by Katie Ginger
Later that evening, showered and shaved, when Nate entered the theatre, it was to be met by someone he didn’t recognise selling tickets. He bought one and a programme before finding a seat at the back. It was soon filling up and with only a few minutes to go there weren’t many seats left. The atmosphere was buzzing with anticipation and he slunk down in the chair not wanting to be noticed by anyone, least of all Sarah. Spying her name printed on the programme, he ran a finger over the type, picturing her smiling face. A sudden rush of emotion filled him, longing to hold her and admit the truth of his feelings. Finally, the curtains parted and the crash of thunder and lightning rang around the theatre as the play began.
***
Sarah waited in the wings for her scene to begin. Next to her, Gregory whispered to Mrs Andrews with excited anticipation but she couldn’t feel it. It was the final night of The Tempest and Sarah found it odd that they put in all that work for just two performances. It seemed that just as they got it right it was over and on to the next play. Usually, she’d find the prospect of the next show exciting, but there wasn’t room in her heart or her head for anything else right now. It was roasting hot again tonight and that made everything feel even more horrible. Fanning herself with the programme, she wondered again where her dad was, and the weight of her regrets nearly stole the air from her lungs. She so desperately wanted to call but what could she say except ‘sorry’, and that little word didn’t seem anywhere big enough.
Just then she felt Gregory’s elbow in her ribs and turned to see him pointing to the very back of the stage where Lottie stood. Ben was at her side, smiling. Sarah’s heart almost exploded with joy. She shivered despite the stuffy heat. Edging back from the wings she went to her dad and following her instincts, wrapped him in a hug.
‘Dad, I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.’
‘Shhh, sugarplum. Shh.’ He stroked her hair and she raised her head just enough to see his face, tears stinging her eyes.
‘I’m so sorry for everything. I’ve been such a horrible daughter.’
‘No, you haven’t.’ He stood back and pushed his glasses up his nose. ‘You’re just stubborn, like your mum was.
‘What are you doing here?’
Her father had caught the sun where he’d been working outside and the eyes that had seemed dull with sadness were bright and clear.’ You didn’t think I’d miss your final performance, did you? I tried to come last night but I wasn’t sure you’d want me there.’
‘Oh, Dad, thank you.’ She placed a kiss on his cheek. ‘I’m sorry I said you’re not my dad anymore. I was wrong. I was so angry I let it take over everything—’
‘I’ll always be your dad, sweetheart, whether you want me to be or not.’ Sarah laughed with a heart full of relief that he hadn’t let her push him away. ‘I’m sorry I kept saying everything wrong.’
‘You didn’t, Dad. It was me—’
Ben shook his head. ‘No, sometimes when I tried to talk to you it came out all backwards or I’d say the wrong thing. I just didn’t want the whole town laughing at you, like they do me.’ At this Sarah floundered. ‘I haven’t been able to be a father to you for a long time, and I know that was all my own fault. I regret my actions every single day and I’m paying the price now. But I won’t let the rest of my life pass by without doing everything I can to make it up to you. Please, let me be there for you now.’
Sarah nodded and kissed his cheek again. ‘Can I give you one tip though, Dad? If you do want to be there for me, it might be best not to turn up to my work and tell me I’m an idiot on my lunch break? I know this might shock you, but I do already know that.’
He smiled back. ‘And can I give you a tip?’ Sarah nodded. ‘Let people in, Sarah. I want to help you. To love you. I’m sorry I said you made yourself look like an idiot, it was a bad choice of words, but you know what I meant. You made yourself look crazy. Why? The Sarah I know is smart, funny, clever – I couldn’t be prouder of you.’
Emotionally exhausted, Sarah felt her shoulders flop. The walls she’d put up began to crumble, tumbling down brick by brick. She wasn’t just ready to take one, small, tentative step forwards, she wanted to take a huge, giant leap. To make up the ground they’d lost because of her stubbornness and bad judgement. ‘Can I tell you after the show? I’m due on stage in a minute.’ He nodded, placed a kiss on her cheek and backed away but she pulled him into a close hug again. ‘I’ve missed you, Dad,’ she whispered.
‘I’ve missed you too, sugarplum.’ And just as he had when she was a child, he handed her his handkerchief for her to dab her eyes. Ben left to take his seat, guided by Debbie, and Sarah silently mouthed ‘thank you’ to Lottie before heading back towards the stage.
Waiting in the wings she looked out at the audience clothed in semi-darkness. There was no feeling of excitement for her tonight, no last-minute crippling nerves. She felt numb and there was nothing left in her used-up, empty heart to give. Making up with her dad had taken the last drops of her energy and Sarah shook her head and took a long, deep breath in. Every person in that audience had paid for a ticket and deserved a good performance, even if she was falling apart on the inside. She wasn’t going to let the Greenley Players, her friends, down, or Nate who had done so much for her. Summoning up her courage she pulled her shoulders back ready to walk on stage. The audience were watching eagerly, ready for a good show. And she was damn well going to give them one. For her dad and for Nate Hardy. Wherever he was.
***
Nate sank down in his seat as Lottie and Ben took their seats in the front row. Did that mean Ben and Sarah had made up? He hoped so. The sound of the raging tempest rang out from the speakers and slowly, the curtains parted. The players on stage were some of the newer ones and there was a bit of over-acting with weird jerky movements and eyes that constantly searched the crowd for people they knew, like children in the school nativity play. But as their scene drew to a close Nate paused, sitting as still as possible so as not to miss a moment; Sarah and Gregory were on next. Enter Prospero and Miranda, he thought.
Sarah, with a confidence he knew she had but hadn’t seen surface during rehearsals, marched onto the stage, staring out into the crowd. He ducked down not wanting her to spot him and as he did so, she ran back to Gregory. ‘If by your art, my dearest father, you have put the wild waters in this roar, allay them.’ She was good. More than good, she was almost the equal of Gregory. Nate’s breath caught and he smiled. She moved about the stage with the graceful gestures of a ballerina. He worried now he’d made a mistake in coming down, she seemed so together, so happy, and he didn’t want to ruin it. Even if she rejected him he had to try.
The normal friendly teasing between Gregory and Mrs Andrews played out beautifully. Nate wondered if Gregory was enjoying himself a little too much, particularly when he said, ‘How now? Moody?’ pausing dramatically and giving the moody part a bit too much emphasis. Nate was impressed by all the players’ hard work. There was one mishap with a spotlight where the wrong part of the stage was lit, leaving Mrs Andrews in the dark, but she handled it well like it had been intentional all along. Even the singing wasn’t that bad. He could hear Sarah’s voice from the wings when she joined in and it was glorious.
During the intermission Nate relaxed back into his chair. They’d all been fantastic. He couldn’t wait for the second half to begin.
‘Excuse me, are you the guy from the telly?’ asked the lady to his right.
‘Yes, that’s right.’ He held out his hand. ‘Nate Hardy, pleased to meet you.’ The young woman blushed and shook his hand but no great fuss was made. No one really cared. Everyone was so eager for the second half to begin.
The second half began with a great monologue from Luke. He really was fantastic. He teased the audience, staying on the edge of the stage, reciting the monologue as if speaking directly to them. But the moment that stood out most for Nate was when Prospero destroyed his staff. The perfect rise and fall of Gregory’s voice, the pauses that were pus
hed past the point of dramatic, verging on the uncomfortable, made the moment unforgettable. Conner had done an amazing job. The standing ovation at the end was well deserved, and though he wanted to stand tall, whoop and holla, he kept ducked down so Sarah didn’t spot him, his own sense of the dramatic taking over.
When the curtains finally closed and the audience filed out, he had to decide what to do, his lack of planning showing again. Did he follow with everyone else and wait for Sarah outside or did he ask to stay there? He hadn’t thought that far ahead. Knowing how long it could take to get changed after a performance, especially a final one, Nate decided to stay and speak to Sarah inside, whenever she emerged. He’d waited this long, an hour more wouldn’t matter.
Lottie was at the door saying goodbye to everyone, Ben waiting at her side. As Nate made his way over, she saw him and frowned. ‘What are you doing here?’ Even though she was short, her narrowed eyes and sharp tone were quite intimidating and scary.
‘I’m here to see Sarah.’ He tried to smile, but Lottie wasn’t impressed and her face grew tenser.
‘Oh, are you now?’ Nate nodded and looked at his shoes, feeling like he was being told off by the head teacher. She crossed her arms over her chest. ‘Bit late, isn’t it?’
‘Is it?’ he asked, searching her face for a clue, a gnarling feeling in his stomach.
‘Well, no,’ Lottie conceded. ‘Maybe not. But it could have been, couldn’t it? She made herself look like a loon for you, you know.’ Lottie had resorted to wagging her finger at him and the tone of her voice made him shrink back. For a friendly girl, he would bet she was quite formidable when she wanted to be, she certainly was being now. No wonder she’d got them registered as a charity, which wasn’t an easy task. She could probably work for the United Nations if she wanted to. Lottie could scare anyone into doing anything. Ben watched on, a sympathetic look in his eye. She paused to say a cheery goodbye to the last person leaving and then turned back, scowling.
Nate scrunched his hair in his hand. ‘I’ve come to tell Sarah I love her.’
‘Oh, well … good.’ Her eyes began to twinkle as she smiled.
‘I know it took me a while. After everything that had happened, I just couldn’t believe I’d be that lucky.’
Lottie smiled and pointed at the stage where Sarah had just come out from the wings. She hadn’t spotted him yet and was chatting to a flushed-looking Gregory, and though she laughed, her eyes carried a sadness the polite smile couldn’t hide. This was it. This was the moment he’d been waiting for. His chest had tightened around his lungs, stealing his breath, but he felt an inner calm. He skirted behind the last row of seats and paused at the top of the central aisle. Sarah’s hair was still messy, as her character wore it, and it suited her. He watched her step down the stairs at the front of the stage and sling her bag onto her shoulder, distraction keeping her gaze from him. As Nate began to walk down the aisle, his legs wobbling beneath him with every step, she finally looked up, and her eyes widened as she came to a stop.
Nate kept going like a string was pulling him closer. Gregory and Cecil, he noticed, had stopped talking. Gregory was watching him with one hand over his mouth and the other holding an ice pack on the back of his neck. Cecil held his hands over his heart, his smile radiating happiness for them both. The rest of the players followed until the stage was full.
Now that Nate was opposite Sarah, with only a small space between them, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t admitted his feelings for her before. He’d been so stupid. And though he’d rehearsed the things he wanted to say time and time again throughout the night and on the train journey down here, he just couldn’t find the words now they were face to face. He opened his mouth to say something – anything – when at that precise moment Gregory fainted.
***
The first Sarah knew of Gregory passing out was a giant clunk behind her and Cecil screaming like a girl. Before that, her mind had been frozen and all she could think was, Nate’s here. He’s here. Standing in front of me. A dozen questions ran through her mind. Why was he there? Had he simply come to thank her? She didn’t know what to say, or what to do. She’d walked towards him without thinking or speaking. The look in his eyes was so intense, like he was looking right into her soul and it had pulled her close. She wanted to reach out and touch his face but her fingers stayed at her side. She wanted to lift her head and kiss him again but couldn’t move. Deep creases formed either side of his mouth as he smiled at her.
Cecil’s scream pierced her reverie and she spun to see Gregory in a heap on the ground. After a quick glance back at Nate to make sure she wasn’t imagining him, she fled to Gregory. Nate followed and Lottie ran down the aisle as all the players gathered round with worried glances.
‘Oh, my darling,’ cried Cecil, holding Gregory’s hand and patting it like they were in some 1950’s movie. Gregory came too almost immediately and rolled onto his side, clutching the back of his head.
‘Urgh, what happened?’
‘You fainted, darling,’ said Cecil, becoming a little tearful. ‘You fainted, but you’ll be all right.’ Sarah rubbed his back to try and calm him down.
Gregory looked up, bleary eyed. ‘Nate?’ he said, in a croaky voice like he was doing some dramatic death scene. Sarah was sure he was putting it on while Cecil looked a bit miffed at not being spoken to first. ‘Nate? You came back.’
‘I did,’ he said matter-of-factly.
Gregory gently touched the back of his head feeling the size of the lump. ‘Ouch.’
‘It’s okay,’ Sarah said. ‘You’ll be fine. I think you just got a bit overheated.’ Sid’s long arm reached over her shoulder and handed Gregory a bottle of water.
‘Let me stand up,’ said Gregory.
‘No,’ Cecil commanded. ‘You stay where you are. You should be in the recovery position.’
‘Honestly, darling, I’m absolutely fine. I don’t feel dizzy or anything. It’s just a bit sore.’
‘No.’
‘But I’m fine! At least let me sit up, I’m getting cramp in my shoulder.’ Cecil conceded with a disapproving huff and helped Gregory to sitting.
‘At least you didn’t pass out during the performance,’ Sarah offered to cheer him up. She glanced at Nate who was watching her every move. It was disconcerting, but making her go all tingly in a lot of different places. Why did Gregory have to faint now?
A few minutes later, after sipping some water and telling Cecil how many fingers he was holding up, Gregory was allowed to stand, and everyone turned their attention back to Nate.
‘Did you see the show?’ asked Conner. ‘What did you think?’
‘You came back just for us,’ said Mrs Andrews, clapping her hands together. ‘Oh, just wait till I tell my husband. He’s an MP you know, perhaps he can put in a good word for you for the New Year’s Honours List.’ Gregory rolled his eyes, clearly feeling better.
‘We didn’t do too badly, did we?’ asked Kathryn. Though it was more of a rhetorical question.
‘Och, laddie,’ said Debbie, and from the look on Nate’s face he was still struggling with the accent. ‘I knew you wouldn’t miss our last show. How wonderful of ye to come all the way here just for us.’
Sarah watched, unsure what to say, while her stomach bubbled with nervous anticipation and her heart pounded in her chest. With Nate stood before her she recognised now that even if the circumstances were strange, intense and, she had to face it, crazy, the love she felt for him was real. Deep. A love unlike anything she’d felt before. Her feelings for Vince and Finn hadn’t even come close to this. Her connection with Nate wasn’t just in her heart, it was in her soul, in the very essence of who she was and who he was. It was everything and it was perfect. It was certainly worth the risk.
‘It wasn’t just for you,’ Nate said, turning back to Sarah and her heart stopped beating. He gently took her hands in his. ‘I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you how much you mean to me before I left. I was stupid.’
&n
bsp; ‘Nate I—’Nate I what? Nate, I’d like you to do the laundry. Nate I’d like you to love me for forever. She hadn’t thought that sentence through. Her brain was a mess of crazy emotions. Could she actually say out loud what she’d been thinking? Because she didn’t need a string of pointless dates to get to know him. She knew everything she needed to know already. She knew he had a strong moral core, even if he had made mistakes. She knew he was the one for her. ‘Nate, I love you.’
A heavy, oppressive and disheartening silence began to form in the second before he answered. Her heart was beating so fast her lungs fluttered and her body trembled. Then a smile formed on his face and taking it as a good sign, she carried on. Her throat was terribly dry and she wondered how she’d ever get the words out, but after swallowing she said, ‘I mean, I know we haven’t known each other for that long, but I thought there was something between us – a connection. Something really special.’
‘I’m in love with you too. I have been since the first time I saw you. But I didn’t think I deserved someone like you – someone so kind and caring. And my life’s been such a mess. It’s still a mess …’ He laughed and rubbed the back of his head. ‘It’s crazy and up and down but I want to be with you, Sarah. If you’ll let me. I really do love you.’ There was a nervous quiver to his voice. ‘Or I’ll give it all up if you want me to – become a dustman, a taxi driver …’
The players all said, ‘Awww,’ and Sarah stifled a giggle. ‘I don’t think you need to go that far, though I’m sure you’d make a very good dustman.’ Lifting her head, Sarah kissed him as a chorus of cheers and hoorays surrounded them. Just as Sid was Lottie’s one in a million, Nate was hers, and the intensity of his kiss only reassured her of that fact. She could feel the longing emanating from his heart.