Give Me Grace

by Kate McCarthy

  “That seemed too easy. What did you mean by ‘you’re next?’”

  A smile tugged at the corners of Casey’s lips and I sensed a private joke. “Nothing, Slim. I’m just looking forward to waking up every morning with you beside me. I never realised how much I wanted it until I almost lost you.”

  “It’s not going to be easy for us,” I warned, knowing that a difficult road still lay ahead.

  His lips brushed mine. “Nothing worthwhile ever is.”

  Three months later…

  I stood at the front door of my brother’s building, staring at the intercom. I wasn’t sure why the hell I was there. Well I knew, because Casey and Grace had invited me to some party for something. I couldn’t remember what. Something about Jamieson returning from tour. I just didn’t know why I’d decided to show up. I must have been shitfaced to agree to this. And not only that, I brought a friend with me like I was some kind of whiny chick that needed support.

  “Stop staring at it like it’s going to bite your fuckin’ face off and press the damn thing.”

  I glared at my best mate of ten years and fellow Sentinel brother. “Shut up, Fox.”

  “Pussy.” Fox shifted the six-pack of beer under his arm with impatience and went to press the buzzer.

  “Don’t call me a pussy,” I snapped. Shoving his arm away, I jabbed hard on the button, almost breaking the damn thing in the process.

  My mood could almost be described as joyful when no one answered. I must have got the day wrong or the party was over. Either way, I was outta there. I turned.

  “Wait.” Fox grabbed my arm and pressed it again.

  I shrugged out of his hold and started walking off.

  “Hello?”

  Goddammit. That was Grace’s voice. The sound of a party in progress in the background was unmistakeable. I turned and sighed, feeling the urge to kick something. Fox raised his brows at me, making him the closest target.

  It wasn’t like I hadn’t been here before. I had. Five times. Three of those were to see Grace. Not just because she was sexy and fun to tease, but because she was sick. I hated seeing her that way. It made me feel about as useful as tits on a bull. Two of those times, Casey had been there. And it had been tense. Ten years didn’t automatically make him my brother again. Anyone who said blood was thicker than water had never been a biker. The Sentinels were my family, my brothers, and I didn’t need Casey anymore.

  Too bad Grace kept trying to rectify that. Somehow saying no to her was impossible and I couldn’t work out why.

  I stalked back and held down the damn button. “Yeah, it’s us,” I growled.

  “Kelly?” Grace sounded surprised.

  It was weird hearing her use my real name. Most called me Shade. It was the name my biker brothers gave me because they said only a soulless bastard shot his own father. I didn’t have to like it but I couldn’t argue that it didn’t fit.

  “You invited me, didn’t you?”

  “We did, but if you don’t check that asshole attitude at the door, you can just turn around and take a long walk off a short cliff. Preferably somewhere where there are crocodiles. And piranhas,” she added.

  Fox snorted beside me. “I like her already.”

  I really didn’t like hearing Fox say that for some reason. Annoyance oozed from my pores. “Grace is my brother’s old lady. Don’t you even fuckin’ look at her.”

  Fox rolled his eyes. “Calm down, Shade.”

  I jabbed the button again, holding it down as I spoke. “Sorry, babe. Not much in the party mood.”

  She sighed and I remembered I was supposed to be working on that whole babe thing. Typical chicks, always trying to fuckin’ change who you were.

  “Showing up is a good start, Kelly,” she replied. “Come on in.”

  The buzzer sounded along with a loud click indicating the doors had unlocked to let us through. I frowned as we stepped inside. There was an underlying exhaustion in Grace’s voice. I didn’t like hearing it. She told me she was starting a degree at uni in a couple of months. I had no clue how she was gonna manage it with being sick how she was but she said she was starting off part-time. Eventually she’d major in public relations and end up working for Jamieson when she graduated. I had no idea what public relations was, but I told her if she ever wanted to study private relations, I was her man. That statement had the added effect of pissing Casey off which was always fun.

  Reaching the loft door, I knocked and some chick I didn’t know opened it rather than Grace like I was expecting. Heavy rock music thumped out from behind her, filling the hall and vibrating off the walls.

  “I’m Kelly,” I told her. “Casey’s brother.”

  She paused, raking me over. I felt the urge to close my eyes for a minute because she was so beautiful it almost blinded me to stare straight at her. If these were Grace’s friends, I needed to start coming to more of these parties.

  Her blond hair hung in a long sheet, and her tight black jeans had zippers all over the front and from what I could see, they decorated her ass on the back too. I wondered briefly which of the zippers led to the Holy Grail. Who even cared? There would be a helluva lot of fun in finding the fuck out.

  “Holy shit,” she declared when she was done with her quick inspection. “Grace was right.”

  “About what?”

  Her eyes dropped to my crotch for a split second. It was almost unnoticeable but I was watching her closely. My cock stirred happily at her interest. I grabbed it and smirked. “She tell you I was hung like a horse?”

  Her brows rose coolly and damned if that didn’t make my dick harden even more. “Does that line work for you a lot?”

  I grinned cockily. “With a face like this, babe, I don’t need lines.”

  “Maybe not, but it sounds like your ego needs a kick in the ass.” I was suddenly dismissed, her eyes shifting to Fox on my right. They flared wide. “Luke?”

  Fox grinned.

  I looked at him. “You know this chick?”

  “This chick,” she snapped, turning her fierce emerald eyes back on me, “has a name.”

  I sighed heavily. Grace and her friends were high fuckin’ maintenance and we hadn’t even stepped in the damn door yet. Parties weren’t supposed to be this much hard work.

  “Mackenzie Valentine,” Fox supplied and winked at the hot chick still barring us from coming inside. “We go way back, right, Mac?”

  Her nostrils flared, indicating that way back part wasn’t sittin’ real well with her. “You’re a Sentinel now, Luke?”

  Fox shrugged at her. “Have been for ten years.”

  “Figures,” I heard her mumble.

  After a pause, she swung the door wide, indicating for us to come in.

  We stepped inside and I scanned the loft. The living area was full of standing or dancing bodies, the kitchen was littered with people getting drinks, the dining room with food, and even more people spilled onto the big deck out the back. “Where’s Grace?”

  “She had to go do something,” Mac replied, shutting the door behind us. She pointed to the kitchen. “You can put your beer there, or there’s a big ice bucket out on the back deck. There’s food on the dining table if you’re hungry.” She also indicated to a big glass bowl shot with cloudy streaks of blue sitting on a cabinet by the wall. “Keys go in there.”

  “The keys to my Harley are not goin’ in some fuckin’ bowl,” I told her, no matter how fancy it looked.

  “We don’t tolerate drunk driving here,” she snapped. “Keys in the bowl now, biker dude. I decide who gets to drive at the end of the night, not you.”

  Jesus.

  I tossed my keys in, grabbed a beer from Fox’s six-pack, and disappeared before she decided my balls had to go in the damned bowl too.

  Fox walked with me into the living area, beers in hand. I don’t know why I brought him. He’d been the paramedic on Casey’s car accident, but he hadn’t been real impressed when I told him it was our MC who was behind it.


  “You were the fuckhead who rammed their car?” he’d asked, looking at me with a pissed expression.

  “No, it wasn’t me.” He’d relaxed, until I added, “It was Cowboy.”

  “Cowboy? What the fuck?”

  I had to explain then because Cowboy was a peaceful brother and not much into violence, or ramming cars for that matter. “He wasn’t supposed to ram the fuckin’ car. He was supposed to warn Casey off from buttin’ into our business and got some dickwad to do it for him. The dickwad didn’t realise Grace was driving and it turned into a giant shit sandwich.”

  Fox might’ve been pissed, but he’d had my back swiping the pint of blood I needed to stage Grace’s hit. He’d nicked it from the clinic the morning of her check-up. Casey hadn’t appreciated it when I explained the details. And he really hadn’t liked hearing how I broke into this very loft either and swiped his gun while they were at some party. What could I say? I was fuckin’ good with locks and alarm systems.

  “Would you just relax, mate?” Fox bitched beside me. “You’re makin’ me itchy.”

  “Fuck off then,” I replied because I was itchy. I didn’t want to be here.

  A space cleared on the couch so I sat down and finished my beer while the party went on around me. I was about to stand up and look for Grace when some little dude slid on to the couch beside me. I didn’t think he meant to sit so close, so I shifted a little to the right. He shifted with me. I looked at him and realised he was looking at me. The guy had dark girly shit smudged under his eyes and his lips looked suspiciously glossy.

  “You a pansy?”

  His eyes widened. And this was why I never liked uptight parties. You couldn’t say shit without someone getting offended. Then the little guy surprised me by shrugging. “Yeah, I’m a pansy. Of the badass variety,” he added.

  “You’re a badass pansy?”

  “That’s right.” He held out a hand. I shifted my beer from my right hand to my left and shook it. “My name’s Tim. I’m Casey’s personal assistant. We’re tight.”

  My brows winged up.

  “Not that tight,” he added hastily. “Unfortunately,” I thought I heard him mumble. “And you’re his brother Kelly.”

  I let go of his hand. “I am,” I confirmed and downed the rest of my beer.

  “I can tell because you look a lot like him.” Tim ran fingers through his tousled dark hair while he gave me a speculative look. “You ride a Harley?”

  “I do,” I told him.

  “Damn,” he muttered. “Hearing there were two of you gave my dick a stroke. But knowing you ride with some thousand pound vibrating machine between your legs, well that’s …” he trailed off, staring unfocused into the distance.

  I eyed him warily. “You okay?”

  Tim jolted and looked at me. “Never better. Can I get you another drink?”

  My eyes fell to his glass of purple liquid with fruit in it and I winced. “Yeah, no.” I started edging off the couch. “Thanks. I’m just gonna go get a beer.” His face fell and for some reason I felt bad. “I’ll be back later, yeah? Just gotta go find Grace.”

  “Oh.” He smiled at me but it was a sad kinda smile. “Maybe try her room? I don’t think she’s feeling the best tonight.”

  I grabbed another beer from the kitchen and turned, bumping into a huge blond guy. “Shit.” I held up the bottle before it tipped liquid everywhere. The guy turned and I got a look at his face. Double shit, I thought. I gave him a chin lift. “Travis.”

  He nodded once, his green eyes flat. “Kelly. Thought you’d be a no-show.”

  “Yeah? I guess you thought wrong.”

  “Quinn,” he said to the sweet looking female he had hauled to his side. She was tiny, the top of her head only reaching his shoulder. She stared up at me with wide, chocolate-coloured eyes. “This is Kelly, Casey’s brother.”

  “It’s nice to meet you.” Quinn politely held out her hand and I took it, my huge palm swallowing her tiny one as I clasped my fingers around it. “Casey’s told me a lot about you.”

  “He has?” I asked with surprise as I let her hand go. I guess Casey was a lot more open about shit than I was.

  She leaned in while Travis stood talking to some other guy that was just as huge as he was. “He doesn’t share much with anyone at all, it’s just that Casey and I have some things in common.”

  My eyes whipped to hers, looking a little more closely, and that’s when I saw it. That slight lift of defiance in her chin and the wariness in her eyes.

  “Oh.” She was like a tiny, little fairy. The thought of some big dude beating on her made me want to puke. I swallowed down the urge by downing my next beer and grabbing another. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologise. I just … can I tell you something?”

  I popped the lid off my bottle and tossed it towards the bin in the corner. “Sure thing, babe,” I replied with a casualness I didn’t feel. Chicks and talking was never a good thing. “What’s up?”

  “I don’t know you, but I know a lot about what you’ve been through, so I can understand your anger. But don’t let it eat you up until there’s nothing left. Being angry at the world, and at Casey, is letting your father win. You know why? Because it’s hate breeding hate. You’re keeping your father’s rage alive inside you and you’re feeding from it and using it against your own brother. I don’t want that for Casey. He doesn’t deserve that. Your brother loves you. Don’t hate him for that.”

  “Are you finished?” I bit out, my tone harsh because her words made my eyes sting. Damned if I was going to break down like some bitch in the middle of some classy as fuck party where I didn’t belong.

  “Hey!” Travis abandoned his conversation to grab my bicep. His fingers dug in hard. “Watch your fucking tone around my wife.”

  Fuck.

  I needed to go find Fox and get the hell outta here.

  I shrugged off Travis’s hand. The last thing I needed to do after everything Quinn just said was to punch her husband in the face. With the way I was feeling right now, it was a possibility.

  “I’m sorry,” I said stiffly to Quinn and shoved my way out of the kitchen, knocking some guy in the process and not caring. Needing to take a piss, I made my way towards the bathroom.

  I felt everyone’s eyes on me as I weaved my way through Casey’s friends. Was it the shock of seeing how much I looked like him, or that they sensed I didn’t fit in here? I wiped everything from my face—frustration, anger, and the regret Quinn’s words induced—and I slipped on a mask of indifference. I even managed to wink at a sexy girl. She flushed, her eyes flaring with interest, and the weight of confidence settled in my chest. This was something I knew. Sex was easy. Women came easy. Getting rid of them maybe not so much, but it was hard to care when you were in the moment. There was nothing like forgetting your troubles in a pair of hot tits and an even hotter pussy.

  I opened the bathroom door, slipped inside, and shut it behind me. Then I turned and in that instant, everything flew from my head because Grace was on the floor and she wasn’t moving. Her dark fiery hair was spread out in a fan across the tiles and her face so pale that her full lips looked red in comparison.

  “Babe. Jesus.” Moving quickly, I rushed to her side and dropped to my knees. With shaky fingers I checked her pulse. It was thready and weak. “Grace, babe. Wake up.”

  She swatted at me like I was a pesky fly and I almost groaned with relief. “Mmmf.”

  I frowned. “What?”

  She let out a long, shaky breath, clearly exhausted. “I’m fine. Just … sick. Needed to lie down ’cause the room was spinning.”

  “On the bathroom floor?”

  “’s near the toilet,” she mumbled.

  “What can I do?” I asked, thinking that maybe I should go get Casey.

  “Hold me up?” she whispered weakly. “Gonna be sick again.”

  I got on my knees behind her, propping her back against my chest. Her bony arms flopped uselessly and my goddamn heart
bled out all over the floor at the sight. How did Casey deal with this? I felt fuckin’ useless.

  Grace curled over and heaved in the toilet bowl. I held her hair and kept her upright. That’s about as useful as it got. She kept apologising over and over until I told her to shut the fuck up. Who apologised for cancer? Fuckin’ shit-ass disease. I wanted to smash my fist through a wall.

  “’m ‘kay,” she mumbled again. “I’m over the worst.”

  It had been worse than this? I wrapped my arms around her waist and held on, thinking that right then I needed the comfort more than she did.

  “No more chemo anymore?”

  She fell back against me, her head sagging into my neck. “No more for now.”

  I couldn’t resist a quick brush of my lips against her hair. It was still the same deep vivid red, hanging down her back in soft waves. “I thought your hair fell out with chemo?”

  “I only needed a low dose,” she managed to say as I twisted a lock of it between my fingers. It was so soft. “My hair thinned some but not much.”

  The door opened and Casey slipped inside.

  “Grace! Fuck,” he bit out.

  “Where the hell were you?” I dropped the lock of hair and glared up at him, feeding that rage Quinn talked about. “Out there having a goddamn party while your woman is layin’ in here half dead!”

  “You sonofabitch!” he ground out as he dropped beside me. I passed Grace over carefully, smoothing the hair from her face. He wrapped her up in his arms, his anger at me contrasting with the tender way he took hold of her. “You don’t know shit. I didn’t want this fucking party,” he told me, his voice cracking. “Dammit. She was in bed when I left to get some ginger ale for her stomach. When I came back to the bedroom she was gone.”

  “’s my fault,” Grace mumbled, burrowing herself into Casey’s chest. “The party. Everyone was home from the tour and I missed them all so much. Felt fine this morning.”

  “How could you miss Henry?” Casey asked as I stood up and wet a washcloth with cold water. “He flew back every five minutes just to check on you.”

  I crouched and ran it over Grace’s forehead. She looked like she’d passed out. Casey didn’t seem to mind that I was wiping down her face so I kept going, pausing briefly to look at him. “Is this how it’s been these past three months?”