Sperm Wars

by Robin Baker

  The really impressive part of a woman’s strategy, however, is the way she manages to engineer a strong bias over sperm retention in favour of her lover without betraying any hint of infidelity to her partner. First, she keeps the frequency with which she climaxes during or after intercourse with her partner the same (22 per cent of intercourses), whether she is being unfaithful or not. Secondly, her main weapon against her partner is to increase her frequency of masturbation and nocturnals, but because these orgasms are secret, the change passes undetected by him. Thirdly, her main weapon to favour her lover is to have fewer nocturnal and masturbatory orgasms before, and more bypass orgasms during, sex with her lover than with her partner. Yet again, her favouritism cannot be detected by her partner.

  We can now see why it is as important for a woman to hide her masturbations and nocturnals from her partner as it is for a man (Scenes 12 to 14). If a man knew exactly when and how often his partner masturbated or had nocturnals during their routine sexual activity, any change in pattern could alert him to the fact that her body might be anticipating infidelity. With this warning, he could then be more vigilant, guard her more intently, and generally make it more difficult for her to collect anybody else’s sperm. Her strategy for influencing the outcome of sperm warfare, therefore, just like a man’s, depends on being able to change her masturbation and nocturnal patterns without being detected. Female masturbation and nocturnals have therefore been shaped to be secretive just as rigorously as male masturbation and wet dreams. And again, just as for men, it is the involvement of masturbation and nocturnals in infidelity and sperm warfare that has generated in women the subconscious urge for secrecy and privacy. The fact that, by and large, people do not know each other’s masturbation patterns is a testament to the success of that urge. For all the same reasons that we discussed for men (Scenes 12 to 14), the urge for privacy and secrecy over masturbation shown by most women is often matched by their curiosity, suspicion, distaste, and even prejudice regarding the practice in general.

  Of course, women do not always climax in secret. Just like a man, a woman will sometimes do so in full view of her partner without them then carrying on to have intercourse (Scene 20). Sometimes she does so by an open display of masturbation, but most often she does so with his help. We have already discussed facets of this situation with respect to oral sex (Scene 10), but often a man stimulates the woman with only his fingers. Here it is the orgasm itself that is strategically important to both the man and the woman – not any information the woman wishes to give or the man wishes to collect by his smelling and licking of her genitals.

  Such open orgasms, without intercourse immediately following, have exactly the same consequences for sperm retention as a woman’s private masturbation and nocturnals. Studies show that all three have an equally strengthening effect on her cervical filter, particularly if at orgasm she still has a large population of sperm in her cervical crypts. The result is that all three reduce sperm retention at her next insemination, even if this does not happen until days later.

  For the man, there is an element of reassurance in seeing or helping his partner have such an orgasm. His subconscious mind registers that, if she does have sex with another man over the next day or so (for example, through infidelity or rape), at least she starts that intercourse with a strong filter, and any army placed in her tract will be reduced. Of course, the man’s ploy is not infallible, and his partner can render his preparation ineffectual by having a bypass orgasm with the other man. Moreover, if, as is most likely, her next intercourse is with her partner, his preparation will have been counter-productive – he will have strengthened her filter against himself.

  As we have noted, helping a woman to climax during foreplay is, on the whole, disadvantageous to the man. Unlike the climaxes between sexual episodes that we have just discussed it is always him, never another male, who is going to suffer lower sperm retention. The other disadvantage here is that the longer he waits to penetrate the greater the chance he will lose the opportunity - either the couple could be disturbed, or she might change her mind about allowing intercourse.

  It is probably for these reasons that, as in many scenes in this book, most men would prefer to enter a woman and begin intercourse without trying to help her climax during foreplay. But because women often have much to gain from a foreplay orgasm (Scenes 24 to 25) and frequently seek a man’s cooperation in achieving one, the level and length of stimulation during foreplay is one of the major areas of conflict between men and women during their sexual encounters.

  A man is most prepared to cooperate over foreplay orgasms when he has least to lose, that is, when the woman either has no sperm in her cervical crypts or when the inseminate he is about to produce has little chance of becoming involved in sperm warfare; and when he has least choice, that is, when the woman refuses to allow penetration until she has had an orgasm during foreplay. So it is not surprising that men are most likely to cooperate over a foreplay orgasm when they have spent most time with their partner (so infidelity is unlikely), and when the woman is most insistent. Even having helped the woman to climax during foreplay, however, a man often shows great urgency in his attempts to penetrate and inseminate – because if he succeeds within one to two minutes of the woman’s climax he can still bypass her cervical filter (Scene 25).

  As we have seen time and time again, most of the strategies shown by men and women in relation to ejaculation and orgasm are subconscious – orchestrated by the body via sequences of mood, libido and sensitivity to stimulation. Indeed, most of the behaviour described in this book is similarly subconscious, the product of genetic programming rather than cerebral rationalisation. But the conscious element features none the less, as men and women learn by trial and error how best to satisfy their feelings. Men have to learn many things, from the basics of penetration to the subtleties of the female orgasm. Women have to learn how to climax, how to encourage men to help them to do so – and when and how to fake it. Both sexes also have to learn the strategic subtleties of infidelity and the prevention of infidelity; and how to select a mate, how to court and seduce the selected mate, as well as how to avoid unwanted attention.

  The ability to learn all of these things both well and quickly, making as few mistakes en route as possible, will have a big influence on a person’s reproductive success. Scenes 27 to 29 are concerned with how men and women learn these necessary sexual subtleties.

  9

  Learning the Gropes

  SCENE 27

  Practice Makes Quite Good

  As the young man rolled off the girl beneath him on the bed, a pile of coats and sweaters collapsed on top of him in the dark. He pushed them away, on to the floor. He had done it. At long last, he had done it. Without a shadow of a doubt, he had finally ejaculated inside a woman.

  He had come close twice before. The first time, when he was sixteen, was during a heavy petting session with a girl two years younger than himself. On that occasion, he had been content just to ejaculate, and hadn’t really tried to enter her. Then, last year, at a party just like this one, he had tried again but failed. Convinced that he was inside the girl, he had happily thrust away until he ejaculated. It wasn’t until afterwards that she had told him that all he had done was thrust down between her buttocks and ejaculate on to the bed, or maybe somebody’s coat. This time, however, he had definitely succeeded. Nineteen years old, and he had lost his virginity.

  Admittedly it had been quick; at the most a few seconds, once he was inside her. Admittedly, also, he had needed help. As on the previous occasion, the prods of his penis had failed to find the girl’s vagina – though he wouldn’t have known. Once again, he had thought he was inside her and had begun thrusting. But when she had taken hold of his penis and guided him in, the sensation was so different that he realised he must have been somewhere else – again, probably between her buttocks. He had nearly ejaculated prematurely, but had hung on just long enough to push himself right in. As he lay in the da
rk by her side, his sense of achievement and satisfaction knew no bounds. He told her how fantastic it had been and asked how it had been for her.

  She said, ‘Great’ with a sarcasm that would have deflated anybody but a first-timer. When she had first seen him at the party, she had dismissed him as a prospect, thinking how young and inexperienced he seemed. But when he homed in on her, she had changed her mind. He was quite good-looking and his clothes were expensive. His conversation had been a little immature and naïve, but his witty stories of achievement and failure had impressed her. When he had brazenly asked her if she felt like having sex with him, she had been just drunk and randy enough to think it might be a good idea. As soon as they were in the dark room, he had more or less ripped off her underwear. Then, he had missed out all foreplay, lain on her like a dead weight, and prodded between her buttocks and the bed. Even when she helped him inside her, he had ejaculated as soon as he was in. Now he wanted praise. She felt embarrassed, annoyed and sexually frustrated; she vowed that, next time, she would take more notice of her first impressions.

  Someone knocked on the bedroom door and, getting no response, tried to push it open. When the bolt on the inside held, the prospective intruder urged whoever was inside to hurry up, reminding them that they weren’t the only ones who needed the room. When the girl began to shuffle around on the bed, the young man asked her what she was doing, saying they needn’t give up the room just yet. It was so dark that neither could really see the other. The girl said she was looking for her knickers, and could he remember what he had done with them? He had put them on the floor somewhere, he said, and would look for them in a minute; there was no rush he repeated. Embarrassed that she had really allowed such a nonentity to have sex with her and eager to put the experience out of her mind, the girl lied that she needed to go to the toilet, and would he please help her to look? Reluctantly, he pulled his pants and trousers up from around his knees, fastened his zip, and got off the bed to help her.

  In truth, he couldn’t remember what he had done with her knickers. He had been astounded that this girl, whoever she was, had agreed to come into the bedroom in the first place. He had only talked and danced with her for about an hour. Even once he had got her into the bedroom, he was so certain that she would change her mind any second that he had taken off her tights and knickers with the speed of light, while she was still compliant. In his hurry, he could have thrown her underwear anywhere.

  He asked what colour her knickers were. When she said they were black, it seemed clear that there was no chance of finding them amongst all the coats and sweaters littering the room. He suggested they switch on the light, but she told him to forget it, she would go without. The next second she was at the door, fumbling with the bolt. As the young man stumbled over the clothes towards her, the door opened and she was gone. No sooner had she left than the next couple were on their way in and he had to push past them. By the time he was out of the door, the girl had escaped down the stairs and immersed herself into a conversation.

  Partly at first to avoid any further attention from the youth she had just escaped, she attached herself to the oldest man at the party. He was nearly thirty, ten years older than her. She knew who he was and knew also his reputation as a womaniser. Good-looking and reasonably successful, he told her he had managed to come to the party only because his partner had gone to visit her mother for the weekend. She stayed with him for the rest of the evening and became totally captivated by his charm and gentleness, by his humour and sensuality. When he suggested, as people began to leave, that she should let him drive her home, she accepted. When she suggested, as they kissed in his car and his hand discovered she wasn’t wearing any underwear, that he should let her share his bed for the night, he accepted. She spent the rest of the night, all the next morning and part of the afternoon being kissed and stroked, pampered and stimulated. Three times he brought her to orgasm and four times he inseminated her. In between their love-makings she slept and dreamed of a long relationship with him.

  For a while after that weekend, she managed to live out her dream. She remained the man’s lover until she discovered that, as well as his partner, he was having sex with at least one other girl besides herself. Then she stopped meeting him.

  At about the same time, her flatmate started seeing the young man to whom she had lost her knickers on the night of the party. After the pair had been an item for a few weeks, the girl’s curiosity got the better of her and she asked her flatmate what he was like in bed. She could believe her friend when she said that at first he had known nothing. Evidently, however, he was learning fast, and a few days earlier he had actually found her clitoris. All he had to do now was learn what to do with it – then, she thought, he might become quite good. She had high hopes.

  Sexual technique does not come instinctively to a man. It has to be learned. In this respect he is no different from all male birds and mammals. Arousal, erection and ejaculation are preprogrammed and automatic, but the niceties of sex have to be acquired. If a male is ever to persuade a female to allow insemination, he has to pick up the subtleties of courtship and stimulation. He then has to learn how to copulate quickly and efficiently so as not to miss the opportunities his courtship technique has provided.

  Male birds, for example, first have to learn how to stand on a female’s back, then how to bend their tails to press against her genitalia before transferring sperm. Male mammals have to learn what to do with their erections – where to put their penises. Even as intelligent an animal as an adult male chimpanzee is totally inept if denied sexual opportunity during adolescence. His sexual development depends first on watching others having sex, and secondly on practising intercourse himself. In the company of a female, an inexperienced adult male such as this becomes aroused and erect but has no idea what else to do. He even has trouble knowing which end of the female to approach with his penis, and rarely succeeds in copulating on his first encounter or even on the next few. Thus, if any male mammal is not to miss the first of his lifetime opportunities to inseminate a female, he needs to practise during adolescence – and human males are no exception. As the youth in the scene discovered to his cost, failure to learn sexual technique quickly during adolescence can soon result in missed opportunities for insemination. And it can have an important influence on a man’s level of reproductive success.

  In all human cultures, young males first hear and see the basics of sexual technique from those with experience, either precocious peers or older educators. In many cultures, sexual experimentation by young, even pre-pubertal, boys and girls is openly encouraged or at least condoned. A boy who learns early how to persuade a girl to have sex with him, how to prepare her genitalia for penetration, how to stimulate her to lubricate, and how to find and enter her vagina with his erect penis will be less likely to miss his first opportunities to reproduce. The youth in Scene 27 had his first chance to learn sexual technique at sixteen years of age. This single occasion was not enough. Two years later he missed his first opportunity to inseminate a girl because he had not yet learned either how to find her vagina with his penis or what it felt like once he was inside. At nineteen, albeit with help, he managed to find a girl’s vagina and inseminate her, but even then his inexperience cost him a full relationship with his conquest and, therefore, any further sexual opportunities with her.

  Of course, a man has to learn much more than simply how to gain a woman’s sexual interest, how to retain that interest long enough to get the opportunity for intercourse, and where to put his penis when the moment finally arrives. A man who can also learn how to influence a woman’s orgasm pattern has much more chance of influencing her pattern of sperm retention (Scenes 24 to 26). But a woman’s body does little to make it easy for males to learn the necessary techniques. In fact, it does the converse. Why? The answer lies in mate selection, and the way in which women collect information about men.

  We have already discussed at some length the criteria by which a woman selects
a man (or men) to be her short- or long-term partner (Scenes 18 to 21). There we considered the importance of a man’s status, behaviour, looks, fertility and sexual health. We also discussed how most mate selection is a process of compromise; how a man who can seem the best bet at one stage in a relationship may not seem so later; and how a woman sometimes needs to balance a man’s visible qualities, such as his status and looks, against his less visible qualities, such as his prowess in sperm warfare.

  In order to collect information about a man, a woman in effect needs to set him a series of tests. Depending on how many tests he passes compared with other available candidates, she will then either accept or reject him. She needs to set tests that are challenging but not impossible. They are of no value to her if they are too easy, or if they are so difficult that no man can pass them. A woman’s body and behaviour have been shaped to present such a test. And as often as not the male quality being tested is his ability to learn how to use her body and cope with her behaviour.

  Learning is always more difficult when a given behaviour does not always elicit the same response. The female response to any particular male stimulus is notoriously unpredictable. This is true from the earliest moments of courtship to the occurrence of orgasm during intercourse. Not only do women differ (for good reason – Scene 36), but individuals differ from occasion to occasion (again for good reason – Scenes 24 and 25).

  This variability allows the female to set challenging, but passable, tests for those males who satisfy their other mate-selection criteria. Inevitably, these tests are most difficult for inexperienced males. As an example, let us consider the position of the clitoris. As we have already noted in humans, apes and many monkeys this organ is small, difficult to find, and removed from direct stimulation by the penis during intercourse (Scene 22). It can be stimulated by some part of the male’s anatomy during intercourse - usually the penis – but unless the male knows exactly what to do it does not have to be.