by Gina Azzi
“Oh, Sierra. Are you okay? How do you feel?” Her motherly instincts take over and she asks me the most important questions she could in this moment.
“I’m okay. I feel meh. All over the map emotionally. I cry over everything. I mean every. Single. Thing. And I’m simultaneously nauseous and hungry although that’s getting better.”
“But, how are you?” She asks, her concern for my state of mind winning out.
“I’m happy.” I admit, smiling at her. “Really happy. Denver and I are figuring everything out. He’s moving to New York. We’re going to rent in Brooklyn or Queens and –”
“Why don’t you stay where you are? Denver can move in.” Mom’s eyebrows dip over her nose in confusion.
“I told him that but he feels uncomfortable, as if he’s taking advantage of you and James.”
“Nonsense.” Mom waves a hand dismissively.
“Think of it from his perspective.”
She’s quiet for a few moments before nodding reluctantly. “I can understand his desire to pave his own path. I respect him for it. He seems like a good man.”
“He is. But still, I wanted to speak with you and James about our both living here temporarily. Just for a few weeks until we are able to secure a place to live and Denver finds a job.”
“Of course. I will discuss it with James but it’s not a problem.”
“Thank you, Mom.”
Mom’s eyes well with tears as she watches me.
“Mom? Why’re you crying?”
“I can’t believe my baby is going to have a baby.” She says, dabbing at the corners of her eyes with a tissue.
Of course, I tear up at her emotional display and soon, we’re both crying with each other.
“Will you come, Mom? I miss you.”
“Oh, sweet girl, I miss you, too. Of course I’ll be there. I can come tomorrow.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “How about in a few weeks? Let Denver get settled here.”
“You let me know and I’ll be on the first plane out.”
“Thanks.” I say gratefully. We talk awhile longer about the baby and my symptoms. Mom tells me about her pregnancy with me. We discuss nursery themes and prenatal classes. I tell her about Denver and how we plan to make things work between us. When my eyelids grow heavy, Mom reminds me to get some rest and call her in the morning.
“I will, Mom.” I promise. “But please don’t tell –”
“The boys. Sierra, I promise I won’t. Honestly, I have no desire to spearhead that conversation.”
I laugh, nodding in agreement. “It’s going to be a tough one.”
“Your brothers just want what’s best for you.”
“I know that.”
“They worry about you.”
“I know.”
“I’ll let you get some rest, love. Hey, did you speak with Daisy again about considering job options here? You should pass her CV to James or one of the boys.”
“Oh, shoot. I’ve been meaning to bring it up again. I think she’ll be more open to it now that more time has passed.”
“Anytime, Sierra. Just send it along.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
Mom smiles at me sweetly and nods. “Go to bed. I love you.”
“Love you too. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Peanut.”
I disconnect the call and walk over to the couch. Flipping on the TV, I stretch out and wait for Denver’s call.
It's late when Denver calls; my eyelids are already dropping closed.
"Hey," I answer.
"Shit. Did I wake you, babe?" he asks, his voice gruff and low. I smile, loving it when he calls me babe, even though it's the most generic nickname in the world, and if any other guy said it, I'd think it was lame. Ugh. I'll blame that on the pregnancy hormones, too.
"No, I'm just dozing."
"You told Daisy."
"I told Daisy."
"She's pretty pissed."
I laugh, knowing she gave Denver an earful and a half since she spared me from it.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing."
"So, now Daisy’s making plans to come visit us in New York.”
“She is?"
"She invited herself. Did you expect any less?”
I laugh again. "That sounds great. I’d love it if she came. I’ve been trying to get her to visit me in New York for the entire summer. If I knew I just had to get pregnant, jeez, I would have done it so much sooner."
The sound of Denver’s low, rumbly chuckle warms me from the inside out. I love that I can finally make him smile and laugh about things. “You better not think about making babies with anyone else, babe.”
I grin the goofiest smile of life and agree with him. “No worries there.”
“Well, that’s a relief.”
“I spoke to my mom.”
“And?”
“She’s worried about me but also happy for us. She’s honestly the best. I thought she’d be disappointed or upset or something but mostly she was just concerned.”
“She sounds amazing.”
“She is. You’re going to love her.”
“I have no doubt.”
“I wish I could have known your mom.” I tell him honestly and hear the catch in his breath.
Denver is quiet for several moments before he clears his throat. “Me too. She would have liked you, a lot. And you would have loved her.”
I smile at the thought, my eyes closing.
“You tired, baby?” He asks after I don’t say anything.
“Yeah. I think I’m dozing off.”
“Go to sleep then.”
“Okay. Mom is going to talk to James. It’s fine if you move in while we figure everything out.” I yawn.
“We’ll talk about it tomorrow. Get some rest. I love you, Sierra.” He says the words low, as if he couldn’t help himself from saying them aloud.
I smile at the words, letting them wrap around me like a hug, and snuggle deeper into the couch cushions. “Love you too, Den.”
And then, I’m fast asleep.
16
Denver
"Okay, Den, what's going on?" Jax asks over FaceTime.
"How's Evie?" I stall.
He shakes his head at me, a grin shadowing his mouth. He knows I'm stalling, but he's going to play along like a good little brother. "She's fine. Great, actually. She's in class at the moment, so it's just me."
I breathe out in relief. I know I need to tell my family the truth, but it somehow seems easier without Evie and Taylor present. Not that they would judge me, but I just…I need my siblings to hear it first from me. And I don't know how much about the sordid past of the Kane family either of my brothers has confided in their women. I'm sure most of it, but who am I to blow up their spots?
"Good." I nod, looking up as Carter and Daisy walk into the kitchen from the living room.
"You summoned us?" Daisy asks, a sly grin on her face. She can’t wait to see Jax’s reaction to my baby news. And, I think she’s secretly happy to not be the last Kane to learn about some big family announcement or drama.
"Gang's all here," Carter announces in a cheerful voice.
I position the laptop on the island, so Jax can see everyone. "Hey guys. How's the job hunt, Dais?"
She scowls at him, and he quickly asks Carter about Taylor.
Once the small talk winds down, all my siblings look at me expectantly, and I know this is it. The moment I tell them the truth. I've never really called a family meeting before, so I'm sure they're curious why I'm doing it now. Daisy and Carter think I'm going to tell Jax about the baby and I am, but there's so much more to this conversation than just Sierra and I trying to sort out a future.
"Okay." I rub my hands together, piercing each of my siblings with a look. "There's a lot I need to tell you guys and—"
"Oh God, this is becoming a theme," Jax interrupts, and Carter cracks a smile.
It's true. In the past few months, us Kane kids h
ave been sharing a lot of family secrets, finally bringing them out into the light of day. I guess now it's my turn.
"What's going on, man?" Jax asks me directly.
"The first thing I need to tell you, Carter and Daisy already know. I confided in Carter and Sierra told Daisy just the other day."
Jax's mouth drops open before he grins wide, a laugh bursting out of his mouth. "Y'all are dating?"
"Yes, we are. But, we're also having a baby," I clarify.
"No shit!"
"I'm serious."
"When did this go down?"
"The weekend you and Evie moved to Texas," Daisy supplies helpfully.
"Wow, I didn't expect you to say that. Congratulations?" Jax says it like a question, and I scrub my hand over my face.
"It came as a surprise to me, too. Obviously. But it’s definitely a good thing. I’m happy about the little peanut."
Jax’s eyes widen in surprise but he takes it in stride. "How's Sierra doing? Is she feeling okay? Does she have support in New York? Isn't her whole family in Europe?"
"The UK." Daisy again.
"Right." Jax nods.
I'm grateful for Jax's concern for Sierra. My brothers are always like that, worrying about everyone, and it makes my chest feel funny to know that they're looking out for Sierra, too. "She's doing all right. She doesn't really have any support in New York, which brings me to my second point."
"Which is?" Jax asks.
"I'm moving to New York." I turn toward the laptop. "I'm hoping to find a job at an auto body shop. Do you have any Army friends I can reach out to who—"
"Absolutely." Jax nods with enthusiasm. "Kenny Silva is up there and my man Migs. And so are a few guys I did my last tour with. No worries there, we can definitely find you a job."
My shoulders relax slightly at this good news. That's one corner puzzle piece falling into place right there. If Jax can hook me up with a few connections, I know I can land a job.
"That'd be great, Jax. Thanks."
"Yeah, you got it."
"Okay. So, the next thing I need to tell you all is—"
"There's more?" Carter asks, startled.
Him and Daisy look at me curiously and I nod, shifting my weight uncomfortably.
"So, the baby is going to have our last name. Kane."
"Of course, he or she is." Daisy's eyebrows dip low on her forehead as she watches me, obviously confused.
"And that got me to thinking about how I don't want my kid to be saddled with my past growing up, so I want to clear my name."
Silence. It's quiet and three startled and confused faces stare at me. One from a computer screen, but still Jax's expression is clear.
"Clear your name? How?" Carter drawls.
"I don't want to have my record anymore."
"Yeah, I get that, but you can't just be expunged for a crime you—"
"I didn't do it."
"What?" Jax's voice booms out of the computer speaker.
I sigh, massaging the center of my forehead, my thoughts a jumbled mess. How do I explain this so they understand? How could anyone understand how I served two years in prison while innocent? I mean, it obviously happens but it’s not the norm.
"Den, what happened?" Daisy's fingers touch my wrist gently and when I glance up, her eyes hold all the compassion and love in the world.
"Dad set me up. Him and Griller. They were running a scam, hitting a lot of gas stations and corner stores. But this one job, it took a wrong turn. The clerk was assaulted. When it all came out, they paid a bunch of people off to say they saw a guy, a guy with my physical description. The surveillance footage went missing. You know how many of the cops around here are in the MC’s pocket.” I shrug. “Things just snowballed and I didn’t have a chance in hell at being found innocent without all the doubt and perception that went with being arrested. I also shouldn’t have been found guilty but you remember that year? It was an election year for the judges and they always take a harder stance on any type of crime before an election. With all the other gas stations and shops getting dinged, this was the judge’s chance to put a face and a name to whoever was responsible for all the recent robberies.”
"You pled guilty for a crime you didn't commit?" Jax asks, incredulous.
"I never pled guilty. I was found guilty by the jury. But I maintained that I was innocent the whole time. And that’s why I served two years instead of one. I refused a plea deal because then you can never appeal. And I wouldn’t agree to take the fall for something I didn’t do, even though I ended up taking the fall for something I didn’t do.”
“So, you went to jail for a longer amount of time because of…integrity?” Daisy whispers, her eyes wide.
“Good for you, man.” Carter says seriously, nodding at me.
“Good for me? I left you here, on your own, to look out for Daisy and Jax, for an entire extra year because –”
“Because you were being a role model. The type a kid could look up to and be proud of.” Carter cuts me off, his green eyes dark with wisdom. Too much wisdom for someone his age.
I look down, studying my hands. "Griller used to visit me in lockup and tell me all this stupid shit about how I abandoned y’all, about how hard he was making things for you guys, especially…” My eyes cut to Daisy.
"Me again?" she asks.
I reach out and hook my arm around her neck, pulling her into my side and kissing the top of her head. “Obviously it was all crap but he wanted me to take a plea and name a bunch of guys in another MC as being the ones behind the robberies. He thought he could threaten me with you guys and I would take his offer, implicate other innocent guys, and never have a shot at clearing my name.”
“But you didn’t do it.” Jax states the obvious.
“But was that the right call? You all were here on your own, Carter got sucked into the MC bullshit, Daisy could have –”
“It was the right call.” Carter cuts me off again. “Trust me, you did the right thing.”
Daisy and Jax nod in agreement and I sigh again, raking my fingers over my hair.
"I can’t believe Dad set you up. I mean, I can. But I can’t. It was two years," Carter says angrily, holding up two fingers. "Two fucking years and your whole future.”
I nod, noting the anger in his eyes, but also knowing that it isn't directed at me. He's hurt. He was manipulated and betrayed by our father as well, and while he thought he was the only one taking the risks to keep the rest of us safe, he's now learning that we’ve all been affected in different ways by the man we call dad. "I know."
Jax grips the back of his neck as he stares at me from the laptop screen. His green eyes are narrowed in thought, and I can tell he's trying to make sense of everything. “Why’re you telling us this now? Why didn’t you tell us years ago? I always thought you pled guilty. Texas Ink said…” he trails off, his eyes widening as he mentions a member of the Devil’s Shadows MC. The MC spread a lot of stories about me in the aftermath of my going to jail. I just never bothered to correct them because the damage to my reputation had already been done. And that’s a really tough thing to restore in a small town like ours.
"I need your help." I finally get to my last point. "I need to clear my name before my baby is born, and I have no idea how to do that. I spoke to a guy I graduated high school with who's a lawyer now, and he gave me the names of a few lawyers to reach out to, but they’re, Jesus, they're really expensive."
Carter begins, "We can figure out a way to—"
"I'm not taking money from any of you. I'm asking if you know anyone I can reach out to or have any other ideas about how I can go about this. Anyway, I figured it was time I just told y'all the truth."
"Ya think?" Jax asks, voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Did you tell Sierra?" Daisy asks me quietly, her big eyes peering up at me.
I nod, my gut sinking, as I know she's going to feel even more betrayed by me. How could I confide in her best friend about our family's past before I to
ld her?
But instead of looking away like I expect, a small smile ghosts her lips. "Y'all are going to make it," she says in a soft voice. "You're both already in deeper than you think."
I kiss her head again and look at my brothers.
"I'll see what contacts I can come up with. Let me talk to Evie tonight," Jax offers.
"Thanks, man."
"I'm sure Taylor grew up with a bunch of lawyers that owe her family some type of favor or another." Carter cracks a small smile and I grin back.
"I appreciate it."
"Thanks for finally telling us the truth," Carter says.
"Anymore secrets? Anyone?" Jax asks loudly.
We all laugh.
"I'll keep you posted," Daisy says cryptically but when we all stare at her, she cracks up, holding her hands up surrender. "Just messing with you. I promise once I land a job, y'all will be the first to know."
I’m relieved when the cabin doors on the plane close and we are cleared for take-off. I’ve been away from Sierra for six days and it’s been six days too long. I’ve never felt like this before. Ever. This antsy, jittery, unsettled feeling of being somewhere and having my thoughts fixated somewhere else. Of course, when Jax first deployed I worried about him constantly, but I still went about my day. Now, I can barely function without thinking about Sierra, picturing the curves of her body, imagining her carefree laugh. I’m just anxious to see her.
Dean was understanding when I told him I needed to leave Benny’s. He even placed a call to a friend of his in New York and I start at Sal’s Autobody in Queens next week. I didn’t expect him to go above and beyond after I left so unexpectedly but he waved me off, saying something about putting your kids first. Either way, I’m grateful for the job.
The second the wheels touch down in New York, I power up my phone to see a string of text messages from Sierra. I can’t stop the grin that cuts my face. When the hell did I ever smile so much? Shaking my head, I send her a quick reply that I’m on my way and exit the plane.
When I arrive at James’s, I wave to Tom, the doorman, before beelining for the elevators. The ding of the elevator opening to the penthouse has the stress and tension from the past week flooding out of me, leaving me relaxed for the first time since I kissed my girl good-bye.