by Erin Trejo
“You remember when you used to do this after Angelo would beat me?” I ask her. Asia stops what she’s doing and glances at me.
“That was a long time ago,” she says softly.
“You would always be so gentle. You never wanted to hurt me.”
“I still don’t.”
“But I’m hurting you, aren’t I?” I watch her swallow hard before she goes back to work. The needle pierces my skin and I suck in a breath due to the sting.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbles but keeps her hand steady. She stitches both sides of the wound and bandages them before sitting on the edge of the bed.
“When are you leaving?”
“That was all I needed you to do,” I tell her honestly.
“You were just going to leave without saying goodbye again?”
Turning my head to look at her, I sigh. “I told you before, I never want to say goodbye to you, Asia. I can’t.” She leans in pressing her lips to mine. Everything else fades away.
“You need to take the pain medicine,” Asia says, breaking our kiss. I nod my head as she grabs the pills and tosses them in my mouth for me. Grabbing the beer, I swallow them down before looking back at her.
“You’re coming to the wedding, aren’t you?”
My heart nearly snaps in half in my chest. How the hell can I go and watch the one person I love the most marry someone else? I’m pretty sure that Asia can see the look in my eyes. She leans in, running her fingers through my hair soothing me.
“I’ll never love him, Gio.”
“Don’t say that. He cares about you and you never know what the future holds.”
“It holds nothing without you.”
As if I needed to hear that to break my heart a little more. I close my eyes as the pain medicine starts to kick my ass. Asia grabs my good arm to help me out of the chair and onto the bed. Asia climbs on with me, lying on my good arm, running her fingers through my hair.
“I want you to know that I’ll always want you, Gio. I think I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you.” I smirk and tighten my arm around her, holding her as close as I can get her. My eyes flutter with sleep, the pills doing their job.
“You were so young,” I grumble.
“And yet you still stole my heart.”
“If I could change things, you know I would, Asia. I’ve never wanted anything more than you, you have to know that,” I mumble, my voice full of sleep.
“I know. Sleep, Giovanni.”
“I am, bambina.”
Chapter 17
I vaguely remember her saying she loved me. That has stuck in my head and heart since then. Months have gone by in the same fashion. Kill a Luchessi here and there, fuck Rosa to forget the pain in my chest from leaving Asia. A few more months and I’ll be right back home watching her marry my cousin. I thought about not going at all but my father called and demanded I show up. He was happy with the job I did with the Columbians for him. The Russian’s have officially pulled back from trying to move into New York any further than they had been.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” Rosa asks sweetly. I shake my head and smoke the joint that hangs between my fingers.
“You’ve been using a lot lately.”
Hearing her say that pisses me off. Does she think I don’t know what I’m doing? “What is your point?”
“I thought you wanted something more with me, Giovanni?” I chuckle.
“More with you? What did you think, that I would marry the stripper and introduce her to dear old dad?” My high state is making me mouthier than usual.
“That’s not fair!”
“Life isn’t fair! Do you think this is how I truly want to live the rest of my life, Rosa?”
“What is that supposed to mean? With me?”
Jesus, this woman makes me wonder if she ever finished high school.
“All of it, Rosa. All of it. The first time I killed, I was thirteen. I’ve killed nearly every single day of my life since then. I was beaten nearly to death. Do you think this is what I wanted?” I glance over at her and see the tears in her eyes. I don’t want her pity nor do I need it.
“That had to be horrible,” she says softly.
“It was. That’s why I wanted to become something more. I had dreams once but they are nothing but empty ideas now,” I admit.
“Why can’t you move on? Isn’t there something else you can do?”
“Yes, there is.”
“What?”
“Kill my father,” I inform her. The thought has crossed my mind more than a few times. It would be easy to kill the man who did this to me. That made me into a killer. What would it cost to those I love and care about? What would happen if I went after him and failed?
“You should do it.”
“Shut up! You know nothing about this life. You are so fucking naive if you think it’s that easy. What? Just walk in there and shoot him? He has people who are loyal to him, that would do anything for him. I can’t risk what’s left of my family for my own selfishness,” I sneer at her. She wouldn’t understand the family dynamics. She’s never had to live through it before, but I have. Since the day I was born I’ve been what they wanted me to be. A knock on the door interrupts us. I motion to Rosa to go answer it. She rolls her eyes, stands from the couch, and heads toward the door. I huff out a breath and grab my bottle of beer of the table and take a long pull.
“I see you’re drinking still.” Turning quickly to look over my shoulder, I see Roberto.
“How the hell did you find me?” No one knows where I live and that’s how I want it.
“I have my ways.”
“Since when?” I can see the shock in his eyes. He never thought I wouldn’t be happy to see him but this is my place, my sanctuary. Roberto walks around and sits on the edge of the couch, his head in his hands.
“I can’t keep living like this, Giovanni.”
“So end it,” I slur. Roberto turns his head to glare at me. What does he want from me?
“Is that what you’re doing?” Roberto nods toward the bottle, and I just smirk.
“Not a chance. I’ve lived in hell; I know what the fire feels like. I’m going to take my chances on earth until it ends me,” I inform him.
“Your father is wrong, Giovanni. I don’t know how to stop him from tearing this family to the ground.”
I understand, I can see it unfolding before my eyes. He’s slowly making his way through our family, killing them in some way, shape or form. One by one.
“And you think I can help you?”
“I know you can, Giovanni. You are strong. You are the only one who can stand up to him.”
I chuckle at that and take another pull from my bottle. Leaning forward, I rest my elbows on my knees, my bottle dangling from my fingertips in between my knees.
“Suicide mission, huh?”
“What? What does that mean?”
“Do you truly think that if I went after my father that I wouldn’t be killed in the act? Have you forgotten the following he has?” I smirk as I look at him. Roberto shakes his head.
“You owe me,” he snaps, his hands clenching in his lap.
“I owe you nothing!” I stand up, setting my bottle on the table when he moves. I almost miss the fist that flies toward me but I dodge it in the nick of time. Roberto grabs the front of my shirt, shaking me roughly as I laugh.
“You do owe me! You killed my son! You took his life when he was only a child!” Tears leak down his face as I shake my head. I shove him off me and point my finger at him.
“You killed him! You should have stood up to your brother while he was alive. I was following orders!”
“Were your orders to kill him, Giovanni? Were they?” The more he accuses me, the more I feel sick to my stomach. My mind is running too quickly to deal with all of this.
“I was ordered to train him! Do you know how that feels? To abuse your own cousin?”
“Oh, I’m sure it was devastating, wasn’t it? B
eing a caged animal ready to rip anything apart that enters its lair?” he snarls, his tears still running down his face. My heart crumbles, my chest heavy. This, this is what they’ve always looked at me as.
“You know nothing!” I roar yanking my hand through my hair. I’m losing it. I’m slowly coming undone and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
“I know you are a fucking monster! I know that you couldn’t care less what happens to anyone but you!”
My laughter is nearly manic. I take a step back and scrub my hand down my face. “Is that so?”
“You know it’s true! You killed your own cousin!”
“I didn’t kill him!” I thunder, shocking him slightly. He looks at me with wide eyes.
“You did, you brought him to the house and everyone saw you.”
I lower my head, defeat tugging at my heart. I’ve kept this secret long enough. They are both dead so what does it matter now?
“I did what I was ordered to do,” I say lowering my voice.
“By killing him?” I shake my head.
“No. By taking him home. By keeping my mouth closed. By keeping the fucking secret. By trading my goddamn soul to the devil.” Roberto wipes his eyes but he keeps looking at me. Confusion flickers over his face.
“Who then?”
“Who do you think?”
“Angelo?” Nodding my head, his arms fall to his sides. He’s at a loss for words and I don’t blame him. I’m sitting on the edge of a cliff, afraid I’ll fall if I say anything further. This is betrayal. If my father finds out that I spoke a word of the past, I am as good as dead.
“Is that why you killed him?” I huff out a laugh and look back up at him.
“Don’t overthink it, Roberto. I’m a monster, an animal. I wanted his spot and that’s why I killed him. Stefano…fuck, Stefano was just one more reason to take his life. I’ve lived my whole life being beaten and broken until I became this,” I snap, pounding my fist on my chest as he watches me.
“I had no idea. All these years, I didn’t know. Giovanni, I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. I didn’t kill Stefano but that doesn’t mean I didn’t kill others. I have. So many more than just him.”
“What are we going to do, Giovanni?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t know,” I say with true despair and exhaustion.
Chapter 18
The rest of the year went by much the same. Roberto and I have remained in contact trying to think of what we can do to stop my father, but at the end of every conversation it’s always the same: Kill him and then we’re back to the same worry over his followers. He has too many loyal followers. We have to figure out a way to turn them against him without him realizing it and that is not an easy task.
“It’s nice to see you, Giovanni,” my father says as I stand in front of the church.
“You as well. How are things?”
“You would know if you would come home. You do your jobs and then you run back to California. Why is that?”
None of your goddamn business, that’s why. Of course, I can’t tell him that, but I can’t wait for the day that I can.
“Just odd jobs. It truly is surprising to see how much the Morettis do over there. I’d always thought the majority of this life was here.”
My father laughs and smiles at me. “You should visit Italy. You would appreciate what we do so much more. The DeLuca legacy still lives on there, you know? One day I would like for you to go and see where it all began. Meet your elders.” He talks as if he really wants that to happen, but I know it’s for show. All of his colleagues are hanging around for the wedding, most eavesdropping.
“That would be wonderful.” I fake smile back at him.
“Antonio, we must begin,” Mario, Asia’s father, says pulling our attention.
“We’re coming,” he says before looking over at me. “You will not sit with family at this wedding. You can sit in the back. We don’t want any interruptions.”
He has to be kidding? I stare him down daring him to mess with me today. He made me come to this only to antagonize me. “Don’t you worry, I won’t speak a word.”
Brushing past him, I head inside and find a seat at the back. The interior of the church is decorated in flowers and bows. It makes me smile that it’s exactly the way I would have pictured Asia getting married. She deserves this and so much more. I sit and wait until the music begins. We all rise from our seats, watching the doors as they slowly open. My heart trips up as I watch her step into the room. Gasps erupt from all around as my eyes zero in on her. She’s looks like an angel in all white. Her hair is pulled up showing off her neck through the veil. She takes slow steps, her father holding tightly to her arm. His smile is bright, but there isn’t anything happy about Asia right now. She gives small smiles to everyone as she moves until she sees me. Her face drops. Sadness, loss, and regret showing brightly on her face. I give her a small nod and watch as they continue down the aisle. I can’t handle it much more. Seeing Matteo take her hand, the priest talking, all of it. I find myself wondering what it would be like to be standing in his place, to be marrying the girl who holds my heart. Would she smile at me? Would she cry? A chill runs down my spine as reality takes over. I can’t do this; I can’t sit here and witness this. Shoving out of my seat, I haul ass out of the church.
I’m pissed. I’m angry. I’m upset. Dare I say that I am devastated. There are so many emotions running wild inside of me and I can’t sort them out. There is no way. I’ve never felt like this in my life. I’ve prided myself on keeping my feelings in check so that I didn’t have to deal with what I’m feeling right now. Stalking toward the car, I climb in and take off. I notice one of my father’s guys watching me out of my rearview mirror. Fuck him. I need space. I can’t breathe. Pulling off at the first bar I can find, I head inside and order as many shots as they will sell me. When they stop, I’ll find another bar. Drowning my demons in liquor is about all I can do right now. She’s married. My Asia is married to my cousin. I knock back another shot and then another until my body begins to go numb. I don’t know how long I’ve been here when I look over and spot one of my father’s men, Dan. Dan spots me, and heads towards me quickly. His hand lands on my shoulder as I take down one more shot.
“What do you want?”
“Your father wants you at the reception. He wasn’t happy that you ran from the wedding.”
“Is father ever happy?” I ask him cocking my head to the side to study him.
“Not usually. I understand, Giovanni, for what it’s worth,” he says.
“Do you?” He nods.
“You love her. We’ve all always known that. We can see the way you look at each other. Your father having her marry Matteo is only to throw you off,” he adds. What the hell?
“How do you know that? Why are you telling me this?” I’m suspicious. More than that. I watch as Dan swallows hard and glances around.
“I’ve been speaking to Roberto about what your father has been doing.”
“Which is?”
“Ruining the truce between families. He’s backstabbing and doing things. Family members are being killed, Giovanni.”
“What family members?” Dan swallows hard, his eyes glossing over. I turn in my seat to face him better. “What family, Dan?” He takes a deep breath and holds his head high.
“Soldiers families. My wife and son…he had them killed.”
Fuck! What the hell is he doing? I grab my shot and knock it back before shoving off my stool. I head toward the back motioning for Dan to follow. When we’re in the back room where the pool tables are, I check to make sure no one is listening.
“How many are against him? His following was loyal as far as I knew,” I tell him.
“You’ve been gone a long time, Giovanni. Things have changed and not for the better. Before your father did things to benefit the family and those that were loyal. Lately, he has been doing things to benefit himself and himself only.”
; “I need numbers, Dan.”
“I’d say eighty five percent are against him now. He’s ruining all that he’s built and burning those who have helped him,” he tells me.
I nod my head and scratch at my jaw as I think about it. “What do you want me to do?”
His eyes lock on mine and I can see it. I know what he wants.
“I want him out. I’d much prefer to work for Roberto.”
“And he is willing to take over?”
“He is. We’ve discussed this amongst ourselves.”
“Let’s go to the reception. We don’t want him to question things. Have a meet with your men within the week and contact me.”
Chapter 19
I rub my chest for what feels like the millionth time since I’ve been here. I’ve drank. I’ve drank a lot, yet still that ache sits in the middle of my chest. I can’t fucking breathe. I roam the hallway of the hotel where the reception is being held, trying to stop the thoughts running through my head, when I feel hands on my back. I jerk around and find those chocolate brown eyes staring up at me.
“I want to kill him, Asia. My own fucking family, and I want him dead.” I grit my teeth. Asia doesn’t say anything, just glances around, grabs my hand, and leads me down the hallway. Tension coils my insides when she opens a door and ushers me in. As soon as the door closes, she’s on me. Her arms wrap around my neck, her lips crashing into mine. My hands move to her waist, lifting her in my arms. I kiss her back with so much passion that I might as well explode on the spot. Her kiss is rough and full of longing. Pressing her back against the full length mirror, I grind my cock against her. Heat boils inside of me.
“You’re married,” I whisper licking along her neck to her shoulder.
“I don’t love him, Gio. I love you.”
Her moans shoot through me like an electrical shock. I never in my life wanted anything more than Asia. Sliding my hand in between us, I unbuckle my slacks, letting them fall around my ankles, taking my boxers with them, before moving her panties to the side. One long thrust and I’m inside of her.