by Erin Trejo
I’m home.
I’m safe.
I’m content.
Asia kisses my neck as I thrust into her, holding onto me as if I’m the air she breathes. And to me, she’s just that. Our breathing mingles as I take her harder. My eyes drift closed as I just feel her. She’s my heaven and my hell. She’s my life and my death. I’m slowly killing us both, trying to do what’s right and safe for her. When I open my eyes, I see the animal that is me in that mirror. Fucking my cousin’s wife on their wedding day. That’s the kind of man that I’ve become, yet the sight doesn’t disgust me the way it should. Each breath that I take is solely for Asia. Her nails dig into my shoulders as I plunge into her, her body tensing around me.
“Gio, I love you so much,” she cries into my shoulder as we both come. Her juices flow over me, further killing another piece of me. Resting my head on her shoulder, I breathe her in. Soon she will be with Matteo and there is nothing I can do to stop it from happening, aside from my original thought.
“I’ve dreamt of killing him. Taking him out of the picture,” I admit to her as I tease her skin with my lips.
“Your father would retaliate,” she replies sadly.
This much I already know. This is why I have so many jobs that take me away from home.
“I don’t understand any of it, Asia. Why you?”
“I don’t know either. I don’t come from money, I’m a nobody in this world,” she says softly, her fingers moving along my scalp causing me to shiver.
“You aren’t a nobody. You’re mine.” Asia’s tears can be felt on my cheek and they rip me apart inside. I pull out of her and let her feet slowly fall to the floor before I step back and adjust my clothes.
“You should get back out there before they come looking.”
“Please stay, Gio. Don’t leave me again.”
“I don’t have a choice, Asia. I can’t do this. Watching you with him, it fucking kills me.”
“Take me with you,” she nearly begs. I run my hand over my face before cupping hers in my palms.
“Don’t you think if that was possible I would? I’m trying here, Asia, I’m trying to control the anger inside of me. No one knows what it’s like to be me. The killer behind the blue eyes. No one understands what it means to be hated as much as I do, and that is not something I want for you. Go out there and be you, Asia. Be the girl I’m always proud of.” Her sobs kill me inside but I have to hold myself together. “Go on, Asia before they notice you’re missing.”
“Asia?” I hear Matteo’s voice and head toward the door. Pulling it open, he watches me before moving his gaze to Asia’s teary face. “This is ridiculous, Giovanni. I don’t want to keep doing this!” I don’t know what he means by that but Asia rushes past us out of the room.
“I won’t say sorry for loving her,” I admit for the first time in my life, just not to the right person.
“I’m not asking you to. That’s not what I meant. She’s falling apart inside, Gio. This is just pushing her further and further into herself. I fucking hate it.”
I can tell by the look in his eyes that he’s telling me the truth. I just don’t have an answer to the current situation. I walk over and place my hand on his shoulder when he looks up at me. “Take care of her, cugino. That’s all I want.”
“No. You want her.”
“Yet I can’t have her. You know the rules in this family. No divorce,” I remind him.
“Does she know that?”
Shaking my head, I give him a sad smile. She doesn’t know that part. It wasn’t something that needed to be discussed, and still isn’t. “I would suggest not telling her either, Matteo. If she is really falling apart, that will make it worse. Let’s go.”
Turning away from him I head out of the room and back down the hall to the party. When I step in, I see her with her father, his arm around her shoulders. She smiles but it’s not a real smile. It’s the one that everyone wants to see on her face today. One that is fake.
“You keep running away. Why is that?” My father’s harsh voice sets my nerves on edge, but even more, it strikes a match in my heart.
“This is all you’re doing and I want no part of it.”
“You don’t know what my end game is, Giovanni. You are clueless like your whore mother was. If you were smart, you would keep it that way,” he snaps in a low tone.
My eyes come to lock with his and the truth is settled within me. He’s right, there is something more and I will find out. With the nod of my head, I turn away and walk toward the tables grabbing a drink on the way.
“Your father looks angry.”
“Abram Popov. To what do I owe the honor?” I ask when the last man I planned to see takes a seat next to me.
“You owe nothing. I’m here as requested by your father.”
“And why is that? As far as I knew, the Russians weren’t too happy with the DeLuca family,” I add.
Abram tosses his drink back setting the glass on the table in front of him. “I have heard many rumors of what happened with the Petrov situation. I can only assume it was you,” he says, but funnily enough, he doesn’t sound angry about it. Nevertheless, I don’t want to piss him off.
“I should be going,” I say, starting to shove up out of my chair when his hand comes down on my arm. I look from where he’s touching me to his eyes.
“You should stay. We have business to discuss.”
“Is business not typically held with my father?” I ask clearly amused by all of this.
“It is, but this is a different type of conversation. I have heard you and your father are not on the best of terms these days.” He nods toward the crowd and I follow his gaze to Asia. Grabbing my glass I swallow the liquid in one gulp before I answer.
“So it would seem. That is pretty common knowledge though.”
“Giovanni, I know what you did with the marriage between Petrov and the Columbians. I applaud you for a job well done, but I’ve also been in contact with Roberto.” He now has my attention. I lean back in my chair trying to appear casual but this is anything but.
“Let’s cut the shit. What do you want, Abram?”
“Your father dead.”
I chuckle under my breath and shake my head. “I’m afraid you would have to get in line for that as it seems you aren’t the only one.”
“I understand your reservations at taking out your father, but I also know you have the heart of a warrior. I’m offering you a truce, help in bringing in the key players to make us all happy once again.”
I like the sound of that but unfortunately my happiness is long gone.
Chapter 20
“You’re joking?” I ask as I sit with my arms resting on the table in front of me. I look at all the men assembled, but I am the one out of place. Bosses, heads of the mafia, the bratva. This isn’t a seat that I belong in, yet here I am.
“Not at all, Giovanni. In fact, it is quite correct as the file says. Mario Romano is actually in line to inherit billions of dollars in the future once his father passes,” Aidan says. Aidan Walsh. The head of the Irish mafia sits in front of me with a goddamn file on Asia’s father.
“This makes no sense. Why the hell is he working with my father then?” I don’t understand any of this.
“Mario never wanted to become the Boss. It was never his dream. He loved the idea of being involved, just not as a leader. As far as we can see, your father offered him a place next to him, but at the time didn’t realize who he was.”
Shaking my head, I run my hand through my hair. This is insanity at its finest.
“What does all of this have to do with me? Clearly I am the odd man out here,” I say gesturing around the table. The men chuckle but it’s Aidan who speaks again.
“We know who you are. We know what you can do. We feel you would be a proven asset as an ally as opposed to the alternative.”
“What do you want?”
“Your father out. We all respect Roberto as he has been putting things in
order for himself over the years. You are now what? Twenty-two?”
“Twenty-three.”
“You are still young but you are the only one who can get close enough to him to do the job.”
Ah, there it is.
“You’re asking me to turn against my family. Do you know how many laws that breaks?”
Aidan nods his head as do the others. “We are offering you protection. All of us.”
What the hell? I look from face to face as they all confirm what Aidan just said. They are all offering me protection, which means I could leave this life if I wanted to. I could go free. I swallow hard wondering what that means for me? Could this really be the end of what I have to do for him?
“When do you plan on doing all this?”
“We need some time, Giovanni. Although we are all banning together to eliminate the problem, not all agree with us. There are outsiders that must be considered first and handled properly before moving forward,” Aidan says.
Nodding my head, I blow out a breath and rest my head in my hands. “How long?”
“What?
“Until I need to give you an answer. How long do I have?”
“The sooner we all agree, the sooner we can all set plans in motion. I understand your issues with this, Giovanni. You are a loyal son to your father, but at what cost to you?”
I pull my head up and focus on the man in front of me. The man that I was always taught was an enemy now offering me a deal I can’t refuse. My cell phone rings in my pocket, and when I pull it out, I see it’s Matteo. I ignore it and set it on the table in front of me.
“How are you guaranteeing me that I won’t become a causality of this war?” Aidan smiles and leans forward, mimicking the way I’m sitting.
“We’re here, aren’t we? If we wanted you dead, Giovanni, you would be.” The phone rings again but I silence it once more.
“You believe that?” The guys chuckle around the table when the phone rings yet again. Once more I silence it.
“You are good at what you do, I’ll give you that. Our deal is to remove your father from this life. That is a guarantee in itself for you. No more being his runner, his killer. You are free to return to your family as a member, take the throne one day.” Shaking my head no, that isn’t an option.
“No. That isn’t me. I want a guarantee that I will be allowed to move about the world with freedom when and where I choose.” Looking around the table, the men all look to each other before they all look to Aidan.
“I can offer you that. You have our word. You will be free to move about the country without worry. Now, you may want to take that.” He nods toward the phone that is once again ringing. The meeting is basically over anyway. I grab the phone and answer.
“What?”
“Where are you? Are you close to New York?”
“What difference does it make, Matteo?” I hear him blow out a frustrated breath into the phone.
“It’s Asia. I don’t know what happened. I was out on business and when I came back she was a mess. She hasn’t eaten in almost a week and she won’t speak to anyone. Can you come?” My heart hammers in my chest. What happened to her?
“That seems like a problem her husband should handle.”
“Damn it, Giovanni! Don’t you think I tried? Please, just come help her!” The line goes dead as I sit the phone back on the table.
“Everything alright?” I nod once, knowing that’s a fucking lie. “Do we have a deal?” Aidan asks.
“How long?”
“Three years, tops. You have to understand that DeLuca ties run deep and all over the world. We will need to set things in motion to make it as though your father is failing as leader.”
I grunt a response. “That shouldn’t be hard to do.” The men chuckle.
“Then we have a deal?”
I stand and offer my hand. “We have a deal.”
Chapter 21
“Where is she?” I ask as soon as I step foot into my father’s house once again. That eerie feeling washes over me knowing I don’t belong here anymore. When you think about it, I probably never have.
“In your old room,” Matteo says holding his head high. I look at him as if he’s grown two heads. What the hell is she doing in there? Trying to anger my father no doubt. “Don’t ask, Giovanni. You know that’s her safe place.”
Nodding my head, I climb the stairs two at a time until I hit the hallway. I take a deep breath and open the door to see a pale Asia lying on the bed. Stepping into the room, I close the door behind me but she never looks my way.
“You aren’t eating,” I say trying to get her attention.
“I want it to be over, Gio. I can’t do this anymore.” I move to the bed quickly, sitting on the edge with my head in my hands.
“You can’t give up, Asia,” I add.
“I can and I will.”
“No, you won’t.” I turn to the side and grab her small fragile hand in mine. The shock that’s always there doesn’t fail this time either. I blow out a breath and shove her over so that I can get in bed next to her. If it’s wrong it’s wrong, but I think we are beyond that stage in our relationship. I lift her head and pull it to my chest, feeling the tears fall as I sigh.
“Talk to me,” I urge her.
“Why are you here?”
I never thought that I’d hear the anger in her tone directed at me but it’s as clear as day.
“Matteo was worried about you. He said you haven’t eaten in a week. What is happening, Asia?”
She shoves off my chest and stands from the bed rapidly, her thin frame showing her lack of nutrition so badly that I cringe.
“You want to know what happened? That son of a bitch put his bastard inside of me! I never wanted that! I never wanted any of this, Giovanni! All I wanted was you!” Her admission both kills me and guts me at the same time. I knew it would it happen, and even as the bile burns the back of my throat, I know I have to swallow it down.
“That’s what a marriage is. You make decisions for a future,” I remind her as calmly as I can.
“There is no future! Don’t you get that? I didn’t want it Giovanni, so I got rid of it.” My eyes jerk to hers and that sadness almost overwhelms me.
“You did what?”
“I got rid of it. Easy as that. I’m so tired, Gio. Tired of being told what to do, tired of being used and tossed to the side. I just want it all over,” she cries, tears streaming down her cheeks.
My chest aches and my stomach cramps. This was never what I wanted for her but how do I change it? There is no way, at least for right now. But after I handle my father? Who’s to say things couldn’t change then? I stand and stalk toward her, pulling her small body into my arms. Her head rests on my chest as she sobs.
“You know as well as I do that you are the sole reason I wake up each day. Without the knowledge that you are somewhere safe and alive, Asia, I have no reason to breathe.” My admission was hard to deliver but it needed to be done. She can’t know the details of what is going on outside of this house because it’s far too dangerous, but I need her to understand what fuels my anger every day. The reason I can do what I do is because I know that she’s alive and in this world. If I didn’t have that, I would lose myself completely.
“Will it ever change, Gio?”
Running my hand down her back, I pull her in closer, tighter. “I think one day it will,” I admit without giving her too much to go on. Asia is highly intelligent and I have no doubt that if she wanted more answers, she could find them.
“I don’t know what to do anymore, Gio. Tell me what to do,” she whispers brokenly.
If only I could. Instead of answering, I just hold her to me. The reality of everything that is happening is consuming me and I don’t know how to handle much more. Pressing a kiss to her head, I slowly pull away. I know that I need to get some distance between us before I do something I’ll regret. When I try to untangle myself from Asia, she only holds me tighter. Swallowing hard, I pry
her hands off my waist and hold her at arm’s length.
“Look at me, Asia. What I need you to do is be strong. Be strong for me. Can you do that?” She shakes her head slowly, pain in her beautiful brown eyes. So much pain that I no doubt inflicted.
“Gio, it’s so hard,” she cries and pleads.
“I know it is. I know I’m asking a lot of you but look at me Asia. Look at me. I need you to be strong. I need you to keep your head held high and I need you to focus on the future. Things never stay the same.”
“Is that a promise?” she asks looking hopeful. I can’t give her that. Never could.
“That’s what we have to find out. I can’t promise you that and you know it. I wish that I could.”
“Get out, Gio!” she hisses and rips my heart out of my chest. I’m breaking her. I’m tearing her apart.
“Don’t do this, Asia,” I warn her as she takes a step back. I know the venom that she spits and it burns like the worst acid.
“You are doing this, Giovanni. Again! You can’t keep showing up here and making me love you even more, just to have you go away again! Why do you hate me so much? What the hell did I do to you, Giovanni?” she screams and pulls at her hair, strands coming out between her fingers. I can see the animal in her too, the one that she has to keep caged so that no one can see it. That’s the Asia I love. The one that is free and open. My Asia.
“You know I don’t hate you.”
“You do! If you didn’t, you wouldn’t keep doing this to me! You fuck me, you hold me, you show up when I need you and then just leave again for years, Giovanni! I can’t do this anymore, I don’t want to.” She can’t mean that. She can’t be tossing me away like trash, I can’t live without her. Shaking my head, she smirks up at me. The look of a warrior in those silky brown eyes.
“I never want to see you again, Giovanni. I never want you to come here and I never want you to touch me again.” She’s serious. I can see the resolve in her eyes. I’ve broken her to the point that she hates. Just like me.