The Connector’s Advantage

by Michelle Tillis Lederman

  Authenticity

  The Law of Authenticity is the first chapter in The 11 Laws of Likability and foundational to building any type of relationship. This topic is also aligned with the first mindset of a Connector: to be open and accepting. Sarah believes in revealing your true self online—to an extent. Her advice: “You always want to leave a little bit to yourself, and you want to show the best side of yourself, but within the realm of authenticity. Anyone can smell a fraud on the internet!” As Sarah says, “The more you use your own unique voice online, the better it will shine through and build a network and an audience for you.” One thing she warns you not to do is fluff yourself up as an expert. Instead, let others figure it out. As she puts it, “The more you share about your work, your passions, your thoughts and insights, the more your expertise on the topics that matter to you will become clear. If you try to shove it down people’s throats by oversharing, being redundant, or spamming, you’ll lose the trust of your network.”

  What to Share

  This is probably the most common question or concern: “What should I post and what shouldn’t I post?” It is vital to control your content and what is out there about you. I actually google myself and audit the images to make sure there are no unfavorable pictures. A good thing for anyone to do, especially if you are job searching. According to Sarah, the more information you put out there about yourself and your work, the more control you have over the image you present of yourself and the message you deliver to the world. She emphasizes, “The internet is a vast universe of information and the only way to ensure that you don’t get lost in it is to keep a strong presence.” However, never assume someone knows something just because you posted it online. Everyone is busy and consuming content in varying amounts. I have been surprised many times by information I didn’t know because it was only shared on Facebook. Sarah advises, “If there’s something important going on that you’re excited about or that you feel your network should be aware of, let them know about it.” Share your news. That’s what social media is for.

  Build Relationships

  Just as in person, connecting online has a defined etiquette. It is important to take time to get to know people. Sarah asserts it is very possible to meet online and then develop a real relationship. Generally, the relationship progression is “you connect through another person or on a social network, exchange a few comments, maybe becoming ‘friends.’ Then you learn more about each other, follow up with further discussion, conversing in private messages or email. Once you realize you have something more complex to talk about, you start texting or planning Skype chats.” From there, you can develop a real friendship. But she’s careful to warn, as others have too, that you shouldn’t immediately ask for something. It happens constantly: “Someone will send a cold email asking for a favor, only providing a very brief introduction as to why they might be worthy of your help. Occasionally this is fine, if it’s pitched professionally in an environment where pitches are requested, or if it’s done through a mutual introduction and requires very little of the recipient’s time.” Sarah and I are in complete agreement that you should first build a relationship before you ask for assistance. And always remember that connecting is just the first step. Maintaining connection requires consistent dedication.

  You do not have to nor should you use every tip mentioned in this chapter. The ideas for engaging virtually and leveraging technology to strengthen relationships are a jumping-off point to pick and choose from. Find what works for you and your personal schedule and goals. Have your own ideas about who you will connect with and why. Diversify your channels of connections. Keep connecting and watch your relationships expand exponentially.

  Refresh Your Memory

  LinkedIn is the social media manifestation of everything I say, teach, and write about connecting with a mission to connect the world’s professionals to make them more productive and successful.

  Follow or connect. Follow people who you don’t seek a full relationship with. Consume their content and amplify their message. Connect with those you want to create a two-way exchange and move from online to offline.

  Start a conversation. Don’t mistake an accepted connection as a real connection. Look at their profile for commonalities and extend the relationship. Don’t just click accept; start a conversation.

  Engage. Create or curate content. Creating content includes videos, articles, or posing questions that create a conversation or an exchange of ideas or resources. Like, share, or comment on others’ posts to engage.

  Optimize your profile. Your profile should be more than a résumé. Think of it as an introduction and a reflection of your personal brand. Design it to speak to your target market.

  Leverage sales intelligence. There is a wealth of information in a person’s profile that can be used to build rapport. Take a couple of minutes to learn about each prospect.

  Focus on relationships, not transactions. Take a long-term approach. Don’t ask for a favor, referral, or business too early in the relationship.

  Leverage tech. Try a customer relationship management (CRM) tool to create a database of your connections and conversations. It may help you stay in touch and in mind.

  12

  Diversify Your Connections and Stay Connected

  “Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.”

  Albert Einstein

  The previous chapter talked about expanding the way you connect by considering different platforms, channels, and technology. Different stages, ages, life events, and career goals may dictate different needs and wants in connecting. This chapter is about staying connected even when circumstances make it more difficult and, more importantly, about connecting with diverse types of people.

  Stay Connected

  Staying connected is one of the hardest aspects of being a Connector. I think this is partly because Connectors are constantly making new connections and the sheer number of people may make it unrealistic to stay connected to all of them. The other likely cause is simply a change in circumstances. People move, change jobs, kids change schools, and connections get lost in the process. Oftentimes our strongest relationships of the moment are those of convenience, proximity, or need. When connections don’t fall into those categories, they can fall off the radar and fade. That is when you have to make a conscious effort to stay connected.

  Staying in touch doesn’t mean calling someone every week or every month. I have connections that go back over a dozen years and we only talk once or twice a year. It is okay for ties to loosen, just not sever. Choose to reduce your frequency of reach-outs and vary the communication channels you leverage to enable you to maintain contact when circumstances make it more effort than ease. There are two life situations that cause this need to stay connected more so than others: change of job and change of location. Read on for tips to stay in touch when life happens.

  How to Keep in Touch from a Distance or When Working Remotely

  While I was working on the book, my editor was the perfect sounding board for me. She had just moved from the East Coast to Colorado and was feeling like she would lose her hard-won professional contacts fast. She asked, “How do you maintain your network when you are not there anymore?” She is not alone in her predicament. A Gallup poll found the number of employees working remotely in some capacity continues to rise each year, and those employees working remotely spend more time doing so. 1 You only have to look at the meteoric rise of co-working spaces to see that traditional workplaces are changing—and quickly. No longer are employees chained to their desks from nine to five. I am a fan of this newfound flexibility, but along with it comes challenges, including the challenge to stay connected. When you are not on-site or working face-to-face, it is incredibly easy to feel like you are out of the loop and, worse, lonely when working remotely.

  Working overseas, moving away, or even just working remotely are all common causes of less face-to-
face time and increase the need to be intentional about staying connected. We are increasingly living in a world of virtual connections—especially as people crisscross the globe to pursue new jobs and opportunities. Don’t think that leaving a city, state, or even country means you can’t maintain the connections you’ve made there—nothing could be further from the truth in today’s day and age. Here are three ideas to help you keep in touch.

  Leverage Technology

  We connect in so many different ways nowadays. My assistant is virtual. She’s worked for me for over two years. We connect via Skype once a week and have never met face-to-face yet I feel like she’s my little sister. When working remotely, I suggest you leave your instant messaging app or Skype open all day. It makes it easy for that quick conversation when you can’t just walk past someone at the watercooler.

  It’s vital to nurture distance relationships, and technology enables us to keep connections even when we’re not physically present. There is a plethora of tools to assist. All the social media platforms have messaging functionality. I often see a name on Facebook and jot a quick a note saying, “I saw you online and just wanted to say hi. How are you?” It’s enough to keep friendships you had in middle school alive—you can see each other at a reunion and it will feel like no time has passed. You don’t have to have a specific reason to reach out all the time. Try sending an email to say, “You keep popping into my mind, just wanted to reach out and say hello!” That small act can keep that connected feeling going.

  Share Your Space

  Working remotely and working from home are two different things. Staying connected to those you work with is easily accomplished through technology and the less frequent live exchanges. Combating the feeling of isolation is entirely different. Co-working spaces are a great way to feel like you are still in a work environment without the long commute. When I first moved to the suburbs, there was no co-working space option. I joined a mom-owned business group and we created our own. A few of us would rotate houses with shared Wi-Fi; each of us was highly productive in a different room and a few at a shared table. Natural coffee breaks in the kitchen created the same feel as an office environment. One more thought: get moving. One way not to feel too isolated is to change your scenery. You can try the local coffee shop or simply walk and talk. One way or another, find a reason to leave the house if only to pick up lunch.

  Consider Your Timing

  Staying connected doesn’t mean talking every day or week. Certain relationships can be an annual thing: reach out once a year to check in, make a date to catch up, congratulate them on their new role on LinkedIn, or say happy birthday. Those little correspondences can put you back into someone’s mind, and that’s really all you need. I think handwritten cards are fabulous, though I rarely do them, because they’re not my thing. I would much rather get on the phone with you. What’s your preference? Find what works for you. I have friends and family members who send out the annual update about all the goings-on in their life and family. Every year, I throw a Super Bowl party; the invite list is now more than 100 people. If they can’t all make it, I am relieved and it still works—my invitation has maintained the connection.

  How to Stay Connected When You Are Out of the Workforce

  Close to 90% of my cluster in business school got laid off at some point in the early 2000s, myself included. There are many reasons why you may be out of the workforce, whether voluntarily for parental leave or involuntarily from a layoff. There is often a stigma in being unemployed, whether real or in our own mind, that inhibits relationship-building. You may feel you have nothing to offer or worry that your network will feel put upon. If you are connecting and continually thinking about adding value, timing and employment status won’t matter. If you are starting your network from scratch, remember the Laws of Likability and Connector mindsets that enable strong relationships to develop. I get it—when I left corporate America to start my own business, I felt detached from my old network, especially since I started a business in a completely unrelated field to my finance career. Meeting up for a drink or lunch with former colleagues, attending in-person networking events, and staying in touch via social media helped me maintain those relationships, which are still a big part of my life today.

  Staying connected when out of the workforce is critical if you ever plan to go back—and important even if you don’t. Lisen Stromberg, author of Work PAUSE Thrive (LisenStromberg.com), has some great tips on how to do just that. The good news is, according to Lisen’s research, 89% of women who had left the workforce were able to reenter successfully. If possible, she suggests you keep your break short, fewer than five years. “While 78% of our survey participants who had paused their careers had no regrets, the longer they were out, the more they regretted their decision to pause,” Lisen shares. She also suggests volunteering with purpose; to expand your network, choose your causes to connect with people in the field you plan to reenter.

  We all know to stay in touch with former colleagues. I suggest staying on top of the industry issues, people, and companies so you are still in the conversation, even if only socially. Lisen advises you to also “stay abreast of the latest technology. Doing so will make your reentry much smoother and help overcome potential biases employers may have about your ability to be immediately productive.” One final word of advice from Lisen: “Make the most of your time off, and don’t feel guilty about it for a second. Taking the time to pause, however that looks for you, can be the key to a life well lived—one that ensures you thrive both personally and professionally.” I extend that thinking to those involuntarily unemployed as well. Circumstances have created the opportunity for you to reevaluate and be intentional about your next move. If you can manage it financially, don’t rush yourself.

  Diversify Your Connections

  Cognitively diverse teams solve problems faster than teams of similarly thinking people, according to research published in the Harvard Business Review. 2 It is that diversity that fosters a more creative and innovative workplace. However, it is the diversity of your connections and the quality and quantity of those relationships that contributes to your personal innovation and impact. Expanding your connections and being an Inclusive Connector is critical to attaining faster, easier, and better results.

  How to Connect with Influencers

  Influencers are the people we all dream of connecting with: the powerful, the famous, the CEOs, and entrepreneurs. We want to learn from them, we want to work for them, or maybe we just want to hang out with them. “How I Got Rob Lowe to Play Me on TV” was the title to a blog post by John Corcoran, podcaster and founder of Smart Business Revolution (SmartBusinessRevolution.com). So whom else would I reach out to for advice on connecting with influencers? After all, he is a former White House speech writer. He agreed to provide some tips from his Connect with Influencers course.

  Do Your Research. This should go without saying anytime you are reaching out to a new contact. In the past, it may have felt like stalking to know too much before you met someone. Now it is almost insulting if you don’t spend a little time to learn about someone. “It’s easier than ever to find out about a particular influencer or VIP and what they’re interested in—just take a look at their different media platforms,” John suggests. Knowing a bit about them can help offer an entrée into a stronger conversation with them.

  Think About How You Can Benefit Them. We have already covered the philosophy of first considering how you can help others. This does not guarantee anything but does increase the probability they will help you. “People think they can’t possibly deliver anything of value to VIPs, but that’s simply not true,” says John. I love the example he shares about when White House staffers were invited to meet briefly with President Clinton. “My family flew in and had heard the President had just gotten a DVD player and was a huge fan of old Western movies. So we brought in a few for him to watch and we had a long discussion with him about the genre, be
cause it was something he was passionate about. There we were with the leader of the free world standing in the heart of power, and we got a lot more time with him than the others, simply because we focused on something of interest to him.” John believes anyone can add value, for example, “If you are a human resources employee who wants to advance in your career, write a review of the top 15 most respected people in HR, such as people who’ve written books on the profession or people in top companies you may want to work for. You’ve just added feathers to the caps of 15 highly influential people in the field and given yourself a reason to reach out to them—that benefits them.

  Get Clear on Your Goals. John suggests you “generate a list of 50 people you’d like to deepen a relationship with over the next 12 months, and earmark a few as high priority contacts.” He doesn’t want you to contact them all right away. “You’ll be significantly more successful if you establish consistency over time,” explains John. Influencers are constantly getting barraged by requests asking things of them, but it’s very rare to hear from one person who follows up consistently—and you can stand out that way. In fact, that’s how he managed to get a full-time gig at the White House. John shares, “When I was a White House intern, I stayed in touch with staffers there—sending them article clippings I thought would be useful to them or snippets of a speech. I tried to deliver value to them on a regular basis.” It clearly worked since one of his connections called up to say there was a job in Presidential Letters, and he got it.