Born To Kill

by Erin Trejo

  “What do you mean it’s done?”

  “Do you really want to discuss this in front of her?” I ask nodding toward Asia. His eyes follow my movements before he shakes his head.

  “I’ll find you later. Asia, dear, it’s almost time.” The way he said her name makes me internally cringe. Asia never raises her head, just moves toward the door when I block her by stepping in front of her. My father huffs and I hear him leave the room when I reach for her chin lifting it slowly.

  “What’s going on, Asia?” She wants to tell me, I can see it in her eyes. We’ve never hidden things from each other, and something has happened while I was away. It can be felt in the air.

  “Nothing. I’m really glad you’re here,” she says softly before hugging me once more. The feeling is off. The way she holds me tighter is off.

  “You really aren’t going to tell me, are you.” The thought alone pisses me off but Asia is strong and she knows her place in this family. She may not be a DeLuca but she knows how to play the part.

  “I’m just tired, Gio. So much planning for the party has worn me out,” she says, sounding a little defeated. I have a gut feeling that’s a lie but I won’t push her right now.

  When she pulls out of my arms, I hold the small box out to her. Her eyes fill with tears as her unsteady hand takes it from me. She opens the box and a gasp falls from her lips.

  “It’s exactly the same!” She beams up at me.

  I nod my head once. Asia has always been taken with my crucifix. She’s always loved the uniqueness of it so I had one made for her, exactly like it.

  “Put it on me,” she says, handing the box back to me. I take the necklace out and slip it around her neck, my fingers grazing her skin as I do. Asia shivers and I smirk. I’ve always had that effect on her. Once I clasp it, she turns to face me, her hands reaching for my face and pulling me in for a kiss I wasn’t expecting. Her tongue slides over my lips, parting them so that she can taste me and I let her. Gripping the back of her neck, I keep her in place as I kiss her until her lips are bruised and swollen. When I pull back, I let my forehead rest on hers, our eyes locked.

  “I’ve missed you,” I admit.

  “I’ve missed you more than you know.”

  “Asia!” her father snaps from behind us. Pecking one more kiss to her forehead, I send her to her party.

  “You are coming, aren’t you?” she asks looking at me over her shoulder. I glance from her to her father and back before I smile.

  “Wouldn’t miss your birthday, bambina.”

  Chapter 8

  The shower did nothing for the hard on I had. Jerking myself off in the shower wasn’t what I truly wanted but picking up one of father’s whores wasn’t on the menu for tonight. Asia’s birthdays always meant something more to me than most. Without Asia, I would be nothing in this world; she makes it all worth it even if I barely see her anymore. Father has made sure that I have been away from the house more and more lately and I find it agitating. I check myself in the mirror to make sure I look presentable before heading down to the party. I’m nearly half way there when Matteo stops me.

  “Good to see you back,” he says giving me a half smile that I don’t return.

  “What are you doing here?” His face instantly pales at my question. I narrow my eyes and wait for him to say something, anything. I knew things were off around here but to what extent? What are they all hiding from me?

  “Have you not talked to your father?”

  Father. Everything always comes back to that man.

  “No.”

  “I don’t think it’s my place to tell you, Giovanni. You should go speak to him.” His eyes are sad and confused but there’s a spark of fear in them too which makes me wonder what he’s afraid of.

  “I’m going to Asia’s party. I’ll find him later,” I say brushing past him.

  “You should talk to him soon, cugino. You aren’t going to enjoy the party later.”

  I stop walking and turn to look at him. That same look of fear shining brighter now. I take the few steps back toward him, my hands casually resting in my pockets.

  “What do you mean? What’s happening later?”

  “Talk to your father, Gio.”

  “You are my cousin, my blood, Matteo. If there is something I should know, tell me now,” I growl letting him see what this is doing to me. Matteo blows out a breath, runs his hand through his hair and glances around.

  “Your father and Mario have been talking a lot since you’ve been gone.”

  “And?”

  “And they think it’s in everyone’s best interest if Asia was married when she turns eighteen.” The words burn like a fiery acid through my skin.

  “And who might she be marrying?” I ask with my teeth gritted. This isn’t happening. I won’t allow it! They can’t just marry her off to some asshole that will hurt and abuse her. No, I won’t let that happen. Matteo doesn’t answer me right away and that familiar burn of anger runs wild through my veins.

  “Who, Matteo?”

  “Me,” he says with regret.

  The world slowly starts to spin, knocking the air from my lungs. I step back, needing space so that I don’t do something that I might regret later. Matteo steps toward me, raising his hand to rest on my shoulder. “I didn’t want this either, Gio. They set it up. Asia doesn’t even know about it yet.” I swallow hard trying to rein it all in, take it all for what it means.

  “She’s only fifteen,” I remind him. Matteo nods.

  “That’s why they wanted to wait until she was eighteen. They planned to announce it tonight.”

  Acid races up my throat burning me to the core. They are doing this on purpose, they have to be, but maybe it’s for the best. Asia deserves to have everything she could ever want in the palm of her hands. She needs someone who will take care of her, love her the way she deserves to be loved. That someone isn’t me.

  “I know how you feel about her, Giovanni. I just don’t know how to stop this,” Matteo says sounding defeated.

  “You’re one of the good ones, Matteo. Smart, stable. You can provide for her and keep her safe the way she needs.”

  “I don’t know what to say, Gio. I’m sorry.” His words are sincere, but I don’t need them.

  “If you ever hurt her, I will kill you. No second thoughts, no second chances.” With that I turn and head down the stairs to the party. Asia is like a drug to me. No matter how hard I push her away or try to distance myself from her, her spirit calls out to me. I spot her as soon as I step into the room. Her aura drawing me in. The music plays softly in the background as her eyes lock on mine. It’s like a goddamn magnet that pulls us together each and every time. She moves toward me, her long gown hugging her petite frame showing off curves that no fifteen year old should have. She stops in front of me and smiles, holding her hand out.

  “Dance with me, Gio.”

  I couldn’t tell her no even if I wanted to. Asia tore through my chest the moment she was brought into this house, and as much as I hate to admit it, she has burrowed in and made herself a home there. I never want to break the bond that we have, but knowing that she is to marry Matteo shreds me.

  “You look gorgeous,” I tell her as we move around the room. Her eyes never leave mine, and that smile stays planted on her face. That’s the way I always want to see her. The night moves on with Asia staying mainly in my arms. After being in her presence, I realize I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss the hell out of her while I was out of the house. Staying in an upscale hotel while I handled business was father’s idea, and now I see why. He wanted me to be in the dark and not know what the plans were for Asia. He expected a fight but he was wrong. I won’t give him one because I know I’m a better man than he is. I will bow out gracefully and allow Matteo to take my place because I know it’s the right thing to do. All I’ve ever wanted was for Asia to be happy.

  “We have an announcement to make!” my father roars, pulling all the attention to him. Asia
stays clutching my arm and I let her for the moment. Maybe I need that connection as much as she does.

  “Matteo, please join me up here. Asia, dear, would you mind joining us?” he says directing his gaze to me. He thinks I don’t know that this is going to throw me off my game, but he couldn’t be more wrong. This is only strengthening me. Asia looks up at me and I give her a soft nod before she untangles from my arm and heads to the front of the room. She glides through the crowd like a fucking princess pulling all the attention.

  “Tonight we have wonderful news. As many of you know, Asia has been a part of this family since she was a small child. Her father and I work closely to one another, and I already consider them family. After much thought and consideration, we have decided that a marriage is in order for the benefit of this family.” As he speaks her hopeful eyes find mine. Unfortunately that small smile that curled her lips slowly fades when she doesn’t see me returning it. The server walks past with a tray of champagne. I grab two, taking one down quickly before setting the glass back on the tray.

  “We are proud to announce that my nephew, Matteo, will be marrying Asia on her eighteenth birthday.” The crowd explodes in cheers, but Asia’s eyes never leave mine. I keep my face impassive, not letting her see what I’m really feeling. I can’t. Everyone raises their glasses in salute as I do the same. Asia slowly shakes her head from side to side as she stares at me. Her lifeless expression rips me apart inside. I give her a small nod letting her know she must go along with it or face the consequences. Matteo steps closer to her, leaning in and whispering something in her ear. Asia looks up at him and nods slightly as he puts his arm around her shoulders. Taking down what’s left of my drink, I move to find something stronger.

  The party goes on and on and my father keeps Asia busy for the most part. I stay in the corner away from everyone drinking myself into darkness. When I can’t handle anymore, I leave, heading out the backdoor and into the tree line. The one place that Asia loves the most. Where there’s a gap in the trees and you can see the stars in the sky. I drop down in the center, lie back while looking up, and wonder what my purpose will be after this night.

  Chapter 9

  I don’t know how long I’ve laid here drinking myself into hell. The bourbon is gone and the whiskey isn’t far behind. I can feel the vomit in the back of my throat, but it isn’t from the fucking liquor. It’s from losing her.

  “How long have you known!” Her screams are the only thing that pull me from my thoughts. I sit up and see her tear stained face heading straight toward me.

  “Tonight.”

  “When?”

  “Before I came downstairs.”

  “And you said nothing? Did you not think you should have told me at some point? I was with you all night long, Giovanni!”

  I close my eyes and try to focus on something besides the turmoil in my head. What the hell does she want from me?

  “What should I have said?” I ask her, opening my eyes to see her standing in front of me. She drops to her knees so that we’re eye level. Inside I’m slowly falling apart. Piece by piece I’m breaking, but I can’t let her see that. She can’t know that.

  “I don’t want to marry him, Gio. You know that,” she says sadly.

  “There is nothing you can do about it now, Asia. This is what they have decided.”

  “I won’t do it. I won’t marry him. I don’t love him!” she screams as more tears pour down her cheeks. I hate seeing her like this. I hate that she’s in pain, but there is nothing I can do to change it. Not a damn thing, and that leaves me feeling helpless. Which I hate even more.

  “You don’t have a choice, bambina. Don’t you see that?”

  “We always have choices. We could run away,” she says, and I chuckle.

  “Who is we?”

  “You and me, Gio. We could do it. I know we can,” she tries to speak her piece.

  I understand her desperation, but what kind of life would that be for her? Always running, always looking over her shoulder. I shake my head and tip the bottle to my lips, taking another long pull.

  “When will you realize that what my father says goes? Huh? Do you think that if we ran he wouldn’t chase us?”

  “We have to try, don’t we?” she nearly pleads with me. My chest tightens and all the air is ripped from my lungs. The look in her eyes is killing me slowly.

  “No, bambina. We don’t. The last thing I want is for you to end up dead. I wouldn’t risk your life, Asia, don’t you see that?” I roar, my outburst startling her.

  “You don’t want me,” she says softly, sitting back on her ass in front of me.

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “You don’t have to. I can see the look in your eyes. You would willingly let your cousin have me, Giovanni?”

  I grit my teeth because that’s not what I want. I don’t want him anywhere near her, but I know what’s right and wrong. I know that I can’t be what she needs and that hurts far worse than anything else.

  “It’s not like that and you know it,” I hiss.

  “Do you love me, Gio?”

  Fuck! Why is she doing this to me? What the hell is she thinking? Does she want me dead, is that what this is? Because I’d gladly put the fucking gun to my head and end it all for her.

  “Stop, Asia.”

  “No! I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me, Giovanni!” She’s on her knees in seconds gripping my face in her hands. Her warmth washes over me, but I know what must be done in order to protect her.

  “Don’t do this to me, Asia, I’m begging you,” I plead.

  Her eyes fill with tears as she leans closer. Her lips brush over mine and heat explodes inside of me. I drop the bottle next to me, grabbing her around the neck. Our kiss is full of passion and so much emotion that if physically hurts. My chest is tight, so goddamn tight that I can barely breathe. Asia moves to straddle me, her body pressing against mine. I want nothing more than to take her but I can’t. I won’t.

  “We have to stop this,” I tell her when I feel her lips dance down my neck. The soft silk of her kiss ignites a new fire in me.

  “I don’t want to stop, Gio. I just want you,” she breathes against my flesh. Bumps erupt over my skin and the thought of being inside of her nearly overrides my common sense. She grinds against me, trying to get the reaction she so desperately wants when I hear him.

  “Asia? Are you out here?” Fucking Matteo.

  I shove Asia off my lap knowing damn good and well I am responsible for one of my cousin’s deaths, I won’t be responsible for the second. Asia sits up on her knees, tears streaming down her cheeks as I grab the bottle once more. Matteo steps into the opening looking between us.

  “I didn’t know you were out here,” he says looking at me. I raise the bottle at him before taking another drink.

  “I am.” I smirk at him. He looks at Asia but she doesn’t pull her gaze from mine.

  “Father is looking for Asia,” Matteo says softly.

  “And you’ve found her, cugino.”

  “I didn’t plan this, Gio. I swear to you I didn’t.”

  I shove myself off the ground and turn to face him.

  “I know you didn’t. Take your fiancée inside, Matteo.” I start to walk away when Asia roars. I want to look back, but I don’t. Not that I needed to, she moved so quickly that she now blocks my path.

  “Say it, Giovanni,” she demands. I stare into the eyes of a girl who’s held a part of me for as long as I can remember. Everything about her is perfect. She was mine. Not anymore.

  “Go inside, bambina.” Asia shakes her head, her hands on her hips.

  “Say it! Tell me you don’t love me, Giovanni!” she screams louder. I’m sure this uncomfortable for Matteo to watch, but he doesn’t say a word, he lets us have this moment.

  “Go. Inside.” I grit my teeth needing space, needing her to move, needing something I don’t even know. Anything. I start to walk past her when her palm collides with my fa
ce. Hit after hit she takes her anger out on me and I let her. I let her hit, punch and hurt me because I want to feel her pain rather than mine. I want to own it in my fucking soul so that I will always remember her.

  “Just tell me you don’t love me, Gio. Please, just tell me.” I know why she wants me to say it but I can’t. Truth is, I do fucking love her. More than I should and that’s what’s killing me piece by fucking piece. She doesn’t even realize it but I’m falling apart on the inside. “Say it! God, please just say it!” I grab her arms when I can’t handle any more, pinning them between our bodies as I slam her against me. Her tears wet my shirt, drenching through to my fucking soul. Every drop is absorbed and kept in a safe place.

  “Go inside, Asia. Please.” I’ve never said please in my goddamn life and here I am begging her to walk away from me. I press a kiss to the top of her head before nodding to Matteo. He steps up next to me and I pass her shuddering body to him. She fights him for a second before shoving out of his arms. Her eyes lock on mine as she sniffles and wipes the tears from her face.

  “Fine. If this is what you want, Giovanni, then so be it. I will not fight for a love that isn’t returned. You want me to go off and be with Matteo, fine.” Each word that leaves her lips is another stake to my heart. Each syllable, each space - it rips me apart.

  “Asia,” I say her name softly, trying to keep myself under control.

  “Remember this, Giovanni. You pushed me to this. Just remember that!” With that, she turns on her heel and walks away, leaving my crumbling heart in the wind.

  “I’m really sorry, Gio. I know you love her. I never wanted this,” Matteo says as I nod.

  “I know that. Go now before Father gets angry.” His mouth opens and closes but there isn’t anything else that needs to be said. Matteo reluctantly nods his head and turns to head back inside leaving me to wallow in my own thoughts.

  Chapter 10

  I watch her take long strides through the water in the indoor pool. She doesn’t see me, she never does. The last few months have been hell not to be able to touch her, kiss her, and just feel her near me. I’ve taken to drinking more than I should just to regain some kind of resemblance of normalcy. My world has shifted and my outlook on life has lost its center. Before I knew that becoming the killer, the hitman, the leader like Angelo was would be my calling, but I don’t see that anymore. My future is darker than ever and not having that tiny glimmer of light that was Asia is sending me plunging into the dark pits of hell. I take another pull of the beer in my hand when Matteo walks up next to me. He knows me, he knows I can’t just walk away from her that easily.