Ms. Bitch: Finding happiness is the best revenge.

by Tricia O'Malley

  “Thank you for the invite,” Tess grinned at her as they geared up, “I’ll definitely keep it in mind.”

  Later that night, she brought it up to Elizabeth as they sat, toes in the sand, with a bucket of beers between them. They were sitting on the beach in front of the dive shop waiting for the fire show to start. Each night the hotel would provide some sort of entertainment. While it should have been cheesy, Tess found herself admiring the skill of the dancers and acrobats. These people worked hard for the guests, and to remember a different show every night and all the complicated dance moves involved? It was pretty amazing.

  “You should definitely come back. Why not? This is your life now. So long as you have your dogs looked after with someone you trust? You can work from anywhere. You do work from anywhere. So? Why not? It’s not that costly to come down here to visit.”

  “No, you’re right. It still just feels weird to be making these decisions on my own,” Tess admitted, taking a swig of her Corona and digging a hole with her big toe in the sand. A mosquito buzzed near her head, as they always managed to find her, and Tess swatted it away as she thought about it. “I guess I’ll just have to see what happens. I’m going to try to be open to new opportunities.”

  Tess glanced back as she heard laughter at the dive shop and caught a glimpse of her dive instructor, Stevie, walking toward a truck with another man who had blonde curls. Her heart fluttered and she looked for a moment longer, but they never turned around. Tess wondered where they lived…where did they go after work each night? It must be a fun life, she mused, being able to dive all day and then meet your friends for dinner and drinks later. A part of her craved that care-free lifestyle.

  “Speaking of new opportunities…” Elizabeth pulled her phone out and looked at Tess, “I think it’s time for you to do what I did after my divorce.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You’re going to write down a list of what you want in a man. I truly believe it matters. I swear that’s how I met Joe. He meets everything on my list, though I haven’t told him that yet.” Elizabeth had been dating an amazing man for a year now, and Tess could see they had a real future together.

  “I don’t know. I doubt that works.” Tess drained her beer.

  “Humor me. Just tell me and I’ll write it down and email it to you. Someday you’ll look back on it and see that when you put your intentions out into the universe, the universe delivers.”

  Usually, Tess was pretty open to all the universe and spirit-guides type of talk – she wrote paranormal romance, for god’s sake – but she was having trouble getting in the mood for this.

  “Fine. Number one – doesn’t cheat,” Tess said, and Elizabeth dutifully wrote it down.

  “How about – worthy of your trust?”

  “Okay, that works. What else?”

  “What are things you didn’t like about Gabe or things you’d like to do with someone? You love the ocean and scuba diving… what about that?”

  “I do. It was one hobby I truly missed. I basically gave up diving because he never wanted to go on trips near the ocean,” Tess admitted.

  “Okay, loves the ocean. Loves to scuba dive or open to learning to dive,” Elizabeth wrote down.

  “Compliments me,” Tess said, warming to the subject. “Gabe only criticized. I would spend all this time getting ready and he would ask me how he looked.”

  “Narcissist,” Elizabeth commented, continuing her list.

  “Makes me feel confident – comfortable in my own body.” Gabe had always commented on her weight.

  “Supports your business,” Elizabeth added.

  “Yes, isn’t threatened by my success or being a career woman.”

  “Is a true partner.”

  “Adventurous.”

  “What about likes to travel? You’ve always wanted to travel more than you have. Well, until recently,” Elizabeth laughed.

  “Yes, loves to travel.”

  They continued working their way through the list as the dancers trailed onto the now dark beach, flaming torches in their hands.

  “Oh… and taller than me.” Tess laughed when Elizabeth looked at her. “I hated that Gabe is the same height as me. I know that shouldn’t matter, but it’s my list and I want a man taller than me.”

  “Done and done. I’ve got it down,” Elizabeth said. “This is a great list, Tess. I’ve got a good feeling about this.”

  “That remains to be seen,” Tess murmured. But as the dancers lit the beach up with fire, and pounded their feet in an intricate circle of fire and tribal dance movements, it almost felt like they were sending her wishes up to the sky. In one final benediction, the main dancer, a lithe woman clothed in gold, shouted to the stars while fire circled her. A phoenix rising from the ashes, Tess thought, and wished she could take some of that courage home with her.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Yes, Gabe hated purple. Make it purple.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Macy, her hairstylist who was known for doing a range of colors, brushed Tess’s long hair back. “First, I have to lighten you, then we can add in the color. It’s going to be a long appointment.”

  “That’s fine,” Tess said, not wanting to go back to packing her house.

  A few weeks had passed since she’d returned from Mexico, and the days had returned to the same blur as before – an endless loop. But now added to the text messages from Gabe, discussions with her lawyer, and inability to get her writing done were conversations with her realtor and the weight of an unending list of things to do to prepare the house for sale. She’d taken to sitting on the floor of the back room late at night, obsessively reading Gabe’s messages with “Babers,” drinking vodka sodas, and watching countless reality shows. She told everyone she was doing fine. From the outside, she was. Tess was handling. Her. Shit.

  But on the inside? Not so great.

  Tess hated nothing more than a holding pattern and she was smack dab in the middle of one. She couldn’t move forward until the divorce was final – the house couldn’t be sold; she couldn’t move out of state. Gabe hadn’t been pleased that she was leaving, but at the same time, his refusal to look for full-time work was helping him to push her toward selling the house. She’d agreed he could get a third of the proceeds, as she’d contributed a significant down payment from the sale of her condo, and he was still getting more than he deserved. Still, at any moment, Gabe could hire a lawyer and everything could blow up. This time period of running in place was making Tess’s nerves raw. All she wanted was to slam the door shut, ignore all the feelings bubbling up inside, and go.

  Her therapist told her this was normal. But Tess didn’t feel normal. In fact, she didn’t know who she was at all anymore.

  “Bright purple or just like light purple highlights?” Macy inquired, arching an eyebrow at her over the dye mixing bowl.

  “Purple. All over. Like a brilliant lavender.”

  “Your wish is my command.”

  It was time for her to stop reading Gabe’s messages, Tess thought, for the thousandth time. No good was coming of it, but much like picking a scab, Tess returned to the computer each night to torture herself with the latest saga of Gabe and his young lover. She supposed she’d been like this girl once, blind to Gabe’s lies and shady half-truths, head over heels for him so much that it was easy to justify the way he was. Tess found herself fascinated by the way they spoke to each other, how quickly they flipped from adoration to disdain and back to this weird obsession about their love for each other. It was almost like they had to desperately convince themselves they were in love, that nothing could keep them apart, in order to justify their horrible behavior. From the outside, it was glaringly apparent that Gabe quite simply couldn’t handle being alone. He needed his ego – and something else – stroked and Babers was giving it to him.

  Meanwhile, Tess was restricting his access to herself as much as humanly possible. She’d yet to actually see him since the day she’d kicked him out almost two mont
hs ago. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t constantly in her life.

  You’re on fucking Tinder! It had taken less than three days for Gabe to find out.

  How would you know? Don’t you have a girlfriend?

  Shut up, ass. My friend screenshotted it and sent it to me.

  So?

  So?! Certainly didn’t take you long to start dating. Guess I didn’t mean much to you after all.

  At least I waited until after I filed for divorce, Gabe. Something you didn’t have the courtesy to do.

  Whatever. You don’t even want to fight for this marriage. You’re just going to go whore your way around town now. Everyone will laugh at you… the desperate divorcee.

  And you? The aging cheater who predictably hooked up with his intern coworker? You think you’re the one people are going to look up to?

  She’d forced herself to stop responding after those texts. Ultimately, who she did or didn’t hook up with, date, screw, or flirt with was entirely her concern.

  She’d started a Tinder account to take her first shaky steps, flirting with a few of the guys who messaged her. It didn’t mean she’d actually gone on any dates. She was just dipping her toe in the proverbial dating pool to see what was what. Frankly, she needed the confidence boost. It wasn’t like being cheated on with a girl ten years younger than her was doing anything for Tess’s ego.

  “How’s the writing going?” Macy asked, as if reading her mind.

  “Um, I’m struggling a bit with writing happily-ever-afters right now,” Tess admitted, watching as Macy unfolded the tin foil and checked Tess’s hair.

  “I can imagine. Maybe switch over to your murder mystery series?”

  “That’s the plan, after I get this book off to my editor. My readers are not very happy with me right now.”

  “That’s life. Look how long people wait for the Game of Thrones guy. You write your books when you can and that’s that.”

  Tess wished it was that easy. It was hard enough not feeling like a failure with her marriage in pieces around her, let alone missing her deadline with her editor. She knew she had to get back on track soon.

  “I know, I know. I’ll have to address it at some point. I’m still telling people that I’m getting a divorce, so, you know, not quite ready to make a more public statement about it, I guess.” Tess shrugged. Vicki had been berating her for weeks now to tell the more extended family about her divorce, and then had just taken it upon herself to do so. It didn’t matter that Tess wanted to tell them in her own time or that she needed to wrap her head around her feelings about it – what Vicki wanted to do, Vicki did. And holding back a juicy story like a divorce? It wasn’t happening. Frankly, Tess was surprised Vicki had waited as long as she had before telling their cousins.

  “Why do you have to tell anyone at all?” Macy asked, motioning Tess toward the shampoo bowl. “This is entirely your business.”

  “Because of social media – people pay attention, questions get asked about where Gabe is. I know I don’t have to tell people, but at the same time, if I don’t say anything at all, it’s going to just look weird. Eventually, the truth is the truth and that’s life. I’m getting a divorce. I won’t be the first person or the last to deal with something like this.”

  “Doesn’t mean it hurts any less.” Macy patted her shoulder gently and then doused her hair in warm water while Tess let her mind wander.

  “I just want to be on the other side of all this,” Tess admitted while Macy massaged her scalp. What was it about hairstylists that made people want to confess their deepest truths?

  “I get that.”

  “I want to skip all the icky bits. All the embarrassment, the hashing out of the story with people, the friends choosing sides, dividing the house… I just want to be past it all, lick my wounds, and heal on my own.”

  Macy hummed a non-committal note, nudging Tess back toward her chair and swiveling her away from the mirror as she blow-dried and straightened. Talking was useless at this point anyway, until she finally pronounced Tess finished. Turning the chair, Tess’s mouth dropped open at the vision in the mirror.

  “Now, does this look like someone who needs to go lick her wounds in private?” Macy asked.

  Tess just shook her head, speechless at the transformation. For years she’d worn her hair dark, in long tumbling curls. But now? This brilliant lavender color that hovered around her face seemed to light her up, and Tess automatically straightened her shoulders.

  “No, it doesn’t. Oh, damn, Macy, this is so good.”

  “Of course it is. I do excellent work.” Macy blew on her nails and then leveled one tattooed finger at Tess’s face. “And you know what I see here?”

  “What?”

  “You may be wounded, but you’re not out of the fight yet. You’re one bad bitch, my friend.”

  Tess laughed, despite herself, and let the strength of those words flood her. Interesting how Gabe used the same word to try and take power from her.

  “Bad bitch, indeed,” Tess agreed.

  For the first time in a long time, a punch of confidence bounced through Tess as she made her way to the car, even giving a cheeky wave to a guy who smiled at her in the parking lot. Feeling lighter, and happy with the new hairstyle, she decided to drop by Vicki’s and show her nephew her new look. She knew David would get a kick out of it.

  “What did you do to your beautiful hair?” Vicki shrieked, pouncing on Tess the moment she opened the door.

  “It’s purple! Gabe hated purple,” Tess laughed, dancing inside and making a face at her awestruck nephew. “And I love it.”

  “It’s so cool,” David breathed, coming over to stroke it. Tess whooshed him up in a big hug.

  “It is cool, isn’t it?” Tess smacked a kiss on his cheek and ignored the eyerolls as he pretended to be disgusted by her affection.

  “Yup. I want to do green, but Mom won’t let me,” David pouted.

  “That’s because drug addicts and thugs dye their hair and get tattoos. Is that what you want to be?” Vicki shooed David inside, glaring at Tess.

  “Maybe, if I get to have a cool color in my hair,” he replied.

  Tess snickered as David scampered into the basement, chuckling the laugh of a boy who knows he’s annoyed his mother.

  “Great, just great, Tess. Now the only thing I’m going to hear about for ages is dying his hair,” Vicki grumbled, moving into the kitchen and automatically pouring a cup of coffee for Tess. Tess settled on the stool and studied her perfectly coiffed and exceptionally uptight sister across the white marble countertop.

  “Is that such a bad thing? Childhood is a great time to experiment – there aren’t too many rules, you know?”

  Vicki’s eyes narrowed. “If I let him dye his hair green, then all the other mothers will be mad at me.”

  “Or maybe they’ll be happy because then all the kids could experiment without fear of judgment from the mommy cliques?”

  “You know nothing about parenting, so I suggest you shut up,” Vicki snapped.

  Tess rolled her eyes, but closed her mouth. In all fairness, she wasn’t a parent and it probably wasn’t smart to poke the bear any more than was necessary where Vicki was concerned.

  “I’m sure it will be just a passing phase and next week he’ll be on to something else,” Tess said lightly, sipping her coffee from a mug that read Live, Laugh, Love. Was it bad of her that she wanted to throw it across the room? There was something about that phrase being painted on every piece of wall art at Home Goods that made Tess incredibly cranky.

  “So, is this like some sort of breakdown then?” Vicki asked, gesturing to Tess’s hair. “Like, I am woman – hear me roar?”

  “No, I just wanted a change is all. It’s fine,” Tess said, the wind knocked out of her sails a bit.

  “What’s going on with the divorce? Has Gabe signed the agreement?”

  “No, my lawyer is still drawing it up. We need to discuss who gets what, how to divide up our assets and a
ll that. I’ve been stalling a bit, I suppose, because it means I’ll need to see him. I’m not ready,” Tess admitted.

  “Well, if you’re going to insist on going through with this divorce, which I still think is a mistake, you might as well do it right. In my opinion, you’re being entirely too nice. I can’t believe you’re even willing to divide up property with him. This man cheated and lied to you for months – even years, from what you told me you found – and now you’re going to just nicely handle this divorce and let him get half of everything? What about the student loans you paid off? The truck you bought him? He has a 401k, doesn’t he? You should get half of his savings too, you know. Plus, the proceeds from the house when you decide to sell. Don’t tell me you didn’t put more money in than him, I know you did.” Vicki paced the kitchen as she punctuated each point with a stab of her finger.

  “Vicki, I’ve told you this before, I’m trying to be nice. I want this over quickly. I don’t need this to draw out into some long legal battle over 401ks and who gets the couch. It just doesn’t matter.” Tess’s stomach began to knot up. She shifted on the cool white stools that Vicki had found for her counter. Tess had pointed out at the time that everyone hated backless stools, but Vicki had insisted. Now all her guests shifted uncomfortably every time they sat at the kitchen counter.

  “It does matter. This is your life, Tess. You’ve worked for this and now you’re going to just hand it off to Gabe like a fucking prize for cheating on you? What a joke.”

  Tess recoiled at her words. “I’m not handing it off like a prize, I’m taking the high road so I can protect my assets. Do I need to remind you he could hire a lawyer and turn this into a drawn-out blood bath,” Tess said, all but pleading with Vicki to understand where she was coming from. “I’d squish him like a bug on the concrete if he did, but why take it that far, Vicki? Being nice and agreeable will get this done faster and we both can walk away and start over.”