“I should have called.” My raspy voice is almost hoarse with the strain. I look out my window. It’s already getting dark.
“I even stopped by twice. The doorman said you were out. You were here all along, weren’t you?” He looks at me.
“I never asked for the doorman to turn you away.” But my voice sounds hollow. For the last three months, I told them I was sick and couldn’t see anyone.
“What are you doing? Have you even thought this through?” His turquoise eyes zero in on my stomach. “Christ.” He turns away in disgust and looks out at Manhattan.
“You weren’t going to tell us, were you? How could you possibly think to get away with this?”
I open my mouth then close it. “Speak, Tess! Defend yourself. Say something that will make me understand. Because all I feel is betrayed and that breaks my heart.” He turns and his beautiful eyes, identical to Reed’s, hold mine.
I lick my dry lips. “Jax, please, I can handle anything but that.” When I try to push myself up, he rolls his eyes and sits me back down, placing a pillow behind me. I reach for his hand. “I never meant to hurt you or Reed. I’m so ashamed. Then I was terrified that Reed had told you that I wanted an abortion and I thought you would hate me. It’s all my fault.” I take a breath. “Reed loved me and I ruined that.” I nod, the lump in my throat almost choking me. “It’s true, I was scared and sick and we said such horrible things. He called me my father and he was right.”
I look at the last picture I have up of Reed and me. We’re probably thirteen and laughing together. I can’t even remember what made us laugh that day. No matter how long he has stayed away, I couldn’t seem to get rid of this picture.
“I destroyed us,” I whisper, still transfixed on the picture of us.
“He loves you no matter where he is.” Jax squeezes my hand and I look at him, but he too is looking at the picture.
“Reed needs to know, Tess.”
“I know.” I look at my hand clasped in his. “Brance and I have been discussing how best to go about it.”
Jax cocks his head. “I thought Brance was in Africa.”
“He came back early for me. I needed him.”
“I knew it.” He exhales and stands shaking his head. “Fucking Brance! Where is he?” He looks around my penthouse like he’s hiding somewhere.
“I knew you wouldn’t do this alone—it’s not only you. Was it his idea not to tell Reed?”
“Absolutely not.” I slap the couch with my hands. “Brance is truly the most wonderful person in the world. I don’t know what I would have done without him.” I reach for a Kleenex on the side table and blow my nose.
Jax’s eyes bore into me. “What the hell?” He looks at the ceiling exasperated then back at me. “Christ, Tess stop. I can’t stand you crying.” He sits down and pulls me onto his lap the way he always does whenever Reed and I fight. I cry into his chest as he strokes my back not saying anything.
After I can’t cry anymore and I’m hiccupping into his neck, he sighs. “This is serious. How many months are you?”
“Six,” I whisper.
He nods, his eyes going to my stomach. “This stops today—all the crying, the guilt, it stops. Reed is not innocent. Both of you said things that I’m sure you want to take back, but this isn’t good for the baby.”
I slide off his lap so I can take a good look at him. “I swear to you, I was getting ready to tell everyone. I guess a part of me was still believing that Reed was coming back.”
Jax pulls my hair off my face. “I haven’t seen or heard from my brother in months. The last time I saw him was in a Las Vegas hospital. He was out of his mind with grief. It didn’t go well.”
“Is he okay?” My chest tightens. It’s agony that I did this to us.
“I have no idea,” Jax states. “He knew, though. In the hospital, he was delirious with fever and he knew you were keeping the baby. At the time, I thought it was the drugs. I mean he was saying all sorts of crazy shit.”
“Why Vegas? Reed hates Vegas.”
“He wasn’t in his right mind, so God only knows how he got there.” He rubs his hands up and down his face, and I have to look away. That gesture is pure Reed.
“If I could take it back… you have no idea. Every day I get up and he is the first thing I think about. As soon as I found out I was having twins, I knew I was never going to abort. As fucked up as my parents made me, I’ve decided to do the opposite. I’m confident they will turn out all right.” I try to smile.
His eyes snap to mine. “You’re pregnant with twins?” His voice cracks.
“It’s crazy, right?”
He takes both my cold hands and cups them like we are praying with his warm ones. “We have to tell him. No matter how fucked up he is, he needs to know.”
“I agree.”
“Good.” He lets go. “I will have to get my grandfather on it. None of us know where he is or have a number.”
I take a deep breath, feeling better already. Maybe Reed will come back.
“Twins, huh?” I look at him. He lifts his hips up to get his phone out of his back pocket. “I don’t know why I’m surprised. You two never do anything easy.” He snickers as he tosses it on the coffee table.
Tears fill my eyes again. “Enough with tears, Tess. I couldn’t stand them when you were eight, and I can’t stand them now. I forgive you, but you need to trust me to handle this, okay?”
I nod and wipe them away clearing my throat. “I trust you.”
“Good.” He stands, picking up his phone. “Call Brance. I want to talk to him,” he demands.
“Jax, it’s not his fault. Please, don’t be mad at him. He’s in LA visiting his boyfriend. I don’t want to bother him.”
“Bother him! And I’m staying with you until Reed comes back.” He holds up a finger when I start to argue. “Trust me, Reed would want me to. This is a family situation. Brance can stay in LA.”
Great, this is going to be ugly. “Jax, please, you know Brance is my family. Be nice. I don’t know what I would have done without him.”
He rolls his eyes at me. “I do! You would have called me. But that’s beside the point. I don’t want you to worry about anything. I know you love Brance, and I’m not going to be an ass, especially since he’s been taking care of you. I only want to talk to him.”
Staring into his eyes, I see they are sincere. “Fine, and by the way, my dad disowned me because I got pregnant with twins and Reed left me. So Brance has been financially supporting me also.”
He stiffens. “What?”
“You heard me. I’m broke and Brance has been supporting me emotionally and financially.”
“Another reason to talk to him. Of course, we’ll pay him back. From now on, you only take money from the family.” He kisses my forehead like I’m a child, then gets on his phone, I assume to call Grandfather Ian.
Slowly, I walk up the stairs and into my bedroom. I set my phone down. I’m so exhausted and my feet are tired and swollen. The thought of calling Brance and having to explain everything that has happened makes me look at my clean, cool, welcoming bed and decide to let Jax and him fight it out. Brance can hold his own and then some. I, on the other hand, can barely keep my eyes open. Pulling off my pants, I slip in and sigh as I put a soft pillow between my legs and snuggle in under my sheets and comforter. I shut my eyes, letting my subconscious for a moment actually dream that Jax locates Reed and he miraculously forgives me with a kiss.
I snort into my pillow at my pathetic fairy-tale delusions. If Reed wanted to come home, he would have. Jax and Brance are right. My babies need me. And not the sad, weak Tess who can’t function without Reed. But the one who is strong enough to raise two kids on her own and love every minute of it.
TESS
One month later
“Jax? Is that my phone ringing?” I yell, almost falling. One of my Ugg boots is the culprit. I’m so big I trip all the time. Staring in dismay at my numerous outfits, I stand naked in m
y large walk-in closet. Nothing seems right. What do you wear when Ian Saddington, Reed and Jax’s grandfather, comes over with a phone number for Reed?
I’m a nervous wreck, but in a strange way, it’s a giant relief. I need to get this off my psyche. Should I wear a dress or pants? I procrastinate in my closet, putting off the inevitable as long as I can.
“Fuck you.” I hear it loud and clear from downstairs. Brance must be arguing with Jax again. He didn’t take kindly to Jax’s phone call that day. The next morning, he and Logan were at my penthouse and haven’t left since. Jax also hasn’t left. He’s moved in and seems happy to wait for Reed to come and fetch me. God, if only I could be so lucky. Somehow, I know in my gut today is not going to go the way everyone is hoping.
Rubbing my stomach, I try to calm my nerves. The twins have been more active over the last week or so. I lower myself onto my vanity chair and slip one foot and then the other into my underwear then put on my super ugly maternity bra—after fighting it for months, I finally had to get a few. My breasts are enormous.
“I swear to God, Tess, Jax is on my last nerve.” Brance bursts into my closet. “Why aren’t you dressed?” His lean body takes up most of the doorway. He’s wearing tailored charcoal pants and a crisp white-collared shirt. Logan lucked out—Brance is all-around yummy.
Puffing out some air, I start to sweat. After blowing out and straightening my hair, I’m burning up. Unfortunately, ever since I got pregnant, the simple act of using a blow dryer turns my whole body into a sauna. Then Brance insisted I make some big curls. The effect was fabulous until I started to perspire. Also, every time, I turn, a big curl gets stuck on my glossy lips. So I’ve got smeared lip gloss, along with sweat pouring down my breasts and trickling down my sides. I want to roll into a corner and cry.
“Brance, you have to turn on the air,” I snap at him.
He frowns. “Tess, it’s cold. We keep the penthouse freezing already. I can’t turn on the air. That’s insane.”
I shoot him a death glare. He holds up his hands in defeat, laughing. “Okay, I’ll turn it on.” His brown eyes focus on me.
“What?” I can only imagine what I look like, face red and sweaty.
He reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out his phone, adjusting the temperature. Instantly glorious cool air blows on my face and body.
“Thank you. I love you,” I shout, slumping into my built-in shelves that hold my impressive shoe collection. I can no longer fit into any of them.
Brance steps around me as he efficiently filters through my maternity section.
“Here, wear this.” It’s a gray cashmere dress. I take it gratefully. I’m starting to feel better with the cool air. And this dress is super comfortable. Its soft cashmere wraps around me like a second skin. I push my hair out of my face and turn to Brance.
“Well?” I place my hands on my hips.
He tilts his head, examining me from top to bottom.
“I never thought I would see the day, but you are more beautiful now than ever.”
Snorting, I turn to face the full-length mirror in the corner. “You’re completely biased. I’m as big as a house.”
“No, this”—he motions with his hands—“this is what poets write about.” His eyes get misty. “This is the closest I’m ever going to get to experiencing pregnancy with a woman.” He’s sincere. Brance is loving every minute of my pregnancy. Two weeks ago, he hired a photographer to take pictures of me. By the end of the shoot, Brance, Logan, and Jax had joined in. I blew up a picture of all of us and had Jax hang it over the fireplace.
“You’re sure you can deal with this? I’m worried about the stress of this upsetting your blood pressure.”
Brance pulls my hair off my lips, then gets on his knees and grabs my ballet flats. Gently he lifts one foot and rests it on his thigh, slipping on the black flat, then does the same with my other foot. He rubs my swollen ankles. “There, you’re ready.”
I grab his sleeve. “Brance, I… I really love you. I can’t tell you how much you mean to me.”
“You don’t have to tell me. I know, Pretty Girl. I’ve always known.” He rubs my cheek with his thumb.
“This is the right thing to do. I want to be free. I’m sick of waking up at three a.m. in a cold sweat because I’m a liar. I have my faults, but keeping Reed from his children was never in the plan.”
He nods as he massages my shoulders. “And we won’t be the bad guys anymore. It can be all Reed.”
“That doesn’t sound positive.” He gives me the “we both know how this is going to turn out” look.
“I know.” My ballet flats sink into the soft carpet of my bedroom. I take Brance’s hand as we descend the stairs.
Jax is yelling at the TV. Monday night football is on, so nobody even notices as Brance and I enter. Jax, Ian, and Brad sit glued to the end of the couch, screaming for Tom Brady to do his magic.
“Hello.” For some reason I feel shy and extremely pregnant. Brad jumps to his feet first followed by Grandfather Ian. Jax gives me a wink and turns back to the game.
“Tess…” Suddenly I find myself in a tight, warm embrace. “Look at you.” Brad pulls back holding me at arm’s length. He pulls his proud, handsome face back, taking in my condition.
“I want to be angry at you, but I can’t. This is too wonderful. I’m at a loss… and twins. You know Caroline is hurt. You need to call her, sweetheart.”
My cheeks heat up. “I’m sorry. I never meant not to tell you. It’s been difficult. I was sick, and…” I look at the men in the room. “The truth is I have no excuse. I hope you can forgive me.”
Grandfather Ian walks over to kiss my cheek. “Let’s sit and talk. Jax, please turn off the television.” His commanding voice is so much like Reed’s it hurts.
I lower myself onto the couch, adjusting and trying not to flinch at the sharp kicks the twins are doing. Brad hands me a pillow and I smile, grateful. The television snaps off. I turn to look at Ian. His wrinkled tan hand reaches for mine.
Even in his eighties, Grandfather Ian is undoubtedly handsome. His hand may be covered in age spots, but it’s strong and warm as he holds mine.
“You have been feeling better?” He flashes me those damn Saddington dimples.
“I was sick in the beginning, but I feel better now.”
I smile into his green eyes, and he reaches up and wipes a tear from my cheek. I had no idea I was crying.
He sighs. “I’ve located Reed.”
My heart skips a beat. Shit, this is truly happening. Suddenly I want to run. I wiggle trying to get comfortable.
“Before we continue, I have talked to Dr. Blumen. He informed me that your blood pressure is of some concern?”
Adrenaline races through me, pounding in my head, making my arms are weak.
“Tess honey?” His kind green eyes show understanding. “We can wait. All our main concern is your health and the babies. If this is too stressful, please be honest.”
Brad stands up and clears his throat. “Dad, I feel strongly that Reed should be told. After all, these are his children too. We can’t keep this from him.” I clutch Grandfather Ian’s hand tightly. Then realize my nails are leaving marks in his old soft skin.
“Sorry,” I mumble, pulling my hand away.
“Tess?” Brad gets my attention. “Reed is not perfect but he loves you and he will adore his children.”
Jax comes over and looks down at me. “What do you want to do, Tess?” My heart beats so hard I can feel it in my forehead, which probably means my blood pressure is skyrocketing. But I’ve gotten this far. Why prolong the agony?
“I need to tell him.”
I hear Brad whisper, “Thank you.” He rubs the back of his neck, looking exhausted. Actually, everyone looks tired. Thank God I’m ending this.
“You sure? You’re awfully pale.” Brance looks at me like a mother hen.
“I’m fine, I’m nervous so…”
Grandfather Ian takes my hand again.
“Tess, I have a private investigator on Reed.” He hesitates and I swallow. “He’s not in a good place. I honestly do want to know if you are up for this. Or we wait until after the babies are born.”
God, I’m lightheaded and the sweat is making the cashmere sticky and slightly itchy. I can’t have a panic attack. So I take a small breath. It’s almost as if Grandfather Ian wants me to say no. Dread creeps around my lower back and the babies kick enough to make me gasp a little.
“Please, let’s get this over with.”
Grandfather Ian’s shoulders slump for a second and I almost think he is going to refuse. Instead he reaches into his pocket and hands me a number.
“Hold on.” Jax takes the paper from me. “Where the fuck is he?”
“Amsterdam.”
“Christ, I need a drink. Anyone else?” He turns away.
I almost faint when I hear Logan accept one. Oh God, this is so awful that Logan is reduced to drinking.
I clear my voice. “I’ll use our home phone.” As I pull myself up, Brance stops me. Jax walks over with a Scotch in one hand and the phone in the other.
“Do you need some privacy?” Grandfather Ian asks.
I freeze, staring into his kind eyes. “Tess, no matter what… Reed loves you more than he loves himself.” He nods. “He’s lost and he needs you. I truly believe this.”
Before I can chicken out and let the anxiety take over, I push the number, my hands shaking. Holding my breath, I hear Jax snap for me to breathe. My eyes pop to his and for a moment, I let myself think it’s Reed and he’s breathing with me.
“I don’t like this. Fuck.” Brance stands in front of me frowning. “Hang up. We will deal with Reed later.” He takes the phone from my cold hands even though I’m drenched in sweat. “He’s not answering. That’s enough for today,” he informs the room.
“Try it again, Brance. I want this done.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t like your coloring. Look at her, Jax.” They all stare at me like I’m some precious piece of art.
“Brance is right. You’re pale. How about some orange juice?”
The Enlightened (Entitled Book 2) Page 7