All That We Are

by Melissa Toppen

  I take a step back, trying my damnedest to hide the hurt on my face.

  “Okay, well I won’t keep you then.” I nod once before quickly exiting the office.

  ——

  After how closed off Miles was this morning, I made a point to avoid him as much as I could throughout the day.

  He left for a little while, showing back up about twenty minutes before his first appointment. Again, he barely looked at me, and by that point, I knew something was up. And not just because he was busy or whatever lame excuse he gave me. No, something was up.

  By the end of my shift, I have zero doubt that Miles' behavior toward me is because of the kiss. It has to be. I spent all day trying to convince myself otherwise, but at this point, there’s really no sense in denying it any longer. We’ve spent nearly every day of the last couple of weeks together, and he’s never once treated me this way. It’s like he’s put up a wall between us. A wall so tall I can’t even attempt to look over it.

  “Hey, freckles.” I look up to see Tubbs just as he enters the office.

  “Freckles?” I question, hoisting my purse over my shoulder as I prepare to leave for the day.

  “It’s my new nickname for you,” he informs me, a smile playing on his lips.

  “And why is that?”

  “Because you have the cutest fucking freckles,” he says, quickly closing the distance between us. “Here.” He gently traces his finger down my nose. “And here.” His finger slides to where my freckles extend to my cheeks.

  “I can’t believe you noticed.” I hold my hand to my chest, my tone full of sarcasm. My freckles are pretty easy to spot, even if you’re not paying attention.

  “You don’t have to be an asshole about it.” He laughs, pulling his hand away.

  “Telling a girl she has cute freckles is like telling her she has pretty eyes. Unoriginal and overplayed.” I tap his chest, smiling widely as I slide past him and out of the office.

  “You wound me, freckles,” he calls after me, laughter in his voice.

  “And you insult me,” I call back, turning just enough to offer him a small wave before heading out into the main area of the shop.

  “Hey, where do you think you’re going?” It’s only seconds before Tubbs catches up to me, following me toward the lobby.

  I completely ignore him, though it does little to deter him.

  “See ya, Bryan.” I wave to the only other artist I pass on my way out.

  “Have a good night, Harlow.”

  “You too.”

  “Hey, hold up.” Tubbs’ hand lands on my shoulder right as I reach the front door.

  “Can I help you?” I play annoyed as I spin to face him.

  “What’s your hurry?” he asks, his dark eyes locked on mine.

  “It’s been a long day,” I say truthfully. “I’m ready for a glass of wine and a hot bubble bath.”

  “You know, I have a huge bathtub in my apartment.” His grin widens and try as I may I can’t help myself from smiling in return.

  “That’s awesome. Take a lot of bubble baths, do you?” I tease.

  “I’m just saying if you ever want to come over and use it...” He rocks back on his heels.

  “Wow.” I laugh, shaking my head at him. “Does that actually work on women?” I ask, calling out his game, or lack thereof.

  “I don’t know. I’ve never used that one before.” He chuckles.

  “And yet somehow I find that hard to believe.” I reach out and pat his chest. “Goodnight, Tubbs.”

  “How about a drink then?”

  “Going home now,” I say as if I’m announcing it to a room rather than speaking directly to him.

  “That’s okay. I’m a patient man.” He laughs. “If that’s how you want to play it.”

  “I’m not playing anything,” I tell him. “And technically I’m still married, so maybe you shouldn’t exhaust your efforts on someone who’s unavailable.”

  This seems to be a theme with Tubbs that’s formed over the last couple of weeks. He flirts, tries to convince me to go out with him, and I blow him off with some excuse as to why I can’t. It’s always been in a joking manner, but as of recently, I’m starting to think maybe he really is interested.

  I could totally see myself being into someone like him. He’s funny, attractive, wildly talented, and makes me laugh, which to me is more important than anything else. Unfortunately, I can’t seem to shake the thought of Miles long enough to entertain the idea really. Not that I’m anywhere close to ready to jump back into a relationship.

  I think that now, but deep down I know that if Miles came to me tomorrow and said he wanted to see where this crazy chemistry of ours will go, I’d jump at the chance.

  “Ouch. You’re really killing my self-esteem here, freckles.” Tubbs’ comment cuts into my thoughts, pulling me back to the conversation.

  “I think your self-esteem is doing just fine.” I shove playfully at his arm.

  “Good to see you two are cozying up to one another.” My stomach instantly drops at the sound of Miles’ voice.

  Tubbs and I turn our heads in unison to find him standing in the doorway of the lobby watching us, his expression hard.

  “I’m trying.” Tubbs laughs. “She’s not making it easy.”

  “Don’t you have fucking work to do?” Miles clips, completely shifting the mood in the room.

  “My next appointment doesn’t come in for another thirty,” he explains. “What the fuck has crawled up your ass today?”

  I turn wide eyes on Tubbs who seems completely at ease as if talking to your boss in such a way is an everyday occurrence.

  “Maybe I’m sick of seeing you try to tag the new girl. Need I remind you that Harlow is off limits.” He takes a commanding step toward us.

  “Harlow is off limits when she says she is,” Tubbs counters, throwing me a wink.

  The entire interaction completely dumfounds me, and yet, , like a train wreck, I can’t seem to look away.

  “You really don’t value your job much, do you?” Miles taps his booted foot against the floor.

  “Shut up. You’re not going to fire me.”

  “You sure about that?” Miles challenges. “Perhaps you want to keep it up and find out. I promised her brother I’d look out for her.” He gestures to me without once looking in my direction. “That includes keeping asshats like you from trying to get her into bed.”

  “Good to know you think so little of me.” For the first time Tubbs shows signs of irritation. “For the record, you’re worse than all of us. So remember that next time you try to play the knight in shining armor,” he bites before turning his gaze to me, his expression instantly softening. “I’ll see you later, freckles.” He winks and quickly takes off through the lobby, jamming his shoulder into Miles’ as he passes him.

  “Would you care to explain to me what the hell that was?” I ask as soon as Tubbs is out of earshot.

  “Tubbs is a whore. Trust me. I did you a favor.” He crosses his arms in front of his chest.

  “Newsflash, I’m a big girl. I don’t need you doing me any favors. I can take care of myself.”

  “Clearly.” He rolls his eyes and anger instantly boils inside of me.

  “What the hell is your problem today?” I throw my hands up in frustration.

  “I don’t have a problem.”

  “Really? Is that why you kissed me two days ago, but now you can barely look at me? I hate to tell you, but you clearly have a problem, and whatever it is, you can leave me the hell out of it.” With that, I spin on my heel and shove through the front door, the warm evening air doing nothing to clear my clouded brain.

  “Harlow, wait.” Miles follows me outside, grabbing my forearm to stop me from walking any further.

  “Get off of me.” I quickly jerk out of his hold and pivot to face him.

  “I’m sorry.” He takes a step back and holds both hands up.

  “Sorry for what? For embarrassing me in front of my co-worke
r? For treating me like a child? Or are you sorry for something else, Miles?” Angry tears sting the back of my eyes.

  “Harlow.” My name comes out on a slow breath, and his shoulders instantly sag.

  “What, Miles? What is it? What did I do?”

  “You didn’t do anything. It isn’t you.”

  “Oh god, here we go. It’s not you; it’s me. Is that it?” An angry laugh bubbles in my chest.

  “It is me,” he insists, his voice going soft.

  “We kissed, Miles. That’s it. It doesn’t have to mean anything. All you had to say was it was a mistake and move on. Instead, you’ve spent the entire day avoiding me.”

  “It was a mistake.” I pull back like he’s just smacked me right across the face. Sensing my reaction he quickly moves to explain. “I mean, it was, but it wasn’t. I don’t regret kissing you. I haven’t been able to think about anything but kissing you again since it happened. But I’m not good for you, Harlow. Hell, I’m not good for anyone. I refuse to make you believe I can give you something that I can’t. I think it’d be better if we keep things professional going forward.”

  “Professional?” I bark out a laugh. “For the record, I get to decide what’s good for me and what’s not. Not you. I’ve spent the last ten years allowing a man to dictate my life. I won’t do that again.”

  “I’m not trying to dictate your life.”

  “It sure as hell seems like it from where I stand.”

  “Harlow.”

  “Don’t.” I hold up my hand when he moves to take a step toward me. “You say you want to keep things professional, then fine. That’s exactly what we’ll do. I’ll see you tomorrow, Mr. Hollins.”

  I move to turn but freeze mid-motion when he lets out a frustrated growl and looks up to the sky, his fingers threading through his messy locks. It’s like he’s fighting an internal battle and I’m here, bearing witness to the whole thing.

  “I can’t fucking do this,” he says more to himself than to me.

  “Can’t do what?” I ask, his gaze moving back to me.

  “I can’t fucking look at you, and not want to kiss you. I can’t be around you and not think about touching you. I can’t stand here with you without wanting to drag you back to my apartment and bury myself deep inside you.”

  “Then why don’t you?”

  “Because you’re Harlow.”

  “And?”

  “You’re Winston’s sister. He’d never forgive me for hurting you.”

  “Why are you so convinced you’re going to hurt me?”

  “Because I will,” he tells me, his gaze locked on mine.

  “Well, that’s a chance I’m willing to take.” Without a thought, I take one step toward Miles, wrap my hand around the back of his neck, and pull his face down to mine.

  He doesn’t fight me, doesn’t for one-second attempt to stop me. Our lips meet and in an instant everything else fades away.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Miles

  “Don’t stop,” Harlow pants beneath me, thrusting her hips upward to match my relentless pace.

  She’s getting close. After our second round, I began to learn her little tells. Hell, I’ve learned more about Harlow Cabell in the last three hours than I ever dreamed I would know about her.

  Like how fucking sexy she looks sprawled out on my bed, completely bared to me. Or how unexpectedly wild she is, not afraid to beg and plead for what she wants, or take for that matter.

  When I slid inside of her for the first time, and she whispered, “Your cock feels so good inside of me,” I nearly lost it right there on the spot.

  This isn’t what I planned. After kissing her, I spent the next two days hating myself for it. I know what fucked up looks like. I’m up close and personal with it daily. The last thing I wanted to do was bring Harlow into my mess of a life, especially after everything she’s been through these past few months.

  I thought I could explain to her that us together in any capacity beyond friends is not a good idea, but then she looked at me with tears in her eyes and every ounce of nerve in me disappeared in a flash.

  It just goes to show how weak I really am when it comes to this woman. One look and she completely flips me upside down. I don’t understand it. I’ve never met someone who can melt my resolve quite the way she does.

  After she kissed me on the sidewalk, I couldn’t get her back to my apartment fast enough. We had half of our clothes already off as we stumbled into my living room. That’s as far as we made it.

  After fucking her hard and fast against the front door, I spent the next hour and a half learning her body. I studied her curves, pressed kisses to every inch of her perfect skin, and tasted her in a way I’ve wanted to taste her since that first day she walked into Inked with her brother.

  After that, she climbed on top of me and took me so deep into her throat that I think for a moment my heart stopped beating. She worked me to the tipping point before sliding up, mounting me, and taking me inside her. I lasted less than two minutes, and I'm not even a little ashamed to admit it.

  “Harder, Miles.” Harlow’s nails dig deeper into my back as her thighs tighten around my hips. “Harder.”

  Even though I’m convinced I have to be hurting her, I do as she asks and pound into her with so much force her head nearly slams into the headboard.

  “Put your hands up, baby,” I tell her, sucking her bottom lip into my mouth.

  Once I’m sure her hands are secure against the headboard, I rear back and slam into her again, her cries of pleasure ringing out into the room around us.

  Warmth starts to spread through me and I know I’m getting close. Repeating the action, I pick up speed, not sure how the fuck I’m even still going at this point. Sweat beads at my forehead while little droplets slide down my back. My body feels fucking exhausted in the best possible way. And while my muscles are begging for me to stop, Harlow feels too fucking good around me to even consider it.

  “Miles.” Harlow arches her back as her orgasm rips through her. She moans deep in her chest, and it instantly sends me over the edge.

  Pleasure burns through my entire body, singeing a path from the top of my head all the way down to the tips of my toes. All of me trembles under the intensity.

  Once the fog of my release starts to lift, I slow to a stop, dropping my weight down onto Harlow seconds before burying my face in the side of her neck.

  “You are something else, Harlow Cabell.” I press my lips against her raging pulse and lay a kiss to the soft skin there.

  “I could say the same for you.” She pants, still trying to catch her breath. “I thought the first two times were good, but that was...” She lets out a loud exhale without finishing her sentence.

  “Yeah,” I agree, finally rolling off of her before sitting up to deposit the condom into the small trash can next to the nightstand.

  “I guess I should head home soon,” she says moments before I feel her bare chest against my back followed by her lips pressing to the side of my neck. She peppers kisses up to my ear and then settles her chin on my shoulder.

  “You’re leaving?” I question, having not really considered that she would.

  “I’m sure you’re ready for me to get out of your hair and let you get some sleep.” She starts to move, but I quickly turn, rolling my arm around her waist as I guide her back onto the bed.

  “Stay,” I whisper, my face hovering just inches above hers.

  “Are you sure?” She looks up at me with those big green eyes, and I feel like all the fucking air leaves my body.

  “I’m sure.”

  I roll over top of her and latch my arm around her from behind before tugging her into me, cocooning her body with mine.

  “I didn’t take you for the sleepover and snuggle kind of guy,” she murmurs as she relaxes back into me.

  “I’m not.” I kiss her shoulder.

  “Miles.” She pauses.

  “Yeah?”

  “Can we do this again
?” she asks, instantly bringing a smile to my lips.

  “You can count on it,” I promise, resisting the urge to grind into her backside. The last thing I need is to get either of us worked up again. I’m not sure either of our bodies could handle another round this soon. “Now go to sleep,” I tell her after a long moment.

  “Okay.” She yawns around the word.

  It’s clear that she’s just as exhausted as I am. The only real difference is that she’ll probably be able to sleep a while whereas I’ll likely be up in a couple of hours, if I can sleep at all.

  “Goodnight, Miles,” she whispers.

  “Goodnight, Harlow.” I flatten my hand on her stomach and focus on the rise and fall as she breathes.

  ——

  I open my eyes to feel the warm sun on my face. Stretching my arms above my head, I freeze when I glance at the bedside table, and my gaze lands on the clock.

  Shooting up, I look around the room, confusion the most prominent thing I feel. Certainly, my clock must have lost power through the night. There’s no way it’s eleven thirty.

  I snag my cell phone off the charger and tap the screen, confirming that it is, in fact, that late.

  How the hell did I sleep nearly nine hours? I can’t remember the last time I slept that long. If I’m being truthful, I don’t think I have since returning home from my second tour in Iraq.

  Rubbing my eyes with the back of my hands, it takes my brain a full minute to catch up to last night’s events.

  Harlow...

  I look around the room, but there’s no sign of her or any of her belongings.

  I throw back the covers and quickly climb out of bed, not the least bit concerned with clothing as I exit my bedroom and head down the hallway toward the living room and kitchen.

  The apartment is quiet. The blinds are drawn, and there are no lights on. It’s clear that Harlow must have left sometime while I slept.

  Still feeling a bit disoriented, I return to bed, sinking deep into the mattress before tugging the blanket up to my waist.

  My mind flashes back to last night.

  Strawberry blonde hair splayed out on my pillow. Big green eyes staring up at me. Perfect porcelain skin soft beneath my fingertips.