Jerrold

by Katie Dowe

  “How about not putting it delicately at all?” she suggested.

  He reached across and took her slender hands in his. “When did you start feeling this way?”

  She frowned as she thought back. “About a month now.”

  He smiled at that. “Have you ever stopped to consider that you might be carrying a child?”

  Noelle stared at him in shock, her mind reeling! “That’s not possible!”

  His thick eyebrows rose at that. “Isn’t it?”

  She pulled her hands away slowly as she sat back against the stool as she thought back. She was not very regular so that could explain why she had not had her menstrual flow last month. It was now February and she was feeling nauseous and her emotions veering all over the place!

  “Well?”

  “Oh my God!” she whispered, her hand automatically going to her flat stomach. “Oh my God!” she repeated, her head going backwards as she tried not to give in to tears. “This timing could not be more inopportune for this to happen!”

  “Honey, this is a blessing-”

  She lifted her head and looked at her dad with a dazed expression on her face. “Dad, I am possibly carrying a child by a man who does not even want to look at me. A man who is hell bent on bringing me down to the road of hopeless despair along with him. A man I am beginning to be afraid to see each time I have to work with him.”

  “He will come around eventually. I have seen the progress he has made in spite of his reluctance and it is entirely hopeful.”

  “I cannot tell him.” She wrapped her hands around her stomach as if protecting the life there. “On top of what he is facing right now and something which might take several months, I cannot put this on him.”

  “At least let me be the one to work with him. It is going to be too much for you if you are really pregnant-”

  She shook her head. “I have to be there with him no matter what, Dad. I love him.” She bit her lip. “I felt it before and because I was so blinded by my past that I did not notice that what I felt was really love. He told me so many times and was waiting for me to be ready and now-” She stared blindly out the frosted panes of glass. The snow was coming down in torrents and very soon everything would be covered in the thick blanket of whiteness. “I have to believe that it will be okay, he is going to walk again, play again, and tell me that he loves me and is happy that I am carrying his child.” She passed a weary hand over her hair and rubbed the back of her neck absently.

  “I must admit that I am looking forward to be a grandfather. I have waited long enough,” her father told her with a gentle smile. He reached for her slender hands. “I also believe that it is going to be okay, honey, you take my word for it.”

  Chapter 10

  She really was pregnant! It was confirmed the very next day when she went to the doctor. Almost six weeks pregnant and would be delivering her baby about the middle of September. Noelle sat outside the parking lot in her car, her expression dazed. One part of her was elated but another part was terrified! She had not been in a normal relationship! Before she and Jerrold could go out together, the crash had happened and had changed everything! She had not gotten the chance to tell him how she felt because at the time she did not know how she was feeling! With a determined sigh, she pushed the start button and made her way out of the lot and on her way back to the huge building that served as the indoor game center and the room equipped for her and her dad to deal with the athletes. Her father was with Jerrold today and she would be spending the time with the rest of the team members. The papers had been running with the crash even though it had happened close to a month now and whenever the team was playing it would be highlighted and the fact that team owner and member Jerrold Littman was still recovering and going through therapy. The numerous calls for him to say something had been ignored by him and no amount of persuasion from members of the team or the coach made a difference. She had seen Jerrold change from being a happy go lucky man to one who was morose and taciturn throughout the days. He was making remarkable progress but to him it did not matter. It was torture for her to continue to touch him and not feel his arms around her and his lips on hers. She would spend the nights in the bedroom she had taken as her own and cry herself to sleep. She missed talking to him, missed him holding her and telling her how he felt about her. Now she was carrying his child and somehow, she was going to have to find a way to tell him but not in the frame of mind he was in. Noelle blinked back tears as she drove into the wide expanse of cobbled stones that was the parking lot of the Lakeside Bears home, the towering glass building reflecting the light of the afternoon sun. She parked the car and got out of it, pulling the coat around her as she felt the cold seeping through. It was nearing the end of February and the sky was filled with thick grey clouds hanging low, giving the indication that they were in for more snow.

  “Doc, can we talk?” Jermaine asked as soon as he entered the room. He had been one of the fortunate ones who had gotten out of the crash with cuts and bruises but nothing more.

  She indicated for him to have a seat at her desk while she hung up her coat and put away her pocketbook. “Is everything okay?” she asked as she took a seat behind the desk.

  “How is Jerrold?”

  “You saw him a few nights ago.”

  He nodded, his expression grave. “He is different. Look, I know that he has been through a hell of a lot because frankly I have no idea what I would have done if that had happened to me and I could not get to play again. He has been playing longer than any of us and he is one of the best players. He is admired and his strategies have won us more than a couple matches. He pretends that it is not a big deal, but I know it is.” He paused and looked at her. “I just want you to tell me that I can tell the rest of the guys that he is going to be okay and he will make it back on the team. Can you do that?”

  Noelle mentally thought of the pressure she was under and just wanted to let go and let someone else handle it! But she knew that she was going to have to play the part she was given and be professional about it as well. She had broken some rule by getting involved with Jerrold and was paying the price for it.

  “Physically, he is doing great,” she said with a forced smile. “But emotionally, he is not doing very well.”

  “We were thinking that if he could come out to practice and see firsthand what we are doing, that it might make him see things differently.”

  “I have suggested that as well as the coach and my dad, but he refuses to come out. It’s cold out and the snow is coming down almost every day, but a suggestion to go for a drive is met with resolute refusal and he will not budge.” She met his eyes. “You are his friend so I don’t know if a word from you would bear more weight.”

  Jermaine stretched his long legs out and levelled his dark brown eyes on hers. “I often wondered why I never got anywhere with you.”

  “Maybe it’s because you have so many females vying for your attention,” she told him as she tried to make light of the matter. “And I hate competition.”

  He grinned at that. “There would be no competition, darling. You are way above any other woman I have ever met.” His expression sobered. “I have eyes in my head and beneath this handsome and completely charming exterior, I am very smart and have the degree in sociology to show for it. I have seen how Jerrold looks at you and the proprietary way he has when he notices us trying to fight to get your attention. I asked him about him one day and he told me to mind my own business. I have also seen the way you two are around each other whenever you think no one is looking.” His expression became quizzical. “Jerrold is not like the rest of us, darling. He has had numerous opportunities to have the women who are drawn to the fame of being a basketball player and one such as Jerrold who is not only a very important member of the team but with his looks and his wealth and no matter how they come at him, he never allowed himself to be tempted.” Jermaine shook his head. “I admire him and asked him why he did not take what was offered and do you
know what he told me?”

  “I have no idea,” she murmured.

  “He said he was looking for that someone special. And he smiled when he said it. He told me that I might not believe it, but that there is that someone special for everyone and he wanted to find his special person.” He shrugged. “I basically thought he was fanciful, but I saw the way he held out and I was very impressed. And it seems that he was onto something.”

  “Maybe.” She smiled as she shifted in her chair. “But you are not going to get anything from me except to keep pushing him until he has no choice but to break out of the funk he is in.”

  *****

  “It’s very progressive to have you sitting here at the dinner table and without the use of your wheelchair.” Noelle tried desperately to make conversation. It had been a week since she had had the conversation with Jermaine, and she had seen the improvements Jerrold had made. It had been difficult and almost impossible considering his mood but now he no longer needed the wheelchair but was able to make slow steps with the aid of a cane. She thought it was a great deal but the way he was behaving it was as if it was not happening. Noelle was getting more hopeless and compared with the nausea from her pregnancy it was all she could do to hold herself together.

  He sipped the wine, his eyes wandering over her face. For a moment, he felt a pang of guilt at how weary she looked. That was one of the reasons he had made a phone call. “I have hired someone else to finish the therapy.” His tone was cool and emotionless, hiding what he was really feeling. He loved her, but right now he could not ask her to be with someone like him. Yes, they were making progress, but he had no idea how long it was going to take.

  “Why would you do that?” She put away her utensils and stared at him.

  “You are tired and as much as I appreciate how much you have dedicated yourself to taking care of me, I want you to leave.”

  Noelle forced herself not to take umbrage at his cruelty! “I know you are still going through a lot but I am prepared to-”

  “I want you gone by the morning.”

  Noelle had endured his resentment, his transference of anger onto her and everything else he had thrown at her without breaking, without returning fire and showing how his words affected her! But this was too much! She got to her feet and threw the napkin down, her eyes flashing as she looked at him. “You are an ungrateful bastard! I thought you were different! You told me you were different, and I believed you – you son of a bitch! You have spent more than a month mired down in self-pity instead of taking this as a time to reflect on the fact that you are not lying in a morgue somewhere, your life drained out of your body! So what? You were paralyzed and the fortunate thing about it is that you have the means to hire the best to make it possible for you to walk again! To pick up a ball again and get on with your life! You are not the man I thought you were and guess what? I don’t need to leave tomorrow morning. I will leave now, and you can go to hell!”

  She stormed out of the room without waiting what he had to say, dashing the tears from her eyes as she went to pack her bag. It was after eight in the night, but she would not stay where she was not wanted. Damn him! She bit her lip as she dumped her stuff into her bag and zipped it up before turning to the door. She stopped short as she saw him standing there. “Get out of my way.”

  “I am sorry, I truly did not mean to hurt you,” he told her quietly. “I just want to spend some time away from-”

  “You want to spend time away from me. I got it the first time.” She was determined not to give in to the tears that were so near to the surface. “Now let me pass.”

  He opened his mouth to say something else and she stopped him.

  “Get the hell out of my way, please!”

  He stepped back and let her pass and for a moment he reached out for her. He had started to come after her and it had frustrated him when even with the cane, he had to take measured steps, those very same steps had tired him so much that he was almost falling down in exhaustion.

  “Noelle-”

  “Goodbye, Jerrold.” Her tone was final and before he could stop her, she had left with him staring at the space she had just occupied.

  *****

  “Honey, are you sure about this?” her father asked her anxiously as he watched his daughter jot down a few reminders for him.

  “Positive!” She was vibrating with anger and confusion! She had been hoping that he would have called her and told her that he had made a mistake, but he had not done so and now she felt as if her world was crashing down around her! She had her baby to think about and she could not stay and indirectly work for a man who treated her the way he did! She had made a few calls and had gotten her job back. She wanted to leave right away before she changed her mind. She was leaving very early in the morning and had already booked her flight. She was trying not to cry but was getting harder and harder not to allow it to fall right here in front of her father.

  “Dad, I am going to be fine.” She took a deep breath as she turned to face him. “He has hired someone else and he will be there in the morning. I want you to check on him when you can.”

  “What I want to do is to beat some sense into him!” her father said furiously as he looked at his daughter.

  She walked over to him and rest a palm on his weathered cheek. “You are going to do nothing of the sort. It’s my fight and he is your boss, so I would hate the thought of you getting fired.” She leaned in and kissed him. “And Dad? You are not going to blurt out the fact that I am carrying his child. It’s on me to tell him if and when I care to do so.”

  “Honey, he deserves to know he is going to be a dad.”

  “Dad!” She pressed her hand on his cheek. “Promise me that you will not tell him.”

  He sighed as he looked at her. “I promise.”

  *****

  Noelle had kept her tears at bay by the sheer force of will. During the early morning flight to the airport and getting through security, she had managed to smile bright tears even when she had seen a life-sized poster of Jerrold on the wall as soon as she entered the building of the small airport. She had stopped to stare at the glossy photo with him standing in his basketball gear and his powerful arms folded at his chest with a small smile on his handsome face. She had stood there staring at him lost in memories. It took someone brushing against her to snap out of her reverie.

  Now she was back in the city she had never thought of coming back to, going to work another day – with a job that she never thought she would do again, catering to the stupid whims of the rich and stupid! She had enjoyed being with the team and it had made her feel as if she was doing something worthwhile, a part of something so big instead of pandering to the whims of the people who came in frivolous so-called injuries from as tiny as a twinge of back pain and ‘yoga’ pains from stretching too much.

  Back in the apartment she had spent years before and had been fortunate to acquire on such short notice, Noelle sat on the side of the bed and put her head into her hands, the emotions overtaking her! The tears came finally and curling into the pillows, she wept!

  *****

  It took him two weeks to realize that he did not want to be without her! Two weeks of complete torment that did not include the rigors of the stretching of his muscles and the various different exercises he was required to go through to get the full use of his legs back. He had told himself that he had done it for her own good, but every night he had spent in the bed where they had spent such glorious nights and morning making love, he had been unable to sleep much. He was getting much better each day and ever since she had left, determined to get back to his former self. He spent the nights after his physio had left for the day and used his home gym to work on his leg muscles. He would limp back to his bedroom in great pain, but it was worth it. It was during this time that he started to call her, but she was not answering his calls. Moreover, he had been told that she had left, and her father was not or would not give him an idea where she had gone. He was simply goin
g to go there in person and find out for himself. He had wronged her, and he needed to fix things, he needed to make things right! It had taken her leaving to make him realize that even if he never managed to shoot a ball through the hoop, it would not matter! As long as she was in his life, it was all that mattered, and he wanted to show her that. He had treated her with unbelievably cruelty, and he was so ashamed of himself. He stood there staring at himself in the mirror before he turned away. It was still so strange after being incapacitated for so long to suddenly being able to walk by himself with the use of a cane. He was not able to dribble a ball or run across the court right now, but he could walk on his own strength without the indignity of someone helping him to the bathroom or across the room and that was what had galled him the most, but he should not have taken it out on her.

  *****

  Jerrold endured the cheering applause and the eagerness of the crew to hug him as they welcomed him back and chafed with impatience as he waited to have a private word with Robert Buckner. The man had been evasive and curt over the phone and Jerrold had a feeling that he was hiding something. It took a full half hour for him to answer all the queries and accept the good wishes of his coach and teammates before he could make his way over to Robert’s desk, his eyes scanning the area where she had been just a few weeks ago, his heart constricting inside his chest.

  “Littman, good to have you back.” Robert’s tone was cool as the man took a seat next to his desk.

  “I am not exactly back.” Jerrold clasped his hands between his legs and leaned forward. “Where is she?”

  Robert looked at him with a slight smile. “You have asked me that over the phone several times. You think that asking me in person would get you a different answer?”

  “I was hoping that if you looked at me you would see how important it is for me to find her.” Jerrold leaned back in the chair and looked at him. “I messed up and I am sure she told you how much and I need to make it right.”