by Nique Luarks
“You rarely worry if you made a good impression on someone you met...” I rubbed his head.
“Strongly agree.” True mumbled.
“Really?” I frowned. “You don’t care about what others think of you? Not even a little?”
His head swayed. “Nah. Fuck what muthafuckas gotta say about me. Those same people don’t know shit about me. They don’t know my day to day. Fuck I look like giving people that much power?”
Hmmm...
“But like...everyone wants to be accepted.” I know I did. Not because I longed for acceptance, but it made life easier.
“I’m accepted by the people who matter.” True shrugged. “Everybody else is non-factors. Most people gon’ put up fronts anyways. Niggas will say they love you in yo’ face, but then be your biggest hater behind closed doors.”
I tilted my head.
“I sleep better at night knowing that I’m being myself. ‘Cause muthafuckas gon’ judge me regardless,” True looked up at me. “And you too. It don’t matter that you good people. Bitches that hate you gon’ find a reason to talk bad about you.”
Nodding, I sat my phone down next to me. “I’m learning that. Morgan texted me.”
True sucked his teeth, “Fuck that hoe.”
“True...” Just because Morgan and I weren’t on speaking terms didn’t mean he had to be rude.
He shook his head, flipping through channels. “What she want? Somebody to cry to?”
My palm slid across his shiny waves. “She apologized.”
“And what you say?”
“I didn’t reply.” Because I hadn’t forgiven Morgan yet. But I felt guilty because I’d forgiven True for every wrong he’d ever done. As women we always overlooked the things men put us through, but when it came to our girlfriends, we didn’t give them the same leeway. Which was weird considering they were the ones who we cried to the most.
True slid his hand into his sweats. “She gained more from that friendship than you did.”
“Not really. We talked about everything. She was doing my hair... and even Chasity’s.”
“That ain’t what I’m talking about. ‘Cause I know you was paying her, even though she was telling you not to.”
I stayed quiet because there was some truth to that. Morgan insisted I let her do my hair for free, but I couldn’t let her. She’d worked hard to get to where she was. I could still remember her doing hair in Ms. Lenora’s basement in the hood. I didn’t feel comfortable letting her do me or Chasity’s hair for free. So, I’d cash app her in advance or sneak money into her purse.
“You was a real friend to her. Having genuine muthafuckas in your corner is a rarity, shorty. Ava and Erin would’ve never pulled no shit like that. And you ain’t even known them that long.”
I smiled.
Erin and Ava were the sisters I’d always wanted. E was the oldest, and Ava the youngest; placing me in the middle. We had our disagreements every now and then. But that was expected since we were all so different. E grew up with no father and a mother barely there, I was blessed with both parents, and Ava had been tossed into the system at birth. Since that was our foundation, we built our lifestyles as women accordingly.
“They have their ways I’m sure, but they respect the friendship too much for it get like that.” True stated knowingly. “Materialistic shit don’t define relationships. Where your heart stands does.”
True
My phone started ringing, and Chance stopped talking in the middle of her question. Drew’s name flashed across the screen causing my heart to stop momentarily. I hadn’t been fuckin’ wit’ her, but Jelly might get the wrong idea. It was three in the morning. Drew was tripping hitting my line this late, especially since she jumped my baby.
“Answer it, and put it on speaker, please.”
Shaking my head, I answered the phone. “What?”
“Well, hi to you too, stranger. What you doin’?”
“Why you callin’ me, shorty? You know I don’t fuck wit’ you like that.” I looked up at Chance, and she was already looking down on me.
Drew smacked her lips. “Damn it’s like that? So why did you answer the phone?”
“Because I told him to.” Chance spoke up.
“Girl, bye. You ain’t running shit or changing that nigga. I bet I suck his dick in yo’ shit again.” She laughed, and my jawline flexed before I ended the call.
Chance moved my head from on her lap. “What is she talking about? You let Drew give you head in here?”
I sat up. “Nah.”
“Then what is she talking about?!”
“Man, I don’t know!”
I was all for having a trusting relationship. But I wasn’t no stupid nigga. Fuck I look like telling Chance I let that bitch suck my dick in her room? We would never come back from that. And I wasn’t losing my family over no hoe ass bitch that I didn’t even give a fuck about.
Chance hopped off the couch. “You are so disrespectful.” She stormed out of the room and I followed her ass. “I can’t even look at you right now.”
We ended up in the kitchen where Jelly went into the cabinet and grabbed a wineglass out. Arms crossed, with my back against the island, I watched her fill it up with red wine. She took a long drink, shaking her head.
“You trippin’.”
Chance licked her lips. “And you’re stupid.”
Maybe I was.
“I’m beginning to think this was a huge mistake.” She huffed.
I grilled her. “That’s how you feeling?”
“How else am I supposed to feel, True? Every other day it’s something. You leave the state without letting me know. Go to you baby mother’s house in the middle of the night. Half the time you don’t even beat the sun home!” She screamed, turning red in the face.
Running my hands down my face, I shook my head. “Why are you bringing up old shit?”
It seemed like there was no winning with her spoiled ass. Shit, maybe she was onto something. Maybe we weren’t cut out for this. I’d never fussed and fought with a bitch so much. I couldn’t be on my toes out in the streets when I was stressing over my home life.
“You know about me and Drew, Jelly.” My tongue swiped across my bottom lip. “Why you doin’ all this? If you don’t wanna be wit’ me then just say it. You ain’t gotta fake no fallout, shorty.”
Tears built in her eyes.
Man...
“What the fuck you want from me, Chance? I’m tired of being punished for my past. I wasn’t even gon’ answer the fuckin’ phone. You told me to,” I reminded her. “You heard me tell her I wasn’t fuckin’ wit’ her like that?”
“Did she suck your dick in my house?”
“No.” I lied. I know I told her no more lies, but I couldn’t risk her not fucking with me. Not wanting me when I needed her.
Chance eyed me, tears still lingering.
“I’m a nigga wit’ a past, Jelly. And you of all people know that. I’m trying to switch shit up for you. Why can’t you see that?” I’m sure a nigga sounded like a straight punk, but aye, I was too deep in love not to swallow my pride.
She looked down at the floor.
“Stop trying to run from me every time you get mad. ‘Cause I’ll tie your ass up before I let you walk out my life.” I didn’t give a fuck how crazy I sounded.
Chance tossed her head back and sighed.
“Sometimes I ain’t gon’ be able to beat the sun home.” I told her honestly. “But that don’t mean I’m out fuckin’ off. I know what I got here. After a crazy day, coming home to you and Carlee is the only thing that keeps me sane.” I made my way around the island. “Don’t take that away from me.” Wrapping my arms around her waist, I put my forehead on hers. “Please.”
She closed her eyes.
I took full responsibility for all of my Jelly’s insecurities. She was only acting out, blowing up because of my fuck ups. It was going to take us a minute to get this shit right, but I was confident if we put in the wor
k then we couldn’t go wrong. Even though we were old friends, this relationship was new. It was like we were learning each other all over again.
That morning I fucked Chance from the kitchen, to the shower. I knew sex wouldn’t ease her mind, but at least she wasn’t threatening to leave me. And the only yelling she did was telling me how good I made her body feel. I woke up and made her breakfast in bed. When she finished, I fucked her some more.
Which was probably why she was currently knocked out while I got Carlee dressed. I was taking her, Chase, and Chasity to Crown Center. Chase had been wanting to see the dinosaur exhibit at Union Station for a while now, so once we left Crayola café, we were going there. Tone was bringing his trio, and Roman was coming with Rajon. We had extended an invite to Drake, and he laughed saying he wasn’t participating in ‘Daddy Daycare’, before hanging up the phone.
I wasn’t the only one in the doghouse, though. Ava was mad at Ro because he fell asleep at Leah’s spot a few days ago. I knew he hadn’t fucked her, because he was too gone over Ava’s crazy ass. Rajon asked him to chill for a minute, and he crashed on accident since we’d been ripping and running the streets all day. After checking in on Chance, I grabbed Carlee’s diaper bag and dipped.
16
Fearless
Chance
“Why my picture don’t look like y’alls?” Ava leaned close to me and laughed. “I can’t draw for shit.”
I giggled. “There isn’t anything wrong with yours.” The only difference between hers and mine, was she’d turned her canvas sideways. Which meant she had to make her objects much bigger.
“Let me see.” Erin stood up from her seat. “Why did you turn your canvas that way?” She chuckled. “You always gotta do the exact opposite of what you’re told?”
Ava grinned.
Erin retook her seat and grabbed her paint brush. “So, Tone and I are thinking about having a destination wedding.”
“Oh, really?” I picked up my Champagne glass. “Where?”
“Tulum, Mexico.”
“Yeah, that’ll be real dope,” Ava chimed. “Right by the water.”
I smiled. “That does sound romantic.” I could see E in her pretty white gown, standing in the sand, exchanging vows with the love of her life.
“We want to do it in the next few weeks.”
“Damn, E. Are we invited?” Ava smacked her lips. “Late ass notice.”
Erin snickered. “It was last minute, fool.” She said lowly since we now had all eyes on us.
We were at a sip and paint since we all were kid free. When I finally got out of bed, True was gone, and so was Carlee. I didn’t even bother calling him since I was still a little upset about the whole Drew situation. I knew when True was lying. And he’d lied right to my face.
“I’m going to look at dresses next week, and I want y’all to come.”
“You know I’m there,” Ava pointed her brush. “But are you supposed to wear white? I mean... you ain’t no virgin, and ya ass is far from a saint.”
A loud giggle slipped from my lips, and I quickly put my head down.
“Asshole,” Erin muttered. “Don’t encourage her, Chance.”
Ava laughed. “As much as yo’ ass stay pregnant, we need to be looking more on the darkish grey slash black spectrum.”
Erin’s head fell back, and she cackled. “Fuck you, Ava. You talkin’ all that shit but can’t even paint in between the lines.”
I shook my head at them.
“But for real, I’m down.” Ava picked up the bottle she made us stop and get from the liquor store. “Can I help you?” Ava spoke to a chick who was sitting on the opposite side of the table. “All in my fuckin’ mouth. Nosy ass.”
“Av...” I nudged her.
She rolled her eyes, taking a long sip.
“Don’t pay her no mind.” Erin examined her painting before dabbing her brush in purple paint. “Roman has her in a funk.”
My eyebrow rose. “Why? What happened?”
“Girl, his ass spent the night at Leah’s.”
My neck snapped in Ava’s direction. “He what?”
She nodded. “Yep. When he got home I let his ass have it too.”
“I told her she needs to find a better way to handle situations like that.” E turned in her seat to face us. “You can’t be punching and smacking on him whenever you get mad, Ava.”
“That shit was mad disrespectful, E, and you know it.” She shrugged. “So, I busted that nigga’s lip.”
Lord...
“Didn’t nothing get resolved, and now you guys aren’t speaking.” Erin said sternly.
Ava pouted. “That’s him. How he mad when he the one that fucked up?” She rolled her eyes again. “And he threatened to break my arm. My shit is still sore.”
“Which is probably why that picture looks like that.” E mumbled.
Ava laughed and flipped her off playfully.
“True and I are into it too.” I stated sadly.
“Why?” Erin’s gaze lingered on me. “Baby mama drama again?”
I shook my head no. “Drew called.”
“See...” Ava huffed. “Something told me to go back up there with my taser.”
“Why is Drew calling True?” Erin looked confused.
I dipped my brush in the water. “They messed around for a while.”
“Oh.”
“When he answered, I could tell they haven’t been talking.”
“So, why are you mad at him?” E picked her glass up. “She must’ve said something fucked up.”
“She said she gave him head in my house before.”
“I’m whooping True’s ass next.” Ava snapped. “What is wrong with these niggas, yo.” She grumbled angrily, and then bucked at the lady across the table. “Fuck you lookin’ at?”
“Ava, chill.” Erin shook her head.
“True said she didn’t, but...” I sighed softly. “I know True.”
“So, she was talking about the house y’all live in now?” E asked.
“No. I think the townhouse I stayed in temporarily a little while ago.” But I couldn’t think of a time that I ever left them alone.
Erin nodded. “Now what?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you mind if I give my opinion?” She asked genuinely.
“Not at all.”
If there was anybody I trusted to give me sound advice, it was Erin Morris. Never bias, Erin was the type of person to look at a situation from everybody’s perspective. When she spoke, I didn’t feel like she was judging me. Plus, I knew by the time she finished speaking, my mind would be at peace.
“When you and True agreed to take it to the next level, you signed up for all of this. The baby mama’s, the ex-hoes, and even the late nights, early mornings. You can’t expect for everything to change and work out in you guys’ favor overnight. You knew about Drew, but here we are. You live with him, you had his baby, and you’re in love. Drew accomplished exactly what she wanted; which was to get under your skin. You just said you could tell they haven’t been speaking.”
I stared at my painting.
“You’re looking for any reason to leave him just in case this blows up in your face. And the only way it will is if you continue to be naive. True loves you. You love him. You’ve accepted his past, and he sees a future with you. Don’t make this shit more complicated than it needs to be, Chance.”
I let what she said resonate.
“Everyone who knows you and True can see the love y’all have for each other. Petty fights don’t do nothing but make it impossible to appreciate every good thing y’all got going on. Let it go. Don’t let Drew fuck that up. For her to even be on that dumb shit knowing how he feels about you, is the reason women like her will never find no real happiness.”
Taking a sip from my glass, I nodded. “You’re right. I just don’t want to end up like my parents.”
“You’re not your mom, and True is not your dad. And you can’t compare the two b
ecause for one, neither relationship is similar.” Erin faced forward. “Your mom is her own person. And so are you. What she allowed doesn’t have anything to do with you. And technically not to be rude, it’s none of your business.”
Ava chuckled, “E that shit came out rude as hell.”
It did. But that was Erin. She spoke with a certain level of aggression and confidence that you could only respect, though. She didn’t sugar coat anything. E was raw with her deliverance, but that’s because she was only keeping it one hundred percent real.
“At the end of the day where you guys end up is all on you. Remember that.” E picked up her paint brush. “Nobody said love was supposed to be easy. We all have a hard time just trying to love and accept our own selves. How do we expect for it to be an easier task for someone else?”
We sat quietly in our own thoughts for a moment, painting. I wanted to go the distance with True. A huge part of me knew we would. We’d already weathered mighty storms and had come out stronger than ever. Nothing with us was forced nor fake. I loved my best friend...my man.
And he loved me.
Smiling, I reached for my glass again.
“Thanks, E.”
“Don’t mention it.”
Ava sighed. “See, now I’m ‘bout to call Roman. I feel dumb now.”
Erin snickered. “You got issues, Av.”
“I sure do. And he does too.” She rolled her neck, going into her purse for her phone. “We gon’ have issues together. This shit is for life.”
Sure is.
I dabbed my paint brush in the yellow paint and began touching up the sun.
True
“Daddy, I gotta pee.” Chasity stood at my side bouncing from foot to foot. “Hurry up.”