Ms. Bitch: Finding happiness is the best revenge.

by Tricia O'Malley

  “He cheated,” Aiden said, and it wasn’t a question.

  “Yeah, he did. And once that foundation of trust is broken – well, for me at least – there was no getting it back. Love him or not love him, it doesn’t matter anymore. A relationship without trust has no future.” Tess looked up at the stars once more as the waves lapped lightly below them.

  “I completely agree. There’s nothing I despise more than a liar or a cheat,” Aiden said, his handsome face twisted in a grimace.

  “Been there?” Tess asked, studying him.

  “I dated a girl recently who stole from me. It really messed with my head.”

  “I’m sorry.” Tess reached out to touch his arm. “That’s really tough. You should feel safe with the person you’re with.”

  “Live and learn, right?”

  “Some lessons are harder than others.” Tess shook her head, her hair still drying from the dive and tumbling in wild curls down her back. “But hopefully they’re ones that will stay learned.”

  “I hope so for your sake too, Tess.” Aiden turned, bumping his shoulder to hers. “I have to go, there’s loads for me to do still before my flight in the morning.”

  “Thanks for having a beer with me.” Tess stood and they wandered back down the dock. “This was nice.”

  “It was nice,” Aiden said, stopping by the door to the shop. She looked up at him, the light hanging over the door silhouetting his blonde curls in a halo. “Think you’ll be back to dive?”

  “Someday, hopefully.” Tess wondered if he’d still be living there. Working up the courage, she smiled at him. “Care to stay in touch?”

  “Yeah, I’d like that.” Aiden reached into the office. She heard a little stamping sound and then he handed her a piece of paper with his full name and dive instructor number on it, circled by a bear claw. “Sorry for the stamp; it’s just an easy way for me to sign dive logs.”

  “I like it,” Tess said and smiled at him. “I’ll find you on Facebook. It was nice meeting you.”

  “You too.” Aiden leaned against the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. Tess smiled and, not knowing if she should hug him or not, gave an awkward half-wave. Turning over her shoulder, she looked at him once more, smiling in the glow of the light, watching her as she walked away into the darkness.

  “Goodbye!”

  “I prefer saying ‘until our paths cross again’ instead of goodbye,” Aiden called.

  “Until our paths cross again, then,” Tess said, his words warming her. Maybe, someday, that would be true.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  For the first time in a week, Tess barely slept as she tossed and turned, thinking about what the morning would bring, as well as everything she had to accomplish on her to-do list. Lists, that is. Lists upon lists. Groaning, Tess rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and rolled to cuddle Red, who had wiggled his way across the bed on his belly to snuffle in her face. Ringo popped his head up from the nest of blankets he’d made at the bottom of the bed, interested to see if it was time for breakfast. The consistency of life – the routine of feeding the dogs, taking them outside, and making a cup of coffee – propelled Tess from bed and reminded her that this was just another morning, in a slew of many, that she would handle. It wouldn’t be her worst day, nor would it be her best, but the gift of hardships in life was knowing she could get through tough days.

  After Aiden had left, the rest of her vacation had passed much too quickly, as vacations are wont to do. She knew she should be excited, for in a matter of weeks her new life would start, but she still had a mountain of work to do, several sad goodbyes to make, and, well, today to deal with.

  Gabe was coming to the house with his father to load the rest of his items and officially move out. Tess needed to be here, as there were a few items they still hadn’t agreed upon, and he had asked to say goodbye to the dogs. All Tess wanted to do was get in the car, drive to the airport, and fly back to Cozumel.

  As she hauled herself out of bed and started her day, she kept picturing Aiden’s smiling face behind the dive shop counter. She’d only known him a short time, and yet she’d found herself crushing hard on this man. Whether it was his easygoing manner, the kindness in his eyes, or his carefree ability to wander the world with confidence, Tess was drawn to him.

  The night he’d left she’d immediately gone to her room and done what any normal person would do – stalked his Facebook page. True to his word, it was filled with pictures of his travels around the world – from him smiling while feeding peanuts to an orphaned bear at an animal rescue sanctuary in Bolivia where he volunteered, to holding the attention of a class of smiling children while teaching in the jungle of Honduras.

  He really had lived an amazing life. Tess had friend-requested him and a warm glow had filled her when he’d accepted. Though she hadn’t worked up the nerve to message him right away, she’d foolishly downloaded a delightful Scottish romance novel. When she’d happened on a passage about haggis, Tess had giggled and, deciding to initiate communication, photographed it and sent it to Aiden.

  See? Apparently, haggis is quite popular in romance novels, Tess typed.

  Ah yes, the Scots way of wooing women, Aiden had replied.

  They’d chatted a bit more, but he’d been on his way to Scotland after the dive show and he’d signed off fairly quickly.

  The trip had been good for her, Tess realized. The diving had kept her mind focused on the beauty of nature, taking joy in the world to be found beneath the waves, and the simple pleasures that came with watching the sun set over the water. Flirting with Aiden had been a welcome distraction, and even though her heart wanted to tell her there could be more there – pay attention, it seemed to say – it had made her feel more confident about starting over again. Sure, Owen had helped her get over the first hurdle after Gabe, but meeting someone new in person and flirting? That was another big step for her. For so long now, she’d automatically shut down any attempts at flirtations – she’d been married, after all. But Aiden had opened her eyes to the world of actually dating again.

  Sooner than she would have preferred, the knock she’d been dreading sounded at the door. As the dogs went crazy, skidding across the floor barking, Tess shook her hair back and answered the door with a composed smile.

  “Gabe, Matthew, hello,” Tess said, nodding to Gabe’s dad, a shorter, older version of Gabe. Instantly, she felt bad for Matthew, as he shrugged sheepishly at Tess, unsure of how to proceed in this situation. Taking pity on the man – he hadn’t cheated or lied to her – she gave him a quick hug and invited them both in.

  “Well, I’m sorry to hear about all this,” Matthew said, glancing around at the boxes lining the hallways and clearing his throat as he shuffled his feet on the bare floor.

  “Me too, Matthew. Give my best to Shelly, please,” Tess said, patting him once on the shoulder and then turning to where Gabe wrestled with the dogs on the floor. “Most of your stuff is in the basement or in the garage, but there were a few pieces you wanted to go over with me?”

  “Yes, I was wondering if I could have…” Gabe launched into a list and Tess followed him around the house, tamping down annoyance at some of the things he wanted specifically. The nautical mirror they’d bought together in New Orleans? She bit her tongue, wanting to point out that the man barely knew how to swim. He was the furthest thing from a sailor there could be, and yet he wanted a ship’s porthole mirror for his wall? It didn’t matter, she told herself. Things were just that – things. Her freedom was much more precious than a stupid mirror.

  “Have the mirror, Gabe, I really don’t care,” Tess said, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned back against the wall.

  “Yeah, I know you don’t care, Tess. You don’t really give a shit about me at all, do you? You didn’t even try and fight for us,” Gabe said, his face stormy. “You didn’t even give me a chance.”

  “I did give you a chance, Gabe. Marrying you was your chance. I took a chance on a life
with you and you bailed. You didn’t fight for me, you never even told me you were truly sorry for what you did.” Tess spoke calmly, and held Gabe’s eyes. “Instead, you told me how much shame you felt for your actions and how sick to your stomach it made you. It was always about you. If you had wanted to fight for me, you would have had your butt in therapy and done everything possible to try and win this marriage back. Instead, you were spending every night with your mistress and moaning about your lack of a job. I wouldn’t exactly call that fighting for this marriage, Gabe. You’re out of chances – well, with me at least. We’ll see how many your babers gives you.”

  “Don’t be such a bitch,” Gabe said, stomping over to the wall and pulling the nautical mirror down, tucking it under his arm. “I would’ve fought for us.”

  “Too little, too late,” Tess murmured, wondering why Gabe hadn’t realized that she’d used his pet name for his mistress. Gabe glowered at her, opening his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. “I’ll be upstairs with the dogs. Let me know if there’s anything else to discuss. Otherwise, I think we’re done here.”

  Tess let Gabe stride out of the room and whistled for the dogs, hightailing it upstairs to the master bedroom and closing the door behind her. Sitting on the bed, she realized she was shaking. How could this man – who had professed to love her – come at her for not trying to save this marriage? And why was she suddenly feeling guilty, as if it were her fault for choosing to no longer allow shitty behavior in her life. Why should the burden be on her to forgive and fight for the marriage when he’d barely tried to apologize, let alone learn from his mistakes? He’d done nothing – nothing – to show Tess he was willing to learn and grow from the destruction he’d done to their relationship.

  Tess’s thoughts flitted to Vicki, and for the first time, she saw some strong parallels in the foundational relationships in her life. The cycle remained the same, Tess realized: The people she loved would say or do what they wanted, and when there was an explosion, it was on Tess to make amends. Startled at the revelation, Tess leaned back against the pillows of her bed, automatically opening her arms as Red and Ringo jumped up for cuddles. Was this a toxic cycle she’d found herself in with both Gabe and Vicki? Look what happened when Tess removed herself from the pattern of constantly making amends, constantly saying she was sorry, constantly bending to their will – they left her. What kind of relationship did that make if it was always on Tess to fix things? And what did that mean for her future with Vicki, Tess wondered, as she dropped a kiss on Red’s forehead, caressing one of his floppy ears. For the first time, Tess hadn’t come crawling back to Vicki after Vicki had exploded on her, saying horrible and hurtful things. Since then, Vicki had completely cut her out. It was a manipulation tactic, and one that had worked for years on Tess, one she now realized Gabe employed. When Tess neatly stepped outside the cycle – removed herself from the pattern – they looked at her as if they didn’t even know her anymore. As if she was the bitch.

  Fascinating, really, Tess thought, and glanced toward the window.

  Below, Gabe and his dad loaded a large tool chest – a gift from Vicki – onto a trailer attached to Gabe’s truck. A truck she had paid for. It was a little surreal. Many times before she’d watched from this window, wondering when Gabe would come home from the bar or the gym or wherever, and now she was watching him leave her life for good. Even though he’d hurt her, incredibly so, Tess still felt sadness fill her as they separately packed their lives up. This was the door closing and even though Tess knew it was right and good for her, there was a finality to the moment that made her feel so incredibly lonely. Gabe had someone to hold him that night; no matter how he professed to mourn the loss of their marriage, he still had someone waiting in the wings, ready to soothe him.

  Tess was alone. She let that thought sit for a moment.

  Actually, it might not be as scary as it seemed, she realized.

  Her phone beeped on the bedside table, signaling a message. Tess leaned back on her pillows, holding the phone above her head and then grinned when she saw it was a message from Aiden. Had he read her thoughts?

  I’m in my Airbnb in Glasgow. Look what I found for my reading pleasure – are these the type of books you write?

  He’d sent a picture, and Tess laughed at his cheeky grin as he held up a tattered copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. Tears pricked her eyes, and Tess dashed them away with the back of her palm, before Red stood on his little legs to lick them from her cheeks. Tess glanced outside once more to where Gabe and his father hefted a couch into the trailer and back at the photo of a grinning Aiden.

  “Okay, okay, okay,” Tess said, focusing on the warmth that flooded through her at getting a message from Aiden. “Eyes forward, Tess.”

  When Gabe finally left, with a last goodbye for the dogs, Tess walked downstairs to Gabe’s office, empty except for the computer that sat on the floor. Though it might have been petty of her, she hadn’t budged on giving it to Gabe. It was her company’s property, after all. Signing on, she clicked on where his Facebook page was still open and studied it for a moment. It was time for her to move on, Tess realized, and give up that certain level of control she felt she wielded over Gabe by reading all his private messages. Her friends were right – this was not a healthy mindspace for her to be in. If she really wanted to start her life over, it was time to conclude the soap opera that was the Gabe and Babers show.

  Tess signed off.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Tess thought a lot about paths as she packed up, said many tearful goodbyes, and piled the dogs into her Jeep. Was her path to the mountains a dream from her younger self? Moving to Colorado had always represented freedom in Tess’s mind, but fresh from another trip to the ocean, she wondered if near water was where her home was really meant to be.

  The paths people chose had such a lasting impact on their lives, each decision affecting the next, and sometimes the road diverged. She’d chosen, once, to take a chance on love with someone who had proven to be untrustworthy. Her gut had tried to tell her, but she hadn’t known herself well enough at the time to decide differently. Instead, she followed the path that had been laid out before her and had worked to build a future from there. It wasn’t like her path hadn’t had many glaring signposts warning about the upcoming fork; had she just been too busy daydreaming to read the signs? Hope could be a blindfold, but she’d chosen to wear it.

  “I don’t want to lose the hopeful side of myself,” Tess said to Elizabeth as they unpacked her boxes at her new place. Cate had been awesome in driving down with her, but had to leave almost immediately. Luckily, Elizabeth had shown up as soon as they arrived, and stayed to help, leaving Tess no chance to be lonely. “I’m scared I’ll become bitter and afraid to take chances again.”

  “Understandably so,” Elizabeth said, efficiently organizing Tess’s new kitchen space. “I was the same. But wouldn’t it be sad to miss out on life because you were afraid of getting hurt again?”

  “I guess. But there has to be a line between believing in a fairy tale and protecting your heart.” Tess leaned to look out the window at where the dogs chased squirrels in the yard. This house had been a good rental, Tess realized, quite simply because it had a large yard where the dogs could race in a full circle around the house.

  “I say believe in the fairy tale,” Elizabeth said, meeting Tess’s eyes. “What’s the point if you don’t? Life can be as amazing and wonderful as you want it to be; you just have to keep believing.”

  “Nothing comes easy for us, that’s for sure,” Tess said, slicing a knife through the packing tape on a box. Elizabeth’s divorce had been even more traumatizing than Tess’s had. It had amazed her how Elizabeth had stayed focused on building her life again, open to love, and had not let her past shroud her from finding happiness once more. Now, her current boyfriend was a brilliant match for her, and Tess wouldn’t be surprised if there were wedding bells in the future. She’d never seen a couple so at ease and happy with each
other. It gave her hope for her own future.

  “Would it mean as much if it came easy?” Elizabeth asked, breaking down boxes and moving them to the back hallway.

  “I don’t know, I’ll let you know when something is easy for me.” Tess laughed.

  “Tell me about this scuba guy.” Elizabeth had only gotten a brief run-down via text message as Tess had been so busy packing and selling her house to do much more than shoot off a message here and there.

  “Oh, Aiden? Well, hmmm. He’s super sexy, funny, and a really nice guy. I had a lot of fun meeting and flirting with him,” Tess admitted, folding towels on the kitchen table. “But you know, it’s just that – a flirtation. He’s something fun to fantasize about, I guess.”

  “Can it be something more?”

  “How? He lives in Mexico.”

  “Yeah, I guess that would be tough. Though at least he hits some of the notes on your list, right? Loves the ocean, loves diving, taller than you… I know you can’t tell if he’s worthy of your trust and the other things you were looking for, but it sounds like you’re headed in the right direction.”

  “Girl, I have no direction. I’m rudderless. I’ve been so focused on just getting here – to this place, to my freedom – that I can’t see what comes next.”

  “Maybe you don’t have to right now. Just take it a day at a time,” Elizabeth said. “How about some energy healing?”

  “Yes, I’m all in. Talk to my therapist, get some reiki, talk to a psychic.” Tess laughed. “I will do all the things to clear my energy.”

  “I think for now, you need to rest. Remember self-care is about also not doing all the things and saying no once in a while too.”

  “I swear that’s what I had planned for the next few days. I just want to read on this big front porch and sleep for days. With no agenda.”