Metal Up Your Ass

by Michael Todd

  He had seen her lose it—everyone had—but they understood. They knew that Derek had been important to her. He had been important to everyone.

  “How are you doing?” Damian asked.

  She wiped her tears on her sleeve and shook her head. “Noah died,” she told him. “Noah Rappley from Amy’s Assassins. They called me this morning and let me know he paid his tribute in an ambush with a bunch of innocents. He died almost at the same time Derek did. Three others from Amy’s team are in critical condition.”

  A tear fell down her cheek and she sniffled hard, trying not to let the grief take her again. Damian sighed and wrapped his arms around her. She turned her face into his shoulder and cried for minutes, finally pushing back enough to catch her breath. She shook her head against him, not understanding why everything had gotten so hard so fast.

  “It’s worse now,” she sobbed. “The demons; they are coming out of nowhere and killing everyone. How are we supposed to protect the innocents if we can’t keep ourselves safe? I was just out with Noah a few days ago, laughing and having a hell of a time. He talked about a real life—one with people he loved—and that was starting to include me.”

  “Shhh,” Damian whispered holding her tightly for a moment before drawing back. “I know this is hard to take in. It’s all happened so suddenly.”

  “Everything in our lives is fucking sudden!” she burst out. “There are no easy goodbyes, if such a thing even exists. There are no warning signs or illnesses. Derek looked at me and smiled, then turned around and took a dozen bullets to the body. He thought everything was going to be okay, and in the blink of an eye he was taking his last breath. I’m just tired of saying goodbye. I’m so fucking tired of it.”

  “I know.” Damian sighed. “But that is the way it is for us. There are a million hellos, and just as many goodbyes. I have to go check on the others, but if you need anything—anything at all—you come find me, okay?”

  “Yeah.” She sighed. “Thank you. I’ll get it together, I promise.”

  Damian leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead before getting up and walking back toward the gate. Katie watched him go, knowing that one day her tears would be for him—if she didn’t get it first. She closed her eyes and tilted her head toward the sun, thinking about that night with Noah. Thinking about watching the sunrise with him, how secure she had felt in his strong arms. It had been an illusion, one that she had fallen straight into.

  You know, I don’t usually tell people this, but I’ve been married more times than I can count, Pandora began. And definitely for longer than any human woman ever could be. None of them ever ended well for me, though. I was not the woman they thought, and I had to watch them die. I adopted the policy that I would love them and leave them.

  “I just don’t know how I can deal with another death like this,” Katie admitted, speaking out loud. “It grinds me to the soul. The first ones…they were hard, but I think my body was in shock. These two—they have brought me to my knees.”

  I know. I don’t know how you feel, but I know you can’t continue to take this over and over. The human body is fragile, but the most fragile part of it all is something I can’t see or fix. Your heart—not the physical beating organ, but the heart that loves, that cares, that feels. Demons can’t touch it. You took chances and opened your heart as a sister to Derek and as a lover to Noah, and I’m sorry you lost them both in one night. I wish I could have seen that coming; to have prepared you somehow.

  “The crazy thing is, I don’t even know if I would have made a different choice with Noah. Being that close to him opened up a lot of things in me that had closed when I became Damned. For the first time, I felt secure in someone else’s arms. For that brief moment in time, I was safe from everything in the world.”

  But you weren’t, Pandora replied. I know the feeling was there, but you weren’t safe. None of us will be until we can end all this. You loved and lost, and I’m sorry for that.

  Katie stood up from the rock and rolled her shoulders, wrapping her arms around her chest. She could feel the pain thumping in her stomach, and her tears just wouldn’t stop.

  “My love will be hot, and burn with them for a night,” Katie exclaimed. “Perhaps another time in the future we will have the chance to enjoy relationships that last longer. But if not, at least for one night of passion, everything will be right in the world.”

  Amen, Pandora whispered.

  This time the bar wasn’t loud and boisterous.

  It was a little emptier and a lot more solemn, and the pictures of Noah and Derek stared directly into Katie’s soul.

  The three critical-cares from Amy’s team were still in the hospital, and the loss of two veteran hunters had really hit the teams hard. There wasn’t a dry eye in the place by the time Katie took the stage.

  She had done this many times now—paid tribute to the fallen, read the poem, and brought them all back together again—but she felt like the thread that stitched the wound had finally started to unravel. She wasn’t even sure how she was supposed to get out of her seat, but she had to.

  “You ready?” Korbin whispered in her ear. “You think you can do this?”

  Katie looked up at Korbin, then over at the two pictures. She had to do it. Those men deserved the same strong send-off as all the others, and it had become her place to do it.

  She nodded and pushed her chair back, smiling at Korbin as he helped her up. Everyone went silent as she walked toward the stage, alone in the spotlight.

  With each step she thought about the first time she had really talked to Derek, outside that sex shop when she was first Damned. He was so funny; such a loner, but he was a really great guy, and much loved.

  Katie reached the top of the stairs and walked over to the mic, which was now situated at a podium.

  They were moving up in the world.

  She took the old crinkled piece of paper from her pocket and set it on the stand as she cleared her throat. She looked past the crowd as the door opened and General Brushwood and Colonel Jehovivich, dressed in civilian clothes, walked in. They took a seat at the table with Korbin and the others, and the general nodded at Katie.

  She felt that if nothing else, in this war she had helped bring the military together with the mercs, and that was very important.

  “Today we pay tribute to the fallen,” Katie said into the mic. “I had the honor of being with Derek Tosh when he took his last breath. I held him in my arms, wondering how we had gotten that far; how we had come to a moment when the demons were just too much. I don’t have an answer to that yet. Derek was a calm and comforting man, always there for others, always smiling, and always laughing at the silly memes he searched for on his phone. He liked to be alone, but when he was with his family he truly shined. May the angels carry him into the light, and may he ever rest in peace and honor. I only knew Noah Rappley for a few days before he passed away, but I can tell you that he was a force to be reckoned with. His teammates remember him as a dreamer, a man full of hope and love for the future. He was a Viking on the field and a big teddy bear with his friends and family. Noah will be missed in my heart and others.”

  Katie sighed and looked down at the sheet in front of her, knowing it was time to once again read the poem.

  “We are the chosen.

  The infected,

  battling our demons night and day.

  Protecting the uninformed from reality.

  We fight where the stupid meet the clueless to

  perform the asinine for our

  teammates every day.

  We are cops, military, special forces, and SWAT,

  medical techs, priests, and clergy.

  We are the dimensional derelicts,

  the legion, the host, the forgotten.

  The feared.

  The sheep can sleep at night because we don’t.

  We fight for humanity—yours—and for our own.

  We are the Damned, and death is our enemy,

  our e
scape,

  and our tribute.

  “Thank you.”

  The people in the crowd clapped between their tears, and Katie stepped down and made her way back to the table. As she approached, the general stood up and reached out his hand to shake hers.

  “I’m sorry for your loss.”

  “Thank you, General.”

  “I am more than appreciative of the rounds—the gifts that you gave us. They have already saved lives,” the general told her.

  Katie sat down next to him and ordered some nachos from the waitress. The general ordered some food as well, and took a big swallow of his beer.

  “I think that I might be able to help you and your team,” the general suggested. “I think we should sit down tomorrow and talk about it.”

  “That would be great.” Katie smiled. “We can definitely do that. We need to move on…that is for sure.”

  The general nodded and they turned to the others, listening to them talk about Derek and all the funny jokes he used to tell.

  Katie smiled and chuckled as she listened to Eric talk about him, especially since Eric had become so close to Derek.

  Her heart went out to him; to him and everyone else on the team. When the food arrived they dug in, their spirits and voices lifted. A fight broke out suddenly to their left, and everyone on the team grabbed their food and beers and held them in the air. The general and the colonel, however, were too busy watching the fight, and sat wide-eyed as the two fighters tussled and slammed into their table.

  Katie tried to hold back her laughter as cheese and French fries flew everywhere. The general and the colonel looked at the others and realized they were holding their food in the air. The two guys slowly picked themselves up off the floor, and the larger one peeled the general’s basket of cheese fries off his thigh.

  “I think this is yours,” he said, handing it to the general.

  “Thanks.” He just shook his head.

  The bartender rushed over and set down another table, and Katie signaled to the waitress to bring more food. Everyone burst into laughter, and even the general and the colonel couldn’t keep straight faces.

  Somehow it always ended with a laugh.

  Author Notes - Michael Anderle (Pandora)

  Written April 13, 2018

  Ok, “la la la” thanks for reading and all of that shit he normally puts in the first paragraph. I’m sure you all like reading it every time he writes it, but I’m a bit cross at the moment.

  Korbin bought potato flour-based donuts and they fucking suck in the morning when you try to reheat them. Just sayin’.

  There, that’s why I’m bitchy, you nosy individual.

  Well, that, and I’m apparently ‘The Author’s’ little play-toy for these Author Notes. I wrote Author Notes for the last book, and so now we have another chronicle of our ongoing lives coming out tomorrow. He asked me nicely, so I said I would be happy to do them.

 

  I didn’t promise The Author I’d be nice in these author notes, but I’ll try.

  First, THANK YOU for reviewing our books! We are up to a hundred and forty-nine reviews on Book One (500+ people in the group, but I digress) which is about seven hundred fucking reviews too few, so get off your human asses and go put up a review. If you do anything less than a 5*, I will absolutely visit you in your dreams. If you DO put up a five star, then I will visit you in your dreams but with a totally different outcome.

  (Well, damn. I’m told I can’t use threats to get reviews, because blah blah blah… So, “Would you kindly consider placing a review on these books? The authors earn better positioning within the Amazon algorithms due to how often, how recent, and how good the reviews are.”)

  or but I’m told we could be with a hot poker if I did that.>

  So, Katie finally got some and let me tell you, it was absolutely good for me…I mean her. Whatever. What is good for me is good for her.

  Then the little twerp she had the hots for had to go and get offed by (I suspect) an asshole who isn’t my brother. My brother (from a different mother) is an idiot. I’ve not exactly clued Katie into it, but if he was running the show my time on Earth would be a vacation. If is starting to play too? Well, I think the vacation might be over.

  OH! Have you seen the latest on the soap opera? I can’t believe that hussy really spread the welcome wagon like she did. For what? It wasn’t like he was enhanced enough in the right department to the . I have NO clue what she saw in him. Coming from a person who knows how to grade prime man-meat, she really went to the bargain bin that holds day-old meat to find him. I suspect she could have done better by going to a corner and offering to sell potato chips…

  You know…Lays for a $1.00?

  Don’t groan, Katie cuts me off with these jokes. You are a captive audience who can’t talk back (except in reviews…hehehehehe) or on the Facebook group, I suppose. But since I’m not placing the link to the Protected by the Damned Facebook Group in these Author Notes, you can suck it.

 

  So, we have two more books about us coming out in the next four weeks. Tell your family and friends about these stories.

  I’m told I can’t require or even suggest you buy them for young adults, because that will cause their heads to spin about on the axes of their necks until they pop off.

  I still don’t understand why that’s a problem. Seems like good entertainment to me.

  I’ve got my eyes on two more crotches for Katie…Uh, two more “heart throbs,” but she can be pretty fucking annoying in the “no” department. She needs to say yes more often and just let the future ride.

  And ride…and ride…and

  Speaking of Sir Jackass, it says here that he will be meeting with Lady Hair-by-Electrical-Socket next week to work on the Melneck stuff. He’s a pain in the ass (Melneck, not Sir Jackass… Although Jackass is too.) However, Melneck IS a lot more powerful than his ranking suggests; he just doesn’t play politics worth a damn.

  And is smart enough to know how not to piss off those who do.

  Ok, I’ve passed the seven hundred and fifty words now. WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY DONUTS, JACKASS?

  Lovingly,

  Pandora

  Author Notes - Laurie Starkey

  Written April 26, 2018

  Well, hello! Hope you enjoyed that action packed, funny, donut-loving, chicken nugget enjoying story. Can’t get much better than Pandora and Katie. Not for a good chuckle, eye roll, or heart-racing good time.

  It’s been crazy around here, but I’m thinking you knew that.

  I’ve been working hard on this project with Mike, our 7sons projects, and my cozy mystery. And of course, ROMANCE. I know you guys might not all read romance, but my Ali and Weston Parker lines are the majority of our focus.

  Why romance?

  I’m a sucker for a good redemption story, and while I know that can happen in any story, it’s usually the central theme in my romance novels. Take the most broken, “fuck love and its fruity colors and hearts” guy and pair him up with a strong, independent woman, and I just have fun. Trying to get the two of them to grow and compromise is the name of the game.

  Now, if I’m being honest, I’m a SUCKER for a paranormal romance, though that’s not what I write. There have been a few stories (contemporary romances) when I got to the point of wanting a vamp to jump out and slay the whole cast and crew, but I refrained.

  I also just released my fifth book in my Zodiac series under WL Knightly. That’s with a good friend of mine, and we just wanted to write some scary-ass mystery slasher novels–so we did! It’s been a fun ride. I’m shocked as hell that we’re almost halfway through the
thirteen-book series. It’s a book a month on that one too.

  Outside of that, we’ve been to Illinois and Missouri to help a friend through surgery and to eat at the buffet the college of the Ozarks kids put on a few times in the last few weeks. I’ve gained three pounds thanks to the all-you-can-eat function of the buffet, but such is life. Padding is a good thing–I think. If not, don’t tell me.

  I formed my first JIT team to read over my cozy mystery chapters that are finished, and we’ve had a damn good time with those readers. Everyone has peed themselves, spit coke from their noses, or laughed to tears. I’m thinking my old ladies in that cozy mystery are going to lift some spirits and give a few people a break from the routine that is life at times.

  That’s what good books do. They take us away. At least, we hope they do. Best way (in my opinion) to have an adventure. As such, I sure as hell hope you had a GREAT adventure with this last book. Mike is in charge of the antics and titles–they just couldn’t be any better. He’s a brilliant guy with a fun, light-hearted demeanor. If you get the chance to meet him, don’t pass it up. It’s worth the trip–I promise.

  And with that, I want to say thank you again for picking up the novel and reading these author notes. I feel like it’s giving you a quick look into our diary. I’m an introvert, so I’m thinking I might have to start making shit up soon to stay fresh, relevant and fun, but that time has yet to arrive. Appreciate you guys. We do what we do for readers like you.

  Slave to many stories,

  Laurie Starkey

  Death Becomes Her

  Have you read The Kurtherian Gambit, from Michael (Todd) Anderle?