She hurried to the admitting station. "Excuse me, but I'm looking for my granddaughter. She was brought in a short time ago."

  The nurse raised her head. Her nametag identified her as Kelly. "What's her name, ma'am?"

  "I think it was my daughter-in-law that brought her in. Lexington Walters?" Elizabeth had no idea what last name Lorrie would be listed under. Rivers? Cauble? There were too many variables.

  "Oh yes." Kelly's fingers tapped quickly on the computer keys. "I'm sorry, they've already checked out. You must have barely missed them."

  In an acting performance that would have made the Academy proud, Elizabeth put a shaky hand to her mouth. "Oh dear. And I promised I would be here."

  Kelly nodded sympathetically. "That's all right, ma'am. According to the records, she only had a minor elbow dislocation. She'll be fine. Maybe if you hurry you can catch them before they leave."

  Elizabeth fought to keep the satisfied look from her face. "I'll do that, thank you." She tapped the counter with a red-tipped finger and strolled from the emergency room, her earlier quest forgotten.

  IT WAS THE most annoying feeling in the world, causing Amanda to open her eyes and grimace. Half-asleep, she rolled out of bed and staggered to the bathroom. She hated these middle of the night excursions. It seemed she had barely gotten to sleep, when the baby pressed against her bladder and made her get up again.

  Blissful moments later, Amanda stumbled into the bedroom and climbed into bed. She then realized the other side of the bed was empty and, judging by the coolness of the sheets, had been for some time. "Dammit, Lex." After heaving herself into a sitting position, she got out of bed again and stepped into the hall.

  Muted light spilled from Lorrie's bedroom. The nightlight gave up enough illumination so Amanda could see her partner's form slouched in the corner rocking chair. She stepped quietly into the room until she was next to the chair. With the lightest of touches, she stroked Lex's face.

  Lex jerked awake. "What's wrong?" She looked around the room, her vision lingering on a peacefully sleeping Lorrie.

  "Nothing's wrong. I woke up and you weren't there." Amanda didn't bother to struggle when Lex pulled her onto her lap. It wouldn't have done any good. So she sat and enjoyed the feeling of her partner's arms around her. "I'm going to squish you."

  "Yeah, right." Lex kissed Amanda's neck. "What are you doing up?"

  Amanda was too busy luxuriating in the feelings Lex's touch brought. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes. "Did you say something?"

  Lex's hands moved to rest against Amanda's stomach. "Junior wouldn't let you sleep, huh?"

  "No. She seems to think it's fun to dance on my bladder at two in the morning. Stop trying to change the subject. What are you doing in here? Did Lorrie have a bad dream? She looks like she's sleeping fine to me."

  "She is. I came in to check on her and I guess I fell asleep." Lex tried to fight off a yawn but failed.

  Amanda grabbed one of Lex's hands and stood. "Come on. You'll sleep a lot better in our bed and so will I." With a tug, she brought Lex to her feet and pulled her from the room.

  Once they were both comfortably settled in bed, Amanda could tell that Lex was troubled by something. "Want to talk about it?"

  Flat on her back with her hands behind her head, Lex stared at the ceiling. "About what?"

  "You've been brooding since you got home this afternoon."

  "No I haven't."

  Amanda yanked Lex's hair. "Have too."

  "Have not."

  "Have too." Amanda chuckled. "I think we've spent too much time with our daughter. We're beginning to sound like her."

  Lex couldn't help herself. "Are not." She laughed when her arm was swatted. "Hey!"

  "You're a brat." But Amanda relented and instead wriggled until she was lying as close as she could. "Are you still upset about what happened today?"

  "Yeah." Lex rolled onto her side and propped her head up on her hand. "She could have been seriously hurt or worse today. If I hadn't caught her--"

  "But you did. And she's going to be fine." Amanda took Lex's free hand and laid it on her stomach. "I was scared to death and I wasn't even there when it happened." The baby kicked. "You're a great momma, Lex. Our kids are probably going to turn us gray before our time, but I won't regret a minute as long as you're here with me."

  With a heavy sigh, Lex lay down on her stomach but didn't lose touch with Amanda. "I love you."

  "I love you, too." Amanda tucked the covers around her wife.

  Less than an hour later, Lorrie's cries woke them both. Lex was almost to the door before Amanda could open her eyes. "I'll get her." She crossed the hallway and flicked on Lorrie's light. "What's wrong, lil' bit?"

  "Momma!" Lorrie sat up and rubbed her eyes with her good hand. "I'm scared."

  Lex scooped her out of bed and held her close. "Bad dream?"

  "Uh-huh." Lorrie sniffled and tucked her head beneath Lex's chin. "I falled." The soothing touch on her back calmed her, as Lex carried her into the master bedroom.

  "It was only a bad dream, sweetheart. You're okay." Lex crawled into bed, keeping Lorrie between her and Amanda.

  Amanda turned on her side and brushed the hair out of her daughter's eyes. "Your momma's right, honey. Why don't you go to sleep, and we'll be right here, okay?"

  "Otay." Lorrie rolled until she was up against Amanda. Her eyes closed almost immediately.

  Lex leaned over and kissed Lorrie on top of the head before settling behind her. "Sleep well, Lorrie." She thrust the feelings of guilt down, knowing she'd be in for more sleepless nights.

  SOFT CRYING WOKE Amanda. She could tell it was early morning, as the barely risen sun painted the bedroom in muted tones of gray. She rolled over slightly to see tears glisten
ing off Lorrie's cheeks. "What's the matter, sweetie?" She brushed at the dampness in an attempt to sooth her daughter.

  "Hurts," Lorrie sniffled. She cradled her arm against her body.

  Amanda turned again, and grabbed the bottle of baby aspirin from her nightstand. She placed one in Lorrie's mouth. "Chew this up, it'll make you feel better." Once Lorrie swallowed the medication, Amanda carefully held her close. It was then she noticed the other side of the bed was empty. There were no lights on that she could see. "I wonder where she's gotten off to so early?" Deciding to look for her wayward spouse later, she rubbed Lorrie's back to sooth her.

  The next time she opened her eyes, the room was naturally well-lit, and still Lex was nowhere to be seen. She kissed the sleeping child's head and eased off the bed. Her bladder was making itself known, as usual. After adjusting her pillow to take her place, she toddled to the bathroom.

  Once Lorrie was awake, she followed Amanda downstairs in anticipation of a promised breakfast of oatmeal. "Where's Momma?"

  "I don't know, honey. We'll find her after we eat. How's that sound?"

  "Otay." Lorrie climbed into her chair and waited patiently as her mommy placed water on the stove to boil. She took the cup of juice Amanda placed in front of her and drank. "Good."

  Amanda was about to join her, when she heard rhythmic thumping outside. She peered through the kitchen window. "What on earth is she up to?" She started to leave the kitchen. "Lorrie, be a good girl. Mommy will be right back."

  "Otay." Lorrie concentrated on her juice, while tracing the cartoon character placemat in front of her.

  The noise became louder when Amanda opened the back door. She wrapped her arms around herself to ward off the morning chill. The sight that greeted her caused her to wrinkle her brow in confusion. Behind the house, small wooden posts were nestled in holes around the yard. The fence would enclose a large area, effectively keeping Lorrie from straying again. Her partner was in one corner, with her back to the house.

  Even with the light frost that covered the ground, Lex's dark tee shirt was already damp with perspiration. Her long-sleeved denim shirt hung on a nearby post. She slammed the posthole digging tool into the ground then raised a clump of damp grass and mud. The implement was almost as tall as she, and the double wooden handles opened outward as she raised it from the hole she dug. Small dual spades would pinch together and remove a load of dirt. After dropping the dirt to the side of the hole she made, she repeated the action. Freckles danced around her, yipping and using one paw to dig at the pile of dirt.

  "Freckles, stop that." Lex rested one arm against the tool, removed the baseball cap she wore and wiped her brow on one shoulder. She looked around at her handiwork, proud with how far she'd come. If she kept at it, she'd be finished by early evening. Only the sound of Amanda's voice kept her from beginning again.

  "Lex?" Amanda moved forward, until she stood on the bottom step. "What are you doing?"

  "Making sure what happened yesterday won't happen again." Lex left the digger in the hole and walked to where her partner stood. "What time is it?"

  Amanda brushed a smudge of dirt from Lex's cheek. "A little after nine. How long have you been out here?"

  "A while."

  From what Amanda could see, it was obvious that Lex had been working longer than she admitted. Almost all of the posts were set, where there hadn't been any the night before. "It's kind of short, isn't it?"

  Lex shrugged and turned to study her handiwork. "Not for a picket fence. Four feet is tall enough. Any higher, and it would be hard to see over."

  "Why a picket fence?"

  "Because, knowing your daughter, she'd climb over a chain link. And a six-foot privacy fence is too ugly, and it would ruin the view from the house." Lex brushed at the dirt on her jeans.

  "Makes sense, I guess." Amanda huffed indignantly. "Hey, wait a minute. My daughter?"

  "Yep. I remember the stories your family told about you growing up."

  Amanda put her hands on her hips. "It wasn't that bad."

  "Does the phrase, 'fell asleep in the old oak in the backyard' ring any bells?"

  "Okay. But I was only--"

  Lex interrupted her. "Five. And Jacob said it was the only time your grandmother ever spanked you. He said you scared her to death."

  "Fine. That one time. It's not like I--"

  "Stowed away on a train bound for Houston?" Lex found her mouth covered by Amanda's hand, and her eyes twinkled merrily.

  "Enough. But when Lorrie starts roping Freckles, she's your daughter." Amanda looked at where the fence would soon be. "Will it get painted, too?"

  "Huh?" Lex twisted her body to look at the yard.

  Amanda draped her arms over Lex's shoulders and rested her chin on her head. "A white picket fence? Pretty domestic, isn't it?"

  "Never thought of it that way, but I guess you're right." Lex turned and had to tilt her face up to receive Amanda's kiss.

  They were interrupted when an old four-door truck, hauling a flatbed trailer, stopped outside the posts. Roy opened the driver's side door and hopped out, followed by three other men. "Hey, boss. Here's the rest of the wood. You want us to get started?"

  "We'll finish this conversation later," Lex promised her wife, before she left to give instructions to the hired hands.

  Amanda sighed and went inside the house, looking forward to seeing the finished product.

  HUBERT TOSSED ANOTHER box into the trunk of his rental car. He couldn't believe how lucky he'd been. His sister hadn't bothered him for weeks and he was sure she had forgotten all about their arrangement. But he knew his luck wouldn't hold. It never did where she was concerned. The woman was relentless in finding new ways to harass him. He went into the house and looked through each room. Other than the broken down furniture, the only thing he was leaving behind were piles of trash. "Don't say I never gave you nothing, Lex."

  He slammed the front door behind him and didn't bother to lock it. He didn't care what happened to the house. Not anymore. Hubert was in debt up to his neck and the two mortgages he had on the house guaranteed that he'd never break free. It was definitely time for a change of scenery. He climbed into the car then took an envelope out of his interior jacket pocket. It was addressed to his sister and inside was a note thanking her for taking the old house off his hands.

  It hadn't been hard to get a fake driver's license for one of his old girlfriends from Austin, whom he'd sweet-talked into passing for Lex. When it was time for the mortgage closing, she flashed her fake identification and forged Lex's signature on the loan papers. There was no other way he could have gotten a loan. The local banks were on to him, but the mortgage companies that advertise on the Internet had no idea they were dealing with an unscrupulous deadbeat. However, "Lex's" credit was stellar and the mortgage companies were more than happy to accept her as his "cosigner".

  He kissed the envelope. Revenge was so sweet. "Thanks, Sis. Not only have you paid off my legal debts, you get to pay off my mortgage, too. That should set you back some, bitch." He chuckled and dropped the key in before sealing it closed. A quick run by the post office on his way out of town and he'd leave this sorry place behind him for good.

  TO ELIZABETH'S EYES the small, albeit neatly-kept, house was not much larger than a cracker box. She found it hard to believe anyone lived in such squalor, especially her ex-husband Michael. After seeing what Somerville had to offer, she knew he'd have to lower his standards. But the address she found in the telephone directory appeared beneath even him. "I wouldn't allow a dog to live in this dump." She stepped from her leased car and headed primly up the walk. After a tug on her glove, Elizabeth rang the doorbell.

  The door opened and a surprised Lois stood silently with her mouth hanging open slightly.

  Elizabeth tucked her handbag beneath one arm. "Well? Aren't you going to invite me inside?"

  Lois frowned before she stepped away. "I suppose so." Her ingrained good manners took the most inopportune times to slip out. She l
ed her uninvited guest to the living room. "Can I get you something to drink?"

  "Tea would be nice." Elizabeth perched daintily on the edge of a wing-backed chair. "Thank you." She gave her hostess a civil smile.

  "Of course." Lois left the room, more confused than ever. She hurriedly put the tea service together and brought it into the living room. There was no way she trusted Elizabeth Cauble any further than she could throw her, and she was loathe to leave her unsupervised in her home. Once the tea had been poured, she took her own place on a floral-patterned sofa. "This is a surprise. What brings you by?"

  Elizabeth took a sip of her tea and nodded her appreciation. The woman was a hick but she could at least make decent tea. "This is purely a social call. I thought since I would be settling down here in Somerville to be closer to my family, you and I should get to know each other better."

  Tea almost went through Lois' nose and she coughed and sputtered for over a minute. "You're not saying you want to be friends, are you?"

  "Heavens no. But since we have our family in common, it is practical, don't you think?"

  "Uh, well. I'm not sure." Lois was not prepared for a reasonable Elizabeth, although what she said did make sense.

  With a slight clatter, Elizabeth placed her cup and saucer on the coffee table that was between them. "I've realized, belatedly I'm afraid, that I've allowed my family to slip away from me. I miss my daughters and I'm hoping it's not too late to reconnect with them." She sniffled and removed a lace handkerchief from her purse, dabbing at her eyes. "I want to be more involved with my grandchildren. Is that so wrong?"

  "Of course not."

  Elizabeth continued on as if she hadn't heard Lois' reply. "I feel like such a failure. When I found out that little Lorraine had been taken to the hospital, I was beside myself with worry."

  Lois scooted forward and patted Elizabeth awkwardly on the knee. "There, there. Everything turned out fine. I think Lex took it harder than Lorrie did."