“Oh, stop it, Jax.” I take the phone out of Brance’s hand. Suddenly, I desperately need to hear Reed’s voice. I need to hear that he still hates me or loves me. Either way, it’s time to atone.
Standing up, I cradle the bottom of my belly. As I walk into the kitchen, Jax and Brance follow closely behind. I press redial and hear the weird overseas ringtone. I’m not feeling good at all. I should hang up for my own health, but something makes me wait.
And then I hear it. A woman’s voice!
I reach for my kitchen island. It’s cold marble, making the tips of my fingers numb. A small cramp in my lower back causes me to focus.
“Is Reed there?”
“Who’s calling?” The woman sounds tired and I assume I have woken her up. My mind is already going there and I grip the counter tighter. Why had I naively thought he would stay true to me? Reed always breaks my heart.
“Who is this?” The woman’s voice picks up volume. I walk slowly to the sink in case I need to throw up. Pain like I have never felt slices through my heart then twists around and ends up slashing down my back. I whimper and Jax and Brance are at my side.
“Give me the phone, Tess,” Jax demands. I can’t see him because my eyes are blurry with tears.
“TESS?” the woman speaks.
A shudder goes up my belly, straight to my throat, which is barely holding back the bile.
“How did you get our number? Well, it doesn’t matter.” She sighs as if she’s so tired she can barely be bothered with me. I want to give the phone to Jax. He’s trying to take it from me, but I seem to have a death grip on it.
“I need… is Reed there?” My voice sounds so far away.
“He’s in the shower.”
Silence.
“Listen, I’m probably the last person you want to hear this from… but Reed and I are married.”
“What?” I don’t recognize my voice. It sounds almost robotic.
She sighs or maybe yawns. “Tess, this is Lexi. Reed and I got married a month ago.” She sighs dramatically again. “This might sting a little… Well, come on, you aborted yours so maybe not.”
“Excuse me?” The hair on my arms stands up.
“I’m pregnant, Tess.” The room starts to spin. “Reed is thrilled, but you calling is well… uncomfortable for me. I hope that’s not rude, but my main concern is giving Reed a healthy baby and the last thing he needs is an old girlfriend calling.”
“No,” I wheeze into the phone. It’s as if the ground has opened up and transported me to another time, place. Because this can’t be happening.
“I’m sorry, but it’s true.”
I shake my head.
“Hello? Tess? You still there?” Her voice drifts off. “Okay, you have a good day.” Then all I hear is nothing.
I lower the phone and announce, “Lexi is pregnant. She’s giving Reed what he wants.”
“That piece of shit. I swear to God, I’ll get my father’s men to take care of him.”
I scream, grabbing the first thing I see, which is a coffee mug. I fling it across the kitchen. It smashes against the wall and brown coffee splatters and trickles like paint. Brance’s strong arms are around me, comforting me. I can’t breathe. I can’t function. All I feel is pain. I look up at his face that must mirror my own.
“I think I need to go to the hospital.”
“Call 911,” Brance yells.
I’m falling and I don’t have Reed to catch me. He lied again.
“Tess, sweetheart, wake up.” I hear Jax and an ambulance. But all I really hear is Lexi. I’m pregnant! Pregnant…
“She can’t have his baby,” I whimper. “She can’t.” My eyes swim with tears as I clutch Jax’s hand.
“Fuck Reed.” Jax is crying. Absently I wonder, when was the last time I saw Jax cry?
A nice woman in a blue outfit is in front of me. Like a roller coaster, we go up and down hills. The sirens torture my ears.
“Jax?”
“I’m here, Tess. You’re fine, just making sure—” I moan because it’s too painful to scream. This agony is indescribable.
“She’s only seven months. Give her something,” he demands. “She can’t go into labor.”
“We gave her something for the pain. It’s up to her doctor if he wants to give her something to stop the onset of labor.” The woman speaks calmly.
And then the pain is better or maybe I don’t care. I squeeze Jax’s hand and close my eyes.
REED
Present day – twenty-five years old
New York, NY
I smell her. It’s her own unique smell. Vanilla and Tess. From the moment I left her, I have searched for this smell. Craved it really. It’s become an unobtainable obsession of mine. I’m working on barely any sleep, which my mind and body thrive on most of the time. But today… today’s different. Today has marked a new chapter in my life. I don’t need to look at her. I feel her. Every single movement—I know all of hers. She’s nervous even as she lifts her nose in the air, giving me a prime view of her rapid heartbeat in her neck.
I almost reach for another cigarette to saturate myself with smoke rather than her addictive smell.
Instead, I do the opposite because I’m into punishing myself. I lean into her and breathe her in and take it all the way to the back of my throat.
A small inhale escapes from her lips, but other than that she remains silent. Sitting back, I hold it, savor it, then blow it out. My cock hardens, and the urge to toss her onto her back and rut into her is amusing.
Looking out the window, I notice everything is slightly blurry with the rain on the windows. I try to get my dick under control. It’s laughable because I can’t stand her. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to fuck her. Sink into that hot sweet pussy and forget all my shit and darkness. I have two innocent people who need me. So fucking with their pathetic mother is not an option.
Two beautiful cherub faces with green eyes and dark hair. When they smile at me, their dimples are identical to mine. They are carbon copies of me—well, Luke is. Lilly favors Tess with the shape of her eyes, and she inherited her mother’s fucking lips.
I’m a father.
She didn’t abort.
And she didn’t tell me. She kept this life-altering secret from me. Shutting my eyes, I cringe at the searing pain. As of this morning, I believed I was coming to pay respects to my grandfather. Although if I’m honest, I knew in my gut there was something more. Always something more. I’m on unstable ground here. My insides feel like I’ve sipped acid. Because I swear my chest feels like it’s on fire.
I don’t love her. I can’t. But the feeling of love that spills out of me for my children almost cripples me.
She kept them from me, ruined any chance of forgiveness. With three words, she ripped my heart out, causing me to hemorrhage for years and become a man I never would have dreamed of becoming. A man incapable of loving. At least that was what I thought until I looked into the eyes of my children. The old childhood movie The Grinch Who Stole Christmas flashes into my head and I almost smile thinking that my heart has grown three sizes today. My whole life changed in a moment.
I almost wish I felt anger. It would be easier than what I feel toward this stunning creature.
Pity.
She destroyed us when all she had to do was trust herself and me. She made the decision to crush us, and her regret and sadness are boiling out of her. I want to feel something other than agony at the way my life has turned out. My mind spins back to the past and what we had. It was powerful, consuming. She was my obsession and I’ve had to dull my senses or work myself so hard that I literally collapse with exhaustion to forget her.
Hmm, maybe I can work up some anger. It seems to be running through my veins, pumping up into my heart and brain.
She shifts and I open my eyes and look at her. She’s so beautiful, and for a moment, we connect. But it’s a façade I remind myself. Behind that beautiful face is the soul of a selfish, insecure person.
She uses her looks as a weapon. Always has.
Her hair is slightly longer but her face. That face… still so fucking gorgeous. It has been my constant companion and tormentor.
Knowing that I hated her fueled my need for her even more. And her fucking lips… Unfairly, I judged every other’s woman’s lips, always wishing, needing them to be hers. Tess was made for me and solely me. And I haven’t been truly sexually satisfied since my cock was deep inside her silken walls. I enjoy controlling my women now. Dominating them fully, all I have to do is take what I need. If they can’t find satisfaction with that, then they are welcome to move on.
Her leg is bouncing again. I don’t bother to stop her. Her anxiety has not improved. She used to be better. I used to be all she needed. She took my breath and my heart with one look. I lost myself drowning in a pool of sapphire eyes and porcelain skin.
Christ, this might be the longest day I have ever endured. I rub my hands across my face.
My mind wanders back to the last six months. The numerous phone calls with my grandfather. His strong voice didn’t sound strong. It was tired and restless. When he talked in cryptic messages, at the time, I disregarded it as old age. But now, his constant pleading with me to come home made it almost seem as if he expected me to sense their meaning. But how could I? And yet, hadn’t I?
For the last two weeks, we’d been playing phone tag. The time difference kept both of us missing each other’s calls. I’ve lost track of how long it’s been since I actually talked to my parents. And I need to make it right with them and Jax. Unfortunately, I can’t make it up to my grandfather. But somehow, I know he forgave me, loved me. He was a great man. He made me believe in true love because he truly believed in love and was absolutely confident that people do have soul mates.
He never accepted Lexi, not that I wanted him to or even cared. I guess he thought of both of us as weak and he would be right. My farce of a marriage is the result of an unfortunate drug and alcohol impairment. His anger when I chose to stay married to her caused a rift. I didn’t hear from him for almost a year after that. Then out of the blue, he called and dumped on me all the European business. From then on, not only did I give up drugs, I threw myself into work. We talked frequently. He never questioned me again about Lexi. Or any of the women I saw after that.
“You need to come back and find what you need, Reed.”
Chuckling, I say, “How much have you been drinking, Grandfather? You know I only get in trouble when I come home.”
Silence.
“Grandfather?”
“I want you to know that I have only done what I did… because I love them, and I wanted you together.”
“Are you talking to me?”
“It doesn’t matter. You will find out soon enough. When might you be coming? There are things that need to be said face-to-face.”
“I told you, Grandfather, soon, but I have to finish up. The contracts with Bjorn and then the press conference in Germany. Maybe, I can take some time off after that.”
“Yes, you need to have all your stuff taken care of.”
“Is something wrong?”
“No, but it’s time to come home.”
That was the last time we talked. He all but told me then. Yet how could I ever imagine what he was rambling about?
Adjusting my eyes, I think about whether coming home years earlier would have changed anything. Of course, it would have. It’s been a series of self-destructive behavior that has kept me from returning. Yes, Tess is to blame, but so am I.
I know why Tess did what she did because I know Tess. I should have let her be with our children tonight. I don’t intend to hear any of her justifications or excuses about how I should forgive her. This will be the last night that I am away from Luke and Lilly. If their mother wants to join us, she can.
The morning events are still fresh in my mind, burned into my brain.
The skies are dark when the G5 pulls into the private tarmac. The rain has yet to start, an omen of what’s to come. Jay stands tall, waiting for me in one of my grandfather’s Bentleys.
He greets me with a nod, which I return. The entire drive is silent.
It’s not until he turns into the entryway and the massive wrought iron gates swing open that my heart gives a painful thump. As a man, I take time to actually appreciate the grandeur, the history, the roots of my family. Because this incredible estate is where it all started.
The magnificent mansion has been passed down to the Saddington men. The old, beautiful, winding brick driveway that swirls up to the house is still maintained. The tires crackle, gripping the old brick. I can’t help but imagine my ancestors riding horses up this very driveway leading to the house. The beautiful green, manicured lawn is peppered with numerous trees that stretch for as far as I can see.
There has never been a time where I haven’t been excited and happy to come and stay in this house. I have had the most incredible memories at this estate. So many memories that I hadn’t even realized I cherished until now. In my mind’s eye, I see Jax and me laughing, tackling each other as we run across the grassy lawn.
Absently I wonder if my parents will move here. Will they love it like it deserves to be loved? After all, this house was built by my great-great-great-grandfather, a duke from England.
Looking up ahead my heart speeds up. “Why the fuck are my mom, dad, and Jax all standing at the entrance waiting for me, Jay?”
I like to think it’s because they haven’t seen me in almost four years, but I know deep down in my gut, it’s more. My mother is clutching my father, her pretty face swollen with tears.
He snorts. “I was beginning to wonder if you were alive back there.”
“This is about more than my grandfather dying,” I say, looking at all the cars and limos. So many people are coming and going to pay their respects. My parents should be inside with them, not waiting for me.
He pulls into a spot and turns off the engine. My eyes narrow on the back of his head. Jay hasn’t changed much in appearance or personality.
“Welcome home.” He steps out and opens my door. If I didn’t feel like something terrible was about to be dropped on me I’d get in his face, but now is not the time.
My eyes move over his shoulder and I stare at my twin. A knifelike pang of guilt pricks my chest. Jay shuts the Bentley’s door, and I approach my parents. My mother doesn’t wait, throwing her small, thin form into my arms.
“Mom!” I hug her, and again, that feeling of apprehension prickles down my spine.
“Shhh, I’m here.” I don’t know what else to say. I’ve never seen her this hysterical. Her hands shake as she grabs my face.
“Reed, you have to forgive me. We did what we thought was the best. It never was supposed to go on this long.” She shakes her head, and my neck hair stands up. Instinctively I take a step back. And I know whatever she’s talking about is going to change my life.
My dad pulls my mother from my arms. “Let’s go inside, son. Your mother is not feeling well and we have something to tell you.”
Looking up at the sky, it has gone from a light drizzle to a steady rain and the wetness feels good on my tired face.
Clearing my voice, I say, “It’s good to be home. I wish I had come sooner.” I don’t know why I’ve said that. I guess it’s because I feel like shit for staying away for four years. Not to mention all the other things that have happened. My dad stiffens and my mom wails louder. Jax puts his hand on my shoulder. His is face wet with the rain, his eyes a reflection of mine: regret and pain.
“Jax, Mom is obviously… distraught. I don’t want to get into the shit that happened in the past. I was wrong, you were right, let’s leave it at that.”
I turn and walk into the grand house. I can sense him staring at me, and I almost turn to say something kinder. But that’s not me anymore, and what is there left to say? Thanks for not beating the shit out of me when I was at the lowest point in my life? Thanks for taking her side over your own fl
esh and blood?
Fuck, I’m tired. Even though it’s morning, all the lights are on in the lobby, and I breathe in the house. It smells like lemon, or more specifically, lemon oil. So much of the house is old, ornate wood. The maids always use a lemon-scented oil to protect and make the wood shine. The grand staircase glistens. The giant crystal chandelier in the middle of the room twinkles, and small rainbows reflect on the walls. My father opens my grandfather’s study and I stop. Jax bumps into me.
“Reed?” He walks around me, nervous energy radiating off him.
Again, I know something waits for me inside. If my mother’s condition is any indication, I’m not sure I’m ready for what’s to come. As I enter, my father is pouring a large amount of bourbon for my mother. His eyes find mine.
“Want one?”
“Why not?” I respond, glancing around the beloved room. This was where my grandfather spent most of his time. I mean, he lived here alone in this incredible mansion with fifteen bedrooms and twenty bathrooms, a tennis court outside, and a hockey rink on the lower level. Two pools, a sauna, a gym. Not to mention the most incredible library ever built, with books that are originals and hundreds of years old, passed down by each Saddington man and woman.
My dad pours a generous amount for all of us. He hands me mine. I look up and freeze. Behind my grandfather’s chair are two pictures.
One is of Jax and me as toddlers.
The second is of two children I have never met yet already know. The glass that my father handed me smashes to the floor.
REED
Present day – twenty-five years old
A phone is ringing. It’s annoying and snaps me out of my morning horror. This time, it’s mine. I glance at the screen. My lawyer-slash-truth-seeker Michael Ratzenberg is returning my earlier call. Not being able to stop myself, I stare at Tess as the car keeps moving. My lips twitch at her attempt to blatantly ignore me. I shouldn’t be amused, but everything feels right with her next to me. Even my cock agrees as it hardens, a painful reminder that I want her. As she stares out the window, I allow myself the luxury of stalking her with my eyes and answer the call.
The Enlightened (Entitled Book 2) Page 8