by Laura Lee
“Mmm, yeah,” Cara moans. “Suck ‘em harder, Brody. I like it rough.”
Is her voice grating on your nerves, too? It’s too high-pitched, like she’s channeling Minnie Mouse or something. I think my balls shriveled up a little. Just the sound of Rainey’s deep, sexy rasp could get me going in two seconds flat. But this woman? She’s making me even less aroused than I was, if that’s possible. I pull my mouth away and just blink rapidly, trying to figure out why the hell I’m even doing this.
“Aw, what’s wrong, baby?” she pouts. “Do you need a little oral encouragement?”
She takes my silence as her cue to slide off my lap onto the ground. As she unbuckles my belt and works the zipper down, her bleached hair flashes to strawberry blonde, and Thor jerks in excitement.
“Ooh, somebody’s looking forward to getting in my mouth,” she purrs.
I blink again, and the image clears. I scoot out of her reach right before she grabs my dick. I stand abruptly, and begin fastening my pants. “I’m sorry, Cara. This was a mistake.”
Hey, there’s some irony for ya, huh?
She frowns, still kneeling topless on the floor, like she’s waiting for me to come back. “What’s going on, Brody? Did you want to stick it up my ass instead? Because I’m totally into that.”
Remember what I said earlier about dangling carrots, and how no respectable man would ever turn it down? Well, apparently I’m the guy that walks away. It makes sense, I suppose, because I can’t say I respect myself very much right now.
“Uh...thanks for offering, but I need to go.”
“Why?” she whines. “We were just getting started.”
“I’m sorry, Cara. It’s not you, I swear.”
She gives me a knowing look. “Oh, Brody, are you trying to get over someone?”
“You could say that. I’m sorry; I thought I was ready for this, but I’m not.”
Cara smiles softly. “Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
Yeah, not happening. No matter how much I want this shitty feeling to go away, a small part of me is still hoping that Rainey gets the courage to come running back. I know my odds are slim, but I’m no Ross Geller. I’m not going to risk losing the chance to be with Rainey by fucking someone else while we’re on a break.
Chapter Forty-Eight
RAINEY
“Why am I so emotionally stunted, Devyn?”
She gives me a sad smile and hands me a quart of Cherry Garcia. How cliché am I? I’m eating ice cream directly from the carton after a break up, spilling my guts to my best friend. I don’t really care how pathetic I look though, because those Ben and Jerry dudes make some good shit.
“Honey, you’re not emotionally stunted. You’re just...scared.”
“Ugh, that’s exactly what he said.” I take a huge bite.
“Well...”
“Please don’t tell me you’re on his side,” I groan.
“I’m not on anyone’s side,” she assures me. “I told you in the very beginning that I didn’t want to see either one of you get hurt, and now you’re both hurt. I’m just trying to be the voice of reason because you have the power to change this.”
I side-eye her. “And I’m being unreasonable?”
She purses her lips. “Lorraine, why don’t you call him?”
“Nice dodge,” I grumble.
Devyn sighs. “I don’t know why you’re torturing yourself like this.”
“Because it’s better to hurt a little now than hurt a helluva lot more later. After everything went down with Adam, I promised myself to never let another man hurt me again.”
“Why are you so convinced that he’ll screw things up? After everything you’ve told me, and everything I’ve seen, that man adores you, Lorraine. It’s been pretty obvious to Drew and me for a long time.”
“Sure...now he does. But what happens when let’s say, a year from now, when my heart has gone past the point of no return, he decides that one woman isn’t good enough?”
“This isn’t some passing fancy for him,” she says. “Did you miss the part where he said he’s been in love with you for years?”
“He’s confusing that with lust.” I give a dismissive wave. “And let’s not forget, he was sleeping with other women the entire time.”
“Because you never gave him any indication that you were interested. You turned down his advances repeatedly. Aaaaaand, you were engaged to Adam for a big chunk of that time. What was he supposed to do? Become a monk?”
“The idiot would probably still be hot wearing one of those ugly brown robes.”
She chuckles. “It’s not too late, honey. Just call him.”
I shake my head. “I can’t, Devyn.”
“Why not?”
Damn it, I can’t hold back my tears anymore. “Because in my short time with him, I’ve been happier than I ever thought possible. I’ve never felt this strongly about anyone, not even Adam and I was going to marry him. There’s so much more to Brody than he lets people see. And I adore every part, Devyn, even when he’s being a complete jackass. If he decided that he didn’t want me one day, I would be devastated—pummeled beyond recognition. I can’t risk it.”
“I really hope you don’t regret this, Lorraine.” She pulls me into a side hug.
“Me, too, Dev.”
Chapter Forty-Nine
BRODY
It’s been two months since Rainey walked away. Two months that I’ve been an insufferable asshole because I can’t stop being angry. I’m angry with Rainey because she wouldn’t take the risk of being with me—hell, because she ever thought I was a risk in the first place, after everything I did to show her how much I worshipped the fucking ground she walked on. I’m angry with myself for not seeing the signs before we ever started fucking around. Maybe if I didn’t know what it was like to be buried deep inside of her, or how it feels to have her delicious curves wrapped around me at night as we slept, I wouldn’t have realized the true depth of my feelings for her. I could’ve gone on forever, wanting her from a distance and antagonizing her every chance I got, just to light that fire in her eyes.
Oh, who the fuck am I kidding?
I would’ve made a move if she hadn’t already beat me to it. Probably not too long after we made that fucking deal that will seemingly haunt me forever. And I know, without a doubt, that she would’ve reciprocated. There’s so much goddamn passion between us that’s impossible to ignore. The worst part of all of this, is the wondering and the what-ifs. Is she as miserable as I am? Or has she already moved on, pretending that I didn’t mean anything to her? What if I hadn’t put so much pressure on her? What if I would’ve played along with her no feelings involved charade until she decided she couldn’t fake it anymore? Almost immediately after she left my apartment, I called the guys and enacted the “No discussing Rainey” rule, unless it’s to give me a heads up that she’ll be with them, so I don’t accidentally show up.
I’m not gonna lie; it’s been hard...and a bit awkward inconveniencing my friends like this, but they’ve been pretty great about the whole thing. I haven’t run into her once since that day. I’m still trying to figure out if that’s a good thing.
“Unca’ Drew! Can Brody come with us to the park?”
Drew is spending Sunday afternoon with his nephew to give his sister and Riley some time alone. As pathetic as it is, seeing the two of them interact has been the highlight of my week. This kid’s amusing as hell, and watching Drew trying not to cuss around Nate will never get old. They now have two swear jars—the original that still sits on top of Drew’s fridge, and a new one at Riley and Devyn’s place. Whenever Drew or the kid swear, Drew has to put a dollar in the jar. It’s probably the most basic, yet most effective college savings plan in the world.
“Uh...no, buddy. Brody probably wants to head home before then.”
“No, I don’t,” I say. “I’m down for a trip to the park.”
It’s gotta be better than being left alone to w
allow.
Drew gives me a sympathetic look and nervously rubs the back of his neck. “Uh...actually, man, you probably don’t want to do that. We’re meeting someone there. She’s taking Nate to dinner then bringing him home afterwards.”
“Oh...okay. Maybe some other time.”
Nate tugs on my hand to get my attention. “Aunt Wainey is taking me to Old McDonald’s for Happy Meals! Do you like Happy Meals?”
“Sure, dude. Happy Meals are the best.”
“She gives me the toy from her Happy Meal so I get two Old McDonald’s toys!” he says. “I love my Aunt Wainey.”
Yeah, me too, little man. Me too.
Drew clears his throat. “We should actually get going. I told her we’d be there by four.”
“That’s cool. I think I’m gonna hit the gym.”
I get off the recliner and rub my hand over Nathan’s head to mess up his hair. “I’ll see you later, dude. Be good.”
He wraps his little body around my leg. “Bye, duth-bag!”
“Damn it,” Drew mutters as he digs out his wallet. “Nathan, don’t say douchebag. Are you trying to bankrupt me?”
Nate hangs his head. “Sorry, Unca’ Drew.”
“I’ll see ya later, guys.”
“Hey, I’m on duty at the station for the next few days but why don’t we meet up for a beer on Friday?” Drew suggests.
“Sure,” I say. “Just text me when and where.”
As expected, the gym does nothing to improve my sour mood. It never does, though it doesn’t stop me from trying. I’ve been working out about twice as often as I used to—mainly because I love to eat and I’m not burning calories the fun way—and the only progress I’ve made is physically. I think I’ve gained about fifteen pounds of muscle over the past couple of months. I’ve always been a pretty fit dude, but I’m definitely packing more bulk now.
The week passes in a fog. It’s the same uneventful shit every day. Get up. Go to work. Go to sleep. Do it all over again the next day. I find myself thinking about Rainey more and more. I loved seeing her when I got off of work each day; it gave me something to look forward to. Even if she had an overnight shift, we still texted throughout the day, and sometimes she’d swing by my place in the wee hours of the morning for a quickie before I had to go to work.
God, I miss her so fucking much. Isn’t this supposed to hurt less as time goes on?
Friday finally rolls around and as promised, Drew and I make plans. Since I’ve been avoiding the waitresses at Kelly’s, we’ve been trying out new places whenever we meet up. Tonight we’re at this trendy new club that’s more on the upscale side. We usually prefer dive bars because the drinks are stronger and it’s less crowded, but Drew says he knows the bartender here and she’ll give us the hookup. What that really translates to is Drew wants to hook up with the bartender. I really have no desire to play the wingman tonight but I’m trying to be a good sport since he’s been putting up with my cantankerous ass.
We take a seat at the expansive bar and Drew doesn’t waste any time getting his flirt on. Thankfully, I’ve been able to nurse my drinks in relative solitude. After the third woman attempted and failed to get a free drink out of me, I think word of my standoffishness spread quickly.
“Dude, you’ve got to get back out there sometime.” Drew gestures to the crowded dance floor. “There’s no better time than the present. Look at the sea of hot women wearing minimal clothing. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel.”
I turn back around to finish my third beer of the night. “Nah, I’ll pass.”
“Brody, yo—”
“How is she, Drew?”
He feigns confusion. “How is who?”
“You know who.” I roll my eyes. “Look, I know I said I was better off not knowing, but I can’t take it anymore. Is she happy? Is she seeing someone?”
Drew smirks. “Why don’t you ask her for yourself?”
What? I whip my head around when he nods to someone over my shoulder. At first I think I’m hallucinating—because, fuck, she’s even more beautiful than I remember—but sure enough, Rainey is standing no more than twenty feet away next to Drew’s sister. My eyes soak it all in as she and Devyn engage in an obviously heated discussion. Her long red locks are down, curled in soft waves, and she’s wearing a black mini dress with red stilettos that makes me equal parts pissed and appreciative. She clearly didn’t know that Drew and Devyn were scheming until a few seconds ago, which means she was on the prowl.
I know I’m staring but I really don’t fucking care because I can’t get enough. If this is the only chance I’m going to have to appreciate those curves that I love so much, I’m going to be one gluttonous motherfucker until she makes me stop.
With one last gesticulation, Rainey leaves Devyn’s side. Her eyes don’t stray from mine for even a second as she closes the gap between us.
“Hi.” She’s practically yelling so I can hear her over the thumping bass.
“Hi.” My eyes shamelessly travel the length her body and back up again. “You look amazing, honey.”
She stiffens with the term of endearment, but she can deal because I’m not taking it back.
“You look good, too, Brody.” I don’t miss the way her eyes graze over my torso. Thor does a little jig in my pants because her attraction to me obviously hasn’t waned.
I wink when Drew’s sister joins us. “Hi, Devyn.”
“Hi, Brody. What a crazy coincidence, huh?” She smirks before turning to Rainey. “Lorraine, I need to borrow my brother for a second. We’ll be back in a bit.”
“Uh huh,” Rainey mutters as Devyn and Drew make themselves scarce.
“So...it appears as if we’ve been set up.”
Rainey narrows her eyes at me. “Are you telling me that you had nothing to do with this?”
I shake my head. “Not even a little—I’m just as surprised as you are. But I’m very fucking thankful.”
Her expression softens. “How’ve you been?”
“Shitty,” I answer honestly.
She looks down toward her fuck-me-heels and says, “Yeah, I know the feeling.”
Oh, what the hell, I’m going for it. It’s not like things could get any worse.
“Do you want to go somewhere quieter?” She doesn’t reply so I add, “To catch up? According to Drew, there’s a wine bar downstairs.”
Her gorgeous eyes snap to mine. “Yeah...sure.”
I try not to get too hopeful as I lead her down to the lower level. I’m relieved to find that the wine bar is much quieter—they must have noise reduction materials between each floor. Soft jazz flows through the small space, giving it a much more intimate vibe down here. It’s fairly crowded, but there are a few standing pub tables toward the back that would afford us some privacy.
As we make our way across the room, I nod toward the bar on the left wall. “Can I get you a glass of something?”
“Sure. A Moscato would be great. I’ll...uh...grab us a table.”
I watch her fidget as the bartender fills our order. I hate that this is so awkward but the fact that she didn’t bolt the moment she saw me is a good sign. So is the pink stain on her cheeks as I approach the table.
Rainey takes a long gulp of wine as soon as I place it in front of her. “So...”
“So...” I repeat. “That’s some dress you have on there. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything like it before.”
Her blush deepens. “It’s new. Devyn strongly suggested I buy it when we were at the mall last weekend.”
“Remind me to thank her later.”
“Yeah, I’ll do that...after I throat punch her. I suspect she wasn’t quite being honest with me on why she wanted me to get the dress. ”
“Oh, yeah? What did she tell you?”
“Well, she claimed that this would be my...uh, getting back on the horse dress.” She bites down on the pad of her thumb—it’s her go-to move whenever she’s uncomfortable with something.
“�
��Getting back on the horse’...what does that mean?”
I totally know what it means but I want to hear her say it.
She looks away. “You know...move on. Meet someone new. This is the first time I’ve been out since...well, you know. She said moping wasn’t accomplishing anything and if I didn’t at least try to be happy again, it was never going to happen.”
I love Devyn like a sister, but I sort of hate her right now, too. Unless she and Drew had planned this setup before their shopping trip. If that’s the case, I might love Devyn more than my actual sister. The only way Rainey could possibly be hotter right now is if she took the dress off. It still doesn’t change the fact that she agreed to wear it to a meat market like this though.
“Not to be a dick, but this isn’t the kind of place where you go looking for a relationship,” I say, a little more caustically than I intended to. “Coming here, in that dress, says you’re looking for a quick fuck.”
Christ, the thought of any man getting his hands on her body makes me want to Hulk out.
HUUULK SMAAASH!
I’m shaken out of my Marvel reverie when Rainey clears her throat and glares at me.
“Is that why you’re here, Brody?” she counters. “Looking for a ‘quick fuck’?”
“I’m here with Drew. He claimed he needed a wingman to hook up with one of the bartenders. Clearly, that was just a ruse. Or maybe a happy coincidence.”
She sighs. “Well, if it still matters, I wouldn’t have gone through with it. The only reason I’m here is because Devyn wouldn’t give up. I was planning on having a drink or two then faking a headache so I could go home and binge on Netflix.”
Hell, yeah, it still matters. I keep that thought to myself for now though.