Accident Prone: A Novel

by Kelly M. Logue

intersects with the Land of the Living. And sometimes the souls of the damned can cross over to try and beg forgiveness for their sins.”

  O’Grady shook his head.

  “You’d better believe I never took a job going through Arizona or Nevada again. Crazy thing was a year to the day later we get a letter saying that David died over in Vietnam. Strange huh, this world we live in. We focus so hard on all the petty things in life that most of us miss all the marvelous and scary things happening all around us. Until something like that comes and slaps you in the face.”

  The two men sat silently for a moment. Then O’Grady stood up. “Well I better hit the hay. I got an early mass tomorrow. You let me know if there is anything you need. If we can get this old church fixed up, maybe people will actually start to show up.”

  The Duke said his good nights. O’Grady headed back into the church. He sat alone, looking up at the night time sky. He couldn’t believe his good fortune. This had started off as a simple con job, but he had to admit he liked O’Grady, and it was peaceful here. The world was too big, and sometimes it felt like he was being crushed by the enormity of it. Here in this run down church things were small and made sense. This is where he fit.

  Suddenly, in the dark, he heard someone laughing. The girl!

  The Duke gathered up the discarded beer bottles and quickly made his way back inside the church.

  The bathroom looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in years, but the water in the shower was mercifully hot and soothing. He felt his body relax, and figured he would probably sleep for a week.

  He couldn’t sleep. O’Grady had given him clean sheets and a blanket for the cot that served as his bed. But he couldn’t seem to get comfortable. There was a burning sensation on the back of his neck. He had gotten a sunburn, and a pretty bad one from what he could tell. The Duke was at a loss to explain how that happened. All that time sleeping in the street, and he had never gotten as much as a cold let alone a sunburn. One day of hard work, and all of sudden his skin rebelled against him. He would have to get a broad brim hat if he was going to continue to work outside.

  The Duke got up and looked around the room. Like everything else, the room hadn’t been cleaned in years. A thick layer of dust had painted the room a dim gray. Even worse, discarded clothes and trash were piled in every nook and cranny.

  The Duke began to sort the clothes. He put the clothes that looked relatively new in one pile. Miller must have been a taller and thinner man than the Duke, but a few of the button down shirts looked like they might fit.

  The clothes that looked worn out were put in another pile. They would make good rags, if nothing else, the Duke figured.

  Trash was everywhere, hiding behind books, wedged between the wall and TV set, sitting on the window sill. The trash itself was a mixed bag: anything from discarded paper, to hardened orange peels, to paper cups and paper plates moldy and dusty with past meals. My god, did Miller ever clean? Even his former home behind the trash wasn’t this cluttered. How the place wasn’t crawling with cockroaches or rats was something of a minor miracle. He gathered up all the trash he could find, and put that in a third pile.

  At some point, the Duke must have passed out from pure exhaustion. He woke up the next morning still sitting between the three piles.

  If the Navy had taught him one thing, it was how to do inventory. One his second full day of work, The Duke put that skill to use. It took him most of the day, and when he was done, he hadn’t even realized that he had skipped lunch.

  The Duke ravaged his dinner of mac and cheese and broccoli, and once again O’Grady gave up trying to say grace. O’Grady barely touched his dinner. Instead, he focused on the inventory sheets. The Duke had given him two lists. One was a list of all needed repairs, and the other was a list of supplies he would need.

  O’Grady sighed. “I knew it was bad, but I hadn’t realized it was this bad. How much do you think all this will be?”

  The Duke went through some quick calculation in his head, and then quoted a price.

  O’Grady sighed again.

  “We could wait to fix the pews. The lumber is probably the most expensive thing on the list.”

  O’Grady shook his head.

  “No, no. We need to bite the bullet. I’ll go over the budget first thing Monday morning with Harriet. Oh, I have something for you.”

  O’Grady pulled out his wallet and slid two twenties across the table.

  “What’s this?” the Duke asked.

  “Your first week’s pay,” O’Grady answered. ‘Tomorrow is Saturday.”

  “Gee, I don’t know. I’ve only been on the job for a couple of days.” The Duke was sincere in his objection.

  “Nonsense,” O’Grady assured him. “I’m holding the proof of all the work you’ve done in my hand.”

  “I thought my pay was only $25 a week.” The Duke said. “This is too much.”

  “Well I figured you probably needed a little extra this time,” O’Grady answered. “I mean you did loss everything in that tornado, right?”

  “Yeah,” the Duke answered quietly. Hating now that he had lied to this priest.

  “Treat yourself.” O’Grady said, smiling. “And let’s not talk about this anymore. Want a beer?”

  The Duke shook his head.

  O’Grady closed the fridge door. O’Grady didn’t drink on days he had evening Mass.

  “Coming to Mass tonight,” O’Grady asked. “It might be nice to have a fresh face staring back at me rather than just the same two old biddies.”

  “No,” The Duke said. “I didn’t get much sleep last night.” And that was true. But, what the Duke didn’t tell the priest was he just wanted to leave, to get out of here, get out of this kitchen, run and hide. The big world was starting to close in on him again.

  “Rain check, then.” O’Grady said.

  The Duke nodded, and excused himself from the table.

  He didn’t think he would get much sleep, but as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out. He was too tired to dream, which was a relief.

  +++

  The Duke licked his lips. He sat outside a bar. On the passenger seat next to him sat an envelope containing $200. He couldn’t believe that O’Grady would just hand over so much. In cash no less. The money was his maintenance budget built up over the last three years since Miller hadn’t touched any of it.

  It was hot today. A really scorcher, as if the Devil had decided to turn up the thermostatic in hell and all the heat had risen up to burn the Earth.

  The Duke had a mighty thirst. He had denied himself so long the pleasure of a drink. The beer in O’Grady’s fridge was good and cold, but it wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want just a mild buzz; he wanted to be stinking drunk. Vodka was his drink of choice. Vodka had given him so much. A clear vision of the world around him that was full of enemies, and a clear mission to rid the world of evil. His life before had been exciting and unpredictable. Vodka would set things in motion, and beautiful chaos would follow. He missed that life. He craved it. What was O’Grady giving him? Not much. Boring stability. Boring predictability. A life where each day followed the next with no drama. That wasn’t much of life. That was a life of going through the motions. What a waste.

  But without the corrupting influence of drink, the Duke’s mind was clear. He still needed O’Grady. He needed a permanent address so he could get the necessary forms to establish his new identity. O’Grady had already helped him write a letter to the Dept of Vital Statistics to obtain a new birth certificate. With the birth certificate he could then get a new social security card, and from there a driver’s license. Once he had that stuff, his new identity was all set. So, it was best to lay low and stay on the straight and narrow. That was the smart thing to do. That was what his now full gut was telling him to do. For now he would have to be content with the excitement of driving without a license.

  The Duke backed up and sped out of the bar's parking lot.

  “Sa
tan get behind me,” The Duke said, with tears in his eyes.

  He pulled into the first hardware store he saw and loaded up on supplies. It was only when he was pulling away that he realized he had forgotten to get any lumber. On his way back to the church he spotted a thrift store and pulled in. Decided then and there to get a few things out of his own pay.

  He got back to the church just before lunch. O’Grady took one look at the Duke and whistled.

  “Well if it isn’t John Wayne.”

  The Duke ran a finger across the brim of his ten gallon hat.

  “I needed a broad brim hat,” the Duke explained, “You know, to work outside.”

  “Whatever you say, pilgrim.” O’Grady answered.

  In his old life, if somebody had teased him like that, the Duke would have made them pay. But he could tell O’Grady was just kidding around and didn’t mean anything by it, so the Duke relaxed and took a few lumps to his dignity.

  He and O’Grady unloaded the car, and then they went into the kitchen for lunch. This time the Duke let O’Grady say Grace, and even took off his hat while he did so. They ate lunch: bologna sandwiches and carrots again. After lunch, the Duke slid the envelope across the table.

  O’Grady picked it up. “Did you get everything you need?”

  “No, I forgot to get lumber.” The Duke confessed.

  O’Grady took the receipts from the envelope, for Harriet’s records, and then slid the remaining cash back over to the Duke.

  “I’d like to get a