The Rock Star (Hollywood Heartthrobs Book 2)

by Tabitha Bree

  I can finally take a look at him, Keith Black, the man who raised me. His hair is a little grayer than the last time I saw him, and his beard has grown out. It blends into his sideburns and onto his head so that there is no break for the entire circumference of his face. His hair is brushed back and I stare at his full hairline, hoping those genetics are past down to me.

  “Gunning for the role of Santa in the town’s Christmas play this year?” I ask, grabbing the sides of his hair. “It’s spectacular.”

  “Get out of here.” He swats me away with an oven mitt. “Some of us don’t need a fancy barber or makeup to look handsome.” He juts out his chin and I laugh.

  Without asking, he hands me a beer from the fridge and we go back outside, sitting on the chairs he has set up around a campfire. The sun is going down, and shafts of light creep through the thick trees, creating spotlights on the ground.

  “I was surprised you were coming,” he says, poking the fire with a stick. Embers dance in the air above it, flickering like fireflies. “Wasn’t expecting you till Thanksgiving. Not that I’m complaining.”

  “I guess I just needed a breather,” I say, bringing my beer to my lips. “Besides, Jack is staying with me while her place gets fumigated. So it seemed like a good time to come visit my old man.”

  “Eh, who’s old?” he grumbles, grinning through his beard. He always has the best attitude towards life, my dad. But it makes me sad to think of him out here, alone all these years. He never did meet anyone after my mum left. And to be honest, I’m not sure he wanted to.

  Maybe getting burned and staying burned is in the blood.

  “So how are you going, son?” he asks, and I know it’s a loaded question. He doesn’t buy into all the tabloid bullshit, but he certainly keeps an eye on it. I think it’s his way of feeling closer to me.

  “Same old shit.”

  “Seems to have gotten worse over the last few months.” He raises an eyebrow. “What about the film? Is that working out?”

  The film might be working out. My relationships with the people involved… not so much. I sigh, resigning myself to a long chat. Who knows, maybe it will help.

  I fill Dad in on Dee… on how we met, on how our relationship evolved, and on how I developed feelings for her (leaving out a few graphic scenes, obviously). His excitement was cut short when I made it to the part where she tore my personality to shreds in front of a room full of people while I watched on, like a fucking clown. It was embarrassing living it for the first time, but it’s humiliating retelling it to my dad. Even if he doesn’t think Dee’s harsh words are true, I can’t help but feel like a disappointment… admitting to him that people actually think those things about me.

  “But you say she came to your house to apologize?”

  I shrug. “I can only guess. She ran off when she saw Jack, got the wrong idea.”

  Dad grumbles. “Well, that’s not going to solve anything. Have you tried talking to her? Sorting it out?”

  “It doesn’t really feel like my thing to sort out. She’s the one who basically said I was the worst person she knew. And has she tried to call? No.” I toss a handful of sticks in the fire, watching the flames grow taller. “If she wants to jump to conclusions about Jack, that’s on her. I’m sick of feeling like I have to defend myself all the time, convince people I’m a good guy. If they don’t see that on their own, fine. I’m better off without them.”

  Dad nods. He is not an argumentative man, and he is very kind… so he lets me say what I want to say. But as his eyes look into the fire, I know there’s a thousand things going on in his head.

  “What?” I ask, exhaling. “What are you not saying?”

  “Nothing.” He curves his mouth down. “You’re right, people should see the best in you, and as your father, it pains me when they don’t.”

  I push my eyebrows together. “But?”

  He makes a humming noise in his throat, leaning forward. “But… I think sometimes you need to have a little faith in people.” He looks over at me with warm eyes. “Not everyone is going to abandon you.”

  We both know who he is talking about. He doesn’t have to say her name.

  Mom.

  But it isn’t even just Mom. It was my high school girlfriend. It was Willow, cheating on me with the worst person she could pick. And now Dee, who seemed so different from the others. Dee, who made me feel more like myself than I have in forever. But she made it clear how she really felt about me.

  My jaw hardens as I look into the dark woods around us. “Sometimes it’s better to cut them off before they have a chance to.”

  After dinner, I go into my bedroom to sort out some boxes. Dad cleaned out the attic, and he wants me to sort through my old stuff and figure out what I want to hold on to. There’s a layer of dust on every cardboard lid, and I open the first box to find toys from my childhood. Well, this whole thing can go. It’s not like I need to hold on to anything for a kid of my own.

  The next box is from my teenage years; a few trophies from a couple of music competitions I won, a bunch of demo tapes I planned to send to the big labels, and an album full of photos. I flick through them, each one triggering a new memory.

  Fuck me, no wonder I had trouble in high school. The hair, the braces, the skin… this kid had some balls, playing his guitar out in the school yard, alone. I look at his face and can’t help but feel bad for him. I’m mad at the world for making him feel like shit, for making him think he had to become someone else to be worth anything.

  Looking into his eyes, I realize. This kid was more of a man than I am now. He had genuine passion and talent and just wanted to share his gifts with the world. He wasn’t faking it or hiding behind a facade. I wonder how Dad felt when I morphed into this person, this rock star with all his black leather and electric guitar and bad ass reputation.

  I wonder if he was disappointed.

  Because I know I am. Looking back now, I realize that changing myself to appease a bunch of mean fucks who didn’t accept me was the biggest mistake of my life. Of course I don’t know what to do about Dee. I don’t even know what to do about myself. My whole life is a mess, and all I want is a fresh start.

  And then it hits me.

  A fresh start.

  It’s time to come clean.

  About everything.

  29

  Dee

  I have half a California Roll massacred in my mouth when my phone rings.

  “Yeah,” I answer, pushing the food to the side.

  “Hey, sorry to bother you.” It’s Jayden. “But Katherine needs you to pick up something from Xavier’s house.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Apparently he took home a compass prop and they need it for a scene tomorrow.”

  I groan. “But I’m out for dinner with Sadie. Can’t one of the PAs do it?”

  There is also the small fact I have zero desire to see Xavier again.

  “Katherine wants you to go,” Jayden replies.

  Ugh. Of course she does.

  “Xavier’s out of town, so his friend Jack will let you in,” Jayden goes on. Ah, Jack. The best and only friend Xavier has told me about. Well, at least I won’t have to see Xavier. I still don’t know how I’m going to deal with it when he’s back from his break.

  “Fine. I’ll finish here and go.”

  I hang up and Sadie presses her perfect eyebrows together. “What’s going on?”

  “I have to go to Xavier’s place to pick something up,” I say, giving up on the chopsticks and using my fingers instead. “Want to come for a drive?”

  We finish up and hit the road. I have to keep reminding myself there’s no reason to be freaking out. It’s not like this Jack guy will know who I am. Xavier probably has so many women in his life he identifies them by number instead of name.

  Even though I’m making jokes about it, my insides sink.

  I still can’t bring myself to call him. I know I owe him an apology for the whole video thing, but what
he’s done feels worse. Leading me on, playing me for a fool. And to think I actually believed he was genuine… that I fell for his stupid charm that probably worked the pants off hundreds of girls before me.

  “Are you okay?” Sadie asks, looking at me from the passenger seat with worry in her eyes.

  “I just feel weird going back here.”

  “At least Xavier won’t be there, right?”

  I smile weakly. “Right.”

  I don’t want to tell my friends how upset I really am. The truth is, Xavier made me feel something I haven’t in years. He made me feel like it was possible to find that crazy, intense chemistry, but also someone with depth. After I heard a bit more about Xavier’s life, I knew I judged him too quickly, and I started to believe he was just a good guy swept up in a bad reputation. But seeing that girl there in next to nothing hit me like a wrecking ball. I never meant anything to Xavier.

  It was always just a bit of fun for him.

  We reach the gate and I inhale deep into my ribs as I punch in the code and drive through.

  “Good luck,” Sadie says with a small smile as I park out the front.

  When I get out of the car, Benson comes bounding over to me, his tongue hanging out of his happy mouth. He nuzzles his curly head into my legs and I get an unexpected lump in my throat. A reminder of happier times.

  “Hey boy,” I say, scratching him behind the ears.

  When I reach the front door, it’s wide open. I frown, walking inside and knocking on the door frame.

  “Hello?” I call out.

  There’s no one to be seen. But all the lights are on.

  “Hey, sorry, I’m coming!” A voice comes from upstairs, but it’s not the voice I’m expecting. “Ignore the mess down there,” the voice continues. “Xavier is letting me stay while my place gets fumigated for bedbugs. Sidewalk furniture, am I right?”

  I notice clothes strewn all over the place, a stark difference to how tidy Xavier usually has it.

  “Hey, if you speak to him, tell him his dog took a dump in my shoe.” The voice gravitates to the top of the stairs and I see a small pair of feet. “And make no mistake, he’ll be paying to replace them.”

  She finishes her descent down the stairs and then marches across the room, only properly looking at me when she’s two feet away.

  It’s the girl from the other day.

  The one wearing his sweatshirt.

  When she sees me, her face freezes. “Dee.”

  “You know who I am?” I splutter. My brain is trying to connect the dots, working overtime to make sense of everything.

  “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting it to be you,” she says.

  “You’re Jack?” I narrow my eyes. “But I thought you were a—”

  “Dude? Yeah. I’ve had that all my life. Or at least since I’ve known Xavier, and he shortened my name from Jaqueline.” She smiles, pinching her tiny shoulders together.

  “But you were the girl from the other day.” I take another look at her stuff all over the floor. I wait for her to jump in, but she looks like she doesn’t quite know what to say. So this is Jack, and Jack is staying here because she can’t stay in her own place. And she’s Xavier’s best friend…

  “Wait, how did you know I was Dee?”

  She bites her lips. “Um, Xavier told me who you would’ve been when you came by.”

  Okay… so Xavier knew I’d seen her there in his sweatshirt.

  It still isn’t adding up.

  “I’m confused,” I say, rubbing my forehead. “Are the two of you seeing each other?”

  It’s worse than I thought it was. She wasn’t just a random girl at his house, but Jack, his best friend. If they are sleeping together, it’s more than just a casual relationship.

  Oh God.

  Am I the other woman?

  Jack is still gapping to respond so I keep going. “Look, whatever’s going on between you, I had no idea about it.”

  I can’t believe he sucked me into such a gigantic mess. This whole thing is just one big shit show.

  And yet, Jack doesn’t look upset. If anything, her face is strained like she’s being tickle-tortured from behind but is trying to hide it.

  “Okay, I cave.” The words come tumbling out of her mouth. Her whole body relaxes, and she scratches the side of her short, blonde hair. “I thought the whole thing was dumb, anyway.”

  “What whole thing?”

  “I know what it looked like when you came over the other night. But I think you got the wrong idea.”

  “It looked like you were naked wearing Xavier’s sweatshirt.”

  Jack shudders. “Gross. No.”

  Benson takes this moment to come inside, circling Jack’s feet and wagging his tail.

  “So nothing’s going on between you?”

  “Xavier and I are best friends, and have been for years. He’s like a brother to me.” She scratches Benson’s head. “Which makes this guy my nephew.”

  I look at the ground, creasing my forehead. If Xavier knew I came by, and knew how it looked, why didn’t he say anything? Why hasn’t he called?

  Jack is watching me, and from the look on her face, she knows exactly what I’m thinking. “He was pretty cut up, you know… after that thing at the bar.”

  The video.

  That fucking video.

  I’m never participating in one of Jayden’s dumb games ever again.

  “So what, he wanted me to think you guys were together to punish me or something?”

  Jack shrugs. “He’s used to people jumping to conclusions about him.”

  “Well, can you blame them? He doesn’t exactly have a good track record.” Maybe nothing was going on with Jack, but the way he treated Willow has been front page news for weeks.

  Jack presses her lips together. “Look, Xav’s history is Xav’s history. It’s not for me to get into.” Benson nudges her legs and she laughs. “But I better get this guy his dinner. Here.”

  She passes me the compass and I nod, backing away toward my car.

  “Hey Dee?”

  I look back at her, standing in the doorway.

  “Maybe you should give him a call?” And then she disappears from view, with Benson trailing behind her.

  Sadie said she wasn’t getting out of my car until I’d sorted my head out. So we’ve been sitting outside her apartment for the last ten minutes in silence. Despite having a role in a major feature, she still lives with roommates. I suspect that has something to do with not wanting to go inside, too.

  “What are you going to do?” she eventually asks, placing a soft hand on mine. She is such a gentle sweetheart, how Damon ever snagged her is beyond me. “Are you going to call him?”

  I rest my head against the window. “I know I owe him an apology for what I said in the video. It was awful and he must have been humiliated.”

  Sadie scrunches her nose, which was her nice way of saying ‘yeah, you were a real bitch’. And I know I was. Sometimes the sass gets the better of me. And despite not knowing Xavier that well at the time, it was out of line to even say those things to anyone.

  Particularly when someone was pointing a camera in my face.

  “And how do you feel about you, as a couple?”

  I snort. “I don’t think there is an us, as a couple.”

  “No? Not even after what Jack told you?”

  I sigh. Finding out that Jack was the girl in the sweatshirt and that nothing was going on between them changed how angry and hurt I am. But there is still a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something that’s still giving me pause.

  “The thing is, maybe I got the wrong idea about Jack,” I say, looking out at the trees that line Sadie’s street. “But it was kind of a wake-up call. It made me realize what it would feel like for Xavier to actually play around on me.” I smile wryly, looking at Sadie. “And we all know his history.”

  Sadie purses her lips and nods with big, sad eyes. I chew on my lip, resting my head against my seat. “What
would you do?”

  Sadie blows air through her lips, her cheeks inflating. “I’m not sure you’re asking the right girl. If it were me and Damon?” She gazes wistfully at the night sky. “I’m not sure I could go through that heartbreak again, or give him a second chance. People change, sure. But I think you need to figure out if it’s worth the risk.”

  She squeezes my wrist and opens her door. “But whatever you decide, I think Jack is right. You should at least call him and talk things over.”

  We say our goodbyes and I watch as Sadie disappears into her apartment building. I wonder how long it will take her to move to the hills like the rest of them.

  I know her and Jack are right. I can’t just hide from this forever. In any case, Xavier will be coming back to set next week and I’ll have to see him face-to-face. Better to at least try to smooth the whole video thing over before that happens.

  I bring my phone up to my ear, waiting for him to answer.

  Hey, this is Xavier. Leave a message and I’ll get back to you…

  30

  Xavier

  I sit down on the park bench at our meeting location and check the time, holding my phone in my sweaty hands. I knew that getting out of town and visiting my dad was a good idea, but I never thought it would give me this much clarity.

  I spent the rest of my visit going through old boxes, going for walks along pebbly beaches, and drinking beers out by the fire with Dad. It was perfect, just the way to recharge my batteries before I faced LA again. And when I came back, I had a plan.

  But now that I’m sitting here on the park bench the nerves are creeping in. I feel like there’s a tiny man in my chest, beating a tiny boxing bag with alternate fists. I know it’s the right thing to do, but that doesn’t stop my hands from trembling, or the thoughts from running through my head.

  My phone buzzing in my hands makes me jump, and I look down to see Dee’s name across the screen. This is the third time she’s tried to call me, and like the last two, I send her call to voicemail and slide the phone into my pocket. I know it’s time to come clean. But I can’t talk to Dee until I have this other stuff figured out first.