Golden Dreams

by David Treasure

for a while. I felt good, like I might have a chance even though things seemed to keep going against me. I thought maybe this is just a test of my resolve, my ability to overcome my stupidity, or maybe I just was just unlucky, but I still felt good at the moment and for now I would take it.

  I was really not looking forward to another night without shelter, but without the use of my leg or any materials to construct some kind of lean to I didn’t have much choice. Fortunately the night was clear and calm and I did at least have a blanket, water and some food so I decided I was considerably better off than I was in the beginning of this misguided endeavor. I thanked my god for this small favor and turned my attention towards starting a fire. I thought I had remembered seeing something on a survival show about using a backdrop to reflect the heat from a fire so I positioned myself to use the cliff as the backdrop and started a fire just as it began getting pretty dark. Digging around in my backpack I found the can of beans, and can opener. I warmed the beans over the fire as best I could, and ate my "dinner". After eating, and drinking my ration of water I positioned my backpack and used it to elevate my extremely painful leg. I lay as close to the fire as I dared, and tried to put the throbbing of my leg out of my mind. I had always had a relatively high tolerance for pain (at least that's what the people who couldn't feel my pain said!) but this was hard to ignore. I stared up at the stars thinking of home, how glad I would be to get back there, and how I would not be doing any such dream chasing for a while if by the grace of god I did get the chance to go home again. Eventually the cold night overtook me, and I drifted off to sleep.

  Back in Kingman my wife was trying to keep from dwelling on what seemed to be turning into a recovery rather than a rescue, trying to remain positive, believing that I was a tough old bird who wasn’t just going to lie down and give up, but would fight to the last. She also had faith that I would be able to utilize survival techniques that we had both watched on television shows, and talked about but never considered we would actually have to use. Not feeling like it but knowing she had to eat, she went to a restaurant for dinner. She forced a few bites and started to wonder when I had last eaten, and then she felt guilty about eating herself. After struggling through dinner she went back to the hotel room, watched some television, looked at my maps, and worried. The thoughts running through her mind came with visions of scorching hot desert sun, rattle snakes, huge spiders, and sun bleached cow skulls. Among those items her mind would envision me struggling to find my way, thirsty, hungry, hollow eyed, and dying.

  Trying to sleep, her thoughts would keep returning to imagining where I was, what I was doing, was I hurt and unable to help myself? Or did I happen to run into someone who may have harmed me? She would then once again push those thoughts away and try to sleep. Dreams filled her mind with images of deep dark chasms, skeletal remains, and buzzards. Waking with a new sense of dread and a knocking at the door, she sat up and realized she was still in Kingman in a hotel room, “nothing but a silly dream” she whispered to herself. The knock on the door came again, and she was suddenly overcome with a feeling of happiness, although she wasn’t sure why. Jumping out of bed she hurried to answer the knock, feeling confident it was going to be me standing on the other side of the door. Opening the door her enthusiasm drained away as quickly as it had built up. The sheriff was standing there with his hat in his hand looking very solemn.

  “I’m very sorry for waking you maam, but I need to talk with you, will you allow me to take you to breakfast?” My wife felt a cold chill run through her, as she tried to answer the sheriff she found she could not put any words together. After a few seconds she was able to get out “I need a few minutes to get ready, can I meet you somewhere?” “Yes maam” the sheriff said, “I’ll wait for you in the lobby; you take your time”. With that my wife closed the door, walked back to the bed, and sat down. Her thoughts were going a million miles an hour, what could he need to talk about? This can’t be good, if it was good he would have just came out and said it, so it must be bad, right? Mustering up her strength she washed up, dressed quickly, bolstered her courage, and started towards the hotel lobby, but no matter how she tried she could not suppress the sickening, queasy feeling she was getting, which was increasing with each step closer to the lobby of the hotel, and the waiting sheriff.

  I woke with the first rays of sunlight creeping over the horizon. The fire had long since gone out, not thinking I rolled to my side and quickly remembered my injury as the pain shot up my leg. I was now wide awake, and the desperateness of my situation came into crystal clear focus. I remembered my plan was to tie the pole from my metal detector to my leg and try to splint it so I could walk; I got to work figuring out how to make that happen. Cutting strips from the blanket I tied the pole as tight as I could stand it to my leg. Next I would need to find something to use as a cane or crutch. Looking around I could see some small brush in the distance but nothing too close or too straight. "Just my luck" I figured, I tried to stand, but that wasn't happening, so I dragged my butt over to the nearest brush to see about a crutch. Slowly I dragged myself to the nearest bush, checked the branches, and continued on to the next until after what seemed like hours I was able to drag myself to a bush that had a sort of straight strong branch that I cut off and fashioned into a cane, it was better than nothing, and at least I could stand and with a great effort walk. I took a look at the sky to determine which direction was south, and began my pain-filled slow walk to what I hoped would be my salvation.

  Once again my thoughts surrounded my family, and my misfortune on this "dream" trip, I had to keep my mind occupied so the pain wouldn't make me quit. I thought of my youth, and my determination to complete the physical obstacles I faced in the military, the never say die attitude drilled into my mind, how I never considered any of the eventualities I was facing at this moment, anything but my leg. I wondered how long it would take before my leg would need to be amputated. I could smell what I thought was the odor of dead tissue coming from my wound, and I looked up in the sky to see vultures coasting in long circles above me. Needing a drink I reached for my backpack only to realize I had left it at the campsite! What utter stupidity! How could I have left my only lifeline lying on the ground! I now understand I am my own worst enemy, my life has been jeopardized over and over again by my own actions. Unbelievable!

  I had said earlier that I have never felt so defeated in my life, well that was before now. I knew for the first time I was not going to make it, I was done. I didn't have anything left, how much was I supposed to take. I thought about the 9mm pistol I was carrying, it would be easy, one shot and its over. No I could not even begin to do that, I had to get it together, it ain't over till it's over, and I am not dead yet so I have to keep going. My wife, my kids, my friends, all would be let down if I killed myself, even under these circumstances. But mostly I would be letting everything I have believed in go to the wayside for a selfish, "easy way out". I would keep walking until I could no longer walk, and let the chips fall were they may.

  I am not sure what has happened, I am suddenly lying on my back staring at the blazing hot sun, I have lost track of time and space. My mind is in and out there is a distant buzzing in my ears; I can't put my finger on it, louder, and louder, and louder. My leg doesn't hurt anymore, I'm not thirsty, and I don't feel the burning of my skin. I guess this is the end, I have heard everything seems O.K. when death is near, and I have to say I think its all O.K.

  Now I'm shaking back and forth, I hear my wife calling my name in the distant fog, will I meet her in the afterlife? Now her voice is coming clearer, and clearer, "get up you're going to miss your flight!" My flight? What flight? The cloud is clearing now, what the heck? I'm in my house? How did I get here? Oh no! It was all a dream? I can't believe it, a dream. "You better get going" my wife said "you have to catch your flight to Kingman remember?".....

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