by Ann Grech
Chapter Six
Caden
I stretched, cracking my back. Gracie was finally asleep, settling a lot easier after her first dose of medicine. She was in much better shape than she had been before my conversation with Ford. I needed to send him a message thanking him, but I couldn’t do that while juggling Gracie. I had another load of washing to hang and a few bills to pay while she was asleep. Some of the funeral expenses still had to be paid, and then there was rent, medical bills, utilities, and Anna’s lease payment on the car. They kept piling up, and my bank balance was going down. Fast. But I’d work it out. I had to.
The routine was like a never-ending hamster wheel, but it was good too. Gracie happy was a sight to behold. Her little face lit up and she got all giggly. I absolutely adored her. That girl had me completely wrapped around her finger already, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
With a smile, I slipped on my flip-flops, did the laundry, and then sat at the small table in the kitchen that doubled as a desk and opened Anna’s emails.
The knock on the door had my insides doing a cartwheel. Mace and Rick were here. I grinned as I raced to the door, though it fell when I didn’t find the two men I was not-so-secretly pining after. It was Annalise’s landlord—well, my landlord now that I’d changed the lease over to my name—and he didn’t look happy. My high from a moment ago morphed into prickling nerves, foreboding settling over me.
“Hi, Scott. What’s happenin’?”
“Caden, hi. I’m sorry, but I have to give you this. It’s an eviction notice.”
“It’s a what?” I asked, bewildered. I hadn’t done anything wrong. How the hell could he evict us?
“I know this isn’t great timing. You’ve been through so much already, and I hate asking you to leave, but I received an offer on the place that I couldn’t refuse. The house is closing in a month, so you need to be out by the twenty-second.” He held out an envelope, but I couldn’t get my muscles to work. My mind was telling me to rebel, and my body had just shut down.
This can’t be happening. Not now, not when I’m just starting to get used to everything. Where the hell are we supposed to go?
It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t okay.
The walls started closing in on me and my heart raced. I couldn’t get a breath in my lungs. The room started spinning, and I wanted to fall to my knees and curse the deity who decided to fuck me over so badly in this life. I was numb all over, calm on the outside but hurtling around like a hurricane on the inside. Light-headed, I braced myself against the doorframe and sucked in a breath through my tight chest.
“No, I… fuck.” I scrubbed my hand over my face and exhaled hard.
“I’m sorry. I’ll, um….” He motioned to the envelope and slipped it under the mat by the door. “I’ll leave you to get back to whatever you were doing.”
He turned and walked back down the stairs that I’d spent so much time repairing for Annalise. I stared out, unseeing, long after his retreating form disappeared into his truck and drove away. My life was like a house of cards, collapsing into a heap before my eyes.
A wave of nausea hit me and I pushed through the door, needing to get some air in my lungs. The warmth of the sun did nothing to banish the chill permeating every cell in my body. I didn’t know how much more I could take. Whoever thought up that bullshit line about whatever didn’t kill you made you stronger had no fucking idea. How was I going to get us moved in just under four weeks?
I blinked when I heard my name. Mace and Rick were suddenly standing on the stoop with me. Relief swamped me, washing around me like cool ocean waters. They’d come. They were there. I wasn’t alone anymore.
A sob hitched in my throat, and I was instantly engulfed by two sets of strong arms. Their warmth surrounded me, and the numbness that had seeped through me was chased away. I clung to them and cried, the uncertainty, grief and being so damn overwhelmed for so long finally having an outlet.
“That’s it. Let it all go,” Rick whispered in his Italian accent I loved so much, but Mace’s arms, his solid strength, disappeared. Disappointment hit me like I was doused with a bucket of ice water and I shivered. I knew I was a basket case, but I just wanted him to stick around a little longer before wanting to escape. With all our history, I thought he’d cut me some slack for my meltdown, but clearly not. Rick just squeezed me tighter, showing me without any words that he’d be there for me. It might’ve been selfish, but I wished it were both of them.
I don’t know how long he held me or how long we stood outside, but my sobs turned to hiccups and my tears finally subsided. I pulled back and Rick gave me a sad smile, his own eyes red with unshed tears. When he dried my cheeks with his thumbs, he sucked in a sharp breath.
“Hi,” I whispered.
“Hi.” He brushed his lips against mine and need exploded through me like a wildfire, scorching me in the best possible way. The moan that tore from the back of my throat was downright illicit. I wanted him, needed the physical release and human contact that came with a quick, dirty fuck. But he pulled back, pushing me away without letting me deepen the kiss.
He didn’t want me.
Humiliated, I dropped my gaze and tried to turn away, but he didn’t let me go.
Shit was just not going my way.
“Not yet, mi carino,” he breathed against my throat as he cupped the back of my head and maneuvered me where he wanted me. I melted into his touch when he kissed a line up my neck, the rasp of his stubble and his musky scent sending me into overdrive.
His next whispered words and the brush of his lips sent shivers through me again, but for an entirely different reason. “Don’t think for a second we don’t want you, but we have much to talk about. We need to do that before we lose ourselves in you. And we will lose ourselves.”
I whimpered—yes, fucking whimpered—at that. My brain was too sex-addled to understand much of what he said, but I did understand “want you” and “lose ourselves.” And those two things were absolutely fine with me. I wanted Mace too, but I’d be more than happy with Rick. He wasn’t second best by any means.
The hard ridge of his erection against my own had me melting into him. It was as if my body had taken over—all the shit going on in my head was too much to deal with, so it just switched off and let his touch, his words, guide me. Need and want flared hard, and I was suddenly this wanton jumble of longing.
Thoughts of Mace intruded again. He was as much a part of me as Rick, but where was he? It was confusing as fuck, wanting both, needing both to be complete. I didn’t understand it, and I was too emotionally drained to resist. I couldn’t fight it, kind of didn’t want to either. Being there with them gave me solace. It was like coming home, and my dick—because I refused to believe it was my heart—didn’t give a shit that they’d just arrived and Mace had already walked away.
“Come on, introduce me to your little one,” Rick directed with a smile in his voice.
I nodded and turned away, hoping I could adjust my wayward dick, but what I saw had me freezing in my tracks: Mace with Gracie in his arms, rocking her and singing softly as he fed her a bottle. She was dressed differently to the pale purple jumpsuit she had on when I put her down, so Mace had not only picked her up but changed her, mixed her formula, and started her feed. I sucked in a sharp breath and refused to get all emotional again, but hell if it wasn’t the most beautiful sight I’d seen in an age. Mace, with his muscles bunching and sexy-as-fuck beard trimmed in just the right way, looked just like Jason Statham. Holding a tiny baby in his arms while he was looking at her like she hung the moon had my heart skittering to a stop.
Then it hit me. He looked just like Jason Statham. Who was bald. And Mace nearly was too, his hair buzzed so short it was barely there. That was a change, and it was fucking hot.
“Mace,” I whispered, my voice grittier than I thought possible.
He pushed through the screen door and stood in the shade cast by the house. “She was crying, so I went to her. Hope
it’s okay that we made friends. She’s my little buddy now, aren’t you, sweetheart?” He looked down at her and smiled, and then his gaze snagged mine. I so desperately wanted to go to him, but how the hell did I do that when I’d just about jumped Rick? How did I tell them that I wanted both of them without hurting either, without making them feel like they weren’t enough on their own? Shit, I hadn’t even officially come out to them, and there I was trying to figure out how to have both.
Then again, not coming out hadn’t mattered to Rick—he’d obviously known.
Did Mace?
Rick wrapped his arms around me from behind, and I couldn’t help arching into his touch when the hard ridge of his erection pressed against my ass. “He’s beautiful with her, isn’t he? Why don’t you go greet him like you want to?”
“Because I just tried to mount you,” I mumbled under my breath, but obviously loud enough that he heard.
Rick chuckled, and the sound had my dick pulsing in my shorts. I had no idea how a laugh was so sexy, but anything Rick did was. “He wants you. We both do. And I’m guessing from this”—he slid his hand down to grip my straining cock—”that you like something we’re doing.” The thrust of my hips into his hot hand was involuntary, and I failed miserably in biting back another moan when he added, “That’s what we need to speak about, but later, yes?”
I looked him in the eye, trying to figure out if he was serious or kidding around, but seeing the encouragement was all I needed to make me move. I knew from that one look that they weren’t playing me—not that I thought either of them capable of it.
Pulling away from Rick, I strode the final few steps to Mace, gripped the nape of his neck and pulled him down to me. When his soft yet firm lips met mine, it was a revelation. Different from Rick but still perfection. These two men simultaneously set me on fire and were like coming home—safe and warm, comfort and love. I didn’t understand whatever it was between the three of us, but it was something real, and there was no way I’d push either of them away. Not when life had fucked me over so many times already.
I loved that there wasn’t any hesitation in Mace’s kiss, his tongue dueling with mine while he gave as much as he took. I wanted to get lost in him, to sink into his kiss, but I hadn’t forgotten Gracie in his arms. I broke away reluctantly, but unable to leave his warmth completely, I rested my head on his shoulder, cuddling into his side. Soon I had Rick behind me again, embracing us both.
“You came. You’re here.” I didn’t really know which one of them I spoke to, but it didn’t matter. I was grateful for both of them.
“I couldn’t stay away.” Mace looked down, his eyes full of love as he ran his fingertips down Gracie’s cheek. “I wish I knew earlier. I should’ve been here for you.”
“We both would’ve been,” Rick added, pressing in closer until he was wrapped around me. Blanketed front and back by them, I wanted to stay there forever. There was nothing sexual about the move; it was simply comforting—their way of showing their support, that I wasn’t alone anymore.
“She’s perfect,” Mace whispered. “I never want to let her go.”
“She is.” I smiled at her and reached for her fingers. She grasped mine tight and held on. “I love her so much already. From the moment I saw her, it was like a switch flipped and bam, I was a goner.”
“What about your dad? Is he coming around?” Mace asked, and I shook my head. He hadn’t been home since I’d spoken to them earlier in the week. We hadn’t even talked. Every time I tried calling, his cell was switched off.
“Dad’s been the least of my problems, to be honest. I’m worried about him, yeah, but Gracie’s been my first priority. Does it make me a bad person to let him do it his way? He’s struggling more than me, but I can’t juggle everything. I’m barely keeping my head above water as it is.”
Rick rubbed my arms, his skin warm against my own. “It’s not a competition for who’s suffering more. You’re both hurting, you’re both grieving, and you’ve got a baby to care for too. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been on you. Don’t feel bad for doing what it takes to cope.”
I nodded and took Gracie from Mace. I laughed at his pout, but he need not have worried—I just wanted to show him how to burp her. When I’d demonstrated it, I handed her back and went into the kitchen to make coffee before bringing their suitcases inside. I’d lost track of what I was doing, but I didn’t have it in me to deal with the bills at that point.
“You guys want a rest, shower, anything? You hungry? I haven’t had much of a chance to go grocery shopping, but I have peanut butter and jelly. I could make sandwiches if you like.” I was rambling, suddenly nervous in their presence. I had no idea what to do next. Did we talk? What did they expect from me? I wasn’t sure how much more I could give, but whatever they wanted, I’d try. As long as they understood that Gracie would always come first, we were golden.
“Caden, come sit down. Talk to us,” Rick pleaded. “What can we do to help?”
I slumped down on the old timber chair at the table in the small kitchen, relieved the focus wasn’t on what they wanted from me. Sitting next to him, I smiled tentatively when he reached for my hand. Both he and Mace were being affectionate, and I loved it. Having them near was so different than cuddling with Gracie. I loved having her in my arms, but she was totally reliant on me. Being able to let go and hand someone else the reins, giving me the chance to be taken care of for just a little while, meant everything.
“I don’t even know where to start. Now that Gracie’s feeling better, things are a bit calmer, but shit’s about to get crazy again. I’ve got a ton of paperwork to go through for the lawyer—Gracie’s adoption papers and Anna’s will and stuff. I need to sort out Anna’s things—I can’t keep putting that off now—and the house….” I blew out a breath. Doing any of the three most pressing things meant there was a finality to my sister’s death, and I was moving on. I knew I had to, but I was scared to do it alone. “But never mind that. How was your flight?”
Ignoring my attempt at a change of subject, Mace offered, “Maybe we can do the papers for the lawyer first once Gracie falls asleep. Probably better not to keep them waiting.”
“She looks tired now too,” Rick added with a smile. I checked her out and sure enough, she was rubbing her eyes on her floor mat where Mace had placed her, ignoring the hanging toys.
“Wanna watch me get her sorted? She’s even cuter falling asleep.” The routine was one that seemed to be working for the moment, something I was grateful for given how hard it’d been to put her down only twenty-four hours earlier.
They followed me into Anna’s room and I saw the quick glances between them. My sister had been gone for a month, but I still couldn’t face making her bed. They didn’t call me out on it, but I could almost feel the unspoken conversation between Mace and Rick, so I focused on Gracie, trying to shut them out. Putting her down on the change mat on Anna’s bed, I checked her diaper and swaddled her in her wrap. I kissed her tiny forehead and lifted her to put her into her cot, but two hands on my arm stopped me. Both men had reached out and leaned in to kiss her in the same spot I had before I laid her down.
Smiling over her, I sang the only lullaby I knew. “Soft kitty, warm kitty—”
“Caden, you can’t sing that to her. So lame.” Rick laughed. “Let me.”
Whatever he sang was in Italian, and his deep voice was soothing and mesmerizing all at the same time. Gracie fought sleep like a champion but couldn’t resist when Mace ran his thumb over her temple a few times. Within moments, she’d drifted off in the quietest and calmest nap time she’d ever had.
I smiled at her once more and bit my lip, trying to school my expression. I was so incredibly lucky to have her in my life, but it was bittersweet.
Rick must’ve noticed my struggle, wrapping his arm around me and guiding me out. “So, tell us about this paperwork,” he whispered as soon as we’d left the room.
“Before you do that, is that your room too?” Ma
ce asked.
“What, that one?” I motioned to the room we’d just been in. When he nodded, I shook my head solemnly. “No, it was Anna’s. Mine is that one.” I pointed directly across the hall. “I thought you guys would stay in Dad’s and my rooms, and I could sleep on the sofa.”
“S’all good.” Mace smiled. “We’ll sort out where we’re sleeping later, but you won’t be on the sofa. Not when you’ve been sleep-deprived for weeks.”
“First, paperwork,” Rick steered us back to the topic he was worried about. I’d been procrastinating with it, but the sooner I had it signed and her adoption official, the sooner I would avoid risking Child Services visiting. That was all I needed.
Oh fuck, what am I waiting for? I nearly tripped over my own feet rushing to the table. Neither man questioned me, but I could see their confusion.
“Gracie’s adoption papers. If I don’t make it official, what if Child Services comes and takes her from me? Anna’s will appointed me guardian, but they could still take her. What if her dad changes his mind?” I didn’t even try to hide the panic in my voice. It was my worst nightmare come true. If losing Anna broke me, losing Gracie would kill me. “Today. I need to get it back to the lawyer today.” I fumbled the papers, dropping a stack on the floor. When I reached down to pick them up, Mace stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.
“Let me, okay? Sit.” Rick pulled out a chair and Mace gently pushed me into it, kneeling between my spread legs. With his hands on my knees, he looked me in the eye and promised, “You aren’t alone in this anymore, okay? We won’t let anything happen to her. We’ll stand by you no matter what.” When I blew out the breath I didn’t even know I was holding, he smiled encouragingly. “Now, let’s find these papers, get them signed and send them back.”
I nodded, and he and Rick searched through my semi-organized stacks. Mace sat with me and checked that I signed everywhere I had to while Rick sorted everything.