The Connector’s Advantage
Page 1
Advance Praise for The Connector’s Advantage
“If you want to be a leader of the future, you must know how to build alliances and partnerships—The Connector’s Advantage will help you do just that.”
Marshall Goldsmith two-time Thinkers50 World’s #1 Leadership Thinker
“In the new economy, it’s not who knows you, it’s who trusts you. When in doubt, don’t forget Michelle’s Law #10.”
Seth Godin author of Linchpin
“Too often I meet talented and highly skilled women who wait too long before enlisting allies who can help them grow in their careers. The Connector’s Advantage is the book these women have been waiting for—a guide that clearly shows how to cultivate and grow the strong circle of connections that is key to sustainable success.”
Sally Helgesen bestselling author of How Women Rise
“As a CEO and a leadership coach, I’m often called on to share my insights with others. My advice is always the same: create positive lasting memories with authentic, human connections within your organization and beyond. Not only does Michelle Tillis Lederman understand how to do this, but she communicates this knowledge with ease. The Connector’s Advantage is the authoritative guidebook to navigating and maximizing the potential of your connections.”
Garry Ridge president and CEO of WD-40 Company
“I know how many hurdles there can be to growing a business—a strong network gives you a leg up. The Connector’s Advantage offers real, applicable advice on how to create authentic connections for reaching your potential, and standing out from the crowd.”
Dorie Clark adjunct professor at Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business and author of Stand Out Networking
“The Connector’s Advantage is a treasure trove of information about how to build strong, valuable ties that enhance your personal and professional life written by someone who has done the research and put it into practice.”
David Burkus bestselling author Friend of a Friend
“There is no doubt that being a Connector is a huge business advantage and great step toward success. Read this book as a road map. Two huge Likeable thumbs up from me!”
Dave Kerpen New York Times–bestselling author of The Art of People
“Michelle Tillis Lederman has the ability to drill down on human experiences and find the essential lessons to be learned from them. There are times I just want to hunker down with my laptop, but I add the most value when I’m out kissing frogs.”
John Katzman educational entrepreneur, founder of The Princeton Review, 2U, and The Noodle Companies
“If you’ve ever wondered why some people seem to be better at building stronger, more effective relationships than others, The Connector’s Advantage is a must-read. Michelle Tillis Lederman is a networking virtuoso whose insights are indispensable for anyone seeking to take their personal and professional life to the next level.”
Jordan Harbinger podcast host of The Jordan Harbinger Show
“Michelle Tillis Lederman’s book, The Connector’s Advantage, speaks to me in all the ways that shape the heart of my core beliefs about networking and building a connected support network. ‘Connections matter,’ Michelle says, and she couldn’t be more right. Strategically speaking, nothing matters more. This book belongs in your top five business/leadership library. Keep it close—you will be rereading it often.”
Major General Mari K. Eder U.S. Army, retired, strategic communica-tions expert
“Any successful businessperson will tell you that they didn’t get where they are on their own. Michelle Tillis Lederman’s book not only describes how to make successful connections, but also guides you through the steps of how to develop and supercharge the relationships that will take your life and career to the next level.”
Jeffrey Hayzlett prime time TV and podcast host, speaker, author, and part-time cowboy
“As a champion of promoting diverse and inclusive workforces, and empowering executive-level talent for people of color, my impact often depends on the quality of the relationships I am able to cultivate with others. Michelle Tillis Lederman’s insights into creating, nurturing, and sustaining authentic connections are invaluable to my work in this realm. The Connector’s Advantage has earned a coveted place on my bookshelf and will be recommended to the participants of our professional development academies.”
Viola Maxwell-Thompson president and CEO of Information Technology Senior Management Forum (ITSMF)
“When a networking guru like Michelle Tillis Lederman shares her knowledge, everyone should pay attention! The tools and insights offered in The Connector’s Advantage are invaluable to anyone seeking create powerful, strategic connections in order to broaden their impact and influence.”
Denise Brosseau CEO of Thought Leadership Lab and author of Ready to Be a Thought Leader?
“Today, we can connect with people in many ways both digitally and in person, The Connector’s Advantage explores the ways to authentically connect with others to improve our lives professionally and personally. In business, we need to remain connected in order to collaborate to solve the complex problems we encounter and need to solve quickly and innovatively.”
Rachel Horwitz global learning and development director, M&M Mars
“One of the most powerful things an entrepreneur can do is create a network of authentic connections. The Connector’s Advantage should be in every business-minded individual’s library. Whatever stage your business or career is at, a carefully cultivated network can help move you up to the next level.”
Matthew Pollard podcast host, The Introvert’s Edge
“Michelle Tillis Lederman has a black belt in networking and isn’t afraid to use it! Keeyaaa! In The Connector’s Advantage, she is your Sensei, teaching the moves and skills you need to become a master communicator. Full of ‘judo chop’ insights she has collected from other networking masters, it’s a book no aspiring influencer should be without.”
Ryan Foland keynote speaker and podcast host
“None of us goes through life alone, nor should we. Authentic, collaborative relationships are imperative to achieving any type of personal or professional transformation. The Connector’s Advantage is essential reading for anyone desiring a stronger, more powerful launchpad for change.”
Lisen Stromberg author of Work Pause Thrive
“I’ve worked in the White House, Hollywood, and Silicon Valley—none of which would have been possible if I hadn’t cultivated strong relationships with the right people. Like me, Michelle Tillis Lederman has walked the walk, and has the credentials to prove it. As one of Forbes’ Top 25 Networkers, she is a virtuoso in creating connections. The Connector’s Advantage is master class in networking, from one of the best.”
John Corcoran creator of Smart Business Revolution
“We’ve all heard the saying: it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. It’s also, as Michelle Tillis Lederman understands so well, how well they know you. As an HR executive, I can attest to the fact that the ability to engage and connect with others is a critical element of any successful career. The Connector’s Advantage is overflowing with insights that will benefit individuals at any stage of their career.”
Ravena Valentine vice president, senior HR leader, people solutions at Cox Automotive
The Connector’s
Advantage
The Connector’s
Advantage
7 Mindsets to Grow
Your Influence and Impact
Michelle Tillis Lederman
Foreword by Ivan Misner
Copyright © 2019 by Michelle Tillis Lederman
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written consent of the publisher or a licence from The Canadian Copyright Licensing Agency (Access Copyright). For a copyright licence, visit www.accesscopyright.ca or call toll free to 1-800-893-5777.
Cataloguing in publication information is available from Library and Archives Canada.
ISBN 978-1-98902-535-2 (paperback)
ISBN 978-1-98902-536-9 (ebook)
Page Two Books
www.pagetwobooks.com
Cover concept by Katerina Ntelimpalta
Interior design by Setareh Ashrafologhalai
Editing by Kathryn O’Shea-Evans
Printed and bound in Canada by Friesens
19 20 21 22 23 5 4 3 2 1
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Distributed in the US and internationally by Publishers Group West, a division of Ingram
www.michelletillislederman.com
Ebook by Bright Wing Books
For my husband, Michael,
You are the best connection I ever made.
And to my children, James and Noah,
You will be connected to me forever!
Contents
Foreword by Ivan Misner
Introduction
I. What Is a Connector?:
Why Connecting Matters
1. Connections Are Critical to Success
2. Likability Enables Connection
3. What Level Connector Are You?
II. How a Connector Think and Acts:
The 7 Mindsets of a Connector
4. Connectors Are Open and Accepting
5.Connectors Have Clear Vision
6.Connectors Believe in Abundance
7. Connectors Trust
8.Connectors Are Social and Curious
9.Connectors Are Conscientious
10.Connectors Have a Generous Spirit
III.Diversify:
Expand the Way You Connect
11.LinkedIn and Technology Tools
12.Diversify Your Connections and Stay Connected
Conclusion: Putting the Book into Action
Acknowledgments
Resources
Notes
Index
Table of Contents
Foreword
Introduction
I: What Is a Connector?: Why Connecting Matters
1: Connections Are Critical to Success
2: Likability Enables Connection
3: What Level Connector Are You?
II: How a Connector Think and Acts: The 7 Mindsets of a Connector
4: Connectors Are Open and Accepting
5: Connectors Have Clear Vision
6: Connectors Believe in Abundance
7: Connectors Trust
8: Connectors Are Social and Curious
9: Connectors Are Conscientious
10: Connectors Have a Generous Spirit
III: Diversify: Expand the Way You Connect
11: LinkedIn and Technology Tools
12: Diversify Your Connections and Stay Connected
Conclusion: Putting the Book into Action
Acknowledgments
Resources
Notes
Index
Landmarks
Cover
Title Page
Table of Contents
Start of Content
Foreword
I founded what has become the world’s largest networking organization, BNI (Business Network International, BNI.com). I’d like to tell you that I had the vision for an international business, but the truth is I needed some referrals for my consulting business. I put together a meeting of people I trusted and was willing to refer others to, and I hoped that they would be willing to refer me as well. From the start, I was a real believer in structure and system; we ensured no one in our group was in an overlapping business. When word got around about how effective our relationships were for growing our businesses, interest in our meetings grew. In 1985, we opened 20 chapters in the first year. Now we have more than a quarter million members in 8,000-plus chapters all across the globe.
I have learned a lot about networking, relationship building, and being a Connector. The philosophies, mindsets, and behaviors Michelle Tillis Lederman sets forth in this book align with the methodologies we teach every member of BNI. One of the earliest lessons I learned and now share is that networking isn’t about hunting: it’s about farming. Connecting means cultivating relationships and friendships for the long haul, not for immediate gratification and short-term wins. If you bring in people who embrace your core values, you will create an amazing network.
One of the guiding principles of BNI is givers gain. If you want to get business, you have to be willing to give business. You have to be there to help other people, and you have to do it openly, accepting that results may not be immediate. It is based on the age-old concept of “what goes around, comes around” and exemplifies the Connector mindsets of abundant thinking, trust, and generous spirit that you will read about in these pages.
What I have found over the years is that the most successful networkers share a few vital attributes. They are positive people who emit an aura of happiness. They are motivated to make good things happen in the world, and they have follow-through—when they get a referral, they actually pursue it. Great networkers tend to have extremely strong listening skills, and they’re trustworthy. They are also open to meeting and working with all kinds of people, from the bottom to the top of the ladder—and with people who aren’t even on the ladder at all. Diversity is key in building a powerful personal network, which is likely why Michelle dedicated the third part of the book to teaching you how to diversify your connections. The more that you surround yourself with people who are good at what they do, the more likely you are to get referrals. The truth is, networks are clusters. You never know who the people around you know. All of our work at BNI confirms this. BNI member referrals have generated $13.6 billion in revenue for member-owned businesses.
What I love so much about Michelle Tillis Lederman’s book The Connector’s Advantage is that she not only recognizes that these and other skills are requisite for creating a strong network, but she proves time and again that these attributes can be learned or improved. If you don’t feel you’re a social butterfly, don’t worry: Michelle has solutions for you. If you’re not very trusting, I’d wager that you’ll be significantly more so after reading this book. Even if you don’t feel you are a Connector now, you can become one, and all the knowledge you need to do so is within these pages. Givers gain—and Connectors gain too.
Ivan Misner
Founder, BNI
Introduction
I am not lucky. It is never my number they call as the winning raffle ticket and I’ve never even won $5 playing the lottery. Yet people frequently tell me I am lucky. They are wrong: I am not lucky, I am a Connector.
In 2001, I was working for a large consulting firm. Since people were always traveling, I did not think it was odd that I hadn’t seen several friends from my start class in a while. I had heard a rumor about one being laid off but thought it was an isolated incident. Naive at the time, I was completely unaware that there had been three rounds of layoffs already when I was called in with dozens of others to the conference room one Monday in the summer of 2001.
I was stunned. I had never been laid off before. I thought I had been doing well, and my performance evaluations backed me up. But yet here I was, being escorted out with suspicious eyes watching me as I said goodbye to a few friends.
The next day, feeling a little more clearheaded, I called one of my best friends from business school, Dean, to share my not-s
o-wonderful news. His matter-of fact and immediate response was “Come work here.”
Surprised and curious, I asked, “What would I do there?” Too busy to answer properly in the moment, he said, “Come to my office tomorrow.” So I did. We chatted about school friends, significant and insignificant others, and eventually about what he needed help with at the large bank he worked for. Dean asked me to come back Thursday to meet his boss, Mark. I had no irons in the fire and no idea what I wanted to do next, but working on a trading floor seemed exciting. The next day after an hour-long conversation, Mark said, “Can you start tomorrow?” Speechless for the second time in one week, Dean stepped in and suggested I start Monday. And I did.
I hadn’t been laid off a week, I was still receiving my salary, with a few weeks of severance to follow, and I just landed a long-term gig at a major bank. Luck? Nope. Connections.
I have a ton of stories like that one, and you will hear some of them in this book. But I am not the only one with stories of how everything just seemingly falls right into place. It happens to a lot of people—people who are Connectors.
If you are thinking you wish you were one of those people, you can be. That is what this book is all about. The Connector’s Advantage is a follow-up to my first book, The 11 Laws of Likability. You don’t have to read that book in order to understand this book. I will provide a quick summary in the first section to get you up to speed.
One step in the process of developing this book was doing the research. Working with a colleague at a local university, I leveraged validated questions to create a survey to test my assumptions about the attributes, behaviors, and mindset of a Connector. I received 742 responses from a diverse set of people, though unsurprisingly 82% of respondents self-identified as a Connector.